Tag Archives: Humor

World Toilet Day

Every day of my life, I thank my lucky stars when I get up, go into my clean bathroom, and take care of business.

Some days of my life, I’m less thankful when I am somewhere where the only “facilities” have no running water.  No handle to push.  No way to wash my hands.

Of course, with my potty problems, I guess I’m more in tune to toilet issues than most people.

Why am I telling you this?  You see, Sunday, November 19, is World Toilet Day. And of course, I’m (1) telling you about it; and (2) celebrating it.

The Wider Image: Around the world in 45 toilets

A toilet stands outside the Llamocca family home at Villa Lourdes in Villa Maria del Triunfo on the outskirts of Lima, Peru, October 7, 2015. REUTERS/Mariana Bazo

The point of World Toilet Day is actually pretty important.  People without access to hygienic facilities risk illness, many women are preyed upon and attacked as they seek out a place to go.  Diseases are transmitted, including infections, cholera, well, here’s a picture.

The "F-diagram" (feces, fingers, flies, fields, fluids, food), showing pathways of fecal-oral disease transmission. The vertical blue lines show barriers: toilets, safe water, hygiene and handwashing. Source Wikipedia

The “F-diagram” (feces, fingers, flies, fields, fluids, food), showing pathways of fecal-oral disease transmission. The vertical blue lines show barriers: toilets, safe water, hygiene and handwashing.
Source Wikipedia

Hope you’re not eating.

World Toilet Day is to help the fortunate ones of us around the world realize that:

2.4 billion people around the world don’t have access to decent sanitation and more than a billion are forced to defecate in the open, risking disease and other dangers, according to the United Nations

We in the West are rather spoiled.  And the reality of what some folks, many folks must deal with can be eye-opening.

About 25 years ago, my brother Fred got a grant and went to Africa to study something or other.  It was his first experience visiting the Third World.  When he came back, he talked only about poop.

It seemed that the city he had visited ran with raw sewage.  Poop was in the gutters. Children played in those gutters. The sewage ran into the river that was used to irrigate crops.

Piles of poop were everywhere.  In the street.  Under trees.  In the corners of buildings; everywhere, he said.  Even inside.  Fred described a memorable elevator in the middle of a hotel lobby, that he had seen. The decorative ironwork around the elevator shaft was delicate and beautiful. But the elevator didn’t run — in fact, the elevator itself had been removed.  But people would stand with their backs to the elevator shaft, pull down their pants/up their skirts, hang their butts over the open elevator shaft.  And they’d poop.

“I realized something incredibly important, “ said my horrified brother:

“Civilization all comes down to what you do with your poo.”

So when you’re thinking about the craziness in today’s world, maybe we all need to realize that part of our problem is that so very many people just don’t have a pot to piss in.

***

Yup, it’s a rerun.  But you didn’t really think I’d miss World Toilet Day, did you?

34 Comments

Filed under 'Merica, ; Don't Make Me Feel Perky Tonigh, A Little Restraint, Perhaps, Adult Traumas, Advice from an Expert Patient, Assholes, Brothers, Crohn's Disease, Good Works, Health, Health and Medicine, Holidays, Holy Shit, Humor, Poop, Poop Power, Shit, Shit happens, Sit ins, Taking Care of Each Other, Travel Stories

Vincente for Presidente

Do yourself a favor and watch this campaign ad.  You know you want to.

12 Comments

Filed under 'Merica, 2020, All The News You Need, All We Are Saying Is Give Peace A Chance, Campaigning, Class Act, Clusterfuck, Cool people, Crazy Folks In Office, Crazy Folks Running, Donald Trump, Donald Trump is a Pussy Too, Elections, Elections Matter, Fuckin' Donald Trump, Global Warming, Good Deed Doers, How the Hell Did We GET HERE?, Humor, Incompetent Trump Minions, Kakistocracy, keys to success, Make Resistance Fun, My Right to Protest, Not My President, Peaceful Protests, Putin's President, Resistance is not futile, Saving the World, Seriously funny, Taking Care of Each Other, Trump, Trump Legally Declared a Slug, Trump Mis-Administration, Trump's Mistakes Mount Up, TrumpDon'tCare, What a Maroon, What a Putz, What must folks in other countries be thinking?, Wild Beasts, WTF?

