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Why Didn’t I Think Of That?
Do you ever feel that the stars are lined up against you? That you can’t win in your own life? That God has it in for you?
I have to say, that I have felt that way on more than one occasion. On more than one occasion a day on bad days.
I often feel like I’m between a rock and an electric place
Photo Credit: comandoxtreme.xtgem.com
Some days I know that God is out to get me. But I never really thought there was anything I could do about it. I mean, I’m me, and God, well, God is God. He rules.
Right?
Well maybe not. Because you see, an Israeli man has filed a restraining order against God. True story! Because sometimes, God is abusive. And if God can’t be nice, He needs to keep His distance. At least 300 feet away — that’s the usual distance abusive men must respect.
Photo Caption: Huffington Post
Sigh. I’m going straight to hell for this one.
Unusually quiet
You may have noticed that I’ve been unusually quiet about politics lately.
Ever since Donald Trump stopped being funny, well, my heart hasn’t been in it.
I will tell you that I miss candidate Barack Obama. He inspired me, beginning before he was a candidate — when he made his 2004 speech to the 2004 Democratic Convention, I turned to John and said “Can we have him?” In 2006, John and I spent our 20th wedding anniversary listening to the future president speak. And in 2008 and 2012, we both worked for Obama’s election and re-election.
Hillary? Bernie? Eh.
In February I wrote that I’d decided to vote for Hillary:
Philosophically, I’m really in Bernie’s camp. I’d love government-sponsored healthcare. I’d love to make college free. I would love to erase income inequality.
But I’m a pragmatist.
Even if Bernie could get elected (and I don’t agree with pundits that claim he can’t), well, I spent 10 years watching the sausage mill that is our government. And I simply don’t think Bernie can do it.
Hillary Clinton has my vote because I think she will be a good president. Because she’s smart and capable. Because she knows the system inside, outside and upside and downside.
I didn’t know at the time that I would ever be quoting myself.
But this morning, courtesy of the Daily Kos, I found someone much funnier than I agreed with me.
You probably remember Hodgman from the Daily Show — the straight man. Monday, in advance of the New York Primary, he came out for Hillary for precisely the reasons I decided to support her. He is much funnier, though.
I think her ambition is, and has long been, to be the President of the United States, like everyone else in the race, and also to make policy.
I think it’s reasonable to say based on her career that she likes making policy.
Moreover, I think she wants to make the best policy possible in an antagonistic-by-design political process that she has known and wrestled with for decades, and keep that policy in place.
Moreover, I think she wants to make policy that I largely agree with.
And I think she can do it.
Moreover, I think she can beat Trump.
At least I hope so. New Zealand is so far away.
Besides. She has the aliens on her side. Photo spotted at Daily Kos. But my feet were on the ground. Or actually on the coffee table, if you must know.
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I Really Don’t Look for this Shit
Yeah, I know you don’t believe me. But I don’t go looking for this shit. Really.
It’s just that, well, I spend a lot of time reading the news. Because after all, you depend on me to let you know which way is up. Or which way is down. Or maybe just getting flush with it.
Because you see, a new museum has opened up, and we all need to get our asses over there. — Mark, are you paying attention????
National Poo Museum opens doors on Isle of Wight
Just in time for you to plan your summer vacation! Can you imagine a better reward for your children, who suffered through the British Museum, the Tower of London and Madam Tussaud’s, than the prize at the end of the tunnel than the National Poo Mueum? The National Poo Museum, you will not be surprised to learn, is a museum dedicated to excrement, with examples from the animal and human world.
And it’s just opened up!
There are 20 kinds of poo captured in resin — who needs to bury or flush?
BBC Photo. Because who else would claim this picture?
Because I couldn’t possibly make this up, I will just let you know exactly what they are producing at this museum:
The exhibition at the Isle of Wight Zoo features faeces from animals such as elks and lions as well as a human baby.
The National Poo Museum has been created by members of the artist collective Eccleston George.
“Poo is all around us and inside us, but we ignore it,” said co-curator Daniel Roberts.
Twenty illuminated resin spheres show off the different types of faeces with facts hidden behind toilet lids on the museum walls.
They have handsome men offering fun activities. Look! Weigh your poo! (But I promise you, this is a contest I would win.)
There is old poo and new poo. Dino poo. Seriously, if you have ever dreamed of dinosaur poo, this is your golden opportunity to see it. Well, it’s probably more like black gold (Texas tea).
And I truly believe that what they say about poop is true:
“Small children naturally delight in it but later we learn to avoid this yucky, disease-carrying stuff, and that even talking about poo is bad,” he said.
“But for most of us, under the layers of disgust and taboo, we’re still fascinated by it.”
This is why I blog.
Filed under Advice from an Expert Patient, All The News You Need, Bat-shit crazy, Childhood Traumas, Disgustology, DON'T go back to your day job either, Farts, GOP, Huh?, Humor, I Can't Get No, Oh shit, Poop, Seriously funny, Seriously weird, Shit, Shit happens, Toilets, Useful thing to do with poop, Why the hell do I tell you these stories?, Wild Beasts, WTF?
FiftyFourandAHalf 