Category Archives: ‘Merica

Warning. Do not try this at home. Or anywhere else.

Yes, I realize that it’s been a while since I granted you all the benefits of my fake medical expert advice.  Sorry.

It’s just that poop news has been rather crappy lately.  What’s a specialist to do?

So for this post, I’m going to go out on a ledge.  Write what I don’t know.  Venture into a whole ‘nuther area of specialization.  I feel qualified because this area of specialty is in the same, errrr,  ball park.  Geographically speaking.  Certainly based on adolescent conversation, anyway.

You see, I read an article recently that inspired me to post after a pretty long hiatus

Doctors warn women against putting wasp nests in their vaginas

Now I don’t know about you, but this particular insert isn’t one I’ve personally ever considered.  Maybe I’m just weird.

To be fair to the women who have done this mind-bending medical procedure, the procedure does not involve vaginal insertion of a wasp nest that looks like this one, with buzzing wasps going in and out:

Wasp nest.jpg

Image by ABC Wildlife

On the other hand, maybe something buzzing and going in and out is the whole idea behind the procedure.  But I digress.

Actually, the procedure involves ground up wasp eggs called “galls.”

170601-wasp-nest-vagina

This is a Getty Image, copied from the article

These are Oak leaf “galls” in case you want to make your own.

Galls are wasp larvae, left on the bottoms of oak leaves.  They are ground up and inserted into the vagina to tighten it and to cleanse it.  Okay …

As a fake medical expert, I think I  can safely say that this sounds like a particularly shitty idea.

You know, it never occurred to me that there might be a need to warn women to not put wasp nests, even ground up wasp nests, into their vaginas.

Then again, I never thought it would be necessary to tell women to not vote for a man who believed he could grab their vagina because he was famous, either.

My bad.

62 Comments

Filed under 'Merica, ; Don't Make Me Feel Perky Tonigh, A Little Restraint, Perhaps, Advice from an Expert Patient, All The News You Need, Archeology, Assholes, Bat-shit crazy, Cancer on Society, Class Act, Clusterfuck, Disgustology, Donald Trump is a Pussy Too, Elections Matter, Fashion, Fuckin' Donald Trump, Gross, Health, Health and Medicine, Holy Shit, Huh?, Humiliation, Humor, I Can't Get No, laughter, Mysteries, Not My President, Oh shit, Oops!, Politician Pussies, Satisfaction, Science, Seriously gross, Seriously weird, Shit Your Pants Scary, Sisters, Wild Beasts, Women Should Decide Women's Health Issues, WTF?

How I’ll Protest the AHCA

It’s all been said already.  The GOP bill, TrumpDoesn’tCare, sucks.  And frankly, I am unable to find the funny in the fact that the current leaders just sold us down the River Styx, on our way to hell.

I feel it personally, deeply.  I honestly fear for the future of myself and everybody like me with a preexisting condition.  Everybody with a chronic condition that requires expensive medicine.  Mine costs $26K every six weeks.  Over the 5 years of the “pool” the GOP added to the AHCA, I’ll use $1 million just by myself.  Because of poop problems.

Folks keep telling me that I’m over-reacting, that this bill will never pass the Senate.  And that’s true.  But I have no faith that the Senate version will be much better, only different.  After all, it is run by the folks who literally stole a supreme court seat.  Does anybody really believe that these guys will do the right thing?

So clearly there is only one response that I have to Donald Trump and the House GOP.

If you hear about somebody doing this at the White House or on Capitol Hill, just pretend you don’t know me.

40 Comments

Filed under 'Merica, 2017, ; Don't Make Me Feel Perky Tonigh, Adult Traumas, Advice from an Expert Patient, All The News You Need, Assholes, Cancer on Society, Chronic Disease, Class Act, Clusterfuck, Crazy Folks In Office, Crime and Punishment, Criminal Activity, Crohn's Disease, Curses!, Cut it out, 2017!, Disgustology, Do GOP Voters Actually THINK?, Donald Trump, Donald Trump is a Pussy Too, Elections Matter, Fuckin' Donald Trump, Good Deed Doers, Gross, Health, Health and Medicine, Hillary for President, Holy Shit, House of Representatives, How stupid can you be, GOP?, How the Hell Did We GET HERE?, Huh?, Humor, I Can't Get No, Illness, Kakistocracy, Make Resistance Fun, My Right to Protest, Not My President, Not something you hear about every day, Oh shit, Peaceful Protests, Political Corruption, Politician Pussies, Politics, Poop Power, Putin's President, Shit Your Pants Scary, Taking Care of Each Other, Trump is a Putz, Trump Legally Declared a Slug, Trump Mis-Administration, Trumpcare, TrumpDon'tCare, Washington, What a Maroon, What a Putz, What must folks in other countries be thinking?, Where does the GOP get these guys?, Wild Beasts, Women Should Decide Women's Health Issues, WTF?