Why Didn’t I Think Of That?

Hello, yeah, it’s been a while.  Not much, how ’bout you?

There really is no reason.  In fact, this particular post is over due.  I had blog backup and no plunger.

***

For my first post back after a long break, you know I’m goin’ there.  But that is why you came, isn’t it?

Yup.  I read an article.  Several articles actually.  My bad.

This one provides important information to the travelers among us.

The Best Time To Poop On A Plane, According To A Flight Attendant

I will summarize for you, because I have experience in this matter.

The best time to poop on a plane is right after the seat belt light goes off or when the drinks cart comes.  The first is usually pretty early in the flight, so really, you should have taken care of that before you got on the plane.  Unless you’re me — and then you did it then, too.

Second, is a story about a man with whom I should have had children.  We could certainly reach a happy medium:

Doctors remove 28 POUNDS of feces from man, 22, who was constipated

Poop -- HUGE

I’m pretty sure that I wouldn’t be cradling 28-29 lbs of poop quite so tenderly.  But perhaps that’s just me.Enter a caption

Lastly, the third story, required by the peculiarities of comedy writing, is something I am shaking my head about, well, my butt tto, because really — I should have thunk of this idea first.  If ever a business model stinks of “Elyse,” well, this is it:

A poop-themed restaurant is about to break wind in Toronto*

Yup.  A business model that practically screams “ELYSE!!!” Here’s the ummmm, scoop on it.

Toronto’s new Poop Café will feature a “unique selection of desserts from around the world,” according to a Facebook post from the café’s profile. While the restaurant will serve dishes that are brown and shaped like poop (kind of like the poop emoji), not every dish will look like feces.

I for one am glad that not all of this restaurant’s dishes will look like poop. That’s important to me in the pre-poop stage of nutrient intake.  I like to have a wee bit of anticipation on that score.

Soft serve chocolate.

Not half bad.  Unless it’s been digested first.  Google image.

 

*My apologies to my Canadian friends.  Just when you guys are basking in the glory of a delightful leader, I go and laugh at your poop cafe.  Sorry.  But it IS a poop-themed cafe.  What did you want me to do?

53 Comments

Filed under 'Merica, ; Don't Make Me Feel Perky Tonigh, A Little Restraint, Perhaps, Advice from an Expert Patient, All The News You Need, Assholes, Bat-shit crazy, Crohn's Disease, Don't Make Me Puke, Donald Trump, Gross, Holy Shit, Huh?, Humor, Jeff Sessions, Mom would die of embarrassment, Nobody's gonna excavate my poop. I hope., Not something you hear about every day, Oh shit, Poop, Poop Power, Shit happens, Taking Care of Each Other, WTF?

Deja Boo-Hoo

Exactly five and a half years ago tonight, I was in a bit of a snit.  A tiff.  I was, in a word, miffed.

The result of those feelings was this blog.  And in fact, it was the reason* for the stupid name.  And my first post where I wrote:

Because I am fifty-four-and-a-half years old, the world is against me.   The world would be treating me just fine, thank you very much, if I were just six months older.  Read the news lately?  Some folks in Congress want to change Medicare — starting with me.  Starting with folks currently under 55.  Am I the only fifty-four-and-a-half-year-old who is seriously pissed off about this?

Well today, I’m no longer 54-1/2.  But I am not in  a snit.  A tiff.  And I’m no longer miffed.

Today I’m mad as hell.

