Monthly Archives: October 2012

Back in the Saddle

Hi everybody,

Just wanted to let you know that we were really lucky when Sandy came to visit.  She wasn’t too bitchy around my ‘hood.

Power was out for about 24 hours, but all those trees that were standing Monday morning around my house remain upright.

Thanks to everyone for your good wishes.  Let’s forward all our good thoughts and wishes on to the folks who are really dealing with some serious shit.  Because, as you know:

Blogger karma is awesome!

Good luck to anyone still hangin’ with Sandy, or cleaning up after such a rude guest.  Hope you are all safe.

And if you can, here is a link to the American Red Cross to donate to folks who are gonna need it, cause sometimes karma isn’t enough:


Filed under Bloggin' Buddies, Climate Change, Fashion, Global Warming, Health and Medicine, Humor, Neighbors, Real Estate, Sandy, Science

The Heart of the Matter

How did you like living in the U.S. under the Articles of Confederation and Perpetual Union?

They lasted from 1777 until 1789.
So they must have worked really well, right?

For those of you who aren’t in the U.S., the Articles of Confederation and Perpetual Union was the system of government the baby United States adopted right after the Revolutionary War.  It basically granted all power to the individual 13 states; anything that crossed state borders was subject to negotiation.  Everything.

The Articles of Confederation worked so well last time that they lasted, well, from 1777 all the way until 1791.  Wow, that’s a lifetime.  If you’re a dog, that is.  Then in 1791 the U.S. Constitution was adopted because states rights are, umm, unworkable with 13 states (with 50 I’m sure it’d be much more workable).

Why didn’t it work?  Well, the “Federal Government” existed under the Articles, but it was powerless.  Primarily because it couldn’t levy or collect taxes.  Imagine the Federal Government in the role of Cinderella, and you’ve got the general idea.  Yup, the rich and powerful states like Virginia and NY were perfectly willing to screw the smaller, poorer states (pity my poor little Connecticut with no fairy godmother!)

Now, back to my question.  How did you like living in the U.S. under the Articles of Confederation?

Oh you didn’t?  Well, tough noogies, because you may just get to live under them again.  Wouldn’t that be a hoot?

You see, “States Rights” is a huge part of what the modern GOP is all about.  (And yes, I used the term “modern” ironically.)  They want all the power to go to the states from the Federal Government.

That’s what Mitt Romney wants to do with Medicaid – send block grants to the states!  Wooh Hoo!

That’s what Mitt Romney wants to do with Healthcare – make the states figure it out.  Yippee!!

That’s what Mitt Romney wants to do with FEMA – the Federal Emergency Management Administration.  Won’t that knock your socks off?  Or your roof?

Now, I need to digress for a minute.

Can someone please explain to me why Mitt Romney

is running for head of the

FEDERAL Government

if he wants all the power to go to the states? 

I mean, can’t he run for governor in one of the other states where he has one of his many homes?  Not one that I or any of my friends or family live in, mind you.

But what is it with these Fucking Republicans who want to go into the Federal Government and take it apart?  It started with Ronald Reagan and continues and continues and continues.

The GOP has way too many stupid ideas.  That’s not part of my digression.  Or I have been digressing that way for 32 years (since Reagan).  One of the two.

So yeah, Mitt wants the Federal Government out of FEMA.  He’d kind of like it to go back to the states (see Articles of Confederation, above).  But what he’d really like is to send it back to the Holy Private Sector. Because insurance companies are so cooperative during natural disasters, aren’t they?


[Yup, that’s what Mitt Romney said back when he was Severely Conservative Mitt.  He wanted all the power to go back to the states.  And he confirmed that that’s what he’d do if he becomes president on Sunday night, 10/28/12.]

I wonder how that’ll play in North Carolina and Virginia — battleground states — next week.  Probably no better than in any other area that’s been hit by this or any other natural disaster.

You know, I’m beginning to think that Dick Cheney had the right idea.  Maybe we should move all the GOP members up to the head of the line for heart transplants.  We can start with Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan.  They certainly seem more in need of hearts; the Democrats clearly already have them in spades.



