Yesterday, I braved the grocery store to come up with an edible antidote to 2015.
I found myself pacing the aisles of the local Giant Foods, and well, I heard voices. Or a voice.
If I were a Republican, I would have assumed it was God.
But as it was, I realized I was talking to myself. Chanting. And naturally I listened. I’m not crazy, you know.
The Voice, my voice, told me what to do. What to get. How to do it. And I saw that it would be good.
You see, I remembered a long-ago gift from my niece that actually held the secret antidote to 2015. Only I had forgotten about it.
The Congressional Club Cook Book, Copyright 1987, The Congressional Club, Washington, DC
Yup. Who woulda thunk that an antidote would be in a cookbook! But this one is special. You see, it was published in 1987, when the folks in government still believed that the government has an important role in the country. When the government is, essentially, how we all contribute to improving our society. Educating our kids, making workplaces safer, the air and the water and the land cleaner. Yeah, I know it was published at the end of the Reagan years, but that cancer hadn’t yet metastasized.
Here’s the antidote to 2015:
Hillary’s Chicken.
Congressional Club Cook Book, 1987, at page 266
As you can see from years of cooking smears, this is a well-used recipe. It is simple and delicious. And I’m going to make it for New Years’ Day — and often between now and November.
Because while this woman eats chicken. She is NOT a chicken.
Hillary Clinton, Testifying for 11 hours at the Bengazi show trial. Photo Image, LA Times
And the GOP? I see little evidence that the GOP clowns are anything but chicken, can you?
Google Image
Happy New Year!
***
It’s a little hard to read the instructions from this picture —
Combine all sauce ingredients, mixing until well blended. Wipe each piece of chicken dry and coat well with sauce. Place chicken,skin side up, in shallow baking pan.Tuck edges under, forming a compact shape, about 1-1/2 inches thick. Roast in preheated oven at 450 degrees, basting occasionally with pan drippings. Bake until opaque nearly to center, about 14-18 minutes, depending on thickness. Remove to warm plates. Spoon pan juices over chicken and sprinkle with parsley. Makes 4 servings. May be frozen.
FiftyFourandAHalf 
Elyse – can I vote for you??? Those Republicans, I don’t think they even eat chicken. Glad to see that you’re as hilarious as ever. I’m not ‘merican, but if I were, I’d be right beside you on this.
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Sorry, Trend, but no you can’t vote for me. I don’t know if you have been following the Trump/Hillary stuff, but Trump declared that it is disgusting that women take longer than men in the bathroom. So I’m out of contention.
Sorry.
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I can’t handle following that man anymore. He makes me physically sick, he just seems like such a moron. Whether it’s all an act to get votes or not doesn’t matter – if it’s intentional fakery, it’s even worse. Honestly, I’ve not met a person up here yet who thinks highly of the guy at all. So I’m still voting for you!
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OK. You can vote for me.
As for Trump, I must say I am glad I am not living abroad. It was challenging to try to explain Dubya to Europeans, and they totally didn’t get the whole Clinton/Lewinsky thing. Trump? I think they are reconsidering participation in NATO long about now.
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The updated version of that recipe calls for turkey. Mrs. Bill Clinton used to pound her fist on the podium (which showed her toughness and also flattened the chicken breasts) in her vehement support of cooking chicken!
But recent polls show that Americans in key voting demographics are now sympathetic to chickens, and hate turkeys.
So now Mrs. Clinton disavows all knowledge of that cookbook, which was obviously crafted by sneaky Republicans as a smear campaign. She is a turkey-flattening-podium-thumping advocate of the rights of all chickens to live free, and she promises to be tough on turkey…except for their refugees, who are always welcome.
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Groan.
I think you’re confusing Hillary with Sarah:
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Oh my god, that was so painful. I almost envied the turkeys… at least they didn’t have to listen to her.
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See??? I TOLD you that turkey-hatred has become the rage. You know I have my finger on the pulse of the nation, Elyse.
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Ah, but it started with Sarah!
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Mrs. Bill Clinton? Wonder how well that sat with her at the time?
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Being a Mrs. John never sat well with me, either! What a obnoxious custom!
I remember reading that it took a lot for her to add the Clinton”!
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I am curious, do they still put these out?
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I don’t know — nobody I know works up there any more. If they have a “cookbook” now I’m sure it’s full of exorcism recipes…
The recipes are very 60s ish — lots of heavy sauces and canned soup!
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I’ve been away and am catching up and just wanted to wish you a Happy New Year. But I also want to mention that your tags are just as amusing as your posts. Don’t think they go unnoticed, because they don’t.
Glad to see the effort being made on some form of gun control. Hope it succeeds but you know how bitter and hopeless I am about that subject.
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Happy New Year, Mark! May it be happy, healthy and safe for you and your family!
I love goofing with tags — and get so frustrated when WP messes with the controls!
We’ll see what O can do about guns. Something is surely better than nothing. Let’s keep our fingers crossed
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In next year’s cookbook: Donald’s Tripe.
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Yes, please!
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Trump liver & onions??? Kidney pie?