Perfect!

20 Comments

Filed under 'Merica, 2016, 2017, Adult Traumas, All The News You Need, All We Are Saying Is Give Peace A Chance, Ammosexuals, Assholes, Bat-shit crazy, Beating that Dead Horse, Cancer on Society, Clusterfuck, Crazy Folks In Office, Cut it out, 2017!, Do GOP Voters Actually THINK?, Elections Matter, Extra Cash, Farts, Flatulence, Trump

Two Mints in One

Remember those Certs’ Ads from the 60s?  {Shut up if you don’t, please.  I’m not talking to you, you whippersnapper.]

Well this morning I had a “two in one” moment, and I nearly drove off the road because the story I heard on the radio hit my two* hot buttons.

Did you hear this one?

Louie Gohmert, (Braintrust-TX (of course) announced that he wasn’t going to do any in-person Town Hall meetings with his constituents because, and I quote:

The House Sergeant at Arms advised us after former Congresswoman Gabby Giffords was shot at a public appearance, that civilian attendees at Congressional public events stand the most chance of being harmed or killed — just as happened there.

Now to clarify in case you’ve been self treating your PESD heavily and are starting to look like Steve Bannon, this really pisses me off.

Because Louie, Louie has an A rating from the NRA, and just two weeks ago on February 2, Louie, Louie voted to allow mentally ill folks to get guns, and he believes that MORE guns will prevent mass shootings.

Talk about the personification of the politician who thinks it’s OK for US to get shot wherever we go, but makes sure that his place of employment is a veritable Fort Knox of security.

Later today, Gabby Giffords, who has been working since her shooting for sensible gun laws, called Louie, Louie out on his hypocrisy:

“I was shot on a Saturday morning. By Monday morning, my offices were open to the public,” Giffords said. “Ron Barber ― at my side that Saturday, who was shot multiple times, then elected to Congress in my stead ― held town halls. It’s what the people deserve in a representative.”

“To the politicians who have abandoned their civic obligations, I say this: Have some courage,” Giffords said. “Face your constituents. Hold town halls.”

Gohmert, put on some kevlar and get your ass in front of the public.

My own member of congress, Barbara Comstock, you too.  Telephonic Town Halls don’t cut the mustard.  I want you to look into my eyes before you rip away my healthcare/medicare/civil rights.

Oh, and in 2018, can we please get rid of these GOP members of Congress who are too stupid to even know how stupid they are?

* OK, so I have more than two** hot buttons.

** OK, so I have more than two hundred hot buttons.

*** Did I forget a footnote?

20 Comments

Filed under 'Merica, 2017, 2nd Amendment, ; Don't Make Me Feel Perky Tonigh, Adult Traumas, All The News You Need, All We Are Saying Is Give Peace A Chance, Ammosexuals, Assholes, Bat-shit crazy, Beating that Dead Horse, Cancer on Society, Clusterfuck, Cowardly Gun Owners, Crazy Folks In Office, Disgustology, Do GOP Voters Actually THINK?, GOP, Gross, Health and Medicine, Holy Shit, How stupid can you be, GOP?, How the Hell Did We GET HERE?, Huh?, Humor, Hypocrisy, Illness, Incompetent Trump Minions, Just Do It and I'll Shut Up!, Kakistocracy, Make Resistance Fun, Mental Health, My Right to Protest, Peaceful Protests, Politician Pussies, Resistance is not futile, Saving the World, Shit happens, Shit Your Pants Scary, Shitty GOP, Taking Care of Each Other, The Blues, Things that make me nuts, Where does the GOP get these guys?, Wild Beasts, WTF?

There’s a Name For That!

Feeling down in the mouth?  Discouraged?  Hopeless?

You’re not alone.

When I’m suffering with something-or-other, it really helps to know that I’m not alone.  Since November 9, 2016, there’s been a veritable epidemic of misery sweeping the nation.  Relax, though.  Because your misery now has a name, an actual diagnosis:

‘Post-Election Stress Disorder’

We’re all suffering from PESD.  Although frankly, I don’t know why they needed a new diagnosis.  Because if the election of Donald Trump doesn’t represent a traumatic event, I don’t know what does.

The only treatment is action.

