Tag Archives: Crazy people

Cherry Season

Some days I feel like I have been sucked through a vortex into an episode of my own personal sit com.  Sometimes, I drag my friends along with me. And it’s been happening for a long, long time.

Cherry Season, 1977, was bountiful.  In those days, summer fruit was available in the summer, not all year long.  So the different seasons were important.  And cherries season in New England is the best.  Warm, with a taste of summer and a hint of fall.  Magic.

Bonny, my then soon-to-be-roommate and I had plans for that perfect New England summer day.  We’d meet at farmers’ market downtown, buy cherries, bake a pie, and have a barbeque on the fire escape of my apartment, and top it off with our fresh-baked pie.  A simple, beautiful summer day.

Well, it should have been.  But you need to remember who the heroine is here.  And that anything can happen.  Mother Nature was involved here too.  And architecture.  So it really wasn’t my fault. 

Did I mention that Bonny and I didn’t know each other well?  It’s true.  We worked at the same graduate school, but were just acquaintances who each needed a new roommate. I thought she was WAY cooler than me, and I was still a little bit shy around her.  Reserved.  I kept my private side to myself, covered my ass.

We met at the Haymarket Farmers Market, in the heart of Boston.  It was crowded, as hundreds of people had the same idea that Bonny and I had — enjoy the day and shop outside!

Among other things, Bonn and I bought a large pallet of cherries – four quarts of the most perfect, dark red beauties.  We knew the pie would be magical.

But the pallet was heavy, so we headed off to my apartment, trading off carrying the cherries, stealing cherries along the way.  Off we went to the T – the Boston subway, cutting through Government Center.

Ever been there?  It’s an island of concrete, brick and stone in the middle of old Boston.  It seems devoid of people, like a lunar landscape. Paul Revere would have had no one to warn that the British were Coming.

Oh hell. Who am I kidding? Government Center is seriously ugly.  In fact, Buildworld recently voted it the 4th UGLlEST BUILDING ON PLANET EARTH.  I haven’t a clue who Buildworld is, but they’re right. Just look:

If you HAVE been there, well, you will recall that the winds that go through that lifeless brick and cement land are fierce.  In the winter, you want to die.  In the summer?  It causes wardrobe malfunctions.  At least it did for me.

You see, I was wearing my favorite summer dress.  It was a pretty blue and white aline dress; the fabric fell down from my shoulders and flared out at the bottom.  It was cool and comfortable.  I loved to twirl in it, as there was no belt or tightened waistband to prevent the skirt from flaring out completely.  I still miss that dress; it was perfect for any summer day outing.  Well, almost perfect; and almost any summer day.

The wind loved it too. 

As we got half-way to the T through Government Center, we rounded a corner and the wind whipped my dress up over my head, á la Marilyn.  Bonny was taking her turn carrying the cherries, and I fought with my dress.  But it was useless.  I’d grab the hem and pull the sides down, while the wind whipped up the back.  I’d catch the back, and the front would go flying up.  I was flashing my underpants at half the population of Boston.  I hoped they were clean.  After laughing uproariously, we soon we realized that we needed drastic action.  Teamwork.  Our non-existent military training took over.

I took the cherry pallet and held the front of my dress down with it. Bonny walked half-a-step behind me, holding on to the sides of my dress.  Progress was slow, as we couldn’t stop laughing.  I’m pretty sure Magellan circumnavigated the globe in less time than it took Bonny and me to frog-march across barren Government Center to the subway, guarding the public from the sight of my underpants. 

***

Bonny and I lived together for two years; we’ve been friends now for 46 years.  It seems that close friendships are formed when you work together to cover someone’s ass.

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Filed under 1997, A Little Restraint, Perhaps, Adult Traumas, Assholes, Boston, Cool people, Curses!, Holy Shit, Huh?, Humiliation, Humor, keys to success, laughter, Oh shit, Oops!, Seriously funny, Shit happens, WTF?

Which White House?

You will be surprised to know that I am on Trump’s mailing list.  But I am, and I have been for ages.  I’m always curious what they are up to, what they’re telling their folks, and what sort of information they think will get folks to send them money.

I’m not sure which polls they’re talking about in this fundraiser.  Because the ones I’m reading won’t put Donald Trump into the White House.

 

Email sent to me

Email sent to me

And you know what?  I’m really OK if Trump ends up in the White House.  As long as it’s not located at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW, Washington, DC.

There are two other White Houses nearby.  Both are for sale.

Photo Image Washington Post

The White House on Georgetown Pike in  McLean VA.  Photo Image Washington Post

 

White House Towlston Road, McLean VA Photo Image Washington Post

White House Towlston Road, McLean VA Photo Image Washington Post

These White Houses are both for sale according to this article in the Washington Post.  So Donald Trump can have the White House.  Either of these two.  Let’s elect to put Trump in a different house all together.

