The Envelope, Please, Part I

Remember how I told you that my acting career died in a broom closet?  I lied.  I mean, I took literary license.  That’s allowed, you know.  I pretend to be a writer both at work and here in the ‘sphere; I am allowed to lie.  So there.

But even after leaving my dream in tatters with the mops and brooms, I continued to pipe-dream.  That’s different than the real thing, and you don’t have to remember lines, or stage directions or what to do with props.  It’s actually much easier.  You get to keep your privacy, too, which is nice.

Most of my friends are aware of this fantasy of mine, and of my need to, from time to time, stand on a table (instead of a stage) and tell a story.  It often involves alcoholic beverages.  The table standing, not necessarily the story.

So, as I try to figure out recipients for the awards I’ve received for blogging in the last couple of weeks, I know when I have an opening.  So tonight, I’m going to tell you about the night I received my Oscars.

Really.  It was an incredibly special night for me.  An honor really.  Well, actually, two honors.  Two Oscars.  Two Awards.  But I only got to make one speech.

It was 1983, and some really fun people worked in my office that summer, one of whom, Jon, was from the area.  Carol, Mike, Jon and I all went to Jon’s house one night.  You see, 1983 was still in the Bronze Age, and Jon’s parents were on the cutting age of technology, because they had a VCR.  And Risky Business had just come out on video.

In the middle of the movie, we took a beer/bathroom break.  And guess what I spotted, casually stuck on the bookshelf in the TV room of Rob’s house.


And Oscar

It turned out that Jon’s father was a filmmaker.  Documentary films.  And while Rob didn’t know of my dreams, Carol sure did.  So my pals presented me with two Oscars for Documentary Filmmaking.  Sadly, not one of us had a camera.  Probably just as well, because not many stars accept wearing blue jeans.

Receiving Oscar, and his twin, Oscar, was a special honor to me, since I had neither made, nor been in any documentary films, nor even fetched donuts and coffee for the real filmmakers.  Regardless,  I got to hold Oscar and Oscar, and I got to make a speech accepting my Academy Awards.  So I am in an unusual club of people who have never actually acted or contributed in any way, shape or form to a movie, who has been presented an Academy Award.

Yes, I’m that good.

But I am of a generous nature.  And while I cannot give each and every one of my blogging buddies an Oscar, I am able to share some awards I have recently received.

But first, I have to figure out who has won what, so as not to be redundant.  Redundancy is OK when you’re getting Oscars, but not so much with blog awards.  But that’ll come.  Soon.  Because we bloggers are taking over the world!  Oscar and Oscar would be proud.


Filed under Awards, Humor

69 responses to “The Envelope, Please, Part I

  1. I think I should get an award because like you I stand on tables. However my reason is different than yours. Mr. Gibber is 6 ft 8 and I’m 5 ft 1..


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    • Thanks! I forgot to repost this when the Oscars were on last week. So nice to have you around my blog!


      • Oh yea. I subscribe to so many it’s hard to pick and choose which to read. But, yours is on my to read list for sure.


        • I know just what you mean. And some days, you want more of one blogger and maybe less of another! But I’ll be happy to see you whenever you choose to stop by!


          • Dan

            Is that a not so subtle hint aimed at me? I have no problem ignoring it. I’d like to hear more about this acting business.

            Coachman I’ll pay you well. I got plenty of gold.
            Honest John Yes, yes.
            Pinocchio No sir, nothing can stop me. I’ll make good this time.
            Jiminy Cricket You’d better
            Pinocchio I will, I’m going to school.
            Jiminy Cricket That’s the stuff, pinoke.
            Pinocchio I’d rather be smart than be an actor.

            In light of such wisdom, you may be better off writing.


  3. Ha! Nice story, Elyse – I have to say, you can spin a yarn. I stumbled onto the comments about groping the Oscars… nice.


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  7. It really was pretty cool. And that way I didn’t have to climb the ladder of success. I just stumbled onto the top!


  8. I am in awe, I am in complete and utter fantastical envy. You held two Oscars at the same time….I won’t tell you what I think aging starlets use them for..but that is very very very cool.


  9. Awesome … I’m not sure if I have ever seen one in person – even through a glass case!


    • I hadn’t either. And there they were, stuck unceremoniously on a bookcase shelf in the TV room. No special cabinet, no dusting, even. Pretty neat, if you ask me.

      Had they really been mine, I would have, of course, kept them with me at all times!


  10. That is an awesome story! I want to hold an Oscar … I do, I do, I do! *tantrum on floor*


    • Thanks. I hadn’t thought of it in a long time. That’s my favorite thing about blogging. I can dust off the stories that everyone I know is sick of hearing …

      Happy New Year!


  11. Not CA, DC, actually. But the true owner died a couple of years ago, so I don’t know where they ended up. Sad really. They should have ended up with me.


