Category Archives: Sandy

I Will Register

This election depends on me.

But it also depends on you.

My most important job this year is to vote. Yours too.

Will you be able to?  Are you registered to vote?  Or will you feel as foolish as Donald Trump’s kids who weren’t registered to vote in the primaries

I’m registered.  I just double checked, because a lot of monkey business has been going on.  I wanted to be sure.

You can register or check to make sure you’re still registered. here:


You can do this from your living room.  Your office.  Your phone while waiting in line at the grocery store.

Do it today.


Elections Matter.

Don’t let Donald Trump sit in the Oval Office.


Filed under 'Merica, 2016, All The News You Need, All We Are Saying Is Give Peace A Chance, Beating that Dead Horse, Campaigning, Climate Change, Crazy Folks Running, Do GOP Voters Actually THINK?, Donald Trump, Donald Trump is a Pussy Too, Elections, Elections Matter, Global Warming, Good Deed Doers, GOP, Hillary for President, How stupid can you be, GOP?, How the Hell Did We GET HERE?, Huh?, Humiliation, Humor, I don't really want to know how big it is,, Just Do It and I'll Shut Up!, Justice, Mental Health, Peaceful Protests, Planned Parenthood, Political Corruption, Politician Pussies, Politics, Poop, Register to Vote Today!, Sandy, Science, Shit Your Pants Scary, Shit! The Perfect Metaphors for the GOP, Shitty GOP, Supreme Court Vacancy, Taking Care of Each Other, Vote, Voting, What must folks in other countries be thinking?, Where does the GOP get these guys?, Wild Beasts, WTF?

Need a New Job? I Got One For You!

Need a new job?  A new career path?

Are you stuck in a dead end job?  No future?  No expansion?  No ability to grow, to expand?

Well there is a whole new field that is just opening up.  And the possibilities for advancement are endless.  It’s a growth area, especially here in the Washington, DC area.

Best of all, you can do it from home.  Even while you keep your current job.

You can do it anywhere.

Yes, you too can become a “Disgustologist!”

Dr. Valerie Curtis is an anthropologist who studies yucky stuff:  poo, vomit, maggots, rotting flesh.  You know, the stuff that smells bad, hurts us or causes disease.  Stuff that we avoid.  This avoidance helps keep us healthy – and keeping away from disease-ridden filth is always a plus.

So in reading this article about Dr. Curtis, I saw a potential growth opportunity festering right there in front of me.

You and me will use the science of “Disgustology” to lead American voters back into voting for sensible politicians.  And into voting out the disgusting ones.

Now, I know many of you are saying,

“But Elyse, American voters have proven since they re-elected George W Bush that they are disgusting!”

And you do have a point.

“But Elyse, American voters have voted in members of the Tea Party!”

And you have another point.

“But Elyse, American voters have voted for people who are destroying our humanity.”

OK, you have lots of points.

That’s where we Disgustologists come in.  Plus that’s why Disgustology is such a growth industry.  Because we are going to reinsert the “That’s Disgusting!” reflex back into the American voter.   With pictures!

Now it’s hard to know where to start these days, isn’t it.  So I started randomly, with my faint recollection that we Americans have hearts and a collective heart.

You know how we Americans like to stick together.  How we’re always the first to help each other in times of tragedy.  How we pull together and support each other during natural disasters?  We pride ourselves on that.

So — Disgustologists – Get your feet wet with this bit of hypocrisy:

Four GOP Congressmen voted FOR Colorado Flood Relief AFTER voting AGAINST Hurricane Sandy Relief!

Here they are:

Rep Cory Gardner (R-CO)

Rep Cory Gardner (R-CO)

Rep Mike Coffman (R-CO)

Rep Mike Coffman (R-CO)

Rep Scott Tipton

Rep Scott Tipton (R-CO)

Rep. Doug Lamborn (R-CO)

Rep. Doug Lamborn (R-CO)

Now don’t get me wrong — I think we as Americans SHOULD take care of the flood victims in Colorado.  And New Jersey.  And victims of hurricanes.  Oh and fires.  We can’t forget the victims of fires.  In fact, we can’t — we shouldn’t — deny aid to folks that are harmed by natural disasters.  Of course we shouldn’t.  We are America.  The richest country in the world.  We take care of our own.  Right?  Right?  You there — am I right?

But you know, there are some folks that we just need to take care of more than others.  Take that good Christian, Rep. Stephen Fincher (R-TN).

Rep. Stephen Fincher (R-TN)

Rep. Stephen Fincher (R-TN)

Fincher was a proponent of separating the Farm Subsidies bill from the Food Stamp bill.  He believes that the Food Stamp program “steals other people’s money.”   He backs up his stand with the bible, natch:

“He who will not work shall not eat”

Those vile children, expecting food, an education and a future.  Stone them, I say, stone them!

But guess what!  Some of YOUR money is going to Congressman Fincher!  Yeah, really!  But, being a good, moral Christian, I’m sure he deserves it.  Look at this:

Mr. Fisher is the second most heavily subsidized “farmer” in Congress under the Farm Subsidies Bill!  Yahoo!  I love it when my money goes to keep hypocrites in business.

USDA data collected in EWG’s 2013 farm subsidy database update — going live tomorrow –shows that Fincher collected a staggering $3.48 million in “our” money from 1999 to 2012. In 2012 alone, the congressman was cut a government check for a $70,000 direct payment. Direct payments are issued automatically, regardless of need, and go predominantly to the largest, most profitable farm operations in the country.

