Hey Doc? Your Education is Lacking

It used to be I was afraid of the future because of the GOP and the Pandora’s Box of hornets/hate they’ve unleashed.  But then I realized that there are, perhaps, other signs that the world has gone to hell in a handbasket.  Read on, and try to tell me I’m wrong.


Seven intelligent faces looked at me, blankly, their heads all tilted at a quizzical angle as if on strings.


Just because I’m saying “Who?” doesn’t make me an owl, ya know (Google image, natch)


They ranged in age from mid-40s to early and mid-20s.

At least I hoped they were intelligent faces.  Because they belonged to a team of seven doctors treating me during my recent (thankfully brief) hospital stay for Crohn’s.

I always draw a crowd.

But it wasn’t long before I questioned the intelligence of this group of gastroenterologists and medical students holding their noses and getting  through this rotation.  Because they seemed to have missed a major part of their education.

“Michael*” — the leader of the pack, put his stethoscope to my belly and listened.

“Not much noise there, Elyse.”  He let the others have a listen.

“You guys haven’t let me eat in days,” I said.  And then, as a person with a gut so noisy that it has a name (Ralph), I continued.  “I always feel like Humphrey Bogart in The African Queen!  You know, the scene where his stomach is gurgling?”


“Humphrey who?” one of them said.  The others nodded their heads in agreement.

“Bogart,” I said, with my eyes getting bigger as I realized that all seven of the people around me were tilting their heads at me in confusion.  None of them had a clue who Bogie was.

“I think I’ve heard of him,” one of the medical students ventured.  She didn’t look terribly certain, though.  “Wasn’t he in all of those musicals?”

Something is very wrong in the world.


*And when did doctors start going by their first names??  Did I miss something?


Filed under ; Don't Make Me Feel Perky Tonigh, Acting, Adult Traumas, Chronic Disease, Classic Movies, Criminal Activity, Crohn's Disease, Disgustology, Health, Health and Medicine, Hey Doc?, Huh?, Humiliation, Humor, Humphrey Bogart, I Can't Get No, Illness, Oh shit, Seriously weird, Shit, Shit happens, Taking Care of Each Other, WTF?

100 responses to “Hey Doc? Your Education is Lacking

  1. Dear Elyse,
    I’m glad you are out of the hospital, and so glad that even while you are there, you can find things that make you (and us) smile. That is a gift indeed.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m sorry to hear you were in the hospital, but happy it was a short stay. I hope one day you’ll get the Crohn’s under control like I finally have. Lord knows what the long-term effects of the Remicade are, but for the first time in 30 years, the disease isn’t spreading. Take care of yourself, Elyse.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Well, that’s the thing about Crohn’s. Just when you think you have it figured out, it bites you in the butt!

      Actually, this time it was mostly preventative. I had a bowel obstruction 10 years ago (seriously painful) and thought another was comings on. That’s what a CT scan showed, so they admitted me, monitored me for 36 hours, then roto-rootered me. So I avoided the pain and am much happier as a result.

      I love Remicade, too. Great stuff!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. julie

    Glad it was just a tune up Elyse! I’d be upset if I was Mia and something happened to you! I loved the African Queen. I’d also forgotten how much I enjoy your poop stories 😂 Thanks Elyse! you da bomb!

    Liked by 1 person

    • I just read some interesting stuff on poop, which I need to post. But you know, I’ve been running with so many poop stories lately … I may have to write it up and schedule it for later!


  4. Egad, there is nothing wrong with you. If intelligent and educated folk in the Western world, with all its advantages, do not know who Humphrey Bogart is, medical students no less, I feel sorry for them!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I like a younger doctor because they have the benefit of the latest education, but it makes me nervous when they’re so young they don’t know basic cultural literacy. Or when they’re younger than most of the shoes in my closet.

    Are you feeling better, Elyse? You poor thing, having to put up with this all the time. The way you keep your sense of humor is inspiring.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes to the need for cultural literacy — I like being confident that we are on the same planet!

      And I am feeling much better, thanks Peg. I went to the doctor BEFORE it got bad and so I am feeling rather sanctimonious in addition to healthier. It’s a nice combo.

      Truth be told, I’d rather not have the disease, but some asshole took away that option. (MY OWN asshole as a matter of fact.) But complaining doesn’t make it any better, and nobody wants to listen to it — especially not me!


  6. It’s a mad mad world we live in. I have to be honest that I certainly know who he is, but I’ve never actually watched any of his movies before. And I love classic movies! My fave will always be Cary grant… Hubba hubba


  7. Dana

    Who are you more keen on, Milton Sills or William Hart?