 

 

30 Comments

Filed under 'Merica, 2017, ; Don't Make Me Feel Perky Tonigh, Abortion, Adult Traumas, Assholes, Bat-shit crazy, Beating that Dead Horse, Cancer on Society, Climate Change, Clusterfuck, Cowardly Gun Owners, Crazy Folks In Office, Criminal Activity, Curses!, Cut it out, 2017!, Cyber Brownshirts, Disgustology, Do GOP Voters Actually THINK?, Don't Take My Medicare, Donald Trump, Dying Dreams, Elections Matter, Fuckin' Donald Trump, Global Warming, GOP, Health and Medicine, Holy Shit, How the Hell Did We GET HERE?, Humiliation, Humor, Hypocrisy, I Can't Get No, Incompetent Trump Minions, Jeff Sessions, Kakistocracy, Longing for Dick, Make Resistance Fun, Mental Health, Not My President, Oh shit, Peaceful Protests, Planned Parenthood, Political Corruption, Putin's President, Resistance is not futile, Shit Your Pants Scary, Stupidity, Things that make me nuts, Tom Price, Trump Legally Declared a Slug, Trump Mis-Administration, Washington, What a Maroon, What a Putz, What must folks in other countries be thinking?, Women Should Decide Women's Health Issues, WTF?

Let’s Go To Town!.

Tired of calling your senators and congressman/woman?  Maybe what you need to do instead is go to town.  Town Halls, that is.

Yup.  Here’s another way to raise some hell.

The Town Hall Project 2018 is a website that posts public forums for senators and members of congress.  Meetings where you can go and listen to and talk with the people who claim to represent you.

If you have questions, problems concerns with what is happening in our government, in our world, go to town.

If you think that keeping Obamacare is important to you, go to town.

If you think that maintaining Medicare, Medicaid and Social Security as you’ve expected them to be when it was time for you to collect on what you’ve paid out for decades, go to town.

If you think that protecting the environment is important to you, go to town.

If you think that Trump’s Executive Order banning Muslims should be revoked, go to town.

If you have other opinions that I haven’t listed and that you feel your representatives in Congress need to hear about, go to town.  And bring friends.  Bring lots and lots of friends.

The Town Hall Project 2018 has promised to update its website regularly.  So bookmark it, and show up.

American Democracy is no longer a spectator sport.  Get it in gear.

 

31 Comments

Filed under 'Merica, 2017, ; Don't Make Me Feel Perky Tonigh, Baby You Can Drive My Car, Beating that Dead Horse, Cancer on Society, Childrens Health Insurnce Program, Class Act, Climate Change, Crazy Folks In Office, Criminal Activity, Disgustology, Do GOP Voters Actually THINK?, Don't Take My Medicare, Elections Matter, Good Deed Doers, Good Works, Growing up, Hands off My Medicare, Health and Medicine, Holy Shit, House of Representatives, Huh?, Humor, Jeff Sessions, Just Do It and I'll Shut Up!, Justice, Kakistocracy, Law, My Right to Protest, Not My President, Passive Aggression, Peaceful Protests, Planned Parenthood, Resistance is not futile, Saving the World, Science, Sit ins, Supreme Court Vacancy, Taking Care of Each Other, Tom Price, Washington, WTF?

Gigantic Turds

Earlier today, after spending hours trying to digest/swallow Putin’s President’s nominee for the Supreme Court, I tried not to vomit.  That continued as I tried not to go ballistic over the fact that the Senate Finance Committee cheated by changing the rules for reporting nominations out of committee and sent PRICE — nominee who wants to gut Obamacare, Medicare, Medicaid and Social Security —  out for an up or down vote on the senate floor.  You see, in the real world — pre-Trump — the Senate had rules.  They followed those rules.  And things worked out OK.

Now?  Not so much.  Things don’t seem to be going quite so well.

So naturally, I thought of poop.  And my friend Nikki/Jordan provided the backup for my concerns.  Sloths.

sloths

So I’m figuring that the Trump Administration is a collection of sloths, all holding in their shit for a week at a time.  And that explains how miserable they are.  Constipation doesn’t make for happy government nominees.

This explains everything.

You’re welcome.

35 Comments

Filed under 'Merica, 2017, All The News You Need, Assholes, Bat-shit crazy, Being an asshole, Cancer on Society, Class Act, Clusterfuck, Crazy Folks In Office, Disgustology, Don't Make Me Puke, Elections Matter, GOP, Hillary for President, How stupid can you be, GOP?, Huh?, Humiliation, Humor, If you can't keep the Australians, Incompetent Trump Minions, Insighting violence, Kakistocracy, Oh shit, Out of the Pot, Political Corruption, Politics, Poop, Putin's President, Shit, Shit happens, Shit Your Pants Scary, Suicide