Well, it’s been a while since I discussed the topic that is near and dear to my, ummm, heart.
Poop transplants! — The ultimate solution to my Crohn’s disease woes.
OK, it’s nearer to my hiney, but you can’t claim you weren’t expecting that.
Earlier today I was discussing my future poop transplant with my boss. (It’s true, I have no pride what so ever.) She’s very interested in the idea. She wants me healthy, of course, but really, I think she wants to see what happens from a scientific perspective. And, frankly, I can’t blame her. I want to know what’ll happen from a scientific point of view, too. And from the perspective of a toilet paper consumer.
You may recall that I’ve mentioned that you have to be very choosy when choosing a poop donor. If the donor is fat, or depressed, or psychotic, well, the recipient can become fat, or depressed or psychotic. I haven’t researched what happens if you choose someone immature, though. Perhaps I should.
Anyway, the issue was on my mind tonight when I began reading the news. And I found my donor!
He is young and healthy, albeit a little younger than I was thinking of; he’s living in Florida with his mother. In fact, it was his mom who brought him to my attention. Well, and to the attention of people with a deep seated interest in poop.
One day Katy Vasquez discovered that the Lord moves in mysterious ways. And goes into mysterious places. Because, You see, one day when she was changing his diaper, she saw this sign that things were going to get better.:
This picture was taken by my donor’s mom, Katy Vasques, and posted to Facebook and the Huffington Post (where I saw it).
It’s Holy Shit! What more could I ask for from a donor?
FiftyFourandAHalf 
As someone with her own poop issues, this was hilarious!
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What? You never saw that in a diaper?????? 😉
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As an aside, Elyse, I did a guest post over at Mark Bialczak’s https://markbialczak.com/2016/05/29/the-secret-service/comment-page-1/#comment-80097 I would be honored if you had the time to drop by. Thank you.
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I sure will, Paul. I follow Mark and am always on the lookout for your weekend posts!
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That is shitastic.
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Darla, you always know how to put a spin on it!
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You are a screaming riot of fun as always even about your poopy matters 😉
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That wasn’t MY DIAPER!!!!!😂😆😜
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LMAO 😂
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Methinks the lady doth protest too much. (Or is it “poo much”?)
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Poo waaaay too much. Crohn’s does that to a girl. Or a boy. But I’m not in diapers yet…
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*nods judiciously* I trust that when you are, you’ll tell us.
I’m pretty sure we couldn’t stop you if we tried, actually. 😉
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Oh lord, that really cracked me up. I guess I don’t suffer in silence is what you’re trying to say!
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You are without-a-doubt my #1 source for all the news that’s fit to poop!
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You have an area of interest and expertise, is what I’m saying. And I respect that! 🙂
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You are a kind woman, Alice! Diplomatic, too.
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Shizzle Sticks! That’s some precision pooping. That kid is going to write the book on anal retention. (And I managed all of this without one swear word.) 🙂
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Precision pooping. A perfect description, Lorna. I’m proud of you for oh so many reasons!
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I wish you could my self-satisfied smile right now! 🙂
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On person’s shat cross is another person’s healthy gut microbiome! (You know I HAD to stop in for this one, Elyse!)
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Could be!!! Of course, I’d probably have to deal with the ultra religious mom ….
I actually read a DIY poop transplant instruction article a few weeks ago. Yikes, I’ll wait, thanks!
So good to see you!
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But if you DIY, you could become an expert and author a book on it. Surely there must be a need for a “Poop Transplant for Dummies” in the “Dummies” line of books!
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Well, I’d need medical consultation, and I can’t think of anybody but(t) you for that role!
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Just think, while writing and editing it, we could immerse ourselves in mental poo from morning to night.
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You mean we’d be watching the news while, transplanting?
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Ha! Ba da bing!
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I’ll let you know if I need a medical consultant!
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And let’s get Trump to write the foreword, because if anyone’s full of poo, it’s him.
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He is not getting near me. Nor is his poop. I do not need to be come a narcissist.
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I was thinking of you. I’m writing a poem on dung beetles– I may post it tomorrow. See, you’re not the only one with poop posts. 🙂
I suspect you’re a lot healthier than the person who posted the photo!
