Daily Archives: December 20, 2015

Give Peace A Chance – Bomb Agrabah

It was one of the most embarrassing things about working at the World Health Organization for an American like me.  My knowledge of geography really wasn’t all that hot.

I was pretty good at Europe.  I knew that Italy is shaped like a boot, and Switzerland, where I was living, looked like a delicious croissant.  Russia and China?  No problem.  South Africa and Chile — those were easy — they’re at the bottom (and I had been to Chile, so I knew that it was south).

It didn’t help that several countries changed names at the precise moment when I was trying to find them on the map.  Yeah, I’m talking to you Burma/Myanmar. 

But I’m a pretty quick study.  My knowledge of geography grew daily as I had to figure out where the hell everybody was when they went away without me.  Today I can proudly say that I, an American citizen, am no longer geographically challenged.  I’m so good, I can even find Malawi on a map.


It’s right there at 4:00.  Google Image.

So I will admit feeling a wee bit sanctimonious when I learned that the GOP wants to bomb every Arab city including Agrabah.  Because I know where it can be found.

GOP voters support bombing Agrabah!

Those stupid Republicans!  They don’t even know where Agrabah is!  They don’t remember their, umm, history.  I know that it’s the town from The Arabian Knights.  Agrabah, the city of magic is the stuff of fiction, and folk lore and Disney movies.


Agrabah is where Aladin and Jasmin lived.  The city they flew over on the magic carpet.  Oh and the Genie.  He was there too.

My bloggin’ buddy, Bruce Thiesen wrote an interesting piece about the GOP, that made me think that bombing Agrabah isn’t such a bad idea.

I figure, by focusing all our military efforts on Agrabah, we can rewrite Middle Eastern politics and history.

  • We can shoot fictitious people instead of real flesh and blood ones!
  • We can carpet bomb the hell out of a magic city instead of ones with bricks and mortar and things like hospitals and schools.
  • We can demonstrate to the world that we are willing to use the most terrible of weapons if anybody tries anything on us, but without hurting a fly.  Or a flying carpet.

Bombing the shit out of Agrabah will satisfy the blood lust of the Right Wing without hurting any real people.  The GOP will be happy, the Military-Industrial Complex will get their $$$$$ and nobody gets hurt (well, except the taxpayers). It’s a win-win-win.  Lots of wins.

This is how we give peace a chance.

I’m expecting the Nobel Peace Prize for this baby.


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Wait! Isn’t it Actually a ‘War on New Years’?

This morning I read that a Texas (sorry Val) official has a very Christian response to those waging the “War on Christmas” — he’s threatening to slap people who say “Happy Holidays” to him.  In the most Christian way, I’m sure.

Slap Happy

This is the photo that accompanied Sid Miller’s Tweet that I cannot seem to copy. It said

“If one more person says Happy Holidays to me I just might slap them. Either tell me Merry Christmas or just don’t say anything.” – Republican Sid Miller, Texas State Agriculture Commissioner

Ho hum.  I will pause here while you roll your eyes.

But Sid did make me think.  And not just that this guy was obviously the model for the bad boy next door in Toy Story.

No. Sid didn’t make me think about how asinine those folks who insist people wish them and everybody else on the planet “Merry Christmas,” are.  But that they are actually waging a war.


Because, you see, “Happy Holidays” is all encompassing.  It can be a greeting for Christmas, yes, or Kwanzaa, or Hanukkah (or as I like to call it the Jewish Festival of Lights the Name of Which I Cannot Spell). You can reach out to your pagan friends celebrating the Yule or your ‘funnier than shit’  friends celebrating Festivus.  And you can use it instead of “have a nice day” to folks you don’t know.

And it can be used to wish folks a Happy New Year, too.

That’s why I’m thinking that, really, the war is on New Years. The one all-inclusive holiday!  EVERYBODY gets a New New Year!

So by refusing to permit “Happy Holidays,”  clearly none of us supposed to have a Happy New Year.  And while given the shit we in the US will have to hear until November, 2016 we are going to have to work on that “Happy” part, still, we should all wish it for each other.


In fact, I WANT EVERYBODY TO HAVE A HAPPY NEW YEAR.  Well, except for these folks who claim there is a War on Christmas.  I want them all to be spat upon by Donald Trump.  And perhaps slapped silly.  Sillier.

So to ensure that you have a Happy New Year, I am re-running the secret to my good life.  How I have managed to have Happy New Years-es for 30 years.  And I’m doing it before Christmas, Kwanzaa and Festivus (sorry folks who celebrate the Jewish Festival of lights that I cannot spell) and any other religious or non-religious celebration that I might have left out inadvertently)  so that you can plan accordingly.


Our New Years’ Tradition

On the stroke of midnight,

Open the back door –

to force out all the BAD luck.

Not my back door.  Google Image from many years ago because I repeat myself.  Did I mention that I tell the same story over and over?  No?  Well I do.

Open the front door —

to let in the GOOD luck.

Not my front door.  Google Image from many years ago because I repeat myself.  Did I mention that I tell the same story over and over?

The rest is optional, but we always:

  •  Drink a toast to the New Year.
  • Kiss anyone and everyone who happens to be nearby
  • Hope for all the best for all we care about in the New Year.

This year I will of course add to family and flesh friends a wish the happiest, healthiest of new years to all my blogging buddies.

So Happy Holidays, Y’all.  Including New Years!


I just saw this on Father Kanes’ blog and had to add it.



Filed under Humor