  12. Okay….where do I get me one of those Oscars to hold? I guess I could go breaking and entering in California, but that’s some risky business..Ha, Ha…


  13. GOF

    I’m quite overwhelmed….trying to figure out whether to slightly avert my eyes, bow, kneel or curtsey when I come here.
    Fabulous story….beautifully told.


  14. I’m not just impressed; I’m jealous. Can I have your autograph?

    Also, why don’t you use your photographic license and photoshop in the two Oscars? I promise not tell anyone.


    • Well, I did ask Santa for Photoshop, but apparently I was on the naughty list and so I didn’t get it. Damn. (Hmmmm, maybe I was on the naughty list for swearing. I don’t do much else that’d get me on it!)


  15. Clinton

    Ah, the romance! You would have made a great actress, I’m sure. So, it was no accident that you married a frustrated playwright?


    • Thanks, Clinton.

      The thing is I ACT every day. Sweet, kind, patient. We all do!

      And yes, John is a frustrated playwright. He was a starving writer when we started dating and actually had a play produced in a small theater here (I was NOT in it!). He is very good, my husband. He just needs to go back to it.


  16. If there was an Oscar for blogs, I feel certain one would be on your mantle.


  17. I am honored just to read about you holding them! Holy wowza! When I was in middle school, my friends and I used to reenact our own Academy awards ceremony and present each other with Oscars made out of sticks. True story!


  18. Bless you generous heart. I’m happy for you. Having to receive and touch an oscar from a good friend is trully an unforgettable event. I wish too that you had a picture for us to see your beautiful smile. And you are a talented writer…the words comes from the heart. Happy New Year.


    • Thanks for the nice words, IT! It was pretty cool. And the story has been unappreciated until now. My husband and family and friends have heard all my stories — and the first five or six times I tell it they are good sports. But the blog lets me tell it to new victims!

      Happy New Year back to you!


  19. Yes, you ARE that good! heehee…Thank you for the chuckles as I totter off to bed (in the guest bedroom because hubby & his baby – a 90 pound boxer – have incredibly long limbs & have completely taken over the king bed in the Master’s bedroom!)! Ah, VCRs – remember how we moaned about not being able to set the clock or get them to work properly? Compared to today’s devices, VCRs are SNAP, sugar! 😀


    • Thanks, Eileen! Yes, I remember trying to set them up to record, setting the clock. It may, in fact, be the first technological device I ever tried to fix by flinging it across the room. But that’s just a guess. Hope you got some sleep!


  20. Glad I’m following your blog…hope to be able to visit more often.
    Don’t know which is cooler…holding the two Oscars or watching Risky Business, one of my all-time favorite movies. 🙂
    Thanks for the story and the smiles.
    Have a beautiful New Year…filled with joy and good health!
    All the best,


    • Thanks Vivian —
      I do love that movie, and Bob Seger’s song Old Time Rock ‘N’ Roll, is SUCH a great song. I wonder how many people alive today don’t see that young Tom Cruise dancing around in his underwear .

      But I can’t rent the Oscars…

      Thanks for your comment and for following, too. Happy New Year back!


  21. Hi,
    A great story, the icing on the cake holding 2 Oscars, doesn’t get better than that. 🙂


  22. Two Academy Awards, none of the work or the annoying paparazzi . It doesn’t get better than that 🙂


  23. I fear if I were to stand on a table to give a speech under the influence of alcohol, one of two things would happen.
    1. The table would break.
    2. I would fall off the table and on my ass.
    Wait…Probably both!
    Congrats on your Academy Award!


    • Well, when I made a habit of table speeches, I was smaller and thinner. Much.

      AND, when you are up there, if you have friends, they make sure you don’t fall on your ass.


  24. Where were you that night? Nobody else thunk of it. Then again, they had green velvet curtains …


  25. As long as I was raiding the oscars, I would have raided the closets too, to find something special to dress up in. Maybe Jon’s father had a tux. That would do.


  26. winsomebella

    It could be a risky business holding two Oscars at once 🙂


    • You are one clever woman. It was risky, but I am brave. Very, very brave.

      Of course, Jon’s Dad was out of town at the time. And based on the fact that the statues really were not displayed in a pretentious manner at all (they were not inside the foyer, for example) I bet Jon’s Dad would have been cool with it.

      Jon certainly didn’t think it was odd! He was, actually, a bit bored. I bet it had happened once before!


  27. Wow. I’ve never known anyone who has had the pleasure of fondling one Oscar, let alone two! I type in awe.

    Really though, that is pretty cool; something few people ever get to experience.


  28. What a cool story! You’ve held an Oscar! Receiving one is ever better, but touching one? Too cool. I guess it also explains the cutting edge parents with the VCR!


    • It was really cool — and I’d KILL for a picture of it. Oh well. They weren’t cutting edge enough to have camera cell phones!

      Glad you liked the story!


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