Category Archives: Bat-shit crazy

Ripley’s Believe it or NOT!

Sunday mornings in my house growing up were dedicated to the Sunday Funnies, the comics, in the Bridgeport Post. While my dad always tried to convince me that Lil’ Abner was funny (it wasn’t), I loved Ripley’s Believe it or Not!  I read it faithfully, for years.

It’s been years since I read it though. I chalk it up to reading the news online instead of on paper.  The Funnies are not as easy to find online.

But just today, the Funnies made it to the “Real News”!  Or it should have. You see, this story is A FRONT-PAGE-WORTHY story.  A Believe it or NOT! classic.

Bigfoot Porn Has Become A Major Controversy In A U.S. House Race. Seriously.

Sigh.

In my adopted home state of Virginia, in the 5th Congressional District which includes Charlottesville, the GOP recently put forth Denver Riggleman to run for Congress.  This change occurred when the incumbent, Republican Rep. Tom Garrett, retired following allegations that he and his wife made his staff do menial tasks including walking the couple’s dog.

But with Riggleman, the fur really starts to fly.  You see, he, ummm, put his Big Foot in his mouth with his Instagram account:

That question has been inspired by Leslie Cockburn, a Democrat who’s running for Congress in Virginia’s 5th District. On Twitter this Sunday, Cockburn accused her Republican opponent, Denver Riggleman, of being a “devotee of Bigfoot erotica.” Her tweet included a crudely drawn image of Bigfoot — with the monster’s genitalia obscured — taken from Riggleman’s Instagram account. She added, “This is not what we need on Capitol Hill.”

After showing that image, I promise to not comment on the Democratic candidate’s name.  I promise.  Anybody got any duct tape??????

I agree that we don’t really need someone in the United States Congress who believes in Big Foot but not climate change. Who doesn’t realize that this is not an issue that Virginians care about.  Who believes that there are women who want Big Foot — although if it weren’t for the small hands, that might explain Trump’s allure.

So, My Fellow Americans, in 2018 we find ourselves as a nation drawn into the Sunday Funnies.  Into Ripley’s Believe it or NOT!

I can’t wait to hear how the Evangelicals will spin this one!

***

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Save the Children

You’ve probably read that the U.S. government has, ummm, lost, nearly 1500 children. Oops. Out of 7,635 children taken from their families, they’ve lost a whole bunch.  Nearly 19 percent.

So what does the Trump Administration do?  It decides to brutally separate more children from their families.

A fellow blogger, Tokyosand, has helpfully beat me to the punch in giving information about this horrible situation, and how each of us can help.

#WhereAreTheChildren: How to Help

How You Can Help

  1. Contact your U.S. Senators and Representatives. Their job is to conduct oversight of DHS–they must hold DHS accountable. Simply say, “I am outraged by how our government is treating children at the border. What is my Senator/Rep doing about this?” Find your Senators here. Find your Representative here. If you use 5 Calls to contact your reps, they have a script on their system for this issue already.
  2. The ACLU is gathering signatures to petition Kevin K. McAleenan, Commissioner of United States Customs and Border Protection to stop the government from abusing immigrant children. You can find the petition here.
  3. You can contact ICE (Immigration and Customs Enforcement) directly. Write to them here or call them at 1-866-DHS-2-ICE.
  4. NEW: The Office of the United Nations High Commissioner for Human Rights has recommended guidelines for human rights at international borders which you can read here. The reported actions our DHS is taking do not comply with these guidelines. You can contact the UN Office for Human Rights here.
  5. NEW: Amnesty International has been calling for an end to the U.S. policy of separating children at the border. Their call to action can be found at the end of this post here.
  6. NEW: Americans of Conscience has a list of 7 other U.S. officials who need to hear from us, plus a script to use. That list is here.
  7. DEVELOPING: There is a nascent effort to organize #WhereAreTheChildren marches for June 14. Check here for more information.

I’d like to add another one.  VOTE. Vote in primaries. Vote in every special election. Vote in November. Elections matter. And the 2018 election is a must win for returning accountability to the evil people currently ruling our country.

Please help. Separating children from their parents is not what America is about. Not my America, anyway, and I’m pretty sure not your America either.