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You know, Merril, I’m not sure there ARE many poems on dung beetles. You are likely a trailblazer!
But it is good to know there are others posting about poop. #x1f4a9;
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🙂
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Here it is, if you’re interested. 🙂
https://merrildsmith.wordpress.com/2016/05/27/shake-it-at-the-sky/
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I’m fairly certain that one of the primary requirements for your donor would be that they have an abundance of immaturity. Still in diapers might be pushing it a bit, as it seems likely they would need to have a certain numbers of years invested, while still maintaining their immaturity. If that was the only requirement for your donor, then just about anyone that follows your page would likely be eligible. We’re all, pretty much, full of sh*t, and don’t mind sharing our immaturity with one another. I’m just glad I don’t have this particular FB friend in my feed, as waking up to that photo might have caused me to lose my sh*t. One way or the other. 🙂
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And I’m really not sure I want to take shit from someone who obviously can’t control his bowels.
Love your comment.
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I loved your post. Here I was weighted down with the craziness in the world today, and I happen across one of those “You can’t make this sh*t up” posts. Thanks for restoring my faith.
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And your faith that there is shit and then there’s shit!
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Too much religion. What would Jesus say? He’d say, “Get that away from me, you idiot.”
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You’re probably right. I wonder if actually using this kid as a donor would leave me with something akin to a crazy mother-in-law?!?!
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Shit just got real in the Vasques house.
You know I’m dying at this story …. hahaha!
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I know. I fear for the poor kid. But it sounds like his mom is having a hard time and grasping at, ummmm, poop.
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My girls love to talk about poop. You have brought this topic to a whole new level. May this “Holy Shit” bring new hope to your Crohn’s disease. It sounds like a game changer.
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I have often thought that I was lucky to get a chronic disease (if I had to get one, that is) that I could laugh at. At least some times.
But I think I will go the medical route for a while longer. Poop transplants are real, of course, but they’re not yet ready for Crohn’s patients!
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LOL – I didn’t think poop transplants are for Crohn’s but then I thought maybe it’s under investigation!
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They are experimenting with it only. I think it will be a real thing within a few years. But yes, they are real and apparently very effective for c diff infections. Anecdotal evidence is strong for their use in IBD. Stay tuned!
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Miracles are so fecal…I mean fickle. Sorry, couldn’t resist. 🙂
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And there’s never any reason to resist here, Jaded!
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Looks like a shark, to me. Or maybe a shart.
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Or just snarky.
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Holy shit!
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Exactly!
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Awesome. All the good puns are already taken so I will have to stick with this…
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You gotta get in early with poop puns here. Everybody is expecting them!
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Maybe it’s not the Lord, but the bowels move in mysterious ways…
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More and more mysteriously as time goes on!
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I’m bumfounded.
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Bwhahahahahaha.
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Glorious news, Elyse! And will the holy shit smell heavenly as well?!
This definitely calls for a celebration… off to the porcelain throne to pay homage to the poop gods who answered your prayers!
Seriously – that’s great news! 🙂
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Oh no, Kelly. I’m kidding! When I do it (and I AM serious about trying it), it’ll be when it’s medically ready. They don’t yet do them for Crohn’s patients — still only for c diff. But there will be a time…
I will not do a DIY one — although I did read how on the interwebs!
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I thought you were joking but then thought what if she’s serious and just getting things in place?!
If anyone can do it, you can! 🙂
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I plan to try to keep away from crazy donors. This kid likely has crazy in his DNA!
The line between truth and fiction is frequently hard to distinguish with me!
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Haha! Yes, it is! And I have a hard time picking up on the difference online anyway… so please be gentle with my gullibility!
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Oh, hell, Elyse, if I knew you were looking, I could’ve given you some shit.
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Thanks, Melanie. But since psychiatric conditions can be transferred, I’m not sure I’d really want a donation from someone crazy enough to hang around here at my blog!
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OTOH, I’m one of the saner people I know. huh…
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Oh, the company we keep!
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O—-Kay……
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Theo would approve.
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