  8. Extreme lack of education there (not age). My daughters, in their twenties, have watched these classic films. (I could only take so much Disney.) And then they introduced their friends to them. Of course, our older daughter went to Bryn Mawr, where it’s almost mandatory to know who Katherine Hepburn was. 🙂

    Hope you’re feeling better!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. lifespaller

    Elyse, I can’t believe you didn’t mess with the baby docs’ heads and say that Bogie was Taylor Swift’s uncle. You must have been ill. Be gone oh evil crohns flare.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. I think it is time to start putting my head through a wall. Yes, I am nearly certain it is that time.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Sorry, I’ve never heard of that movie either…

    Liked by 1 person

  12. aFrankAngle

    To counter their lack of our culture, I hate to guess how many stars are in their world that I wouldn’t recognize by name.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. For years it was always my lame little joke when asked to sign something (i.e. drugstore or doctor’s office) for me to say slowly as I was writing, “Rin…go… Star…rr.” I finally stopped because the youngish person in front of me didn’t get the reference. I’ll only do it now if the person is around my age. Sure enough, I’ll usually get the hoped-for laugh. And so it goes.

    I’m sorry you were in the hospital, Elyse. I hope you’re better now.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. so… this might make people mad… but I could never go to a hospital in the deep south… if the doctors all had a strong drawl, and called people ‘ya’ll… I know it doesn’t mean they aren’t smart and qualified… but it feel like it does.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Normally, folks don’t have much choice in where they end up in the hospital. If you need one and you’re in the south …

      I’ve known a lot of incredibly smart folks from the south. But I will admit that that slow, deliberate pace and the drawl does make the rest of us underestimate their intelligence. Don’t be fooled!


  15. Oops. Bogart won, the others were nominated. Screen play should have won.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. I remember The African Queen well, a seriocomic masterpiece of a movie. Bogart didn’t seem like himself to me (were those his real teeth?), but no matter. It won best actor, best actress, best director (John Houston), and perhaps most deservedly, best adapted screenplay (James Agee and John Houston.)

    I don’t know about first-name doctors but they and other medical people nowadays automatically assume that basis for us patients, regardless of age. Katherine Hepburn, I know, would not approve.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Such a brilliant movie. I think those roles stretched both of them as actors. I remember reading that Katharine Hepburn insisted on having s full length mirror — a difficult feat since they were filming on location. When the staff balked, she carried it herself!

      I wouldn’t mind being called by my first name if more people pronounced it correctly! But people really should ask for a preference.


  17. Glad you are ok. Docs get younger every year. Any minute now we will be seeing the docs from the age of cell phones. They will probably text us rather than talk.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thanks Kate. It’s just par for the course.

      The doctors were still using pagers! One was paged while talking to me and shook her head. “I have no idea why we’re still using these things!”

      Liked by 1 person

  18. Ha. It reminds me of the time that Kanye West made a video with Paul McCartney, and some kids were praising Kanye for always “giving the new artist a break”. God help us. ☺

    Liked by 1 person

  19. Oh dear lord. Some things really should be mandatory in education. I remember growing up and my best friend had know idea who Frank Sinatra was … I was about to call DHS.

    Liked by 1 person

    • There are performers who are just timeless. They are part of our culture!

      Many years ago I dated a very nice guy who was a couple of years younger than me. I honestly couldn’t cope with the fact that he was too young to remember the Kennedy assassination. I was all of 6 … But at least he KNEW who Kennedy was!


  20. We had a list of movies and books that our kids had to experience to be literate adults. They may have groaned through many, but just the other day one of them remarked, “We don’ need no stinkin’ badges.” My work there is done.

    Liked by 1 person

    • You are a brilliant mother!

      We didn’t have a list, but we just watched them together. There is something to be said for having only one TV!


  21. I know who Bogart is, but I’m pretty sure I haven’t seen any of his movies. Does that qualify me to be a doctor?

    Liked by 1 person

  22. What a shame that they didn’t know who Bogart was. I wonder what they would have said if you told them at one point, movies were silent. *gasp*

    Glad you are doing okay from being in the hospital.

    Liked by 1 person

    • It is a shame — more for them and for our culture as a whole. That things just disappear…

      On the other hand, I can say that I don’t know any of the actors today — or not many of them, anyway. I can scan the covers of all those magazines at the grocery counter and not see a face I can identify!


    • Thanks for the health wishes, Jaded! It was basically a tune up. I’m doing fine.