Did you see that Donald of the small hands plans to put this guy in charge of Health and Human Services?  Congressman Tom Price (R (Suprise!)-GA).

tom-price

Photo Image Credit: Gage Skidmore

Folks are lining up in opposition to Price.  Not only will he piss me off by trying (and god help us, failing) to derail Medicare, but as the Chairman of the House Budget Committee, he is the author of the House bills to repeal Obamacare.  He is adamantly opposed to abortion in all cases.  He opposes including provisions in Medicaid to permit low income women to afford birth control.  He’s probably in favor of hangers.

Here is Democratic Senator Joe Donnelly’s comment opposing Price:

Tom Price has led the charge to privatize Medicare, and for this reason, I cannot support his nomination. I am ready to work with anyone who wants to improve access to quality health care for Hoosier families and seniors, but the nomination of Tom Price would put us on a direct path to end Medicare as we know it, which would raise health care costs and break a fundamental promise to seniors. I have fought to protect Medicare, and I will continue to oppose efforts to privatize Medicare or turn it into a voucher program.

I, personally, will do what I can.  Because I really do fear that before long, this is what Trumpcare will look like:

You know I got this from Father Kane at the Last of the Millenniums, don’t you?

*****

*Shortly after starting the blog with the stupid name, I realized that 54-1/2 was the average age my two late sisters reached.  I kept the name because, as the “sick” member of the family, it reminds me that really, every day is a gift.

I’ll continue to believe that.  Until, of course, I am an old Crohn’s patient whose Medicare has been taken away.  Then I will — literally — poop all over Congress and Donald Trump.

poop-4Google Image

55 Comments

Filed under 'Merica, Adult Traumas, Advice from an Expert Patient, Beating that Dead Horse, Being an asshole, Chronic Disease, Crazy Folks Running, Crohn's Disease, Do GOP Voters Actually THINK?, Don't Make Me Puke, Don't Take My Medicare, Donald Trump is a Pussy Too, Elections, Elections Matter, Fuckin' Donald Trump, GOP, Hands off My Medicare, Health, Health and Medicine, Hillary for President, How stupid can you be, GOP?, How the Hell Did We GET HERE?, Huh?, Humor, I Can't Get No, Kakistocracy, My Right to Protest, Nobody's gonna excavate my poop. I hope., Oh shit, Plagarizing myself, Planned Parenthood, Politician Pussies, Pro-Birth, Shit Your Pants Scary, Shitty GOP, Taking Care of Each Other, Tom Price, Trump Legally Declared a Slug, Trump Mis-Administration, Trumpcare, Useful thing to do with poop, Washington, What a Maroon, What a Putz, Where does the GOP get these guys?, Women Should Decide Women's Health Issues, WTF?

Sometimes, I’m Passive Aggressive

Did you hear about Trump’s kerfuffle with NBC news?  At the meeting King Donald held last week with the heads of the networks, Trump harangued NBC News for using unflattering pictures of him.  Like this picture of him.  Which he hates.

donald-trump-dont-use-this-picture-he-hates-it

Photo credit:  BoingBoing.com

As they say at Boingboing.com,

Trump is angry at NBC News for using this photo of him, so please don’t use this enhanced, enlarged version of it for anything.

Please.  Don’t use this picture whenever you need a picture of our new Fearless Leader.  Pretty please with sugar on top.

Oh, and please don’t review the latest, greatest Christmas Ornament that you’re sure to want for your Christmas tree:

make-america-great-again-ornament

Image Credit:  Amazon.com

And whatever you do, don’t read the product reviews.  Or leave a review of your own.  Because I think the good ones are all taken.

 

36 Comments

Filed under 'Merica, 2016, ; Don't Make Me Feel Perky Tonigh, A Little Restraint, Perhaps, Adult Traumas, All The News You Need, Bat-shit crazy, Beating that Dead Horse, Climate Change, Curses!, Donald Trump is a Pussy Too, Dying Dreams, Elections, Elections Matter, Fuckin' Donald Trump, GOP, Gross, Hillary for President, How the Hell Did We GET HERE?, Huh?, Humiliation, Humor, Kakistocracy, Mental Health, My Right to Protest, Oh shit, Passive Aggression, Political Corruption, Politician Pussies, Saving the World, Shit Your Pants Scary, Trump HATES this Picture, Trump is a Putz

Happy Thanksgiving

This year I feel incredibly lucky at Thanksgiving.  Nobody at my feast will have voted for Donald Trump.

