Need a New Job? I Got One For You!

Need a new job?  A new career path?

Are you stuck in a dead end job?  No future?  No expansion?  No ability to grow, to expand?

Well there is a whole new field that is just opening up.  And the possibilities for advancement are endless.  It’s a growth area, especially here in the Washington, DC area.

Best of all, you can do it from home.  Even while you keep your current job.

You can do it anywhere.

Yes, you too can become a “Disgustologist!”

Dr. Valerie Curtis is an anthropologist who studies yucky stuff:  poo, vomit, maggots, rotting flesh.  You know, the stuff that smells bad, hurts us or causes disease.  Stuff that we avoid.  This avoidance helps keep us healthy – and keeping away from disease-ridden filth is always a plus.

So in reading this article about Dr. Curtis, I saw a potential growth opportunity festering right there in front of me.

You and me will use the science of “Disgustology” to lead American voters back into voting for sensible politicians.  And into voting out the disgusting ones.

Now, I know many of you are saying,

“But Elyse, American voters have proven since they re-elected George W Bush that they are disgusting!”

And you do have a point.

“But Elyse, American voters have voted in members of the Tea Party!”

And you have another point.

“But Elyse, American voters have voted for people who are destroying our humanity.”

OK, you have lots of points.

That’s where we Disgustologists come in.  Plus that’s why Disgustology is such a growth industry.  Because we are going to reinsert the “That’s Disgusting!” reflex back into the American voter.   With pictures!

Now it’s hard to know where to start these days, isn’t it.  So I started randomly, with my faint recollection that we Americans have hearts and a collective heart.

You know how we Americans like to stick together.  How we’re always the first to help each other in times of tragedy.  How we pull together and support each other during natural disasters?  We pride ourselves on that.

So — Disgustologists – Get your feet wet with this bit of hypocrisy:

Four GOP Congressmen voted FOR Colorado Flood Relief AFTER voting AGAINST Hurricane Sandy Relief!

Here they are:

Rep Cory Gardner (R-CO)

Rep Cory Gardner (R-CO)

Rep Mike Coffman (R-CO)

Rep Mike Coffman (R-CO)

Rep Scott Tipton

Rep Scott Tipton (R-CO)

Rep. Doug Lamborn (R-CO)

Rep. Doug Lamborn (R-CO)

Now don’t get me wrong — I think we as Americans SHOULD take care of the flood victims in Colorado.  And New Jersey.  And victims of hurricanes.  Oh and fires.  We can’t forget the victims of fires.  In fact, we can’t — we shouldn’t — deny aid to folks that are harmed by natural disasters.  Of course we shouldn’t.  We are America.  The richest country in the world.  We take care of our own.  Right?  Right?  You there — am I right?

But you know, there are some folks that we just need to take care of more than others.  Take that good Christian, Rep. Stephen Fincher (R-TN).

Rep. Stephen Fincher (R-TN)

Rep. Stephen Fincher (R-TN)

Fincher was a proponent of separating the Farm Subsidies bill from the Food Stamp bill.  He believes that the Food Stamp program “steals other people’s money.”   He backs up his stand with the bible, natch:

“He who will not work shall not eat”

Those vile children, expecting food, an education and a future.  Stone them, I say, stone them!

But guess what!  Some of YOUR money is going to Congressman Fincher!  Yeah, really!  But, being a good, moral Christian, I’m sure he deserves it.  Look at this:

Mr. Fisher is the second most heavily subsidized “farmer” in Congress under the Farm Subsidies Bill!  Yahoo!  I love it when my money goes to keep hypocrites in business.

USDA data collected in EWG’s 2013 farm subsidy database update — going live tomorrow –shows that Fincher collected a staggering $3.48 million in “our” money from 1999 to 2012. In 2012 alone, the congressman was cut a government check for a $70,000 direct payment. Direct payments are issued automatically, regardless of need, and go predominantly to the largest, most profitable farm operations in the country.

Fincher’s $70,000 farm subsidy haul in 2012 dwarfs the average 2012 SNAP benefit in Tennessee of $1,586.40, and it is nearly double of Tennessee’s median household income. After voting to cut SNAP by more than $20 billion, Fincher joined his colleagues to support a proposal to expand crop insurance subsidies by $9 billion over the next 10 years.

Soon we can give Stevie some more!  I don’t know about you, but I’m DISGUSTED.

And then there’s the new kid on the block.  Ted.  And not the Ted of the TED Talks, either.