  23. Maybe when you’re in med school you have no time to watch old movies. Or maybe, to get your humanities credits, they should have a class where all you do is watch old movies. Then you’d have time. Glad your hospital stay was brief. I hope you’re feeling better.

    Liked by 1 person

  24. Paul

    On top of that the police men are getting younger, the lawyers are getting younger, the businessmen are getting younger – I think it is a conspiracy Elyse. 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  25. Discouraging, yes. On the other hand I know “kids” my son’s age (including my son) who are pretty well versed in classics. Son’s friend Daniel complained about the trumpet mouthpiece used in a promo photo (and presumably the movie) of the new Don Cheadle movie about Miles Davis. Said Miles didn’t use a mouthpiece like that. Son grew up with jazz (like Dan) and classic rock songwriters like Paul Simon and Neil Young, etc, and old movies, especially Bogie and Cary Grant and Hitchcock… They aren’t all hopeless.

    OTOH, as long as I mention Paul Simon, I was speaking with someone the other day who mentioned the name. And it took me just a moment to decide they were talking about the musician, not the senator. 🙂 Who would remember that but an old lady like me? (I actually guess you and I are about the same age…)

    Liked by 3 people

    • I remember Senator Simon — the bow tie! I was a low-level lobbyist in the 1980s and remember the gang from back then quite well.

      My own son (24) has seen many of the classics, too, although he isn’t at all like your son’s friends in his knowledge. We just used to watch them together.

      I think that there are periods of time in culture that are just part of a well-rounded education. And classic movies is there!

      Liked by 1 person

  26. First name? Not a real doctor. Med student or newbie resident probably. Not knowing Bogart is a shameful thing. Old movies are trendy, don’t they know?!?!?!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Michael was in his mid-forties. I asked him about it. He said he just thought patients felt more comfortable that way. “Did you ask them?” is what I would have asked had I not been flapping my lips over the fact that none of them had ever heard of HUMPHREY BOGART!

      Liked by 2 people

  27. Say it isn’t so. Bogart? Charlie Chaplin was before my time, but I still know about him. Guess they’ve had their heads in their books instead of at the Classics movie theaters. That’s a good thing, I guess!

    So sorry you were recently in the hospital. Hope your recovery is going okay.

    Liked by 5 people

  28. Well, I’m at the age where I am now older than any doctors working here.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I hear you. I’m older than a lot of them. OK, MOST of them. But still, you don’t have to have been born in the 30s or 40s to have watched classic movies!!!


  29. Docs are just too young to have much experience (or know who Bogie is). Your post reminded me of a favorite passage from Erma Bombeck’s The Grass is Always Greener… She complains to a friend that she is old and fighting for her identity in a young society: “Everyone around me is under twenty. My doctor carries a gym bag. Our lawyer is still in braces. And I swear to you, my dentist had a string on his mittens last winter. Do you know what it is to go into a confessional and have your priest reeking of Clearasil?” Bring on the Blood Moon and the Plague of Locusts! Give my best to Ralph! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh, I do love Erma Bombeck — and that is possibly the best title in English literature.

      It’s a good thing that I don’t Vlog or Ralph would steal the show. He got his name once when I was visiting my sister and her then teenage kids (they are now in their 40s). They had a gravel driveway, and when my stomach gurgled, they all looked out the window to see who was driving up. That’s when Ralph got his name.

      Liked by 1 person

  30. First name basis when they get to be the age of our children… And a viewing of The African Queen should be mandatory in a liberal education. Especially for those tinkerers with stethoscopes. “Nature, Mr. Allnut, is what we are put in this world to rise above.” 😉

    Liked by 2 people

    • Oh, how I wish I’d responded with that line. Damn!

      But how can people be well-rounded and not know movies like this. Or Casablanca? How can your entire lexicon of movies be Dumb and Dumber and the Bourne series?

      Liked by 1 person

      • Give your young Dr. friends the DVD, I bet they’ll thank you. I have sat some youngsters down and made them watch old movies, and I love how they turn to me when it’s over and say, “Whoa! Why don’t they make movies like that anymore?”

        Liked by 1 person

  31. Hubert Humphrey? Don’t know him

    Oh, wait.

    When I was in the hospital for my UC, and was undergoing the PIC line insertion, the doctor began quizzing me about a piece of property he had bought and how could he get it merged with the land his house is on. Really? Did I look like I was in work mode? I’m sure that hospital johnnie I was wearing looked real professional. I felt like sending him a bill for my time.

    Liked by 3 people

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