Tag Archives: Bad days

AWOL

Crap.

I owe you an explanation.  You, who may vaguely remember me.  It’s been a while.

In fact, I’ve been working on my explanation for ages.  Because I disappeared.  Vanished from the ‘sphere.  Went blogger-AWOL.

But honestly, I get bummed out every time I start telling you what happened.  That is poison for a humor blogger and storyteller.

So I haven’t told the story here.  I hope this time is a bit different.  That I can tell the story.  That I can get it out, so the Ziggy cloud over my head becomes more identifiable.  More understandable. Well, I am going to try.

You see, I lost my straight man.  My partner.  My best friend. My personal Google.  My husband, John.

And can I just tell you that I’m pissed?  I was supposed to die first.  After all, if you remember me, I’ve been sick all my life.  Since I was about 15!  I’m not going to set any longevity records.

John?  Healthy as a horse.  Ate well, exercised, timed himself brushing his teeth.  Until he wasn’t.  Suddenly, in the spring/summer of 2019, John was diagnosed with cancer.  And not one of the good kinds (as if there are any good cancers).  A cancer with poor treatment options and poorer outcomes.

Pancreatic cancer is evil.  And relatively quick.

So my wonderful husband passed away last summer.

https://www.legacy.com/us/obituaries/washingtonpost/name/john-kingery-obituary?id=36024672

Jacob and I held a wonderful send-off for him last fall.  We held it at a favorite Pizza/Brew Pub, with music provided by a Scottish duo – bagpipes, fiddles, guitar.  A great group of folks came from all over the country and even from Europe:  family, friends of ours from all times of our lives, colleagues.  It was a party that even my introverted husband would have loved.  I wish he’d been there in more than just spirit.

Jacob and I spread John’s ashes in the Cove in Maine.

That night we looked out over the Cove shimmering in the moonlight.

“I can just see your dad kayaking out there,” I said to Jacob.

“Mom,” responded Jacob, “I’m pretty sure he’s body surfing.”

62 Comments

Filed under Adult Traumas, All The News You Need, Cancer, Death, Health, Holy Shit, Illness, Missing Folks, Oh shit, Sad News, Shit, Shit happens

I’m Toast

When you have chronic health problems like I do, there’s always something new to worry about.

  • Will this procedure hurt?
  • Will this procedure make my life worse?
  • Will this procedure kill me?

Photo Credit 4029TV.com

Photo Credit 4029TV.com

Until today, though, I never asked myself:

  • Will this procedure turn me into a flaming torch?

Butt that is precisely what happened to a woman undergoing surgery in Japan recently.  And it happened when she did what all of us fear whenever we have a medical procedure in the southern hemisphere.

She farted.

Fortunately for her, she was asleep on the operating table.

Unfortunately for her, the gas she passed was ignited by the laser the surgeons were using on her.

According to the article I read,

The fire burned much of her body, including her waist and legs. Her condition is unclear.

The poor woman.  I really feel terrible for her.  It’s embarrassing enough to break wind when you’re in a humiliating enough position.

Butt now I have something else to worry about the next time I have to have a procedure.

I’m toast.

63 Comments

Filed under ; Don't Make Me Feel Perky Tonigh, A Little Restraint, Perhaps, Adult Traumas, Farts, Flatulence

Two Things

Throughout that grueling 90 minutes, this was all I could think of as I watched that creep loom over Hillary Clinton and threaten her both with jail and with his constant lurking behind her.  Creepy.

Dial M For Murder (Google Image)

Alfred Hitchcock’s Dial M For Murder (Google Image)

 

Spoiler Alert:  Grace Kelly survived.

So did Hillary.

And I’m starting to think even Melania is gonna vote for Hillary.  Did you hear about what she wore to the debate last night?

I got the picture indirectly from Huffington Post.com

I got the picture indirectly from Huffington Post.com.  I personally couldn’t afford this blouse because it is truly priceless. 😉

35 Comments

Filed under 'Merica, 2016, Adult Traumas, All The News You Need, Assassination assignment?, Bat-shit crazy, Beating that Dead Horse, Being an asshole, Campaigning, Cancer on Society, Classic Movies, Crazy Folks Running, Criminal Activity, Disgustology, Do GOP Voters Actually THINK?, Don't Make Me Puke, Donald Trump, Donald Trump is a Pussy Too, Fuckin' Donald Trump, GOP, Gross, Hillary for President, History, How stupid can you be, GOP?, How the Hell Did We GET HERE?, Huh?, Humiliation, Humor, Insighting violence, IWillVote.com, Just Do It and I'll Shut Up!, Oh shit, Planned Parenthood, Political Corruption, Politician Pussies, Register to Vote Today!, Sex Scandals, Shit, Shit happens, Shit Your Pants Scary, Shit! The Perfect Metaphors for the GOP, Shitty GOP, Supreme Court Vacancy, Things that make me nuts, Virginia, Vote, Voting, Washington, What must folks in other countries be thinking?, Where does the GOP get these guys?, Women Should Decide Women's Health Issues, WTF?