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Back then her first name was Mrs. Now she has her own acccronym HRC.
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Right! The whole cookbook is filled with Recipes by the Mrs. It is quite archaic — and the recipes are very heavy — lots of heart-attack inducing cream sauces!
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I’m sure they are. Julia Child’s influenced.
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sweeeeet… that post reminded me of the way my brain works… sorry about that… HA!
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Ever hopeful, right!?!?
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it is very endearing
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Guess whats on the menu today? That’s right … Hillary’s Chicken! Bon Appetite.
Happy New Year Elyse! Cheers to surviving this election nightmare.
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Yes, Cheers!
And unless the breasts are very thin, cook the chicken a couple of minutes longer. Mine was half baked and that is no way to win an election!
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The recipe looks great. The debate poster even better.
And I’ve found that wearing headphones is the way to go. People think you’re talking on your cell instead of to yourself , and even better– they think you can’t hear them so they leave you alone. Win-win.
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Yes, Cheers!
If you make the chicken, please note: And unless the breasts are very thin, cook the chicken a couple of minutes longer. Mine was half baked and that is no way to win an election!
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I don’t know…half-baked seems to be working for The Donald…
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Sadly, that’s true!
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Yum chicken, I want to make Hillary’s chicken. I can think of nothing else now.
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I made it last night (see, I keep my bloggy promises!) but found 14 minutes wasn’t long enough. So I updated the recipe above.But …
If you make the chicken, please note: And unless the breasts are very thin, cook the chicken a couple of minutes longer. Mine was half baked and that is no way to win an election!
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Thanks for sharing mrs bill Clinton’s smudged breasts.
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It only goes to show that she’s just like all the rest of us. Only perhaps more so!
If you make the chicken, please note: And unless the breasts are very thin, cook the chicken a couple of minutes longer. Mine was half baked and that is no way to win an election!
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Ah, see, I was confused. I read it as the possessive, not the contraction. And … it was confusing to me. Hillary’s chicken? Does she have a chicken? That isn’t something I knew before. I have relatives who have a chicken. One of my friends used to have a chicken. But I didn’t know Hillary has a chicken.
As to the recipe, yeah, I’d eat that.
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THAT is the beauty of the English language!
If you make the chicken, please note: And unless the breasts are very thin, cook the chicken a couple of minutes longer. Mine was half baked and that is no way to win an election!
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Enjoy that chicken and have a happy new year!!
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Thanks, Darla. Happy 2016 to you and your family too. Because Jeezum Crow, you deserve it!
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Damn straight! This was the first day of 2016 and my mom fell down getting the mail and couldn’t get back up (a passerby actually stopped his car and helped her!) She’s fine now but JEEZUM CROW! Then my bra malfunctioned at Target while I was checking out. It just came undone like a slingshot. I had to pick up my bags while awkwardly holding my boobs together. If this is what 2016 has in store for me, I’d better stop leaving the house. 😉
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Oh dear. I won’t laugh at your mom. But I want video of your wardrobe malfunction.
Calamity leads to the best blog posts, IMHO. As long as there is a happy ending.
(Glad your mom is OK)
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Yep, my mom is giving me gray hairs! She’s so stubborn lately. But hey, at least my wardrobe malfunction had me laughing today. Silver linings.
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Sequined, I hope. For the holiday.
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Haha! (Giggling like mad)
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I’m adding this comment to everybody’s —
If you make the chicken, please note: And unless the breasts are very thin, cook the chicken a couple of minutes longer. Mine was half baked and that is no way to win an election!
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Happy New Year, Elyse … although shouldn’t the title have been something about Hillary’s breasts?
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Ah, my first belly laugh of 2016. Thanks, Frank.
But that title wouldn’t have appealed to the dopes who want to see why Hillary is chicken!
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Glad I was able to cause a good laugh.
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Frank, I really did make it last night, but the cooking instructions are slightly off:
If you make the chicken, please note: And unless the breasts are very thin, cook the chicken a couple of minutes longer. Mine was half baked and that is no way to win an election!
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Good FYI .. after all, nobody wants half-cooked chicken.
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Sometimes I come here just to giggle over the tags. You are absolutely one of my favorite bloggers (and people). Happy New Year!
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I had a good time with these tags, 99. My fav is the “I bet folks are going to click on this post to see why I think Hillary is a coward. They are dopes” because it makes me giggle. And because I bet next year, when WP does my year in review, THAT will be the tag that most folks choose!
Hope 2016 is a great year!
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I am adding this to the comments of everybody, because we Democrats do not approve of salmonella:
If you make the chicken, please note: And unless the breasts are very thin, cook the chicken a couple of minutes longer. Mine was half baked and that is no way to win an election!
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Not exactly the result you were looking for, but next time around maybe it will be a winner. Let’s hope so.
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Actually, I think it may be my oven! I edited the recipe, so hopefully nobody else will be half baked!
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Oh, it’s way too late for that … I’ve been about half baked for a good portion of my life, but this year, I’m going to aim for evenly toasted on all sides … maybe even peeling off the skin and basking in the heat … we were still talking about chicken, right?
