The Birthday Boy

I’ve been explaining to Duncan for weeks, that starting today, April 27, 2016, he is a grownup dog.  That means no more stealing shoes (always mine), no more stealing socks (usually Jacobs and always dirty), and no more poop eating.

Because today is Duncan’s 2nd Birthday.


The Sock Monster

Duncan in Jacob’s Man Cave

So far today, he stole my boot, lunged for a pile of horse poop — Mom was too fast for you today! — and stole a clean sock from the basket as I took a load of laundry out of the dryer.  Dogs are gross.

Perhaps I should speak to him in French?



Filed under Adult Traumas, Birthday, Crazy family members, Disgustology, Dogs, Don't Make Me Puke, Duncan, Huh?, Humor, Oh shit, Poop, Shit, Shit happens, Wild Beasts, WTF?

83 responses to “The Birthday Boy

  1. Aww, what a dignified profile you have – a belated Happy Birthday, Duncan!

    PS Two is NOT too old to rebel. Gotta keep your people on their toes!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Awww phooey. Being a grown-up means NO MORE POOP EATING??!
    Damn, Elyse. Way to take the fun out of everything…


    Liked by 1 person

  3. julie

    Awwwww! Duncan! Who’s a good boy? Are you a good boy? Yes you are! Good boy!

    Please rub him vigorously while you tell him I said that. But don’t hug him. I just saw on the news dogs don’t like hugs. Just goes to show you, you can’t trust the news.

    Liked by 2 people

    • You really can’t trust the news. Duncan LOVES hugs. So I was hugging him while delivering your message. I’m afraid he thought it was from me, though!


  4. Dear Duncan,

    Congrats on your second, buddy. Lemme give you some advice. Do your stuff when they aren’t looking. Humans have no idea what it’s like to live in the wonderful world of smells, so you just have to humor them. And oh by the way, I’ve found that the best place to bury bones and chew toys is in the corner of a sofa, under the pillow. Stick with me, kid.


    Liked by 1 person

    • He tries, Winston. Mom lets him get away, but Dad is eagle-eyed for transgressions. (I love Winston as a dog name. Our Duncan was not dignified enough for that name!)


      • julie

        My dad used to drive by a house that had a big ol bulldog. He and my kids named that dog Winston. They’d say hi even to Winstons house if he wasn’t out when they drove by.

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Happy Birthday Duncan! Continue to keep your mother on her toes, it’ll keep her young. Socks for everyone!!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Aussi – bonne fete!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Eh chien – ecoute moi, le monsieur Lewin. Elyse est un bon femme et vous etes tres fortunate lui elle. Ne mange pas le merde! Mon ami Art mange le merde. Beaucoup de merde. Tu, chien (s’appelle Duncan) est meilleur q’Art. C’est vrai, mon ami le chien. C’est vrai.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Happy Birthday, Duncan! You’re looking good. Wishing you many more years, lots of socks, and an occasional shoe to top off your poop pudding.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Paul

    Happy Birthday Duncan!

    Liked by 1 person

  10. My dog is partial to the droppings of Canada geese… never dog pooh, but on occasion I’ve seen her scarf down deer pooh as well… She sneaks it like taking someone’s last potato chip! I swear she knows it’s gross, but can’t resist the stuff! Thank God she’s not a licker, Elyse!
    Happy Birthday to Duncan!!!! Too cute!

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’m not sure if it’s better to not feel alone or to think that all dogs are really gross. Duncan doesn’t go after his own (or other dogs’) but deer, horse, goose, whatever … apparently it is delicious. I’m not gonna try it though.

      Duncan IS a kisser. Yuck!

      Liked by 1 person

      • Haha! My dog has never had the opportunity to sample horse pooh… that might be addictive! lol

        Liked by 1 person

        • There are lots of horses around here. And unlike dog owners, horse owners are allowed to leave their shit everywhere. And they do. 😦

          Liked by 1 person

          • Ever been to Mackinac Island in Michigan? There are so many horses and carriages, they have to spray down the streets constantly. The smell can get overwhelming! And it will splash up on the back of your legs if you’re riding a bike through town – yes, gross!

            Liked by 1 person

            • Ewwwwwww. No, it’s not that bad. Just riders on woodland trails. Not bulk horse shit, thank god!

              I’ve never actually been to Michigan. And while I’ve always thought that the lake district sounds incredible, you will not be getting a job with the Michigan tourist board.

