I Found My Donor!

Well, it’s been a while since I discussed the topic that is near and dear to my, ummm, heart.

Poop transplants!  — The ultimate solution to my Crohn’s disease woes.

OK, it’s nearer to my hiney, but you can’t claim you weren’t expecting that.

Earlier today I was discussing my future poop transplant with my boss.  (It’s true, I have no pride what so ever.)  She’s very interested in the idea.  She wants me healthy, of course, but really, I think she wants to see what happens from a scientific perspective.  And, frankly, I can’t blame her.  I want to know what’ll happen from a scientific point of view, too.  And from the perspective of a toilet paper consumer.

You may recall that  I’ve mentioned that you have to be very choosy when choosing a poop donor.  If the donor is fat, or depressed, or psychotic, well, the recipient can become fat, or depressed or psychotic.  I haven’t researched what happens if you choose someone immature, though.  Perhaps I should.

Anyway, the issue was on my mind tonight when I began reading the news. And I found my donor!

He is young and healthy, albeit a little younger than I was thinking of;  he’s living in Florida with his mother.  In fact, it was his mom who brought him to my attention.  Well, and to the attention of people with a deep seated interest in poop.

One day Katy Vasquez discovered that the Lord moves in mysterious ways.  And goes into mysterious places.  Because, You see, one day when she was changing his diaper, she saw this sign that things were going to get better.:

Halla-Poo-Yah

This picture was taken by my donor’s mom, Katy Vasques, and posted to Facebook and the Huffington Post (where I saw it).

It’s Holy Shit!  What more could I ask for from a donor?

HALLA-POO-YAH!

68 Comments

Filed under 'Merica, ; Don't Make Me Feel Perky Tonigh, Advice from an Expert Patient, All The News You Need, Bat-shit crazy, Beating that Dead Horse, Being an asshole, Childhood Traumas, Chronic Disease, Conspicuous consumption, Crazy family members, Crohn's Disease, Disgustology, Dreams, Family, Gross, Health, Health and Medicine, Hey Doc?, Huh?, Humor, I Can't Get No, keys to success, laughter, Mental Health, Oh shit, Out Damn Spot!, Poop, Poop transplants, Science, Seriously funny, Seriously weird, Shit, Shit happens, Taking Care of Each Other, Useful thing to do with poop, Why the hell do I tell you these stories?, Wild Beasts, WTF?

68 responses to “I Found My Donor!

  1. As someone with her own poop issues, this was hilarious!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Paul

    As an aside, Elyse, I did a guest post over at Mark Bialczak’s https://markbialczak.com/2016/05/29/the-secret-service/comment-page-1/#comment-80097 I would be honored if you had the time to drop by. Thank you.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. You are a screaming riot of fun as always even about your poopy matters 😉

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Shizzle Sticks! That’s some precision pooping. That kid is going to write the book on anal retention. (And I managed all of this without one swear word.) 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  5. On person’s shat cross is another person’s healthy gut microbiome! (You know I HAD to stop in for this one, Elyse!)

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I was thinking of you. I’m writing a poem on dung beetles– I may post it tomorrow. See, you’re not the only one with poop posts. 🙂

    I suspect you’re a lot healthier than the person who posted the photo!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I’m fairly certain that one of the primary requirements for your donor would be that they have an abundance of immaturity. Still in diapers might be pushing it a bit, as it seems likely they would need to have a certain numbers of years invested, while still maintaining their immaturity. If that was the only requirement for your donor, then just about anyone that follows your page would likely be eligible. We’re all, pretty much, full of sh*t, and don’t mind sharing our immaturity with one another. I’m just glad I don’t have this particular FB friend in my feed, as waking up to that photo might have caused me to lose my sh*t. One way or the other. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Too much religion. What would Jesus say? He’d say, “Get that away from me, you idiot.”

    Liked by 1 person

    • You’re probably right. I wonder if actually using this kid as a donor would leave me with something akin to a crazy mother-in-law?!?!

      Like

  9. Shit just got real in the Vasques house.
    You know I’m dying at this story …. hahaha!

    Liked by 1 person

  10. My girls love to talk about poop. You have brought this topic to a whole new level. May this “Holy Shit” bring new hope to your Crohn’s disease. It sounds like a game changer.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I have often thought that I was lucky to get a chronic disease (if I had to get one, that is) that I could laugh at. At least some times.

      But I think I will go the medical route for a while longer. Poop transplants are real, of course, but they’re not yet ready for Crohn’s patients!

      Liked by 1 person

  11. Miracles are so fecal…I mean fickle. Sorry, couldn’t resist. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  12. Looks like a shark, to me. Or maybe a shart.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Awesome. All the good puns are already taken so I will have to stick with this…

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Maybe it’s not the Lord, but the bowels move in mysterious ways…

    Liked by 3 people

  15. Paul

    I’m bumfounded.

    Liked by 4 people

  16. Glorious news, Elyse! And will the holy shit smell heavenly as well?!
    This definitely calls for a celebration… off to the porcelain throne to pay homage to the poop gods who answered your prayers!
    Seriously – that’s great news! 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    • Oh no, Kelly. I’m kidding! When I do it (and I AM serious about trying it), it’ll be when it’s medically ready. They don’t yet do them for Crohn’s patients — still only for c diff. But there will be a time…

      I will not do a DIY one — although I did read how on the interwebs!

      Liked by 1 person

  17. Oh, hell, Elyse, if I knew you were looking, I could’ve given you some shit.

    Liked by 4 people

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