Filed under Humor

I’ll Be Seeing You

I don’t know what you’re going to do for the next few days.  I mean without me.  Because I am pretty sure that you won’t be hearing from me for a bit.


Sandy, of course.

Damn — not THAT Sandy.  This one, The “Frankenstorm”:

The Weather Channel Hurricane Specialist Carl Parker says Sandy is expected to bring widespread damage over a wide area.

Some areas are prepared for nasty weather events.  Given that the Greater Washington DC  area closes down with snow flurries, well, it won’t be pretty here, even though other areas will likely get hit harder.

Still, I can safely say that:

  • I will be powerless for many days.
  • I will have no running water until the power comes back on sometime around Thanksgiving.
  • Trees will fall on my once wooded lot and I will have to remortgage to pay for the cleanup.  Then I will plant wheat.
  • I will be unable to flush the toilet for a very long time which is especially pleasant if you live with Crohn’s Disease.
  • I will be unable to shower for days.
  • We will not relocate to a hotel because it would upset our dog, Cooper, too much.  Cooper is very old and has been dying any day now for nearly three years.  He will bury John and I when we smell so bad that he mistakes us for dead animals.
  • I will not be pleasant to sit next to until sometime after the election when I promise to shower.

I can also safely say that I will be going completely out of my minds being unable to check polls, hear about what is happening in the run-up to the election and what stupid things Ann and Mitt Romney, and Pauly Ryan have said lately.

But you won’t have to suffer, unless you too are in Sandy’s way.  When you are looking for your bizarre little bits of what the crazies on the left are doing, here are two of my favorite locations:

Meanwhile, until the storm starts, I will be at the grocery store.  Handing out copies of this picture:

You gonna vote for a guy with even less heart than Bush???

 *     *     *

To all my friends who are also in Sandy’s way, good luck with the storm.  Remember, that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.  And of course, by “stronger” I mean more fragrant.

To all of you who are not impacted by Sandy, please go to our websites frequently so that we will feel the love later, when we have electricity and want to know that our bloggin’ buddies have been by to help keep our stats up.

And Sandy of Sandylikeabeach?  I expect you here by Friday with a chain saw!


Filed under Bloggin' Buddies, Campaigning, Climate Change, Criminal Activity, Family, Global Warming, Humor, Hypocrisy, Music, Real Estate, Voting

Idiot Wind

Damn it!  My most recent pipe dream has just come crashing down around my ears.

You know, the one where I become a wildly successful, NY Times bestselling novelist because of the incredible stories I make up out of a combination of thin air, personal experience and plagiarism?

Yeah, that dream.

And it came crashing down because I must accept the fact that life is so much more colorful than anything I could make up.  Yup, life is just wayyyyyy more exciting than my stories.   Real life, especially during the runup to an election in the United States is in fact, completely surreal.

So don’t be rushin’ around to the bookstore.  You’ll be disappointed.

What was it that forced reality into my otherwise happy existence?

Naturally, it was something I read.  And while I am still drooling in shock, I am just not quite sure what it all means.  I mean, how will things turn out?  Because you see, I just read, that the women’s vote, which I’ve been counting on to get Obama over the edge, will be determined by where women are in their menstrual cycle.   I had thought that, well, thought might play a role.  But I guess not.

Apparently, it’s true.  It’s been studied!  So it must be right, right?

First of all, you won’t hear me comment on the fact that this study was conducted in Texas.  Nope.  Not one word.  Total and absolute silence on the study’s lone star status.

The study was conducted by Kristina Durante at U of T.


Jimmy Durante and Pumpkin

The study presented the results of an internet survey of 502 women with regular menstrual cycles and who were not using hormone-based contraceptives (the pill, the patch and the like).

The researchers found that during the fertile time of the month, when levels of the hormone estrogen are high, single women appeared more likely to vote for Obama and committed women appeared more likely to vote for Romney, by a margin of at least 20%, Durante said. This seems to be the driver behind the researchers’ overall observation that single women were inclined toward Obama and committed women leaned toward Romney.  [Yeah, that’s my emphasis. How could I let you miss that gem?]

