With an artist brother and a sister-in-law, you’d think I’d be more involved in the art world. Sadly, I’m not.
I used to be more of a gallery girl, loved nothing more than spending time in any one of the wonderful museums and galleries near where I lived or worked. And the galleries I got to visit while living in or traveling to Europe could fill a book. Still, going to a museum with either Fred or my sister-in-law, with someone who knows a lot about art, well, it is a wonderful treat.
But with my Crohn’s disease as active as it is these days, I don’t go very often.
For anybody without access to art, though, I recommend following my blogging buddy Mark, of Exile on Pain Street . He works in NYC and frequents museums, galleries and auctions and frequently writes about it on his blog. Mark does it with wit and without the snobbishness that usually accompanies folks who talk about art.
But nobody posts about art quite like I do. Or about art theft, because that’s really what this post is all about. Art theft pure and simple.
Audrey Hepburn and Peter O’Toole in How to Steal A Million (Google Image)
The international art heist I’m talking about occurred in Spain, just outside Madrid. I’m pretty sure it involved neither Audrey nor Peter. Nor, probably, would the stolen object ever find its way into the Louvre.
Still, if you know anything about art, the beauty of an object is all in the eye of the beholder. It may also be dependent on the species. Or on the leash holder.
Torrelodones, a town near Madrid, paid 2,400 euros ($2,726; £1,885) for this sculpture:
Yes, it is a giant, inflatable pile of dog poo. Photo from BBC (although they might deny it)
The article I read says:
The three-metre high inflatable bought as part of a campaign to encourage pet-lovers to pick up after their dogs went missing, El Pais newspaper reports. The bizarre inflatable disappeared after it had been packed away in its carry-case and the police are now on the trail of the 30 kilogramme dog poop, town officials say.
Speaking to the ABC newspaper, town councillor Angel Guirao said staff were shocked and perplexed by the theft, and a replacement excrement was already on order because “we know that the campaign has been a great success”.
I wish they’d asked me. I could have provided plenty of models for this piece of art.
Why are you picking on me. Google, eat your heart out cause I took this one!
Don’t hesitate to ask me anything about art. Or poop.
FiftyFourandAHalf 
Awed beyond measure and reason that you managed to get a poop emoji to show up in the URL of this post.
I am so not worthy.
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I can tell you my secret: I emailed myself from my phone and copied the image from the email (from my computer) to the title. I go the extra mile to poop. I mean for poop.
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(Don’t worry — I know you actually meant BOTH. Your secret’s safe with me.)
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You know me well. No 💩!
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You are indeed my favorite shit blogger, hands down. 😉
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(“hands washed”??)
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Of course!
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Down where, exactly?!?!
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Long as the hands are sanitary, I’m not gonna sweat the other details!
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Smart woman. I might even go so far as to call you a smarty pants!
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I am tempted to make an off-color joke here — something ‘yadda yadda “poopy pants” yadda’ — but I am a classy lady and thus will forgo.
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Alas, I an rarely stop myself. You are abetter poopy pants than I
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Darn tooting I am!!
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I get the struggle with crohn’s and IBS. I hope you get better or it under “control” soon!
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Thanks. It is certainly a shitty problem 😉
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Hahaha indeed it is. 👌
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How have I not found you till now? How has that happened? You are me. (followed a Jenny link to get here).
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Well, I am delighted to meet you. I would have responded to your comment before now, but I went over to check out your blog and spat spit all over my keyboard reading http://www.halfa1000miles.com/20-work-annoyances-rated-turdometer/ …
I do write about poop a lot. I also poop a lot. It’s on my mind and other places.
Welcome! I can’t wait to get to know you better.
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I’m disappointed in Spain for going with the gigantic inflatable poop to send their message to these non-poop picker uppers. The only message things like that send are “steal me please, your opportunities for laughs will be endless endless.”
A kid two doors down from me had a stuffed poop emoji tied to his bike. For some reason I thought “Wow, Elyse would love that!” He won it on the Boardwalk at the Jersey shore if you’re interested.
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While I’m not surprised that you thought of me when you saw that emoji, Tops, I’m not going to say that I am flattered. Because who wants to be thought of whenever someone sees a pile of poop? Sigh.
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um… nope… I got nothin’…
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I’m astonished!
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lots going on… and I was overwhelmed by your post…
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Are you kidding me?! Thank you so much! I can count on one hand and have fingers left for the number of times in my life I was held up as a good example. I specified ‘good.’ I’ve been held up as an example plenty of times.
Art is subjective but I think we can all agree that inflatable poo does not qualify. Having said that, I wouldn’t be a bit surprised to see it turn up in the fall auction at Christie’s. They can auction it alongside Piss Christ. It’s a theme!
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I love your art posts. You’re one of the only people I know who can write about art without sounding like a pompous ass.
But you don’t think this qualifies as art?!?!? Damn. Still, I’m looking forward to your write up about the auction. After all, you recently wrote about that urinal.
