With an artist brother and a sister-in-law, you’d think I’d be more involved in the art world. Sadly, I’m not.
I used to be more of a gallery girl, loved nothing more than spending time in any one of the wonderful museums and galleries near where I lived or worked. And the galleries I got to visit while living in or traveling to Europe could fill a book. Still, going to a museum with either Fred or my sister-in-law, with someone who knows a lot about art, well, it is a wonderful treat.
But with my Crohn’s disease as active as it is these days, I don’t go very often.
For anybody without access to art, though, I recommend following my blogging buddy Mark, of Exile on Pain Street . He works in NYC and frequents museums, galleries and auctions and frequently writes about it on his blog. Mark does it with wit and without the snobbishness that usually accompanies folks who talk about art.
But nobody posts about art quite like I do. Or about art theft, because that’s really what this post is all about. Art theft pure and simple.
Audrey Hepburn and Peter O’Toole in How to Steal A Million (Google Image)
The international art heist I’m talking about occurred in Spain, just outside Madrid. I’m pretty sure it involved neither Audrey nor Peter. Nor, probably, would the stolen object ever find its way into the Louvre.
Still, if you know anything about art, the beauty of an object is all in the eye of the beholder. It may also be dependent on the species. Or on the leash holder.
Torrelodones, a town near Madrid, paid 2,400 euros ($2,726; £1,885) for this sculpture:
Yes, it is a giant, inflatable pile of dog poo. Photo from BBC (although they might deny it)
The article I read says:
The three-metre high inflatable bought as part of a campaign to encourage pet-lovers to pick up after their dogs went missing, El Pais newspaper reports. The bizarre inflatable disappeared after it had been packed away in its carry-case and the police are now on the trail of the 30 kilogramme dog poop, town officials say.
Speaking to the ABC newspaper, town councillor Angel Guirao said staff were shocked and perplexed by the theft, and a replacement excrement was already on order because “we know that the campaign has been a great success”.
I wish they’d asked me. I could have provided plenty of models for this piece of art.
Why are you picking on me. Google, eat your heart out cause I took this one!
Don’t hesitate to ask me anything about art. Or poop.
Filed under Bat-shit crazy, Being an asshole, Conspicuous consumption, Crohn's Disease, Curses!, Dogs, Duncan, Huh?, Humor, Not something you hear about every day, Oh shit, Peter O'Toole, Political Corruption, Poop, Seriously funny, Seriously weird, Shit, Shit happens, Size Matters, Stealing, Stupid things happen in other countries too! Who knew!, Stupidity, Useful thing to do with poop, What a Maroon, Wild Beasts, WTF?
Well, it’s been a while since I discussed the topic that is near and dear to my, ummm, heart.
Poop transplants! — The ultimate solution to my Crohn’s disease woes.
OK, it’s nearer to my hiney, but you can’t claim you weren’t expecting that.
Earlier today I was discussing my future poop transplant with my boss. (It’s true, I have no pride what so ever.) She’s very interested in the idea. She wants me healthy, of course, but really, I think she wants to see what happens from a scientific perspective. And, frankly, I can’t blame her. I want to know what’ll happen from a scientific point of view, too. And from the perspective of a toilet paper consumer.
You may recall that I’ve mentioned that you have to be very choosy when choosing a poop donor. If the donor is fat, or depressed, or psychotic, well, the recipient can become fat, or depressed or psychotic. I haven’t researched what happens if you choose someone immature, though. Perhaps I should.
Anyway, the issue was on my mind tonight when I began reading the news. And I found my donor!
He is young and healthy, albeit a little younger than I was thinking of; he’s living in Florida with his mother. In fact, it was his mom who brought him to my attention. Well, and to the attention of people with a deep seated interest in poop.
One day Katy Vasquez discovered that the Lord moves in mysterious ways. And goes into mysterious places. Because, You see, one day when she was changing his diaper, she saw this sign that things were going to get better.:
This picture was taken by my donor’s mom, Katy Vasques, and posted to Facebook and the Huffington Post (where I saw it).
It’s Holy Shit! What more could I ask for from a donor?
