Category Archives: Bat-shit crazy

April 5, 2016 · 0:00

Ancient Shit

It seems that while there is nothing new under the sun, there’s a lot of new stuff in bogs. New-ish stuff. New-to-me-and-you stuff.

Sometimes it’s just horse shit.

But sometimes it’s special. Special horse shit. That, apparently, is a thing.

You see, some folks dug up some old shit and decided they know who put it there.

Hannibal!

In a study published Monday in the journal Archaeometry, researchers argue that new evidence in the form of some very old poop might hold the key to solving this mystery once and for all.

Yup! Using ancient horse shit, scientists are pretty sure they’ve figured out Hannibal’s route over the Alps.

They say that microbial evidence suggests a “mass animal deposition” (a.k.a. poop) occurred in the Col de Traversette pass in 218 B.C. — just when Hannibal was making his journey to Rome. By digging around in a peaty bog along the pass, the researchers found what they think are microbes usually associated with horse manure.

“Over 70% of the microbes in horse dung are from a group known as Clostridia and we found these microbes in very high numbers in the bed of excrement,” study author Chris Allen of Queens University wrote in an article for the Conversation.

I’m afraid I don’t know these guys personally, But Fox News tells me they are from Queens University in Belfast. And who am I to doubt Fox? This may be a FoxNews photo, too. But I got it from Google. I love you Google. Fox? Not so much. I do love the Alps, though. Does that help?

Now, you might ask, where are those legendary elephants? I don’t know.

Here’s what they say:

Horses trudging through the Alps are suspicious, but solid evidence of elephants in their company might close this case for good. Until then, Allen and his colleagues will have to keep probing the poop and surrounding areas for more clues.

There are also reports of horsey tape worms. But I do believe that that is a subject for another fake medical expert’s blog. It’s bad enough that I did two poop posts in a row. This is becoming a pattern.

Oh, and I personally have experience with horse poop of the European variety. See: https://fiftyfourandahalf.com/2012/05/24/me-and-julie/

Sometimes, a woman just has to accept her fate. Shitty though it may be.

52 Comments

Filed under ; Don't Make Me Feel Perky Tonigh, All The News You Need, Awards, Bat-shit crazy, Beating that Dead Horse, Disgustology, Europe, Farts, Flatulence, Good Deed Doers, History, Holidays, Huh?, Humor, I Can't Get No, laughter, Nobody's gonna excavate my poop. I hope., Oh shit, Poop, Poop transplants, Seriously funny, Seriously weird, Shit, Shit happens, The Alps, There are better things to do in the Alps than dig up poop, Toilets, Wild Beasts, WTF?

Tagged as Assholes, Bad days, Bat-shit crazy, Crap, Crazy people, Horse poop, Humor, Maneur de cheval, Merde

April 4, 2016 · 0:00

I Really Don’t Look for this Shit

Yeah, I know you don’t believe me. But I don’t go looking for this shit. Really.

It’s just that, well, I spend a lot of time reading the news. Because after all, you depend on me to let you know which way is up. Or which way is down. Or maybe just getting flush with it.

Because you see, a new museum has opened up, and we all need to get our asses over there. — Mark, are you paying attention????

National Poo Museum opens doors on Isle of Wight

Just in time for you to plan your summer vacation! Can you imagine a better reward for your children, who suffered through the British Museum, the Tower of London and Madam Tussaud’s, than the prize at the end of the tunnel than the National Poo Mueum? The National Poo Museum, you will not be surprised to learn, is a museum dedicated to excrement, with examples from the animal and human world.

And it’s just opened up!

There are 20 kinds of poo captured in resin — who needs to bury or flush?

Poo Museum 1 BBC Photo. Because who else would claim this picture?

Because I couldn’t possibly make this up, I will just let you know exactly what they are producing at this museum:

The exhibition at the Isle of Wight Zoo features faeces from animals such as elks and lions as well as a human baby.

The National Poo Museum has been created by members of the artist collective Eccleston George.

“Poo is all around us and inside us, but we ignore it,” said co-curator Daniel Roberts.

Twenty illuminated resin spheres show off the different types of faeces with facts hidden behind toilet lids on the museum walls.

They have handsome men offering fun activities. Look! Weigh your poo! (But I promise you, this is a contest I would win.)

There is old poo and new poo. Dino poo. Seriously, if you have ever dreamed of dinosaur poo, this is your golden opportunity to see it. Well, it’s probably more like black gold (Texas tea).

And I truly believe that what they say about poop is true:

“Small children naturally delight in it but later we learn to avoid this yucky, disease-carrying stuff, and that even talking about poo is bad,” he said.

“But for most of us, under the layers of disgust and taboo, we’re still fascinated by it.”

This is why I blog.

82 Comments

Filed under Advice from an Expert Patient, All The News You Need, Bat-shit crazy, Childhood Traumas, Disgustology, DON'T go back to your day job either, Farts, GOP, Huh?, Humor, I Can't Get No, Oh shit, Poop, Seriously funny, Seriously weird, Shit, Shit happens, Toilets, Useful thing to do with poop, Why the hell do I tell you these stories?, Wild Beasts, WTF?

