Category Archives: Extra Cash
You’ve been asking for more poop from me. Be careful what you wish for.
Because today is World Toilet Day!
This morning, I was inspired as shit by my friend Judy when she alerted me to the arrival of World Toilet Day (which I’d somehow forgotten?!?) and to Mr. Toilet himself. And to this article.
Mr. Toilet is my hero. Seriously.
Mr. Toilet was not born with that name. Nope, Mr. Toilet is actually a rich, big-hearted man named Jack Sim who wants to do good in the world with the shitload of money he made in construction. So, being flush with cash, Jack was inspired when he read a statement by his country’s (Singapore) then prime minister:
He said we should measure our graciousness according to the cleanliness of our public toilets.
As a travel lover, let me tell you that nothing, and I do mean nothing, says “welcome” like a clean, accessible toilet. (As a Crohn’s patient, however, I stay home a lot.)
As I said last year on this auspicious occasion,
The point of World Toilet Day is actually pretty important. People without access to hygienic facilities risk illness, many women are preyed upon and attacked as they seek out a place to go. Diseases are transmitted, including infections, cholera, well, here’s a picture.
Mr. Toilet founded the World Toilet Organization (WTO) in 2001. As Judy’s article says:
It’s a nonprofit coalition of leaders from more than 40 countries who try to come up with innovative solutions to tackle the world’s sanitation and water problems.
Together these loo lovers started the World Toilet College and SaniShop, initiatives that train entrepreneurs not only to make household toilets but also to maintain them and market them in the developing world. More than 4,000 people have been trained since 2005; the WTO says that up to 10,000 toilets were assembled in 2010 alone.
But it’s the way Mr. Toilet wants to go about increasing toilets that hit me where I live.
So first you have to make owning a toilet not just rational but aspirational. You have to make a toilet come with bragging rights, like a Louis Vuitton handbag.
Aspiration is important, as you can see even rich people have really nice toilets — they go for the highest level all the time. So this is the same as the poor people. They aspire to own products that have bragging rights, like a cellphone or television. The psychology is exactly the same.
He wants to first make owning and using a toilet funny, then sexy, and then normal. He wants to remove the taboo on poo. He wants people to laugh about, talk about and sing about toilets.
Here. I’ll help.
Who knew that World Toilet Day would lead me to find the theme song for my life.
You know, there may be a good reason why the GOP hates science.
Sometimes it is just plain gross.
As a dog lover, my “gross-me-out-the-door” threshold is actually quite high — I can stand some pretty gross things. Only today my dog Duncan did the following:
- Drank from the toilet
- Licked his genitals with relish*
- Ate poop
Let’s face it. Dogs are gross.
But we humans? We are gonna give these pups a run for their, ummm, money. Their kibble. Actually, I’d like to give Duncan a run for that pair of shoes he’s always stealing, but that’s another story for another day.
Today’s story involves poop.
Remember last January when I told you guys all about how you can make big bucks with your butts? Really! I did! With this post:
Are you so rich that you’ve forgotten this already? Forgotten that I told you that you can clean up by donating your poop so that it can be transplanted into
Poor suckers infected with c difficile, particularly nasty bacteria that is really hard to get rid of.
I even provide a chart by which you can measure just how useful you’re being:
The idea behind poop transplants, in case you’ve forgotten, is that scientists believe that we’ve made our guts too clean — we have too few of the good bacteria that lead to healthy poop left inside our guts.
Today I have an update! Wait, wait! Keep your pants on!
Unfortunately, this update will not increase your revenue making opportunities. Still, scientific advances are awesome.
Because now, thanks to scientific advancements, those same poor suckers can now eat shit!
Really! I read it in the New York Times:
There is a non-profit organization called OpenBiome that is dedicated to providing poop transplants to needy patients with c difficile. And they came up with a poop pill. These poop pills will go a long way towards flushing out the bacteria.
Wait! Wait! No they don’t! They flush in good bacteria. I mean you eat poop pills with good bacteria in them. And probably some of the nasty stuff too. Like poop.
And some day, poop pills may be available for folks like me with Crohn’s Disease and other crappy GI diseases. They are testing poop transplants in folks even as we speak.
Personally, I’m keeping a close eye out on this treatment option. Because with my Crohn’s Disease, some day I might just have to say, “Hey Doc, do I have to?”
* For the record, I do not put relish on my dog’s genitals. Duncan is not a dachshund.
The other day, I had to make an appointment for a medical test at a large DC hospital center. Because I am a patient extraordinaire, I have all my tune ups and oil changes done at a major medical center. The hospital version of Jiffy Lube. I like feeling like my surgeons are on the cutting edge, and that my gastroenterologists are qualified to show others just what to put into my orifices. I do not like amateurs poking about where I can’t see them.
But now? Modern healthcare is just getting better and better!
Because there are all kinds of deals available. I can shop for services at my local hospital! How can you beat that? You see, the MBAs have taken over healthcare. So it’s just another consumer good. Right?
In fact, I learned that I can purchase all kinds of pancreatic treatments! Really! Right there at Georgetown! I can even, if I want, sign up for a pancreatic transplant!
But WAIT! There’s MORE!
I can get deep brain stimulation! I’m told while waiting on hold to make my doctor’s appointment, that it can treat (not cure) not just my GI problems, but illnesses, syndromes and conditions I don’t have! Imagine that!
Yup! I can treat not just my depression or bipolar symptoms, but my Parkinson’s Disease symptoms, too. I’m not sure if I have to wait for those to develop first, or if I can just plunge right in and treat em.
Of course, I’m hoping that once my brain has been deeply stimulated, I will come to understand why the MBAs think that someone with poo problems (and who spends way too much time with doctors and getting other treatments for the condition she is waiting on hold about) might enjoy some additional time in the hospital. Because we all know just what a hoot those procedures can be. Not to mention the designer gowns you get to wear. Ammirite?
Perhaps I can organize a girls’ retreat with my besties! Hey girls, this gastric bypass is on me!
I’ve learned that I can have bloodless surgery at Georgetown, too. I’d hate to make a mess.
The kidney tumors I also don’t have? You guessed it. They can be gone in no time. Still gone. Or maybe “Gone again” is the accurate description. How about “Gone with the Wind?” Or is that mixing up body systems?
As soon as the lines open on Monday, I’ll be calling again.
These deals won’t last forever!