Category Archives: Size Matters

July 30, 2018 · 0:00

Ripley’s Believe it or NOT!

Sunday mornings in my house growing up were dedicated to the Sunday Funnies, the comics, in the Bridgeport Post. While my dad always tried to convince me that Lil’ Abner was funny (it wasn’t), I loved Ripley’s Believe it or Not!  I read it faithfully, for years.

It’s been years since I read it though. I chalk it up to reading the news online instead of on paper.  The Funnies are not as easy to find online.

But just today, the Funnies made it to the “Real News”!  Or it should have. You see, this story is A FRONT-PAGE-WORTHY story.  A Believe it or NOT! classic.

Bigfoot Porn Has Become A Major Controversy In A U.S. House Race. Seriously.

Sigh.

In my adopted home state of Virginia, in the 5th Congressional District which includes Charlottesville, the GOP recently put forth Denver Riggleman to run for Congress.  This change occurred when the incumbent, Republican Rep. Tom Garrett, retired following allegations that he and his wife made his staff do menial tasks including walking the couple’s dog.

But with Riggleman, the fur really starts to fly.  You see, he, ummm, put his Big Foot in his mouth with his Instagram account:

That question has been inspired by Leslie Cockburn, a Democrat who’s running for Congress in Virginia’s 5th District. On Twitter this Sunday, Cockburn accused her Republican opponent, Denver Riggleman, of being a “devotee of Bigfoot erotica.” Her tweet included a crudely drawn image of Bigfoot — with the monster’s genitalia obscured — taken from Riggleman’s Instagram account. She added, “This is not what we need on Capitol Hill.”

After showing that image, I promise to not comment on the Democratic candidate’s name.  I promise.  Anybody got any duct tape??????

I agree that we don’t really need someone in the United States Congress who believes in Big Foot but not climate change. Who doesn’t realize that this is not an issue that Virginians care about.  Who believes that there are women who want Big Foot — although if it weren’t for the small hands, that might explain Trump’s allure.

So, My Fellow Americans, in 2018 we find ourselves as a nation drawn into the Sunday Funnies.  Into Ripley’s Believe it or NOT!

I can’t wait to hear how the Evangelicals will spin this one!

***

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May 19, 2017 · 0:00

My New-ish Expertise

Being a fake medical expert has become a bit passe, frankly.  And that expertise came after my rarely discussed time as environmental science expertise honed as a lowly paralegal/legislative & regulatory assistant/lobbyist.

So I figure I’m ready for a new challenge.  And just in time for World IBD Day, I’m takin’ on physics!

The Physics of Poop, of course.  And I think you will agree that I do have the expertise.  And the, ummm, credentials.  And I don’t have to go far for sample collection.

You see, there’s an article I read.  (Of course there’s an article.)

The Physics of Poop

You know it’s a good article, because this is the photo that accompanies the article:

Elephant Poop

This critter has nothin’ on me.  Except maybe on my shoes  Credit: Barry Kusama Getty Images

The authors, David Hu and Patricia Yang, studied poop every which way but Sunday.  Well, maybe Sunday, too.  Because there are some chores that simply must be done 7 days a week.

They discovered that herbivores produced “floaters” and carnivores plopped “sinkers.”  And apparently “stinkers” too, as tigers apparently have the stinkiest poop and panda poop is positively precious.

Bigger animals, not surprisingly, are more prodigious poopers, but interestingly, the speed of poop production is similar regardless of the size of the animal:

Assuming a bell curve distribution, 66 percent of animals take between 5 and 19 seconds to defecate. It’s a surprisingly small range, given that elephant feces have a volume of 20 liters, nearly a thousand times more than a dog’s, at 10 milliliters.

In all honesty, the attraction of the article wasn’t the significant increase in my already vast knowledge and understanding of poop.

Nope. There were two reasons.

First, it’s the fact that this article alerted me to the existence of NASA’s

Space Poop Challenge

I think you will admit that I should be an automatic contender.

More importantly, this article gave me something to write about to celebrate World IBD Day.  And while I personally celebrate every day, you, personally can have fun with poop on World IBD Day.  Don’t say I never gave you anything.

***

But WAIT!  There’s MORE!  After this post went to press, I found this article.

When Birds of a Feather Poop Together

Golly.  Studying poop has become a 24/7 commitment for me.

You’re welcome.

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January 19, 2017 · 0:00

For Planning Purposes

Tomorrow will be a day of mourning for many of us, as we head into who knows what is to come.

It is time for the peaceful opposition to start in earnest.

There will be protests and marches to join, petitions to sign, letters to write and calls to make.  We must keep it up.

But here is one of my favorite tactics —

Deny Putin’s President the ratings he so desires!

It’s not enough to not watch the inauguration.

You must actively turn on your TV to something else.*

Me, I plan to turn mine on to Comedy Central, home of oh so many left wing folks.

[You can also set your DVR to another channel, but the way ratings work, you must watch the recording the same day or the ratings are shown for the day you watch, rather than the day you record. ]

Of course, this is not all I plan to do as one member of the Loyal Opposition.  It isn’t all I will suggest/bug/pester you into doing over the years, either.

But it is going to be hard to do anything else on January 20, 2017 through the tears we’ll all be shedding.

***

For those of you planning to attend the Women’s March in Washington, DC on Saturday, January 21, here is some important information for you:

Where to Use the Bathroom, Charge Your Phone, and Warm Up During the Women’s March

***

For those of you who want some ideas of how to help, or need to get some comfort from the fact that there ARE and WILL BE things to do, here’s some ideas.

We’re all gonna be busy.

* Thanks to Karen for the idea.

