Category Archives: Humor

Heading upstream.

This post sums up the entire problem of protecting ourselves and our children from guns — and how so few people apparently have the wisdom to figure out the answer — RESTRICT THE DAMN GUNS!

momshieb's avatarNot for sissies

I just finished reading an article in today’s Boston Globe Magazine.  It made me so angry and so frustrated that I am just about in tears.

It was an article on school safety.  Here is the link: “Safekeeping”  You should read it.

Then you should take a moment to reflect on this little story that my husband heard way back in graduate school.

A man was walking in a new country.  It was a lovely place. There was a river, and it came rushing down from the mountainside.  As the man approached the riverbank, he saw many people, working frantically to pull babies out of the rushing waters. Each time one of the townspeople pulled out a little baby, saving its life, another baby came by, swept along by the river’s current.  “What are you doing?”, asked the stranger. “We are all working together,” answered one of the…

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Saving Face

When John F. Kennedy won the standoff with the Soviets during the Cuban Missile Crisis in 1962, there was more to the story.

You see, we didn’t win completely.  Nope. Kennedy gave something up, too.

It’s true.  Kennedy got the Soviets to pull the missiles out of Cuba, but he also let them save face.  A month or so later, the U.S. pulled out some of our missiles, based in Turkey that were pointed at the USSR.  So the Ruskies won something too.

That’s how negotiations work.  Everybody gets a little something.  Because it’s all about respect.  Truly.  Winning?  Losing?  They don’t matter.  But respect, that’s everything.

And you know, in all fairness, we do need to do that with the GOP’s Government Shutdown.  Because, as so eloquently stated by Rep. Marlin Stutzman (R-IN) about the GOP (who were almost immediately — and accurately — blamed and ridiculed for closing down the government):

“We’re not going to be disrespected, We have to get something out of this. And I don’t know what that even is.”

But what to give them? 

Here’s the suggestion of what they should get by Laurence Lewis in a post on The Daily Kos:

Photo Credit:  Daily Kos

Photo Credit: Unknown but I got it from the Daily Kos

 

Yup.  That’s more than they deserve. 

And besides, John Boehner can use it as a hanky if he doesn’t want to wear it.

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Filed under Conspicuous consumption, Criminal Activity, Daily Kos, Disgustology, Elections, GOP Government Shutdown, History, Humor, Politics, Stupidity, Taking Care of Each Other, Wild Beasts

Left vs. Right — You Choose

In the left corner, representing us, we have a true statesperson:  Senator Elizabeth Warner:

When was the last time the anarchy gang called for regulators to go easier on companies that put lead in children’s toys? Or for inspectors to stop checking whether the meat in our grocery stores is crawling with deadly bacteria? Or for the FDA to ignore whether morning sickness drugs will cause horrible deformities in our babies?

When? Never. In fact, whenever the anarchists make any headway in their quest and cause damage to our government, the opposite happens.

    …

Why do they do this? Because the boogeyman government in the alternate universe of their fiery political speeches isn’t real. It doesn’t exist.

 Government is real, and it has three basic functions:
1.    Provide for the national defense.
2.    Put rules in place rules, like traffic lights and bank regulations, that are fair and transparent.
3.    Build the things together that none of us can build alone – roads, schools, power grids – the things that give everyone a chance to succeed.

    …

 We are alive, we are healthier, we are stronger because of government.

And in the other corner, we have John Boehner and the Tea Party Tizziers:

Elections Matter!

*     *     *

My thanks to the Stephen D at the Daily Kos for the video link to Senator Warren (my hero).

And my thanks to one of my favorite blogging buddies, Frank of A Frank Angle for Groucho.

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Filed under Bloggin' Buddies, Campaigning, Climate Change, Criminal Activity, Disgustology, Elections, Global Warming, Gun control, Health and Medicine, History, Huh?, Humor, Hypocrisy, Law, Mental Health, Politics, Stupidity, Taking Care of Each Other, Voting, Wild Beasts

Need a New Job? I Got One For You!