Filed under 'Merica, ; Don't Make Me Feel Perky Tonigh, Advice from an Expert Patient, All The News You Need, Bat-shit crazy, Beating that Dead Horse, Being an asshole, Childhood Traumas, Chronic Disease, Conspicuous consumption, Crazy family members, Crohn's Disease, Disgustology, Dreams, Family, Gross, Health, Health and Medicine, Hey Doc?, Huh?, Humor, I Can't Get No, keys to success, laughter, Mental Health, Oh shit, Out Damn Spot!, Poop, Poop transplants, Science, Seriously funny, Seriously weird, Shit, Shit happens, Taking Care of Each Other, Useful thing to do with poop, Why the hell do I tell you these stories?, Wild Beasts, WTF?
I’ve been explaining to Duncan for weeks, that starting today, April 27, 2016, he is a grownup dog. That means no more stealing shoes (always mine), no more stealing socks (usually Jacobs and always dirty), and no more poop eating.
Because today is Duncan’s 2nd Birthday.
Oh GROW UPPPPPPPP, Duncan!
Duncan in Jacob’s Man Cave
So far today, he stole my boot, lunged for a pile of horse poop — Mom was too fast for you today! — and stole a clean sock from the basket as I took a load of laundry out of the dryer. Dogs are gross.
Perhaps I should speak to him in French?
Filed under Adult Traumas, Birthday, Crazy family members, Disgustology, Dogs, Don't Make Me Puke, Duncan, Huh?, Humor, Oh shit, Poop, Shit, Shit happens, Wild Beasts, WTF?
It seems that while there is nothing new under the sun, there’s a lot of new stuff in bogs. New-ish stuff. New-to-me-and-you stuff.
Sometimes it’s just horse shit.
But sometimes it’s special. Special horse shit. That, apparently, is a thing.
You see, some folks dug up some old shit and decided they know who put it there.
Hannibal!
In a study published Monday in the journal Archaeometry, researchers argue that new evidence in the form of some very old poop might hold the key to solving this mystery once and for all.
Yup! Using ancient horse shit, scientists are pretty sure they’ve figured out Hannibal’s route over the Alps.
They say that microbial evidence suggests a “mass animal deposition” (a.k.a. poop) occurred in the Col de Traversette pass in 218 B.C. — just when Hannibal was making his journey to Rome. By digging around in a peaty bog along the pass, the researchers found what they think are microbes usually associated with horse manure.
“Over 70% of the microbes in horse dung are from a group known as Clostridia and we found these microbes in very high numbers in the bed of excrement,” study author of Queens University wrote in an article for the Conversation.
I’m afraid I don’t know these guys personally, But Fox News tells me they are from Queens University in Belfast. And who am I to doubt Fox? This may be a FoxNews photo, too. But I got it from Google. I love you Google. Fox? Not so much. I do love the Alps, though. Does that help?
Now, you might ask, where are those legendary elephants? I don’t know.
Here’s what they say:
Horses trudging through the Alps are suspicious, but solid evidence of elephants in their company might close this case for good. Until then, Allen and his colleagues will have to keep probing the poop and surrounding areas for more clues.
There are also reports of horsey tape worms. But I do believe that that is a subject for another fake medical expert’s blog. It’s bad enough that I did two poop posts in a row. This is becoming a pattern.
Oh, and I personally have experience with horse poop of the European variety. See: https://fiftyfourandahalf.com/2012/05/24/me-and-julie/
Sometimes, a woman just has to accept her fate. Shitty though it may be.
Filed under ; Don't Make Me Feel Perky Tonigh, All The News You Need, Awards, Bat-shit crazy, Beating that Dead Horse, Disgustology, Europe, Farts, Flatulence, Good Deed Doers, History, Holidays, Huh?, Humor, I Can't Get No, laughter, Nobody's gonna excavate my poop. I hope., Oh shit, Poop, Poop transplants, Seriously funny, Seriously weird, Shit, Shit happens, The Alps, There are better things to do in the Alps than dig up poop, Toilets, Wild Beasts, WTF?
I got TWO!
I recommend Karen Kingsley and Kingsley Ink
The Highest Honor
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FiftyFourandAHalf 