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Category Archives: ‘Merica
My winnings
Nope. Not the lottery, alas. Although I really should have won that $1.6 billion MegaMillions. Or even the $750 million Powerball. I had plans for that money. What will I do when the bills for the things I bought expecting to be dripping in riches come in?
Still, I will be able to pay a few of them. Because I am about to collect a reward.
Yup. Me.
ONE. THOUSAND. SMACKERS!
The American Society of Gastroenterology donated the money. Already that pegs me as the recipient. I have been keeping gastroenterologists in the money for decades.
But this reward is for the return of a giant, inflatable, orange colon. Of course I know where it is. If you think about it, you do too.
It isn’t hard to figure out — where do you think you can find something orange, inflated, and full of shit? It’s at the White House, of course. 1700 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW, Washington, DC.
Photo credit:Â USA Today.
That money is MINE!
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You didn’t think I would let you go without reminding you to get your tuckuss to the polls on or before November 6 (depending on your state’s laws, natch). Election 2018 is vital. We need a check on the occupant of the White House, now more than ever. It’s not going to come from the Supreme Court. It can only come from the House of Representatives.
So vote like your life, your healthcare, and the honor of your country depends on it.
Because it does.
Filed under 'Merica, 2018, All The News You Need, Assholes, Campaigning, Cancer on Society, Clusterfuck, Criminal Activity, Donald Trump, Donald Trump is a Pussy Too, Fuckin' Donald Trump, Gross, Holy Shit, Humor, Kakistocracy, Not My President, Not something you hear about every day, Oh shit, Shit, Shit! The Perfect Metaphors for the GOP, Trump is a Putz, WTF?
Ripley’s Believe it or NOT!
Sunday mornings in my house growing up were dedicated to the Sunday Funnies, the comics, in the Bridgeport Post. While my dad always tried to convince me that Lil’ Abner was funny (it wasn’t), I loved Ripley’s Believe it or Not! I read it faithfully, for years.
It’s been years since I read it though. I chalk it up to reading the news online instead of on paper. The Funnies are not as easy to find online.
But just today, the Funnies made it to the “Real News”! Or it should have. You see, this story is A FRONT-PAGE-WORTHY story. A Believe it or NOT! classic.
Bigfoot Porn Has Become A Major Controversy In A U.S. House Race. Seriously.
Sigh.
In my adopted home state of Virginia, in the 5th Congressional District which includes Charlottesville, the GOP recently put forth Denver Riggleman to run for Congress. This change occurred when the incumbent, Republican Rep. Tom Garrett, retired following allegations that he and his wife made his staff do menial tasks including walking the couple’s dog.
But with Riggleman, the fur really starts to fly. You see, he, ummm, put his Big Foot in his mouth with his Instagram account:
That question has been inspired by Leslie Cockburn, a Democrat who’s running for Congress in Virginia’s 5th District. On Twitter this Sunday, Cockburn accused her Republican opponent, Denver Riggleman, of being a “devotee of Bigfoot erotica.” Her tweet included a crudely drawn image of Bigfoot — with the monster’s genitalia obscured — taken from Riggleman’s Instagram account. She added, “This is not what we need on Capitol Hill.”
After showing that image, I promise to not comment on the Democratic candidate’s name. I promise. Anybody got any duct tape??????
I agree that we don’t really need someone in the United States Congress who believes in Big Foot but not climate change. Who doesn’t realize that this is not an issue that Virginians care about. Who believes that there are women who want Big Foot — although if it weren’t for the small hands, that might explain Trump’s allure.
So, My Fellow Americans, in 2018 we find ourselves as a nation drawn into the Sunday Funnies. Into Ripley’s Believe it or NOT!
I can’t wait to hear how the Evangelicals will spin this one!
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Filed under 'Merica, 2018, All The News You Need, Assholes, Bat-shit crazy, Cancer on Society, Class Act, Climate Change, Clusterfuck, Crazy Folks Running, Disgustology, Do GOP Voters Actually THINK?, Elections, Elections Matter, GOP, Holy Shit, How stupid can you be, GOP?, Huh?, Humor, Kakistocracy, Make Resistance Fun, Register to Vote Today!, Seriously weird, Sex Scandals, Size Matters, Stupidity, Things that make me nuts, Voting, What must folks in other countries be thinking?, Where does the GOP get these guys?, Wild Beasts, WTF?
Save the Children
You’ve probably read that the U.S. government has, ummm, lost, nearly 1500 children. Oops. Out of 7,635 children taken from their families, they’ve lost a whole bunch. Nearly 19 percent.
So what does the Trump Administration do? It decides to brutally separate more children from their families.
A fellow blogger, Tokyosand, has helpfully beat me to the punch in giving information about this horrible situation, and how each of us can help.
#WhereAreTheChildren: How to Help
How You Can Help
- Contact your U.S. Senators and Representatives. Their job is to conduct oversight of DHS–they must hold DHS accountable. Simply say, “I am outraged by how our government is treating children at the border. What is my Senator/Rep doing about this?” Find your Senators here. Find your Representative here. If you use 5 Calls to contact your reps, they have a script on their system for this issue already.
- The ACLU is gathering signatures to petition Kevin K. McAleenan, Commissioner of United States Customs and Border Protection to stop the government from abusing immigrant children. You can find the petition here.
- You can contact ICE (Immigration and Customs Enforcement) directly. Write to them here or call them at 1-866-DHS-2-ICE.
- NEW: The Office of the United Nations High Commissioner for Human Rights has recommended guidelines for human rights at international borders which you can read here. The reported actions our DHS is taking do not comply with these guidelines. You can contact the UN Office for Human Rights here.
- NEW: Amnesty International has been calling for an end to the U.S. policy of separating children at the border. Their call to action can be found at the end of this post here.
- NEW: Americans of Conscience has a list of 7 other U.S. officials who need to hear from us, plus a script to use. That list is here.
- DEVELOPING: There is a nascent effort to organize #WhereAreTheChildren marches for June 14. Check here for more information.
I’d like to add another one. VOTE. Vote in primaries. Vote in every special election. Vote in November. Elections matter. And the 2018 election is a must win for returning accountability to the evil people currently ruling our country.
Please help. Separating children from their parents is not what America is about. Not my America, anyway, and I’m pretty sure not your America either.
References:
https://www.cbsnews.com/news/aclu-report-records-claim-border-agents-neglected-abused-migrant-kids/
Pissing Off Mike Pence
Generally speaking, I’m not a vindictive person.
For example, I would never, and I do mean never ever, fire someone 26 hours before his/her pension vested.
Unless I could do it in a funny way, that is. Then I’d probably be good with that.
John Oliver is a master at pissing people off hilariously. So if you haven’t seen it, watch this:
Filed under 'Merica, ; Don't Make Me Feel Perky Tonigh, A Little Restraint, Perhaps, All The News You Need, Assholes, Bat-shit crazy, Books, Cancer on Society, Clusterfuck, Crazy Folks In Office, Good Deed Doers, Humor, Just Do It and I'll Shut Up!, Kakistocracy, Mike Pence, My Right to Protest, Vote, What a Maroon, What a Putz
FiftyFourandAHalf 