Need a new job?  A new career path?

Are you stuck in a dead end job?  No future?  No expansion?  No ability to grow, to expand?

Well there is a whole new field that is just opening up.  And the possibilities for advancement are endless.  It’s a growth area, especially here in the Washington, DC area.

Best of all, you can do it from home.  Even while you keep your current job.

You can do it anywhere.

Yes, you too can become a “Disgustologist!”

Dr. Valerie Curtis is an anthropologist who studies yucky stuff:  poo, vomit, maggots, rotting flesh.  You know, the stuff that smells bad, hurts us or causes disease.  Stuff that we avoid.  This avoidance helps keep us healthy – and keeping away from disease-ridden filth is always a plus.

So in reading this article about Dr. Curtis, I saw a potential growth opportunity festering right there in front of me.

You and me will use the science of “Disgustology” to lead American voters back into voting for sensible politicians.  And into voting out the disgusting ones.

Now, I know many of you are saying,

“But Elyse, American voters have proven since they re-elected George W Bush that they are disgusting!”

And you do have a point.

“But Elyse, American voters have voted in members of the Tea Party!”

And you have another point.

“But Elyse, American voters have voted for people who are destroying our humanity.”

OK, you have lots of points.

That’s where we Disgustologists come in.  Plus that’s why Disgustology is such a growth industry.  Because we are going to reinsert the “That’s Disgusting!” reflex back into the American voter.   With pictures!

Now it’s hard to know where to start these days, isn’t it.  So I started randomly, with my faint recollection that we Americans have hearts and a collective heart.

You know how we Americans like to stick together.  How we’re always the first to help each other in times of tragedy.  How we pull together and support each other during natural disasters?  We pride ourselves on that.

So — Disgustologists – Get your feet wet with this bit of hypocrisy:

Four GOP Congressmen voted FOR Colorado Flood Relief AFTER voting AGAINST Hurricane Sandy Relief!

Here they are:

Rep Cory Gardner (R-CO)

Rep Cory Gardner (R-CO)

Rep Mike Coffman (R-CO)

Rep Mike Coffman (R-CO)

Rep Scott Tipton

Rep Scott Tipton (R-CO)

Rep. Doug Lamborn (R-CO)

Rep. Doug Lamborn (R-CO)

Now don’t get me wrong — I think we as Americans SHOULD take care of the flood victims in Colorado.  And New Jersey.  And victims of hurricanes.  Oh and fires.  We can’t forget the victims of fires.  In fact, we can’t — we shouldn’t — deny aid to folks that are harmed by natural disasters.  Of course we shouldn’t.  We are America.  The richest country in the world.  We take care of our own.  Right?  Right?  You there — am I right?

But you know, there are some folks that we just need to take care of more than others.  Take that good Christian, Rep. Stephen Fincher (R-TN).

Rep. Stephen Fincher (R-TN)

Rep. Stephen Fincher (R-TN)

Fincher was a proponent of separating the Farm Subsidies bill from the Food Stamp bill.  He believes that the Food Stamp program “steals other people’s money.”   He backs up his stand with the bible, natch:

“He who will not work shall not eat”

Those vile children, expecting food, an education and a future.  Stone them, I say, stone them!

But guess what!  Some of YOUR money is going to Congressman Fincher!  Yeah, really!  But, being a good, moral Christian, I’m sure he deserves it.  Look at this:

Mr. Fisher is the second most heavily subsidized “farmer” in Congress under the Farm Subsidies Bill!  Yahoo!  I love it when my money goes to keep hypocrites in business.

USDA data collected in EWG’s 2013 farm subsidy database update — going live tomorrow –shows that Fincher collected a staggering $3.48 million in “our” money from 1999 to 2012. In 2012 alone, the congressman was cut a government check for a $70,000 direct payment. Direct payments are issued automatically, regardless of need, and go predominantly to the largest, most profitable farm operations in the country.