That’s ’cause, according to Durante (Kristina not Jimmy), women are feeling sexier, which of course makes them sluttier in my mind or, in Durante’s it makes them:

“lean more toward liberal attitudes on abortion and marriage equality.”

In other important research, Durante has also studied your period’s impact on other vital decisions, like your shopping choices.

When you go to Vote,

Go feeling really slutty

Vote a Straight Democratic Ticket!

*     *     *

I found this fascinating information on Daily Kos, where I find some of the best stuff.  They found it at CNN!  Yup, CNN, “The Most Trusted Name In News!”  For some reason, though, CNN took down the link.

But here is the link Kos provided.  Cause you really don’t want to miss this one.

You’re welcome.


Filed under Books, Campaigning, Criminal Activity, Elections, Family, Humor, Law, Politics, Science, Stupidity, Voting

Oh, Now I Get It!

It’s  getting really confusing.

Here’s my problem:

If it is God’s will that  a woman gets pregnant when she’s raped, how do these lady parts that shut down and prevent pregnancy fit in?

You see why I’m confused now, don’t you?

But naturally, Bloggers have saved the day.

Yup, they answered my question.  Illustrated the situation.  And now you too will understand it all.  You’re welcome.

Here is a guide posted on one of my favorite blogs,  (that’s where I learn all kinds of fascinating things).  I just had to share this illustration so you won’t be confused either.  It was originally posted there by Connecticutie but updated by brainwrap today in light of Richard Mourdock’s comment at last night’s debate.

Understand it now?  Good.  I knew you would.

*     *     *

Full disclosure here.

I am not pro-abortion.  I have never had an abortion, and I recall how when I was young and single that I grappled with the question:  “If I get pregnant, what will I do?”  It was never a question that needed an actionable answer.  I was lucky.  Many others weren’t.

You know, I don’t know or know of anyone who is, actually, pro-abortion, come to think of it.  And you know what?  I think that the moniker “pro-choice” is a poor one.  It’s part of the problem.  It sounds too much like a casual decision.  And of course, it is anything but.  I think that the poor name choice demeans the difficult decision that women, either alone or with their partner or their parent or a caring friend, must grapple with.  Richard Mourdock, Todd Akin, Paul Ryan and the rest of the jokers in the GOP shouldn’t be in on this very personal crisis resolution.

We should call it something else.  But I’ve been  unable to come up with a better name, either.  Maybe that’s why we got stuck with the one we got.

Nevertheless, we fought the battle over abortion 40 years ago.  Forty Fucking Years Ago.  And people who knew that it was better to have it safe and regulated as opposed to done in back alleys under unsanitary conditions at the cost of many women’s lives, well they/we won it.  It happened just over a decade after the first contraceptives were approved for use in the United States.

And of course, the GOP is against contraception, too.

A Romney presidency will basically guarantee that the folks who don’t really understand how human biology works will control all the things we women need to control our reproductive health.  Which, of  course, significantly impacts our economic health as well.

[Hey!  Maybe this is the GOP jobs plan — keep women barefoot and pregnant and out of the workplace!]

Many of these Republicans don’t even quite understand how basic human biology works, but they are willing to legislate it nevertheless.  They don’t actually know when in the, ummm, process, conception occurs and/or how contraception actually occurs.  They don’t understand that oral contraceptives do not prevent the sperm from fertilizing the egg but rather prevents the fertilized egg from implanting in the womb. 

So that fertilized egg?  If the GOP has its way, that egg becomes more important than the mother.  Yup.  That’s what the “Personhood” Amendment does.  The one VP Candidate Paul Ryan sponsored along with Senate Candidate Todd Akin.  It gives property rights to fertilized eggs.  Human ones, that is.  They haven’t made any inroads in giving chicken eggs the keys to the henhouse. Yet.

A Romney presidency will guarantee Supreme Court appointments will overturn Roe v. Wade.  Everybody knows that.

And Obama victory will prevent that.  A Democratic Senate will prevent that, too.

But there is more.

In the last 2 years while the GOP has controlled the U.S. House of Representatives, they have passed 55 bills outlawing abortion.  They have passed 0 jobs bills.  Yeah, that’s a ZERO.  A big goose egg (ahem).  And of course, they campaigned on JOBS, JOBS, JOBs! in 2010.  That’s the promise that gave them the House of Representatives.  And then they blocked all bills that would have helped create jobs.