And I think you’d agree that both are tacky enough for The Donald.

Elections Matter.

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Two Things

Throughout that grueling 90 minutes, this was all I could think of as I watched that creep loom over Hillary Clinton and threaten her both with jail and with his constant lurking behind her.  Creepy.

Dial M For Murder (Google Image)

Alfred Hitchcock’s Dial M For Murder (Google Image)

 

Spoiler Alert:  Grace Kelly survived.

So did Hillary.

And I’m starting to think even Melania is gonna vote for Hillary.  Did you hear about what she wore to the debate last night?

I got the picture indirectly from Huffington Post.com

I got the picture indirectly from Huffington Post.com.  I personally couldn’t afford this blouse because it is truly priceless. 😉

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Hey Doc? Is The Joke Always on Me?

I swear, my life is the butt of one joke after another.  And because it’s me, I do mean BUTT.

This morning over breakfast I read the news that researchers have just discovered another likely suspect for my Crohn’s Disease.  Whoo-Hoo!  I couldn’t wait to learn more about my future cure!

azoles

Screen shot of the article in Newswise.

I was in my element.  I am, after all, a fake medical expert AND a real expert patient.  I quickly read the article and learned that researchers had found a fairly common fungus that was likely to be in my gut — a fungus amungus, as my Dad would have said.  Candida tropicalis could be the culprit.  And once you know the culprit ….

Naturally, my next step was to look up candida tropicalis to see what medicines I can take to get rid of it.  But this is my life.  And it is me.

And so I learned that the fungicides that are use to combat candida tropicalis are assholes.

Or really “azoles” — a specific class of anti-fungal drug.

 

thiazole

Wikipedia image of one azole, Thiazol.  Exactly what does it look like is happening here?????!!!!

 

Is it just me or does this seem like another poop joke on me????  After all, an azole by any other name ….

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A serious political piece.

Isn’t it funny how when you’re procrastinating about doing something, you get just the right push from behind to do it.  Or maybe in this case, the push came more from the Right.  Regardless.  It’s time.

I need to do a serious political post.

Earlier today, I got a comment on an old-ish post I wrote about Trump — It’s Just Not Funny Any More.   Zen Hiker wrote:

I have been amazed at all of the people who say they would never vote for Trump (for whatever reason) still rabidly follow and will vote for Hillary. And this is after everything that she has done, beginning with demonizing the women who accused her husband of sexual improprieties. Now I know that some of you on the left will start with the “He’s a sexist” etc. nonsense, but if you are truly honest with yourselves, you will admit that Hillary is no better than Trump and to continue the attack that he is running a hate filled campaign is just intellectually dishonest. Also, to say that Trump followers are uniformed and blindly follow him, what about (some) Hillary supporters? The bottom line is this-both sides are filled with people who blindly follow their candidate. Both sides have supporters who are not truly informed. And to those of you on the left and extreme left-Please get the idea that just because people don’t agree with every word you say it doesn’t make them a sexist, homophobe, islamaphobe etc. People just disagree with you. That is the beauty of the 1st amendment. I don’t have to agree with you. BTW-I am pretty much a Libertarian these days based on the fact that both of the candidates are not worth my vote.

There are two parts to the answer.  Why I’m voting FOR Hillary, and Why I would NEVER, EVER, EVER vote for Trump.

Why I’m voting FOR Hillary

I will admit, I came about my regard for Hillary slowly.  Still, I have never truly understood the hatred so many people feel towards her.  I disagree with some of the positions she’s taken (Iraq, for example).  But she is smart, thoughtful, and she can change her mind.

She’s a Democrat, as am I.  We both believe in using government for public purposes.  That folks shouldn’t be left just on their own.  That we as a society has responsibilities to children, to the poor, to the disabled.  That a civilized society takes care of the less fortunate among us.

Hillary Clinton has spent a lifetime studying law and government, and public service has truly been her life.  She has brokered international agreements — fostered peace.  Brought different sides together across the world, and across the aisle as a Senator.  She is the type of public servant, in fact, that makes me hearken back to the old days, before Ronald Reagan created the scorn for government service with his “The Government IS the Problem” comment.  We need thoughtful, smart people to work in government as a calling.  Hillary Clinton has met that call admirably.  I have no doubt she will continue to do so.

She is imperfect.  She makes mistakes.  But she is strong, thinks problems through, makes decisions based on facts; she doesn’t shoot from the hip.  Government decisions can be made over a long process, or they can be required in an instant.  She is suited to making decisions either way — in part because she has spent a lifetime learning.

I am someone who understands government — I’ve worked with it and watched just how difficult it is to pass legislation (and how an ability to compromise is vital).  I know how complex  the regulation of the hundreds of industries that do business in the US is — regulations that keep all of us every single day of our lives whether by the standards set for food, safety standards for machinery in factories, or standards for airplanes and trains.