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Of all the things I could envision myself stealing, inflatable dog shit is definitely not one of them. If I’m going to risk time in prison I’m going for the gusto.
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Good thinking, Scott. Perhaps whoever did it has got shit for brains. No, definitely they have shit for brains.
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They also have shit for loot.
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It occurs to me that many of my fellow bloggers live in lands of kinder climates. That said, I would definitely add a heater to the new “work of art”. First, it would keep it free of snow and ice in winter, second,it would add a dimension to the piece with waves of heat coming from its surface it could be renamed a “Steaming Pile of Shit” = giving it an immediacy that it currently lacks.
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You are a true artiste, Paul!
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You do have a way of finding dedications to poop. So, given Duncan’s models, how about forming the Duncantonian?
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Duncan has enough of a superiority complex!
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I don’t think it was theft. I think that a giant inflatable man finally picked up after his huge inflatable dog.
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You are so wonderfully nuts. As in crazy, not as in truck nuts.
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Well, thank you for clearing that up. 🙂
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The replacement one will be stolen too because its way too tempting not to steal! Ha!
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Probably. But where would one display such contraband?!?!??
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I’m dying here (no, not literally). I so want to get one of those inflatable poop piles and put it on my neighbor’s lawn because she has trained her dog to do its business on my lawn.
Speaking of poop, I’m sorry to hear that your Crohn’s is active. Would any of the biologics like Remicade work for you? It’s been like a miracle cure for me, and I sincerely hope I don’t lose my insurance because then I couldn’t afford it.
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Oh I hope you don’t lose your insurance too! Horrible to be so dependent on it, isn’t it?
I’ve been on Remicade for 3 years and it has helped enormously. But I still have lots of issues, one of which landed me in the hospital in April. But a lot of it is psychological. I worry about lines and about not being able to get to a bathroom in time. And I have a lot of fatigue. So …
You do need to get away from those neighbors. Or simply put all your dogs messes on their lawn! 💩💩💩💩💩
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Vicious cycle, isn’t it. Stress causes poop issues, and poop issues cause stress. And wine relieves stress but may cause poop issues. Definitely not a happy way to live. I understand totally, as you know.
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Yeah. Stress doesn’t help but when I first had it 40 years ago, I was told that it was all stress. As in all in my head. Still pisses me off. Or poops me off ;).
I have signed up for the 23 and Me IBD study– its a genetic study where all you have to do is provide a vial of saliva (I will send mine in tomorrow) and answer a survey. For years, I was told that it wasn’t genetic, that it didn’t run in families (in spite of the fact that every single female on my mother’s side of the family had some level of IBD — I got the prize though). Anyway, it’s free, and you might want to think about it. Info here: https://www.23andme.com/ibd/
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Interesting. I’ll check it out, Elyse, especially in light of the fact that mother had diverticulitis and my youngest daughter has ulcerative colitis, and a niece has ulcerative colitis. And come to think if it, my aunt had colon cancer. You can’t tell me it’s not at least partly genetic.
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I wouldn’t even try! I was in the hospital for the first time at 17 when I learned that my mother’s eldest sister died of colitis in the 1920s … I kinda figured it out. and then everybody else got some level of it.
Move along … nothing to see here …
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That is quite a pile!
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Exactly!
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We can always depend on your for good shit.
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In Spain they steal puffed-up poo? Here, they tend to go more for bulls’balls.Well, they used to;it’s been a while since I heard of any life size testes being removed from Rockhampton’s sculptures.http://www.theage.com.au/news/queensland/take-the-bull-by-the–er-horns/2006/11/23/1163871531148.html
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That is hilarious. I’d check behind the local pickup trucks though. Especially this guy:
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“a replacement excrement was already on order”—I would step back into the blog world any day for a statement like that. Leave it to you, Elyse, to find it! Thanks for a Friday smile. 🙂
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I added the “and shit” to the title just so you’d know you had to stop by! Hope the writing is going well.
And my heart was broken last week. My doctor told me that poop transplants don’t work in Crohn’s patients. 💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩
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Oh no, sorry to hear that. Early studies showed some promise. Guess it’s not panning out like they’d hoped?
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It doesn’t seem to help with Crohn’s but does with ulcerative colitis. Same with probiotics (which actually made me worse by a long shot). So I am bummed. However, a lot of research is being done so I won’t lose hope. Or humor (at least most of the time).
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Must have been very disappointing. I love that you keep your sense of humor, though some days I’m sure it’s easier said than done. I bet your doctors love when you’re on their schedules. I bet you brighten their day with your jokes! 🙂
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She actually repeated that she was flattered that I wanted a poop transplant from her. She’s wonderful.
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🙂
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I am also becoming an expert on poop. But I have no where near your experience. I can only aspire.
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Thanks for fulfilling my dream of some day being an inspiration.
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See? Doesn’t it feel great to be an expert at something?
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It does. I think.
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