Senator Ted Cruz You'd think he was a Disgustologist instead of the nasty thing on the shoe

Senator Ted Cruz
You’d think he was a Disgustologist instead of the nasty thing on the shoe

This guy is one of the leaders of the movement to shut down the government rather than fund The Affordable Care Act.  “Obamacare,” a law that was passed by the United States Congress (of which he is now a member), signed by the President of the United States, and upheld by the United States Supreme Court.  Last I heard those were the only three branches of the U.S. government under the Constitution the GOP loves to wave in everyone’s face (but apparently have not read).

Of course, it isn’t only that Teddy is against it because he clearly doesn’t understand the U.S. government.  Nope, I’m guessing that Ted Cruz lives in some sort of vortex, because he doesn’t understand that the folks that voted him into office are the ones who need the Afordable Care Act.

Look-y here – folks in Ted Cruz’s state of Texas need Obamacare more than most.

Poverty in the US

Poverty in the US

rics

Diabetes map

I'm beginning to see a disgusting pattern here

I’m beginning to see a disgusting pattern here

And the folks who have the most to gain from Obamacare:

In America?  Disgusting!

In America? Disgusting!

Senator Ted Cruz is just disgusting.  Disgustologists?  Let’s show the world.

*     *     *

See what I mean when I say that Disgustology is a Growth Field?  Sign up today!  Opportunities are everywhere.

53 Comments

Filed under Campaigning, Climate Change, Conspicuous consumption, Criminal Activity, Disgustology, Elections, History, Huh?, Humor, Hypocrisy, Law, Mysteries, Politics, Sandy, Taking Care of Each Other

53 responses to “Need a New Job? I Got One For You!

  1. WordsFallFromMyEyes

    Excellent post, Elyse. You informed me very well, thank you.

    Actually, when I first began reading, because I was retrenched in August & looking for a new career path, I thought you were serious & read on!! But still worth the read, even if I haven’t got a new job out of it 🙂

    Like

    • Sorry I couldn’t have entertained you AND gotten you a job! There is a huge demand for disgustologists, but the positions are all, sadly, unpaid! Good luck with your job search!

      Like

  2. I think there is just cause to have a Canadian office. We can get just as disgusted as Americans.

    Like

    • You can, eh?

      Yes, I don’t think we have cornered the market on things for Disgustologists to study here in the US. But it does seem like the Republicans in our Congress are really trying to make the US the exclusive realm of the disgusting.

      Like

  3. I applaud your attempt to look at disgusting things in the face and expose them in all their yuckyiness. Most Americans are not quite as brave. They either deny that there is anything disgusting to look in the face or come up with a way to make it appetizing. (Those people are always so interesting to listen to, aren’t they? And by interesting, I really mean annoying.)

    To unite your movement, a symbol might be helpful. How about a clothespin (as in putting one on one’s nose so as not to smell the stench…)? Just a thought…

    Like

    • The perfect symbol, Lorna. And you’re right. That’s what was missing. I’m going to go for mine right now, given the GOP jerks are going to close down the guv’ment.

      Like

  4. For my return I will yield to a great American orator for each of the Reps mentioned. …. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C_Kh7nLplWo …. and Hi Elyse!

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  5. ” voting for sensible politicians
    ok. Find me one. I dare you.

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  6. I need a job, but I think we need to go a little more over the top with making these recipients even more disgusting, so EVERYONE will be disgusted.

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  7. Snoring Dog Studio

    I’ve discovered that I really don’t hate politics. I hate the politicians. There, I’ve said it. I don’t find anything redeeming about the majority of Republicans and TPs in office. Nothing that would merit my respect or affection. We are going down the toilet, led by the refuse of humanity. I can’t find any more disgust left to feel.

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  8. Hypocrisy at its finest is always disgusting! I hope you saw the speech by Rep. Jackie Speier, she put a nice light on many of these disgusting subjects, however I think they fell on deaf ears.

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  9. That is some good disgustologist work. I cringe when I hear all the criticisms of the food stamp program…49% of the recipients are children.

    Like

    • I’m sure these folks would have no problem seeing children back in factories in the US. Oh yeah, they closed down all the factories and moved them offshore …

      Like

  10. Yes, living in Colorado, I’m aware of the hypocrisy of the votes, and, I’m even more embarrassed to admit that Mike Coffman is my representative — I did not vote for him either time … but, you know, gerrymandering — our neighborhood was getting too liberal, so they cut us in half, and put us in with the rich land owners out in the country who hate taxes, and love their guns.