I want somebody as president who is smart and understands how to examine a problem, analyze it, look at options and come up with solutions based on reality.  Someone who makes decisions based on science, or engineering, or whatever is necessary for that particular problem.

I recently discovered the blog of an old friend of mine, where she was challenged to find the reasons to vote FOR Hillary, instead of just voting AGAINST Trump.  She started a blog and lists one reason she’s FOR Hillary every day.

 

As I scrolled through her blog, I realized that my old friend had made this post significantly easier, since Karen listed many of the same reasons I am supporting Hillary.

Karen has various post that illustrate and provide references for other reasons she has for voting FOR Hillary.  They include post elaborating on how Hillary Clinton has worked hard and effectively for her beliefs — particularly those geared toward children.  She has unceasingly promoted healthcare and education for children, particularly those in need due to poverty and/or disability.  She has an even temperament — it’s highly unlikely that foreign sailors flipping the bird at US sailors would result in a war, for example.  She has shown grace under pressure — whether that be sexism, political harassment (can you say Benghazi?) or what I believe is a lack of balance in comparing anything Hillary does to anything someone else does (the discrepancy in the way the Clinton and Trump Foundations are viewed makes me wonder how I have any hair left on my head).

The list of Hillary Clinton’s admirable traits is long.  It’s just that few of us bother to re-familiarize ourselves with them.  And we keep hearing nothing but the negative in the press.

I was originally against Hillary Clinton for the simple (and prescient) reason that I didn’t want to rehash the same damn scandals all over again, not because I didn’t like her or her policies.  I just had to re-look at her policies, and how she decided upon them.  I’ve been doing that for a year now.

Hillary Clinton is a flawed candidate, for sure.  But which candidate isn’t?  Certainly no one running today.

Why I would NEVER, EVER, EVER vote for Trump

In the late 1980s, the news that Trump was stiffing contractors at his NJ casinos hit the news just as my friend Elizabeth was visiting John and I.  It turned out that Elizabeth’s father was one of the cheated contractors.  He had worked at the casino nearly exclusively for more than a year.  I learned early on that “trust” was unlikely to be a word I’d use in connection with a man who would do that.

I could recite a litany of the horrible, dishonorable things that Donald Trump has done.  In fact, I’ve written dozens of posts about him.

Even if I didn’t think he was:

  • A bigot (I do think he’s a bigot),
  • A liar (I do think he’s a liar)
  • A cheat (ditto)
  • A fraud (uh huh)
  • A sexist (as sure as he breathes)
  • Willing to say anything that pops into his little head (ditto)
  • A coward and a bully (oh yeah, he is that alright)
  • A con man (no doubt in my mind)
  • A crook who feeds on people who can least afford to believe him (hey, get your degree at Trump University!
  • So thin skinned that a slight by a foreign leader or even a foreign sailor might mean a war .

Even if I liked his “ideas” (can they really be called ideas if there is no meat on the bones?), even if I agreed with everything he claims to believe, I would be against Donald Trump.

Trump hasn’t got a single iota of experience in government or public service.  Not a shred.  I don’t believe that one should get their feet wet with government experience by running the country.

Trump’s knowledge and understanding of laws and government and regulation consists entirely of circumventing it.  We are a nation of laws.  Anybody who thinks this con-man is going to follow our laws and the constitution (which I believe, like Mr. Khan that he hasn’t read or at least hasn’t understood), is a fool.

Electing Donald Trump would beg the question:  If we are not following our laws and our constitution, are we still Americans?

Moreover, Trump has no interest in learning anything.  He doesn’t think he needs to learn any more — doesn’t need to listen to the generals, for example.  Well, you know what?  Donald Trump is not an expert in anything.  If, god help us, he becomes president, he cannot do everything alone.  He needs to understand the importance and value of the experts who have spent their lives studying their specialties.

What about 3rd Party Candidates?

I voted for John Anderson in 1980.  I’m responsible for inflicting Ronald Reagan on all of us.  I will be sorry until I die, believe me.

carter-anderson-reagan

Seemed like a good idea at the time.  Sorry world.  Very sorry.  (Google Image, of course)

Ask anybody who voted for Ralph Nader in 2000.

Either Hillary Clinton or Donald Trump will be elected President of the United States in 2016.  If you look at history, you can see that third party candidates don’t get elected.  Ever.  There is ZERO chance that Gary Johnson or Jill Stein will get elected.  Sorry, but it’s a combination of history and math and common sense.  Ain’t gonna happen, no matter how many stars you wish upon.

Maybe some day, a third party candidate will have a chance.  But this is not the election where that will happen.  More importantly, votes for either will count towards Donald Trump.

Elections Matter.  Choose wisely.

choose-wisely

If you don’t know where this image came from, you are an alien and Donald Trump will have somebody eat your intestines.

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