Our kids need to get out more.
Our kids need to get out more.
Generally speaking, I’m not a vindictive person.
For example, I would never, and I do mean never ever, fire someone 26 hours before his/her pension vested.
Unless I could do it in a funny way, that is. Then I’d probably be good with that.
John Oliver is a master at pissing people off hilariously. So if you haven’t seen it, watch this:
Every day of my life, I thank my lucky stars when I get up, go into my clean bathroom, and take care of business.
Some days of my life, I’m less thankful when I am somewhere where the only “facilities” have no running water. No handle to push. No way to wash my hands.
Of course, with my potty problems, I guess I’m more in tune to toilet issues than most people.
Why am I telling you this? You see, Sunday, November 19, is World Toilet Day. And of course, I’m (1) telling you about it; and (2) celebrating it.
The point of World Toilet Day is actually pretty important. People without access to hygienic facilities risk illness, many women are preyed upon and attacked as they seek out a place to go. Diseases are transmitted, including infections, cholera, well, here’s a picture.
Hope you’re not eating.
World Toilet Day is to help the fortunate ones of us around the world realize that:
2.4 billion people around the world don’t have access to decent sanitation and more than a billion are forced to defecate in the open, risking disease and other dangers, according to the United Nations
We in the West are rather spoiled. And the reality of what some folks, many folks must deal with can be eye-opening.
About 25 years ago, my brother Fred got a grant and went to Africa to study something or other. It was his first experience visiting the Third World. When he came back, he talked only about poop.
It seemed that the city he had visited ran with raw sewage. Poop was in the gutters. Children played in those gutters. The sewage ran into the river that was used to irrigate crops.
Piles of poop were everywhere. In the street. Under trees. In the corners of buildings; everywhere, he said. Even inside. Fred described a memorable elevator in the middle of a hotel lobby, that he had seen. The decorative ironwork around the elevator shaft was delicate and beautiful. But the elevator didn’t run — in fact, the elevator itself had been removed. But people would stand with their backs to the elevator shaft, pull down their pants/up their skirts, hang their butts over the open elevator shaft. And they’d poop.
“I realized something incredibly important, “ said my horrified brother:
“Civilization all comes down to what you do with your poo.”
So when you’re thinking about the craziness in today’s world, maybe we all need to realize that part of our problem is that so very many people just don’t have a pot to piss in.
Yup, it’s a rerun. But you didn’t really think I’d miss World Toilet Day, did you?
Hello, yeah, it’s been a while. Not much, how ’bout you?
There really is no reason. In fact, this particular post is over due. I had blog backup and no plunger.
For my first post back after a long break, you know I’m goin’ there. But that is why you came, isn’t it?
Yup. I read an article. Several articles actually. My bad.
This one provides important information to the travelers among us.
I will summarize for you, because I have experience in this matter.
The best time to poop on a plane is right after the seat belt light goes off or when the drinks cart comes. The first is usually pretty early in the flight, so really, you should have taken care of that before you got on the plane. Unless you’re me — and then you did it then, too.
Second, is a story about a man with whom I should have had children. We could certainly reach a happy medium:
Lastly, the third story, required by the peculiarities of comedy writing, is something I am shaking my head about, well, my butt tto, because really — I should have thunk of this idea first. If ever a business model stinks of “Elyse,” well, this is it:
Yup. A business model that practically screams “ELYSE!!!” Here’s the ummmm, scoop on it.
Toronto’s new Poop Café will feature a “unique selection of desserts from around the world,” according to a Facebook post from the café’s profile. While the restaurant will serve dishes that are brown and shaped like poop (kind of like the poop emoji), not every dish will look like feces.
I for one am glad that not all of this restaurant’s dishes will look like poop. That’s important to me in the pre-poop stage of nutrient intake. I like to have a wee bit of anticipation on that score.
*My apologies to my Canadian friends. Just when you guys are basking in the glory of a delightful leader, I go and laugh at your poop cafe. Sorry. But it IS a poop-themed cafe. What did you want me to do?
Exactly five and a half years ago tonight, I was in a bit of a snit. A tiff. I was, in a word, miffed.
The result of those feelings was this blog. And in fact, it was the reason* for the stupid name. And my first post where I wrote:
Because I am fifty-four-and-a-half years old, the world is against me. The world would be treating me just fine, thank you very much, if I were just six months older. Read the news lately? Some folks in Congress want to change Medicare — starting with me. Starting with folks currently under 55. Am I the only fifty-four-and-a-half-year-old who is seriously pissed off about this?
Well today, I’m no longer 54-1/2. But I am not in a snit. A tiff. And I’m no longer miffed.
Today I’m mad as hell.
Did you see that Donald of the small hands plans to put this guy in charge of Health and Human Services? Congressman Tom Price (R (Suprise!)-GA).
Photo Image Credit: Gage Skidmore
Folks are lining up in opposition to Price. Not only will he piss me off by trying (and god help us, failing) to derail Medicare, but as the Chairman of the House Budget Committee, he is the author of the House bills to repeal Obamacare. He is adamantly opposed to abortion in all cases. He opposes including provisions in Medicaid to permit low income women to afford birth control. He’s probably in favor of hangers.
Here is Democratic Senator Joe Donnelly’s comment opposing Price:
Tom Price has led the charge to privatize Medicare, and for this reason, I cannot support his nomination. I am ready to work with anyone who wants to improve access to quality health care for Hoosier families and seniors, but the nomination of Tom Price would put us on a direct path to end Medicare as we know it, which would raise health care costs and break a fundamental promise to seniors. I have fought to protect Medicare, and I will continue to oppose efforts to privatize Medicare or turn it into a voucher program.
I, personally, will do what I can. Because I really do fear that before long, this is what Trumpcare will look like:
You know I got this from Father Kane at the Last of the Millenniums, don’t you?
*Shortly after starting the blog with the stupid name, I realized that 54-1/2 was the average age my two late sisters reached. I kept the name because, as the “sick” member of the family, it reminds me that really, every day is a gift.
I’ll continue to believe that. Until, of course, I am an old Crohn’s patient whose Medicare has been taken away. Then I will — literally — poop all over Congress and Donald Trump.