🙂
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Right.
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I hope you eat lots of chicken this year, and the GOP eats crow.
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A chicken in every pot, perhaps????
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If you make the chicken, please note: And unless the breasts are very thin, cook the chicken a couple of minutes longer. Mine was half baked and that is no way to win an election! We are DONE with Dukakis-type elections!
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Well, if Hillary can scratch out a victory, she’ll be clucking about it for the next four years. I just hope she doesn’t lay an egg.
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Groan …
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Did you know that Arkansas has a state law, making it illegal to mispronounce Arkansas? They would have arrested me as a kid, because, when I read “are-can-sass” I thought it had something to do with Kansas. Like Virginia and West Virginia – Kansas and Ar – Kansas!
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I love those arcane laws. They are a hoot. (My fav is still the one from York England where it is still legal to shoot a Scot with a bow and arrow. )
And your logic is flawless. Pronounced “FL-ah-lyiss” 😉
Hope you’re doing OK. I hope that 2016 treats you well.
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Dana,
If you make the chicken, please note: And unless the breasts are very thin, cook the chicken a couple of minutes longer. Mine was half baked and that is no way to win an election! I really don’t want to kill you off!
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Haha! Don’t worry, I can’t have chicken anymore. Because of the side effects of my chemo, my tongue is so sensitive, I can only have super-soft food, like pudding and yogurt. I mostly drink Ensure, now. Though I still have eggs for breakfast, just no toast. And I can have soft white bread with honey and very ripe bananas.
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Oh dear. Here’s to successful chemo and lots of chicken in your future!
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What a nice nosh this post is, Elyse! Very enjoyable. 🙂
I agree with Col. Davis as well. Sending our young people into battle to kill or be killed ought to be reserved for genuine threats and not political games. America’s true vital interests haven’t been threatened since the Cold War when the dictatorship of the USSR might well have loosed a nuclear attack.
Is Iran’s nuclear ambition such a threat? No, because they know about Trident submarines. Same for North Korea’s ambitions. Israel has their own troops and nukes. China’s leaders, for all their dictatorial ways, have embraced capitalism.
The lessons of the second Iraq war and the Afghan war are that deploying troops overseas usually does more to piss people off than correct injustice. The world ain’t perfect and it’s arrogant to think that it’s America’s job to correct that.
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Glad you enjoyed it, Jim. And your military perspective, expressed in your thoughtful comments, is always a bonus.
Like many of us, I’m hoping that in 2016 we can tone down the crazies. OK, so I’m fantasizing that, but still. What is life without hope??
Hope 2016 is a happy, healthy year for you and yours, Jim.
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In an effort to avoid party-wide salmonella, I am adding this comment to everyone’s comment (and I updated the post, too)
If you make the chicken, please note: And unless the breasts are very thin, cook the chicken a couple of minutes longer. Mine was half baked and that is no way to win an election!
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Hilary’s chicken looks tasty. And I love the Morris Davis quote.
Happy New Year to you, Elyse!
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Hillary’s chicken IS quite tasty and delightfully quick and simple. A good “I’m late” dinner!
I look forward to playing with you in the ‘sphere Carrie. And reading your NEXT book! Happy 2016!
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In an effort to avoid poisoning all my blogging buddies and a good number of democrats, I have updated the recipe above because …
If you make the chicken, please note: And unless the breasts are very thin, cook the chicken a couple of minutes longer. Mine was half baked and that is no way to win an election!
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Ha, no way indeed.
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I demand to see all of Hillary’s e-mails about this recipe. I want to know when she learned about this recipe, whether she invented it herself or got it from her foundation’s foreign donors, and why she is putting the chicken in the oven for exactly 14 minutes – what is she hiding?
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Oh, and happy New Year!
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You too, X. I fear I will need you to be in top form for the next 11 months!
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You know, I actually feel I can slack off and count on The Donald and the rest of the field to generate strong comedy material.
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I heard that Hillary secretly and personally smuggled this recipe out of the Soviet Union via Afghanistan, where it was given to her by Osama bin Laden himself who then told her NOT to publish it. So while she was quiet in her emails, I’m pretty sure there is a secret code that just drips from the chicken once prepared…
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X, If you make the chicken, please note: And unless the breasts are very thin, cook the chicken a couple of minutes longer. Mine was half baked and that is no way to win an election! We Democrats need full participation!
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I actually already made the fried chicken recipe by Colonel Sanders. But I might try Hillary’s chicken in November.
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You are by far one of my favorite bloggers, with the best opinions ever. The rest of this election process will be a barrel of fun as long as you are involved 🙂
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What a sweet thing to say, Deb! I think I would prefer that we just had a nice quiet thoughtful debate about the issues we face in the world. But uhhh, not gonna happen. So we will all need to laugh rather than cry.
Thanks for coming along, Deb. May 2016 be a happy, healthy year for you.
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Deb, I had to update the recipe, sooooo
If you make the chicken, please note: And unless the breasts are very thin, cook the chicken a couple of minutes longer. Mine was half baked and that is no way to win an election!
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