Size matters. Especially if you’re being screwed.
And if this man is elected, we all will be.
Category Archives: Huh?
Oscar and Me. And Oscar.
As a young woman, I dreamed of being an actress. So today/tonight, it is only fitting that I tell you this story.
You know how they say that life is what happens when you’re making other plans. It’s true. I’m living proof.
I had everything it takes to be a fine, award winning actress. I was talented, pretty, had good comedic timing, and a voice that could be heard in the cheap seats.
What I didn’t have was guts. Good guts. My GI tract erupted in high school leaving my future in the hands of jobs that offered health insurance instead of fame and glory. Damn.
Oh, and I lacked the guts to go for it anyway. Once I made a wrong exit and my acting career died in a broom closet, that is.
But even after leaving my dream in tatters with the mops and brooms, I continued to pipe-dream. That’s different than the real thing, and you don’t have to remember lines, or stage directions or what to do with props. It’s actually much easier. You get to keep your privacy, too, which is nice.
Most of my friends are aware of this fantasy of mine, and of my need to, from time to time, stand on a table (instead of a stage) and tell a story. It often involves alcoholic beverages. The table standing, not necessarily the story.
Right now I’m going to tell you about the night I received my Oscars. [Feel free to stop here if you’ve heard this one.]
It was an incredibly special night for me. An honor really. Well, actually, two honors. Two Oscars. Two Awards. But I only got to make one speech.
It was 1983, and some really fun people worked in my office that summer, one of whom, Jon, was from the area. Carol, Mike, Jon and I all went to Jon’s house one night. You see, 1983 was still in the Bronze Age, and Jon’s parents were on the cutting age of technology, because they had a VCR. And Risky Business had just come out on video.
In the middle of the movie, we took a beer/bathroom break. And guess what I spotted, casually stuck on the bookshelf in the TV room of Rob’s house.
Oscar
And Oscar
It turned out that Jon’s father was a filmmaker. Documentary films. My pals presented me with two Oscars for Documentary Filmmaking. Sadly, not one of us had a camera. Probably just as well, because not many stars accept wearing blue jeans.
Receiving Oscar, and his twin, Oscar, was a special honor to me, since I had neither made, nor been in any documentary films, nor even fetched donuts and coffee for the real filmmakers. Regardless, I got to hold Oscar and Oscar, and I got to make a speech accepting my Academy Awards. So I am in an unusual club of people who have never actually acted or contributed in any way, shape or form to a movie, who has been presented an Academy Award.
Yes, I’m that good.
[Yeah, it’s a repeat. But one can never have too many Academy Award stories. Amirite?]
Filed under ; Don't Make Me Feel Perky Tonigh, Acting, Adult Traumas, Awards, Baby You Can Drive My Car, Conspicuous consumption, Cool people, DON'T go back to your day job either, Dreams, Dying Dreams, Fashion, Good Deed Doers, Growing up, Health, History, Huh?, Humor, Illness, keys to success, Memoir writing, Mental Health, Plagarizing myself, Satisfaction, Taking Care of Each Other, Washington, WTF?
A Really Weird Day
Comedy and life works in threes. Today was no exception.
Or maybe it’s just a weird day.
You see, every morning I check reports on the status of the DC area’s Metro system. I don’t take Metro — it doesn’t go anywhere near where I live. But for some reason, I get notice of Metro problems hours before everyone else. So I pass them on to my friends and colleagues so they know whether or not to drink that coffee.
So I know from my personal observational study that the DC Metro is a mess. My friends are frequently stranded, late to work because of one delay after another. Forced to Uber to the office when the system lets them down.
Yet, just today I read that DC’s broken, crumbling, unreliable Metro was voted the No. 1 Transit System in the Nation.
Next, I learned that President Obama is considering a surprise guy to replace Antonin Scalia on the US Supreme Court — GOP Nevada Governor and gun-control opponent, Brian Sandoval, a “centrist” former federal judge. I am hoping that this was a ploy to force the Senate Obstructionists to stamp their feet and make it clear (OK, more clear) that the GOP is holding their breath until they turn blue.
That background should be red, don’t cha think? Google Image. Or perhaps Smirf
A pouty Smurf. I couldn’t decide which one was more GOP-like. Although I seriously doubt the GOP wears the white hat… Google Image. Because how much time do you think I have for these posts?
I drove home through a nasty storm — and wanted nothing more than to watch last night’s Stephen Colbert show.
Where a fun band played. But I was confused.
First of all, the group’s name is the “Violent Femmes” — and the band members were three men. I was confused — and it wasn’t just that my French sucks. Because “Femmes” means women. Really. It’s one of the three french words that I’m certain of.
But the weirdest part was that they had rather unusual percussion.
Their drummer played a Weber Grill.
I’m so glad it’s Hump Day.
Filed under 'Merica, 2016, 2nd Amendment, ; Don't Make Me Feel Perky Tonigh, Abortion, Adult Traumas, All The News You Need, Bat-shit crazy, Beating that Dead Horse, Campaigning, Cancer on Society, Crazy Folks Running, Criminal Activity, Disgustology, Do GOP Voters Actually THINK?, Dying Dreams, Elections, Elections Matter, Farts, Fuckin' Donald Trump, GOP, Gross, Huh?, Humiliation, Humor, I Can't Get No, Longing for Dick, Oh shit, Political Corruption, Politician Pussies, Politics, Seriously weird, Shit, Shit happens, Stephen Colbert, Stupidity, Tea Parties, Ted Cruz
Separated at Birth or Spawning?
You tell me. Separated at birth?
I received these pictures in an email with no attribution. I’m assuming they can be found on google, though. 😉
Filed under 'Merica, 2016, 2nd Amendment, ; Don't Make Me Feel Perky Tonigh, All The News You Need, All We Are Saying Is Give Peace A Chance, Bat-shit crazy, Beating that Dead Horse, Being an asshole, Campaigning, Cancer on Society, Conspicuous consumption, Crazy Folks Running, Criminal Activity, Disgustology, Do GOP Voters Actually THINK?, Elections, Elections Matter, Family, Flatulence, GOP, Gross, Huh?, Humiliation, Humor, Mysteries, Political Corruption, Politician Pussies, Politics, Poop, Separated at Birth, Shit, Shit happens, Stupidity, Tea Parties, Ted Cruz, WTF?
FiftyFourandAHalf 