 

References:

https://www.pbs.org/wgbh/frontline/article/hhs-official-says-agency-lost-track-of-nearly-1500-unaccompanied-minors/

https://www.cbsnews.com/news/aclu-report-records-claim-border-agents-neglected-abused-migrant-kids/

https://www.vox.com/policy-and-politics/2018/5/8/17327512/sessions-illegal-immigration-border-asylum-families

 

 

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Filed under 'Merica, 2018, Adult Traumas, All The News You Need, Assholes, Bat-shit crazy, Cancer on Society, Elections Matter, Family, Fuckin' Donald Trump, Good Works, Holy Shit, Incompetent Trump Minions, Kakistocracy

A Ruse?

Our kids need to get out more.

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Filed under A Little Restraint, Perhaps, Advice from an Expert Patient, Assholes, Bat-shit crazy, Being an asshole, Class Act, Disgustology, Huh?, Humor, Oh shit, Poop, Poop Power, Seriously weird, Shit, Wild Beasts, WTF?

Pissing Off Mike Pence

Generally speaking, I’m not a vindictive person.

For example, I would never, and I do mean never ever, fire someone 26 hours before his/her pension vested.

Unless I could do it in a funny way, that is.  Then I’d probably be good with that.

John Oliver is a master at pissing people off hilariously.  So if you haven’t seen it, watch this:

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One in Thirteen?

Appearances are deceiving, but I have to admit that circumstantial evidence points directly to me as one of the 13 Russians indicted by  Robert Mueller.

After all, long time followers will recall that I used to post all the time.  I used to comment on politics, and on Donald Trump.  I sought to sow confusion, discord, and rancor here at FiftyFourAndAHalf.  I sought to get folks to the polls.  Get them to vote my way.

And then I stopped.  Practically disappeared.

Long time followers will also note that since Trump entered sullied the White House, that I haven’t been writing a whole lot.

But really, it is entirely coincidence.  Completely.    I’m not a Russian agent.  It’s all coincidence.  I have had a bit of a make-over, though.

Natasha

But appearances can be deceiving.  Trust me.

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Been There, Done That

D-Day

Time to invoke the 25th Amendment.

 

10 Comments

August 16, 2017 · 0:00

Why Didn’t I Think Of That?

Hello, yeah, it’s been a while.  Not much, how ’bout you?

There really is no reason.  In fact, this particular post is over due.  I had blog backup and no plunger.

***

For my first post back after a long break, you know I’m goin’ there.  But that is why you came, isn’t it?

Yup.  I read an article.  Several articles actually.  My bad.

This one provides important information to the travelers among us.

The Best Time To Poop On A Plane, According To A Flight Attendant

I will summarize for you, because I have experience in this matter.

The best time to poop on a plane is right after the seat belt light goes off or when the drinks cart comes.  The first is usually pretty early in the flight, so really, you should have taken care of that before you got on the plane.  Unless you’re me — and then you did it then, too.

Second, is a story about a man with whom I should have had children.  We could certainly reach a happy medium:

Doctors remove 28 POUNDS of feces from man, 22, who was constipated

Poop -- HUGE

I’m pretty sure that I wouldn’t be cradling 28-29 lbs of poop quite so tenderly.  But perhaps that’s just me.Enter a caption

Lastly, the third story, required by the peculiarities of comedy writing, is something I am shaking my head about, well, my butt tto, because really — I should have thunk of this idea first.  If ever a business model stinks of “Elyse,” well, this is it:

A poop-themed restaurant is about to break wind in Toronto*

Yup.  A business model that practically screams “ELYSE!!!” Here’s the ummmm, scoop on it.

Toronto’s new Poop Café will feature a “unique selection of desserts from around the world,” according to a Facebook post from the café’s profile. While the restaurant will serve dishes that are brown and shaped like poop (kind of like the poop emoji), not every dish will look like feces.

I for one am glad that not all of this restaurant’s dishes will look like poop. That’s important to me in the pre-poop stage of nutrient intake.  I like to have a wee bit of anticipation on that score.

Soft serve chocolate.

Not half bad.  Unless it’s been digested first.  Google image.

 

*My apologies to my Canadian friends.  Just when you guys are basking in the glory of a delightful leader, I go and laugh at your poop cafe.  Sorry.  But it IS a poop-themed cafe.  What did you want me to do?

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