              Liked by 1 person

  11. Puppy Cody thinks the bunnies leave all those “presents” just for her. She tries to eat every single one – actually, she looks like a pig snuffling for truffles. I’ve given up trying to stop her, and the vet says so long as she has all her shots, it’s probably not a problem. Puppy Cody is 2-1/2. Some things they just don’t grow out of, sorry to say.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Nearly seven, Logan has mastered the evasive art of eating his own poop. I have tried every trick in the book (you know, that book) and he still out maneuvers me. Some species eat their young. I guess what Logan does pales in comparison. He has, however, abandoned shoes and socks. I consider this outcome a draw.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I thought I wrote the book on poop, but apparently there is more than one book on poop.

      We’re pretty neurotic about cleaning up Duncan’s poop, so he won’t get THAT opportunity! But since I let him run in the woods, I’m pretty sure this wildlife poop will be a perpetual problem.

      He is awfully cute though.

      Liked by 1 person

  13. Some breeds take 3-5 years to grow out of puppyhood. And they never stop eating poop. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Actually, Duncan is now a teenager in dog years, so I’d say things are going to get worse before they get better.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. aFrankAngle

    Happy Birthday, Duncan! It seems you get a free pass to try one of mom’s shoes instead of a sock.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Two already? Wow. Of course, at the moment, I have no sense of time. Happy Birthday, Duncan!

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Happy Birthday, Duncan! I think you should get a birthday cake. Maybe a sock with caked on dirt will do. Yum!


  18. My dog has never stolen or chewed socks and shoes, thankfully, but she does enjoy deer poop. She is a puppy in an 8 1/2 year old dog’s body and the poop snacks will never end. 😦


    • Is there an “NO I DON’T LIKE THIS COMMENT” button???? Seriously, I was hoping he’d grow out of it. But no matter how closely i look at your comment, that’s not what it says!

      I read recently that sometimes it is a vitamin deficiency, so I started giving him doggy vitamins.

      It is SOOOOOO gross!

      He doesn’t eat my shoes or swallow the socks, so he has that going for him. He just cuddles with them. And gets them rather wet!

      Liked by 1 person

      • I had a roommate back in the 90’s – we both had dogs, mine was significantly older and, of course, more mature. My roommate owned 200 pairs of shoes. I owned 8 pairs. Her dog ate each and every one of my shoes and left her 200 pairs unscathed. Maybe Duncan needs his own shoes….haha. There is no telling with dogs.

        Liked by 1 person

        • Ouch! The stories of what the dog I had when I was in my 20s ate are funnier than what Duncan eats. It makes me feel old and not funny.

          The best was when Goliath ate a whole box of Lindt truffles straight out of the box. They came out with the wrappers still intact!


  19. Happy Birthday Duncan! If it’s any consolation, Maggie is now 11 and still plays like a puppy sometimes! Never had a problem with her pinching though, socks or otherwise.

    Liked by 1 person

  20. Bon anniversaire to Duncan! (There, we’ll see if that helps.)

    Incidentally, my oldest turns 19 today. I’m happy to say he does not eat poop. Doesn’t even use much scatological humor anymore. Who would’ve thunk it?

    Liked by 1 person

  21. My cats are appalled at his behavior. They are having a ‘nip martini as we speak.


  22. I’m impressed that this post has an accompanying photo, since I’ve heard through the grapevine that Duncan is not especially cooperative when it comes to having his photo taken. The birthday boy is likely to continue to pester you with his version of doggie misbehavior, because … well, dogs are not only gross, but they can also be pretty rotten. Makes you wonder why we allow such nonsense, and then we laugh. As if you can stop a moving train by holding your hand up and uttering “sit”. Duncan is still a delightfully adorable boy (*young man*), no matter the poop-eating, sock-stealing, shoe-thieving scoundrel that he is. Right? Maybe? Of course he is! He’s Duncan!

    Extra points for the “Disgustology” tag.

    See? He’s good for something! New words! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Duncan is camera shy for sure. But even when you get a good shot, he doesn’t look great. You often can’t tell where his eyes start — because they are black too. Oh well. I’ve thought of taking him to a photographer, because he really is incredibly handsome and I’d like to have evidence!

      “Disgustology” is a tag I came up with a while ago — talking about politics. I just use it now and then.

      Liked by 1 person

  23. Merbear74

    My dog Maya turns 2 on the 29th!
    Happy birthday Duncan!

    Liked by 1 person

  24. All he heard was “Blah, blah, blah, shoes! Blah, blah, blah, poop! Blah, blah, blah, socks!

    Liked by 3 people

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