And As the Day Surely Follows Night …

NRA PUTS $3 MILLION INTO ADS FOR TRUMP RIGHT AFTER HIS “SECOND AMENDMENT” COMMENT.

Because obviously nothing is more important than guns.  Certainly not people.  Especially if they disagree with you.

Photo credit photobucket.com and my friend Bao who sent it to me.

Photo credit photobucket.com and my friend Bao who sent it to me.

Nothing.

47 Comments

Filed under 'Merica, 2016, 2nd Amendment, ; Don't Make Me Feel Perky Tonigh, All The News You Need, All We Are Saying Is Give Peace A Chance, Ammosexuals, Bat-shit crazy, Being an asshole, Campaigning, Cancer on Society, Conspicuous consumption, Crazy Folks Running, Criminal Activity, Daily Kos, Disgustology, Do GOP Voters Actually THINK?, Don't Make Me Puke, Donald Trump, Donald Trump is a Pussy Too, Elections, Elections Matter, Fuckin' Donald Trump, Gas, GOP, Gross, Hillary for President, How stupid can you be, GOP?, How the Hell Did We GET HERE?, Huh?, Humiliation, Hypocrisy, I Can't Get No, Insighting violence, IWillVote.com, Just Do It and I'll Shut Up!, Oh shit, Political Corruption, Poor looser, Register to Vote Today!, Shit, Shit happens, Shit Your Pants Scary, Shit! The Perfect Metaphors for the GOP, Shitty GOP, Size Matters, Supreme Court Vacancy, Things that make me nuts, Vote, Voting, What a Maroon, What must folks in other countries be thinking?, Where does the GOP get these guys?, Wild Beasts, WTF?

It Actually IS a GOP Sh*t Storm

We all knew it would be a shit storm when the GOP got together to nominate Donald Trump in Cleveland.  But even I didn’t think it would actually turn into a a convention hall where folks would be running for the bathrooms instead of the exits.

Apparently, though, they are.  Because the GOP doesn’t just have a shitty candidate, they have norovirus:

The virus can be caught through contact from infected people or surfaces, or through consuming contaminated food or water. Norovirus inflames the stomach, the intestines, or both. Symptoms include stomach pain, nausea, diarrhea and vomiting.  (Washington Post)

 

Of course, their candidate has been producing shit from his mouth and making the rest of the world vomit and crap their pants in fear since he announced he was running last year.  And then again each time he speaks.

But with the norovirus taking hold of the delegates, I’m wondering if Mr. Trump needs a new form of transportation to make sure those delegates fill the convention hall to listen to the crazy line up of misogynists, racists and fear mongers.

Don’t you think that they should be riding in this fine vehicle:

Stool bus from father kane

Picture Credit:  Father Kaine’s The Last of the Milleniums.  Where else?  He finds the best things.

Elections matter. 

Register. 

Vote. 

31 Comments

Filed under 'Merica, 2016, 2nd Fastest Horse, ; Don't Make Me Feel Perky Tonigh, Adult Traumas, All The News You Need, Bat-shit crazy, Being an asshole, Cancer on Society, Conspicuous consumption, Crazy Folks Running, Curses!, Diet tips, Do GOP Voters Actually THINK?, Don't Make Me Puke, Donald Trump, Drastic weight loss methods, Elections, Elections Matter, Farts, Flatulence, Fuckin' Donald Trump, Gas, GOP, Gross, Health, Health and Medicine, Hillary for President, How stupid can you be, GOP?, Huh?, Humiliation, Humor, I Can't Get No, I don't really want to know how big it is, Illness, It's not easy being green, Mental Health, Most Embarassing Moments Evah!, Oh shit, Out of the Pot, Political Corruption, Politician Pussies, Pooders, Poop, Seriously funny, Seriously gross, Shit, Shit happens, Shit Your Pants Scary, Shit! The Perfect Metaphors for the GOP, Shitty GOP, Stupidity, Supreme Court Vacancy, Toilets, Vote, Voting, What must folks in other countries be thinking?, Wild Beasts, WTF?