With an artist brother and a sister-in-law, you’d think I’d be more involved in the art world. Sadly, I’m not.
I used to be more of a gallery girl, loved nothing more than spending time in any one of the wonderful museums and galleries near where I lived or worked. And the galleries I got to visit while living in or traveling to Europe could fill a book. Still, going to a museum with either Fred or my sister-in-law, with someone who knows a lot about art, well, it is a wonderful treat.
But with my Crohn’s disease as active as it is these days, I don’t go very often.
For anybody without access to art, though, I recommend following my blogging buddy Mark, of Exile on Pain Street . He works in NYC and frequents museums, galleries and auctions and frequently writes about it on his blog. Mark does it with wit and without the snobbishness that usually accompanies folks who talk about art.
But nobody posts about art quite like I do. Or about art theft, because that’s really what this post is all about. Art theft pure and simple.
Audrey Hepburn and Peter O’Toole in How to Steal A Million (Google Image)
The international art heist I’m talking about occurred in Spain, just outside Madrid. I’m pretty sure it involved neither Audrey nor Peter. Nor, probably, would the stolen object ever find its way into the Louvre.
Still, if you know anything about art, the beauty of an object is all in the eye of the beholder. It may also be dependent on the species. Or on the leash holder.
Torrelodones, a town near Madrid, paid 2,400 euros ($2,726; £1,885) for this sculpture:
Yes, it is a giant, inflatable pile of dog poo. Photo from BBC (although they might deny it)
The article I read says:
The three-metre high inflatable bought as part of a campaign to encourage pet-lovers to pick up after their dogs went missing, El Pais newspaper reports. The bizarre inflatable disappeared after it had been packed away in its carry-case and the police are now on the trail of the 30 kilogramme dog poop, town officials say.
Speaking to the ABC newspaper, town councillor Angel Guirao said staff were shocked and perplexed by the theft, and a replacement excrement was already on order because “we know that the campaign has been a great success”.
I wish they’d asked me. I could have provided plenty of models for this piece of art.
Why are you picking on me. Google, eat your heart out cause I took this one!
Don’t hesitate to ask me anything about art. Or poop.
Filed under Bat-shit crazy, Being an asshole, Conspicuous consumption, Crohn's Disease, Curses!, Dogs, Duncan, Huh?, Humor, Not something you hear about every day, Oh shit, Peter O'Toole, Political Corruption, Poop, Seriously funny, Seriously weird, Shit, Shit happens, Size Matters, Stealing, Stupid things happen in other countries too! Who knew!, Stupidity, Useful thing to do with poop, What a Maroon, Wild Beasts, WTF?
Well, it’s been a while since I discussed the topic that is near and dear to my, ummm, heart.
Poop transplants! — The ultimate solution to my Crohn’s disease woes.
OK, it’s nearer to my hiney, but you can’t claim you weren’t expecting that.
Earlier today I was discussing my future poop transplant with my boss. (It’s true, I have no pride what so ever.) She’s very interested in the idea. She wants me healthy, of course, but really, I think she wants to see what happens from a scientific perspective. And, frankly, I can’t blame her. I want to know what’ll happen from a scientific point of view, too. And from the perspective of a toilet paper consumer.
You may recall that I’ve mentioned that you have to be very choosy when choosing a poop donor. If the donor is fat, or depressed, or psychotic, well, the recipient can become fat, or depressed or psychotic. I haven’t researched what happens if you choose someone immature, though. Perhaps I should.
Anyway, the issue was on my mind tonight when I began reading the news. And I found my donor!
He is young and healthy, albeit a little younger than I was thinking of; he’s living in Florida with his mother. In fact, it was his mom who brought him to my attention. Well, and to the attention of people with a deep seated interest in poop.
One day Katy Vasquez discovered that the Lord moves in mysterious ways. And goes into mysterious places. Because, You see, one day when she was changing his diaper, she saw this sign that things were going to get better.:
This picture was taken by my donor’s mom, Katy Vasques, and posted to Facebook and the Huffington Post (where I saw it).