We really need to get rid of these crazies.  We need to get rid of the nutcases, the fanatics that want to control our bodies, eliminate our liberties, stop on our freedoms and who then wrap it in the flag and sing The Star Spangled Banner.

Well, Damn it, that’s my flag too, and my national anthem.  Keep your crazy ass hands off of them both.


Filed under Campaigning, Childhood Traumas, Criminal Activity, Elections, Family, Health and Medicine, History, Hypocrisy, Law, Politics, Science, Stupidity, Voting

Wait, Wait, I have a Question!

OK, I am not even going to try to be cute or funny or anything of the sort.

Here are my three questions for Mitt Romney:

Q:  If I move to the Middle East, do I get to control my own lady-parts andget equal pay for equal work?  Because you don’t think I am entitled to do that here in the U.S., do you?

ROMNEY: Well, my strategy is pretty straightforward, which is to go after the bad guys, to make sure we do our very best to interrupt them, to — to kill them, to take them out of the picture.

But my strategy is broader than that. That’s — that’s important, of course. But the key that we’re going to have to pursue is a — is a pathway to get the Muslim world to be able to reject extremism on its own. […]

And how do we do that? A group of Arab scholars came together, organized by the U.N., to look at how we can help the — the world reject these — these terrorists. And the answer they came up with was this:

One, more economic development …

Number two, better education.

Number three, gender equality.

Number four, the rule of law.

Q:  If you change your position on every issue based on who you are talking to, how the hell can any foreign leader know when you mean what you say, when you’re pandering, and when you are telling an outright lie?

And lastly, at least for the moment,

 Q:  You frequently talk about all your record in Massachusetts, about which you claim to be very proud. If you did such a bang up job, Why are the folks in Massachusetts going to vote for President Obama?


 *     *     *

If you live in the United States and would like to help GET OUT THE VOTE, you can make calls no matter where you live through the Obama website:

Remember, Elections Matter.  So do results.



Filed under Campaigning, Criminal Activity, Elections, Health and Medicine, History, Hypocrisy, Politics, Voting

Throne Update

It seems like just the other day when I was telling you about David Siegel in my post Robbin’ a Better Hood.

You know, it was the story of David, the poor billionaire CEO of Westgate Resorts who likes to sit on a golden cherub-encrusted throne.  In case you can’t remember, he threatened his employees with termination if Mitt Romney doesn’t become president, if Obama wins and raises his taxes.  He also complained about not getting any happy hours.

Oh, it was just the other day!

Well, I’ve learned so much since.  And I just gotta share.

You see, I learned that apparently CEO’s are pack animals.  And a bunch of other CEOs are doing the same thing to their employees so that they can protect their billions.

At first I was confused.  How could so many folks, living high on the hog, come up with the very same idea?

Then I learned just last night that there is a common thread here that, well, I for one would never have guessed.

Because guess who is telling those CEO’s to do that?  Guess who is showing his leadership ability by actually getting billionaire CEOs to follow an order?  Guess who has the morals and ethics of a crack whore?

[26:30]  I hope you make it very clear to your employees what you believe is in the best interest of your enterprise and therefore their job and their future in the upcoming elections. And whether you agree with me or you agree with President Obama, or whatever your political view, I hope, you pass those along to your employees.  Mitt Romney, June 6, 2012.

Yup, it’s Mitt.  The guy whose team is in favor of voter suppression (heard the one about the Arizona Voter ID cards that were sent out with the wrong date for election date – funny thing, it’s only wrong on the Spanish ones).

Can you say “Watergate?”  Can you say “Iran Contra?”  Can you say “Tammany Hall?”  Are you listening Mitt Romney?

I heard that Ann will be cancelling her next few campaign stops.  She’s out shopping for furniture for the Oval Office.

Or maybe they should go on the Truman Balcony.
The view of the peasants is way better from there..


Filed under Awards, Campaigning, Conspicuous consumption, Criminal Activity, Elections, Humor, Hypocrisy, Law, Politics, Stupidity, Taxes, Voting