Fincher’s $70,000 farm subsidy haul in 2012 dwarfs the average 2012 SNAP benefit in Tennessee of $1,586.40, and it is nearly double of Tennessee’s median household income. After voting to cut SNAP by more than $20 billion, Fincher joined his colleagues to support a proposal to expand crop insurance subsidies by $9 billion over the next 10 years.

Soon we can give Stevie some more!  I don’t know about you, but I’m DISGUSTED.

And then there’s the new kid on the block.  Ted.  And not the Ted of the TED Talks, either.

Senator Ted Cruz You'd think he was a Disgustologist instead of the nasty thing on the shoe

Senator Ted Cruz
You’d think he was a Disgustologist instead of the nasty thing on the shoe

This guy is one of the leaders of the movement to shut down the government rather than fund The Affordable Care Act.  “Obamacare,” a law that was passed by the United States Congress (of which he is now a member), signed by the President of the United States, and upheld by the United States Supreme Court.  Last I heard those were the only three branches of the U.S. government under the Constitution the GOP loves to wave in everyone’s face (but apparently have not read).

Of course, it isn’t only that Teddy is against it because he clearly doesn’t understand the U.S. government.  Nope, I’m guessing that Ted Cruz lives in some sort of vortex, because he doesn’t understand that the folks that voted him into office are the ones who need the Afordable Care Act.

Look-y here – folks in Ted Cruz’s state of Texas need Obamacare more than most.

Poverty in the US

Poverty in the US

rics

Diabetes map

I'm beginning to see a disgusting pattern here

I’m beginning to see a disgusting pattern here

And the folks who have the most to gain from Obamacare:

In America?  Disgusting!

In America? Disgusting!

Senator Ted Cruz is just disgusting.  Disgustologists?  Let’s show the world.

*     *     *

See what I mean when I say that Disgustology is a Growth Field?  Sign up today!  Opportunities are everywhere.

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Filed under Campaigning, Climate Change, Conspicuous consumption, Criminal Activity, Disgustology, Elections, History, Huh?, Humor, Hypocrisy, Law, Mysteries, Politics, Sandy, Taking Care of Each Other

WHOAH!!!! What happened?!?!

I admit, I’ve been doing a whole lot of this lately

 

Google Image, I'm sure

Google Image, I’m sure

 

But I was surprised how in two months during which I did almost no political posts whatsoever, that the world could have possibly gotten its knickers in a such twist.  Gone end-over-end.  Topsy Turvey.  All akimbo.

Two months ago, my company got two projects that would take us four months each to complete.  Both were due in two months.  Both got done.  I’ve been busy.

And I haven’t been paying attention.  I promise not to let that happen again.

Boy did I miss a whole lot.  I heard that they Congressman Issa cleared up that whole Benghazi thing!  And that Russia kept us out of war in Syria!  Somebody let me know if they admitted we’re doomed because of global climate change, ‘kay?

But the thing that has me most confused?

Apparently the country went from one where the GOP, the Republicans were interested in sticking things into women’s vaginas,

 

Yea, they like to do that.
(Google image)

 

Into one where it’s the proponents of the Affordable Healthcare Act

aka Obamacare — that want to do that!

Really!  Just look’ee here:

 

 

Only this time, they’re not just targeting the womenfolk.  They’re going after all the straight men, too.

 

 

Next, they’ll want to force all employees to wash their hands after using the restroom!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (Google)

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! (Google)

 

*     *     *

 

What sort of people campaign against people getting checkups?  What sort of people promote such ignorance?  What sort of stupid questions am I asking?  Because we all know the answer:

 

The Morally Bankrupt GOP (Google Image)

The Morally Bankrupt GOP
(Google Image)

 

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Filed under Campaigning, Climate Change, Conspicuous consumption, Criminal Activity, Elections, Gizmos, Global Warming, Health and Medicine, Huh?, Humor, Hypocrisy, Law, Politics, Science, Stupidity