    On behalf of all the sane individuals in my district, I’d like to offer sincere apologies for Coffman’s hypocrisy (he’s also a …birther!) Hopefully this go round he’ll be out of a job … we’ve got a good candidate, but, again… gerrymandering, so who knows.

    Like

    • I don’t hold your congressman against you, John. Many of us live in gerrymandered districts. I do too — and in a state that may elect a man to the governorship who thinks that it should be more difficult for women to get a divorce, shouldn’t be able to use contraceptives and absolutely should carry all babies to term, no matter how they were conceived, what the impact of hte pregnancy will be on the health of the mother, or whether the child will be born terribly deformed and possibly not live more than mere hours..

      Gerrymandering is, of course, how come we keep re-electing these petulant spoiled brats over and over again. It is criminal.

      We just have to educate folks. Quick! Re-write the words to Charlie and the MTA! Maybe folks will listen to a catchy tune. They don’t seem to listen to anything else.

      Like

  11. Disgustology is a science, so you can count on Republicans being against it.
    Oh, and thank you for giving the name to the field I’ve been working in for years. I’m still testing my mockery treatments, but don’t seem to be any closer to the cure.

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    • Well you know, X, it seems that the GOP is trying to “stigmatize” things they don’t like. Just the other day, Tucker Carlson was saying that there ought to be a “stigma” associated with Food Stamps. As if being hungry wasn’t stigma enough.

      But I’m glad to give you the label, X. It’s the least I can do for the good work you’ve been doing.

      Like

  12. So glad Anthony Weiner wasn’t re-elected. I was a little worried there for a minute.

    Like

    • Yes, me too. And it is nice that we Dems can occasionally be disgusted by our politicians. But then Anthony Weiner showed his (covered) pecker — he didn’t steal food from children. Somehow I’d rather have Anthony than some of these pseudo Christians who take from the poor in the name of Jesus. The hypocrites.

      Like

  13. I bow to your fabulous sense of the terrible. I worship at the alter of you wonderful sense of disgust. Sign me up, I am right there with you.

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    • I knew you’d be wanting to become this type of scientist, Val. All you needed was the name — because you’ve been a practicing Disgustologist for years.

      Like

  14. Ugh. Every time I get my blood pressure under control, one of you progressive thinkers gets me all riled up again.
    God, I miss “Occupy Wall Street”. And, no, I am absolutely not kidding.
    voting Green again.

    Like

    • Sorry about the BP, Moms. But I am not a progressive — I am a Disgustologist. And while most of my research is done on the side of the GOP, well, there is always Anthony Weiner and a few others to keep me, ahem, fair and balanced.

      I wish OWS had been able to accomplish something. There are so many things that need doing.

      Like

  15. Tex Arty

    Well put. Ted Cruz places his own personal interests and Party values ahead of the Country’s best interests… and it is disgusting.
    Take care and have a nice week.

    Like

  16. The only problem with being a disgustologist is the people you need to associate with to do the research…

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  17. I’m so disgusted after reading some of those that I can probably skip the schooling and go straight to graduation. I can hardly read the paper anymore without my blood pressure skyrocketing, particularly with the attempts to derail the healthcare law by threatening to shut down the government. What kind of leadership is that? That’s spoiled children at best. As you point out, the law has been passed and withheld. Time to move on. See what parts of it work and which parts may need to be tweaked, just as with any new program. There is so much misinformation about the reform that people are not getting a chance to see its benefits. Arrgghh.

    And the SNAP business? Don’t even get me started. All I can see are children with empty bellies, and it breaks my heart. I think the actual number of people who abuse their food-stamp benefits is much smaller than some politicians would have us believe.

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  18. You always have a knack for reminding me why I hate politics. Disgusting is the word.

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  19. Some attribute this quote to Jimmy Carter and others to comedian/political commentator John Fugelsang – but whoever said it, said it well: “If you don’t want your tax dollars to help the poor, then STOP saying that you want a country based on Christian values. Because you don’t!”

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  20. bigsheepcommunications

    A noble profession, but I just don’t think I have the stomach for it. On the other hand, I must confess that I’m all for feeding hungry children and yes, please use my tax dollars to feed them.

    Like

    • I think it is getting harder to keep from becoming a Disgustologist, actually, Lisa. And I’m with you. Please use my tax dollars to help people. And to build roads and bridges. And to do all the things that individuals need to band together to do so that we as a society can progress and take care of each other.

      I am so disgusted by these folks who pretend to be Christians.

      Like

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