My winnings

Nope.  Not the lottery, alas.  Although I really should have won that $1.6 billion MegaMillions.  Or even the $750 million Powerball. I had plans for that money.  What will I do when the bills for the things I bought expecting to be dripping in riches come in?

Still, I will be able to pay a few of them.  Because I am about to collect a reward.

Yup. Me.


The American Society of Gastroenterology donated the money.  Already that pegs me as the recipient.  I have been keeping gastroenterologists in the money for decades.

But this reward is for the return of a giant, inflatable, orange colon.  Of course I know where it is.  If you think about it, you do too.

Inflatable colon

Photo credit

It isn’t hard to figure out — where do you think you can find something orange, inflated, and full of shit?  It’s at the White House, of course.  1700 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW, Washington, DC.

Resist - USA Today

Photo credit:  USA Today.

That money is MINE!



You didn’t think I would let you go without reminding you to get your tuckuss to the polls on or before November 6 (depending on your state’s laws, natch).  Election 2018 is vital. We need a check on the occupant of the White House, now more than ever.  It’s not going to come from the Supreme Court.  It can only come from the House of Representatives.

So vote like your life, your healthcare, and the honor of your country depends on it.

Because it does.





Filed under 'Merica, 2018, All The News You Need, Assholes, Campaigning, Cancer on Society, Clusterfuck, Criminal Activity, Donald Trump, Donald Trump is a Pussy Too, Fuckin' Donald Trump, Gross, Holy Shit, Humor, Kakistocracy, Not My President, Not something you hear about every day, Oh shit, Shit, Shit! The Perfect Metaphors for the GOP, Trump is a Putz, WTF?

36 responses to “My winnings

  1. The doctors lost my gallbladder a couple years back. I wonder if I can get one of those inflatable colons in compensation.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Elyse, I haven’t seen you around much lately. This week’s JJ42 post was about Poo, so naturally I thought of you. Here’s the link:

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I don’t think it’s appropriate to compare a colon to President Trump. A colon actually performs some necessary life-saving functions (and doesn’t even brag about it).

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Damn right. Say it loud! #Bluewave

    Liked by 1 person

  5. That poor colon. Wherever it is, it must be terrified and angry. I hope they find it soon, because you never know what an irritable bowel might do.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Yes!! This is the most important midterm election I can remember, and my memory is pretty damn old!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I was going to vote anyway, Elyse, but if I wasn’t, that intestinal bouncy house and your commentary would have convinced me. Down with Orange, Up with Blue!!! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Good to see you back! I am anxiously looking forward to voting! So much unbelievable crap going on. No other prez would get away with this stuff. Waddup wit dat? I keep looking for someone to explain to me what his supporters see because it’s invisible to me. All hail the colon!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks, Kate! I’m not sure if I’m really back, though. But an orange inflatable colon? Well I couldn’t resist.

      With the current orange colon in the White Jouse, I have had trouble finding the funny in politics. I pray that changes next week.

      And yes!! VOTE!

      Liked by 1 person

  9. I think Sarah Sanders is planning to use it to conduct her future press conferences.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Love it! The inflatable colon, not the current White House resident.
    I will be voting like my life depends on it… because in this case, it very well might.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. I would like to reward you just for posting this. “Where do you find something orange, inflated, and full of shit?” Ha! Priceless! But, really, no joke.
    Vote! Vote! Vote! (The is the sum total of what we Canadians can do to help.)

    Liked by 1 person

  12. I’m going in for a procedure on the 6th. I might ask them to just keep me under for two years until this all blows over. I heard whispers that Hillary is thinking of running again, so I might need to be kept under for longer than two years.

    Liked by 2 people

  13. Voting For Sure

    HA! Indeed, that is the best description of tRump. Make sure to spend that grand on lottery tickets for the next big one!

    Liked by 1 person

  14. I’ll be voting – and a lot going on in Ohio. That inflatable colon would look great in your yard.

    Liked by 1 person

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