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January 12, 2017 · 0:00

Keeping Our Heads for Four Years

If you were a news junkie during the George W. Bush era, you’re already experiencing deja vu.  That sinking feeling already makes your eyes roll automatically when Putin’s President appears.  It settled into the back of your neck from the whiplash as you shake your head and shout “no, no, no, no, no, no, no!” over the latest outrage or tweet.  And it’s there in the pit of your stomach, when you try not to vomit whenever you see the color orange.

Yup, it’s started.  The Deluge.  The Flood.  The Trump shit storm.

trump-and-putin

During the Bush years, I would just be ready to pounce on one issue, when another hit the fan and took the wind out of my sails. Resistance is hard if there is just so much to resist.

How, I worried in the days since November 8, will I survive Trump.  I feared a heart attack.  A stroke.  Getting so scared I’d shit in my pants.   Of course I worry about the last one sometimes during a scary movie.

Anyway, I’ve come up with a strategy for a hybrid Resister/Surviving Human.  I’m going to become a political centaur!

centaur-female

Google Image.  No shit will be given by this filly.

 

I’m going to take my mother’s marital and parental advice and apply it to my activism.  She said:

Choose Your Battles!

Me, I’m going to try to focus on issues I know about and/or that are closest to my heart.  The ones I write about here on FiftyFourAndAHalf.

But that won’t be all I do.  I will look for and follow the lead of others who are knowledgeable about other issues, and I will try to help to the extent I can.  It’s not hard, really, to make calls to Congress and the White House.  Really, it just takes a minute.  You or I can even just cut and paste and hit “send.”

But I will try my very best to keep my blood pressure — and my outrage to livable levels.

George W. Bush kept us all off balance because there were so many things to be outraged about, that we couldn’t keep it up.  Different bad presidents need different tactics.

And Trump will make the Dubya years look like a walk in the park.  And that park is in Baghdad.

 

 

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November 17, 2016 · 0:00

My Challenge — Make Me Eat Crow

Last Wednesday as I drove to work heartbroken over Trump’s victory, John Lennon’s song Imagine came on the radio.

It didn’t improve my mood any.  Because I was already imagining plenty.

Earlier today while waiting for a doctor’s appointment, I read a blog from my hometown that posted the Democratic Town Committee’s commitment to not permit bullying, acts of hate or discrimination in town.

Expecting to see universal support for this stance, I was shocked to see the first commenters take a stand, not exactly against, the DTC, but pooh-poohing the need for such a stand.

Naturally, I commented that those commenters obviously hadn’t been paying attention during the campaign.  The result was a fairly brief round and round with the commenter, named Dan.  As it turned out, Dan was a troll; his comments were removed from the blog along with several damn good ones of mine, I will add.

But he made me think.

When George W. Bush was elected, I worried.  I didn’t think he had the brain capacity to be president, and didn’t think he could handle the job.  Obviously, I didn’t predict 9/11 or the Iraq war, but I did see in him a bully and a person too easily goaded.  I was right.  His policies led us into a stupid, unnecessary war.  His economic policies led us into a severe, catastrophic economic crisis that only the end of his presidency and Obama’s election prevented from becoming a full-blown economic Depression.

I also thought that Dick Cheney would be a good, calming, fatherly influence.  My bad.  And his, actually.

With Trump, I am afraid on a deeper level.  I’ve expressed those fears many times, so I’ll just say that nothing he has said since his election, and nothing he has done since his election, and nobody he has appointed/is considering appointing has allayed any of my fears.  He is an ignorant, hate-filled bully with small fingers who will have access to the nuclear codes in two months.

But you know what?  This is where this morning’s troll comes in.

I would love to be wrong.

I would love for each and every Trump voter to work towards proving me that I was crazy to worry.

  • Prevent bullying/hate crimes/discrimination.  Step in at your own risk when necessary.  If you say Trump will not increase these things, show me I’m wrong in thinking he will.
  • Protect social programs.  Write to Congress.  Let them know that programs like Medicare, Medicaid, and Social Security are programs Americans have relied upon for decades.  Show me that I’m wrong in thinking that these programs will all be gutted to my and the middle and lower class populations’ detriment.
  • Protest against any new military actions.  If there’s time, that is.  If Trump acts in a huff, then, you have my permission to bend over and kiss your own ass goodbye.
  • Pay attention.  Be knowledgeable about current events.  Remember who is doing what.
  • Assess the economic impacts by something other than your own tax returns.  What is happening in the housing market, the jobs market.  Have their been improvements in infrastructure;
  • Evaluate the importance of the industries that are succeeding in Trump’s America.  Did Trump deliver his promises to restore the coal industry.  Manufacturing?
  • Remember your history.  If you believe, as my troll does, that comparisons of Trump’s America to Hitler’s Germany, watch what they do and prevent them from repeating history.  (That’s why we study history, isn’t it?)
  • Show me that the Federal judges appointed at all levels are interested in justice and not in advocating from the bench a la Scalia.  Make sure they protect the rights of the folks who can’t stand up for themselves.
  • Vary your news sources — none of them provide the full story or an unbiased story
  • Consider the other side’s position — and I will try to do the same

The list of things that concern me, of course,  goes on and on.

Make it so that in 4 years, I will look back at the fears I (and so many others) had about Donald Trump’s election and laugh at myself for my foolish fears.

Make me eat crow

I will gladly eat crow.  If there are any left given Trump’s plan to gut all sorts of environmental programs and the climate change pact.

eating-crow-1

Photo Credit:  https://c2.staticflickr.com/2/1127/1009248999_385551a5f6.jpg.  But you know I got it from Google Images.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The problems of victory are more agreeable than those of defeat, but they are no less difficult.
Winston Churchill, statesman and prime minister

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