It’s Holy Shit! What more could I ask for from a donor?
Filed under 'Merica, ; Don't Make Me Feel Perky Tonigh, Advice from an Expert Patient, All The News You Need, Bat-shit crazy, Beating that Dead Horse, Being an asshole, Childhood Traumas, Chronic Disease, Conspicuous consumption, Crazy family members, Crohn's Disease, Disgustology, Dreams, Family, Gross, Health, Health and Medicine, Hey Doc?, Huh?, Humor, I Can't Get No, keys to success, laughter, Mental Health, Oh shit, Out Damn Spot!, Poop, Poop transplants, Science, Seriously funny, Seriously weird, Shit, Shit happens, Taking Care of Each Other, Useful thing to do with poop, Why the hell do I tell you these stories?, Wild Beasts, WTF?
I’ve been explaining to Duncan for weeks, that starting today, April 27, 2016, he is a grownup dog. That means no more stealing shoes (always mine), no more stealing socks (usually Jacobs and always dirty), and no more poop eating.
Because today is Duncan’s 2nd Birthday.
Oh GROW UPPPPPPPP, Duncan!
Duncan in Jacob’s Man Cave
So far today, he stole my boot, lunged for a pile of horse poop — Mom was too fast for you today! — and stole a clean sock from the basket as I took a load of laundry out of the dryer. Dogs are gross.
Perhaps I should speak to him in French?
Filed under Adult Traumas, Birthday, Crazy family members, Disgustology, Dogs, Don't Make Me Puke, Duncan, Huh?, Humor, Oh shit, Poop, Shit, Shit happens, Wild Beasts, WTF?
It used to be I was afraid of the future because of the GOP and the Pandora’s Box of hornets/hate they’ve unleashed. But then I realized that there are, perhaps, other signs that the world has gone to hell in a handbasket. Read on, and try to tell me I’m wrong.
***
Seven intelligent faces looked at me, blankly, their heads all tilted at a quizzical angle as if on strings.
Just because I’m saying “Who?” doesn’t make me an owl, ya know (Google image, natch)
They ranged in age from mid-40s to early and mid-20s.
At least I hoped they were intelligent faces. Because they belonged to a team of seven doctors treating me during my recent (thankfully brief) hospital stay for Crohn’s.
I always draw a crowd.
But it wasn’t long before I questioned the intelligence of this group of gastroenterologists and medical students holding their noses and getting through this rotation. Because they seemed to have missed a major part of their education.
“Michael*” — the leader of the pack, put his stethoscope to my belly and listened.
“Not much noise there, Elyse.” He let the others have a listen.
“You guys haven’t let me eat in days,” I said. And then, as a person with a gut so noisy that it has a name (Ralph), I continued. “I always feel like Humphrey Bogart in The African Queen! You know, the scene where his stomach is gurgling?”
“Humphrey who?” one of them said. The others nodded their heads in agreement.
“Bogart,” I said, with my eyes getting bigger as I realized that all seven of the people around me were tilting their heads at me in confusion. None of them had a clue who Bogie was.
“I think I’ve heard of him,” one of the medical students ventured. She didn’t look terribly certain, though. “Wasn’t he in all of those musicals?”
Something is very wrong in the world.
*And when did doctors start going by their first names?? Did I miss something?
Filed under ; Don't Make Me Feel Perky Tonigh, Acting, Adult Traumas, Chronic Disease, Classic Movies, Criminal Activity, Crohn's Disease, Disgustology, Health, Health and Medicine, Hey Doc?, Huh?, Humiliation, Humor, Humphrey Bogart, I Can't Get No, Illness, Oh shit, Seriously weird, Shit, Shit happens, Taking Care of Each Other, WTF?
I got TWO!
I recommend Karen Kingsley and Kingsley Ink
The Highest Honor
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
FiftyFourandAHalf 