Nobody.

And they will all be relatives.

Didn’t I tell you that I’m lucky?  It’s true — I will gladly spend then next two days cooking for them.

But I know that not everybody is as lucky as me.  I feel your pain, I really do.  One of my brothers voted for Trump, as did a nephew and, I’m pretty sure, a great nephew.  But none of them are coming — they don’t usually come so I did not banish them.

It’s hard to talk to folks about this election and why we feel so strongly that the wrong side won.

It’s hard to talk about this election and not place all Trump voters into Hillary’s stupid basket of deplorables.

It’s hard to talk about this election to Trump voters and not slap them upside the head for being stupid, for placing our democracy at risk, for threatening the future of the planet either by a Trump tiff or by his unwillingness to accept that climate change is real and to do something about it.

For those of you who need assistance, I give you this video — with a shout-out to my friend Karen:

 

 

Not that it will change anything.

Happy Thanksgiving to all of you who are celebrating.

35 Comments

Filed under 'Merica, 2016, ; Don't Make Me Feel Perky Tonigh, All The News You Need, All We Are Saying Is Give Peace A Chance, Bat-shit crazy, Beating that Dead Horse, Being an asshole, Bloggin' Buddies, Brothers, Cancer on Society, Climate Change, Clusterfuck, Conspicuous consumption, Crazy family members, Criminal Activity, Disgustology, Do GOP Voters Actually THINK?, Don't Make Me Puke, Dying Dreams, Elections, Elections Matter, Family, Friends, Global Warming, Hillary for President, Holidays, How the Hell Did We GET HERE?, Huh?, Humor, It's not easy being green, Kakistocracy, laughter, Mental Health, Mike Pence, Oh shit, Planned Parenthood, Political Corruption, Politics, Shit happens, Shit Your Pants Scary, Stupidity, Taking Care of Each Other, Things that make me nuts, Trump Legally Declared a Slug, Voting, Washington, What a Maroon, What a Putz, What must folks in other countries be thinking?, WTF?

How to Find A Lost Civilization

It may surprise you to know, but once I dreamed of being an archeologist.  It’s true!  That was before the Indiana Jones movies, too.  It was before I knew I was destined to become a great actress.  Oh, and before bowel disease.

Once I developed bowel disease, my dreams changed.  Tromping around the desert searching for a toilet and artifacts (in that order) didn’t seem like a great career path.  And until today, well, I believed I was right.  But I just realized I was wrong.  (I was right that I would be wandering the desert looking for a place to poop, though.  So I wasn’t completely wrong.)

You see, today’s Washington Post reports that Clifford Coulthard, while looking for a place to go, stumbled onto an absolutely amazing discovery:

“Nature called, and Cliff walked up this creek bed into this gorge and found this amazing spring surrounded by rock art,” archaeologist Giles Hamm told the Australian Broadcasting Corp. “A man getting out of the car to go to the toilet led to the discovery of one of the most important sites in Australian prehistory.”

Profile view of Warratyi Rock Shelter elevated above local stream catchment. (Giles Hamm) as printed in the Washington Post article linked to earlier.

Profile view of Warratyi Rock Shelter elevated above local stream catchment. (Giles Hamm) as printed in the Washington Post article linked to earlier.

as a friend of mine once said, “Civilization all comes down to where you put your poop.”

Think of the discoveries I could have made over the nearly 45 years I’ve been pooping too much!

Shit!

29 Comments

Filed under ; Don't Make Me Feel Perky Tonigh, All The News You Need, Archeology, Conspicuous consumption, Cool people, Crohn's Disease, Health, Huh?, Humor, laughter, Nobody's gonna excavate my poop. I hope., Oh shit, Poop, Science, Shit, Shit happens