Fincher’s $70,000 farm subsidy haul in 2012 dwarfs the average 2012 SNAP benefit in Tennessee of $1,586.40, and it is nearly double of Tennessee’s median household income. After voting to cut SNAP by more than $20 billion, Fincher joined his colleagues to support a proposal to expand crop insurance subsidies by $9 billion over the next 10 years.

Soon we can give Stevie some more!  I don’t know about you, but I’m DISGUSTED.

And then there’s the new kid on the block.  Ted.  And not the Ted of the TED Talks, either.

Senator Ted Cruz You'd think he was a Disgustologist instead of the nasty thing on the shoe

Senator Ted Cruz
You’d think he was a Disgustologist instead of the nasty thing on the shoe

This guy is one of the leaders of the movement to shut down the government rather than fund The Affordable Care Act.  “Obamacare,” a law that was passed by the United States Congress (of which he is now a member), signed by the President of the United States, and upheld by the United States Supreme Court.  Last I heard those were the only three branches of the U.S. government under the Constitution the GOP loves to wave in everyone’s face (but apparently have not read).

Of course, it isn’t only that Teddy is against it because he clearly doesn’t understand the U.S. government.  Nope, I’m guessing that Ted Cruz lives in some sort of vortex, because he doesn’t understand that the folks that voted him into office are the ones who need the Afordable Care Act.

Look-y here – folks in Ted Cruz’s state of Texas need Obamacare more than most.

Poverty in the US

Poverty in the US


Diabetes map

I'm beginning to see a disgusting pattern here

I’m beginning to see a disgusting pattern here

And the folks who have the most to gain from Obamacare:

In America?  Disgusting!

In America? Disgusting!

Senator Ted Cruz is just disgusting.  Disgustologists?  Let’s show the world.

*     *     *

See what I mean when I say that Disgustology is a Growth Field?  Sign up today!  Opportunities are everywhere.


Filed under Campaigning, Climate Change, Conspicuous consumption, Criminal Activity, Disgustology, Elections, History, Huh?, Humor, Hypocrisy, Law, Mysteries, Politics, Sandy, Taking Care of Each Other

Changing The Name Game

A perfect weapon.  Because, after all, what’s in a name?


My thanks for this video, and for being the first person to encourage me to start a blog, goes to my friend and colleague Bao.


Filed under Campaigning, Climate Change, Conspicuous consumption, Elections, Humor, Hypocrisy, Law, Pets, Sandy, Stupidity

Don’t Take It Just From Me

I’ll be busy for the next few days.  So I will let one of my idols remind you of what you’re sick of hearing me say:

Elections matter. 

VOTE on November 6 if you haven’t already!  If Obama wins, which I hope he will, I will be able to get off my soapbox and re-establish myself as a humor blogger instead of a political one.  You can thank me later!



Filed under Campaigning, Childhood Traumas, Elections, Global Warming, Gun control, Health and Medicine, History, Politics, Sandy, Voting

Please! Say it Ain’t So!

In the in-between time between sleep and being awake I thought I was hallucinating.  Dreaming.  Making shit up.

I had left the TV on in the next room so that I could hear just a little bit of a great MSNBC news show called The Last Word, hosted by Lawrence O’Donnell.

Now Laurence is an amazing guy, actually.  He worked for Senator Daniel Patrick Moynihan (one of my all-time favorite Senators) and later for the Senate Finance Committee including during 1986 when they revamped the whole tax code.  He was a writer/creator/producer for that wonderful TV show, The West Wing.  He understands politics from the inside and from the outside.  Lawrence is brilliant and funny and quite often finds interesting quirks in the day’s news.

But what I thought I heard as I drifted between states of consciousness must have been a dream.  It couldn’t be true.  It just couldn’t be.  Then I promptly forgot it, which made me positive that it was just a dream.

Until just now when I bought my lunch and pulled up one of my favorite websites, to read while I ate.  And I realized that my dream had come true.


Mitt Romney really did compare cleaning up after Hurricane Sandy to cleaning the field up after a high school football game.

[Lawrence:]  And to buff his own image as a disaster-relief specialist, Romney compared the Sandy relief effort to … his experience cleaning up the field after a high-school football game. Seriously.

[Mitt:]  I remember once we had a football field at my high school. The field was covered with rubbish and paper goods from people who’d had a big celebration there at the game. And there was a group of us there assigned to clean it up. And I thought, ‘how are we going to clean up all the mess on this football field?’ There were just a few of us. And the person responsible for organizing the effort said, ‘Just line up along the yard lines. You go between the goal line and the 10-yard line, and the next person between the 10 and 20, and just walk down and do your lane. And if everybody cleans their lanes, we’ll get it done.’ And so today, we’re cleaning one lane if you will.

You’ll have to click on the CrooksandLiars post above for the video.  I can’t embed.

Somewhere, deep down inside of me, I thought that perhaps I was wrong about Mitt being an oblivious heartless bastard who believes, along with Annie-poo, that he has suffered.  You remember how bad it was for him and Ann while in college and law/business school because he had to sell some of his stock portfolio and eat tuna while living in a basement apartment.  Perhaps I was missing something in his personality.  Perhaps he isn’t really such a dick.

But no.  I was wrong in being charitable to Mitt.  And (sadly if there is any chance at all of his being elected) I was right – he really is a dick.

Excuse me now.  I have to go find a brick wall to slam my head against.


Elections Matter — Please don’t let this guy get into the White House without a tour guide.


Filed under Campaigning, Childhood Traumas, Conspicuous consumption, Criminal Activity, Elections, Global Warming, Humor, Hypocrisy, Politics, Real Estate, Sandy, Science, Stupidity, Voting