Tagged as Assholes, Crazy people, Family, Humor, I bet there aren't any lines at THIS museum, Poop, Poop Museum, Stupidity, Things to do with your poop, Tourist Attractions

March 29, 2016 · 0:00

What Could Possibly Go Wrong?

Perhaps I am just an unusually smart person. Or especially practical. Or maybe, just maybe, I haven’t hit my head so many times that I routinely need to do stupid things.

But for most of my life, I have tried my best to not put things near my head that would make my mother panic. (I was an incredibly thoughtful child.)

I never, for example, played football. I never did bobsledding that would have me plunge head-first down an icy mountain. I will admit to skiing headfirst into a stonewall in France, but I can assure you that was unintentional.

So when I read that some genius had developed the perfect “concealed weapon” well, I had to scratch my head. And thank my lucky stars that my head was still on my shoulders while I was at it.

You see, this genius developed this gun:

Google Image

Because what could possibly go wrong with putting a cell phone/gun against your head? Perhaps that way you can answer when God calls and suggests you run for public office.

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Filed under 'Merica, 2016, 2nd Amendment, ; Don't Make Me Feel Perky Tonigh, Adult Traumas, All The News You Need, All We Are Saying Is Give Peace A Chance, Bat-shit crazy, Beating that Dead Horse, Being an asshole, Campaigning, Cancer on Society, Conspicuous consumption, Crazy Folks Running, Criminal Activity, Disgustology, Do GOP Voters Actually THINK?, Don't Make Me Puke, Elections, GOP, Gun control, Health, Hillary for President, How the Hell Did We GET HERE?, Huh?, Humor, Oh shit, Peace, Pooders, Shit Your Pants Scary, Stupidity

Tagged as Assholes, Crazy people, Elections, Gun control, Pushing Buttons, Stupidity, Washington

March 26, 2016 · 0:00

Note to David Brooks …

The image of the New York Times as the bastion of liberalism is completely over-blown. The paper has a mix of liberal and conservative columnists which is important to enable people to view two (or more) sides to an issue. And while I will admit to rolling my eyes quite a bit and feeling queasy when I read some of the more rabid conservative columnists, it is good for me to do so intellectually.

Yesterday, columnist David Brooks bemoaned the fact that Donald Trump is destroying the wonderful world Ronald Reagan created:

This is a wonderful moment to be a conservative. For decades now the Republican Party has been groaning under the Reagan orthodoxy, which was right for the 1980s but has become increasingly obsolete. The Reagan worldview was based on the idea that a rising economic tide would lift all boats. But that’s clearly no longer true.

We’ve gone from Rising Tide America to Coming Apart America. Technological change, globalization and social and family breakdown mean that the benefits of growth, to the extent there is growth, are not widely shared.

Republicans sort of recognize this reality, but they are still imprisoned in the Reaganite model. They ask Reaganite questions, propose Reaganite policies and have Reaganite instincts.

First of all, Reaganomics did not call for all boats to rise; it called for all yachts to rise and the rest of us to row through their wake with little or no paddle. But Brooks goes on to say how wonderful it is that conservatives will be able to take part in the creation of a new, post-Trump GOP.

Reading this was one of those time when I realized, yet again, that it is good that I don’t believe in violence. When I realized that I can stop myself from vomiting if I really try.

When I realized that to this day, Republicans have no fucking clue about how much damage Ronald Reagan and his philosophy caused our country.

But just now, I read the most wonderful comment to David Brooks, courtesy of a post in the Daily Kos. For those of you who don’t get The Times, or who (like me) read blog comments but not newspaper column comments, here it is for your enjoyment. For your use. So that the cinematic image this commenter used will be forever in your heart whenever you hear or see a Republican.

soxared040713

Crete, IL From Boston, MA 15 hours ago

Mr. Brooks, I don’t know where to begin. It would be impolite for me to tell you that you have lost your mind. Well, I’m willing to be impolite. I sincerely wish that I wasn’t limited to 1,500 characters. I’ve already wasted 227.

Ronald Reagan was evil; he took an axe to the foundation of the American democratic system “government is the problem”, a failure, then set about dividing the country by income and race and section. And smirked when while his clueless base looked the other way while his cronies hogged the government trough they so hated.

Mr. Brooks, please recall the unforgettable scene in Alien. Donald Trump, today, is the awful, bloody thing that forced itself out of the GOP’s breast. It uncoils from the corpse, snarls and snaps at everyone standing around in horror and scuttles off, leaving a clattering, putrid mess behind. The image is violent. After Reagan, H. W., Lee Atwater, Karl Rove, Grover Norquist, W. and Cheney (and now McConnell, Ryan and the departed Boehner), what on earth did you expect from the wreck?

And how do you get off writing “Trump is loveless. There is no room for reciprocity and love in his worldview.” ? No, there isn’t nor has there been any in the GOP’s since, oh, Richard Nixon (1968).

Mr. Brooks, there will be a post-Trump era because we’re still in the Reagan area. The merest child could see through your references to Thomas Kuhn’s “model.” The GOP’s a complete disaster. You were there at its creation and cheered it on. Happy today?

Yup. The GOP is reaping what it has sown. But why do the rest of us have to deal with it too?