As a woman with Crohn’s disease, knowing where the nearest toilet is is something I have to think about a lot. Sometimes it cramps my style, makes me avoid activities I might otherwise enjoy.
So imagine my relief when I learned that, in spite of the possibility of having to “go,” I can now help out outside.
Yeah, it’s true! You can read about it here. Someone has invented just the thing for folks like me — A special pooper scooper the inventor calls “Loo-cy.”
A motorized combination snowplow and toilet.
Me, I am flushed with excitement over this gadget; because everybody needs to do their civic doo-ty.
* * *
There is a conspiracy afoot to have me think about nothing but toilets.
Have you heard the exciting news? Representative Louis Gohmert ((R-Where Else But F’ing Texas) is challenging Rep. John Boehner for Speaker of the House of Representatives.
“Why?” you ask, “Elyse, you are a liberal Democrat. Why do you want such a stupid, ignorant Neanderthal Teapartier [OK, so I repeat myself] to be Speaker of the House? What better way to prove to ‘Merica that the GOP’s aims are stupid and harmful than having them served up to us on the TEEVEE by Gomer-Fuckin’-Pyle?
In case you’re unfamiliar with him, Gohmert is widely considered to be one of, if not THE dumbest member of either party in either House. Here is a compendium of his, ummm, opinions:
Every time this man appears in front of the camera, he shows himself to be an idiot. So what better mouthpiece for the GOP?
I give Louie my unqualified support. You can too! Just go to House.Gov and contact your own representative. Ask him/her to vote for Louie!
It occurred to me just now that America, the grand experiment in Democracy that began in revolution in 1776, and organized itself under the Constitution in 1789, is no longer in its infancy.
Yeah, I was shocked too!
Of course, at 238 years old, I shouldn’t be. In fact, growing up should be expected. We can’t remain babies or even toddlers forever, now, can we? Cute and cuddly was bound to give way to something, well, to something decidedly different.
We want to be like the big kids. After all, the countries that most of those in power like to believe we all hailed from (legally, natch) have been around for many hundreds of years, some even a thousand years or more. They’ve done so much stuff that they don’t even bother to put up plaques saying what happened.
Yes, those other countries, they’ve changed, grown, and matured through the ages. We must too.
And we are.
Which led me to the realization of the entire problem with our country. With our political family.
One of my tasks as a fake medical expert, is to keep folks in my company apprised of new scientific developments, studies and trends. So I scour the news first thing and point out interesting, informative articles.
It’s a part of my job that I relish because it often gives me terrific ways to terrorize my relatives with news of horrible diseases that pose a 1:1,583,222,185 chance of killing them and everybody in their town. Can you say “Ebola”? Sure, I knew you could.
Doobster made me look back, and I thought of the men in my past.
George.
And George.
And Ronnie.
Now I find myself looking back fondly. Longing for Dick.*
I’m gonna be sick. Google, why’d you do this to me?
I wish I were kidding.
Often, I’ve realized that if the GOP hadn’t gone completely over the edge into fanaticism, that I’d be a Republican.
Google Me This
Because, you see, I remember when Republicans were not crazy. When they were a valuable part of the strong government that built our country into the envy of the world.
When they were not out only to protect their rich buddies. When they knew how to govern.
When they could compromise. More importantly, when compromise was the goal, because they knew that THAT is how government works. And good government works for everybody.
I remember the wonderful things that were done in the 1970s — Environmental laws, highways funded, bridges built. Government FUCKING WORKED.
But starting with Reagan, the image makers changed the face of government – remember:
Reagan put folks into Cabinet positions who didn’t believe in government. The Energy and Education Departments were led by folks whose job was to destroy the agencies. The Environmental Protection Administration was led by Anne Gorsuch who didn’t promulgate the regulations that she had to — by law — promulgate. People were put into levels of responsibility to thwart the laws they were supposed to administer.
So yes, I am sitting here looking back through history and realizing that the GOP has, in leaps and bounds, ensured that government doesn’t work. [I’ve said for years, why do people want to elect folks to government who don’t’ believe in government? What is the fucking point of that?]
It was compounded by George H.W. and then by George W. who put more and more jokers in positions of power.
And what a surprise, the government doesn’t work any more.
So now I find myself looking back fondly to Richard Nixon. My, ummm, hero.
Google, natch.
Is there no limit to what these Republican will do to me?
* Yeah, I know I skipped Jerry. But he served on a naval ship with my Dad in WWII during a typhoon and Gerald Ford saved the ship. So I cut Jerry some serious slack. Sue me.
FiftyFourandAHalf 
