This morning I read that a Texas (sorry Val) official has a very Christian response to those waging the “War on Christmas” — he’s threatening to slap people who say “Happy Holidays” to him. In the most Christian way, I’m sure.
“If one more person says Happy Holidays to me I just might slap them. Either tell me Merry Christmas or just don’t say anything.” – Republican Sid Miller, Texas State Agriculture Commissioner
Ho hum. I will pause here while you roll your eyes.
But Sid did make me think. And not just that this guy was obviously the model for the bad boy next door in Toy Story.
No. Sid didn’t make me think about how asinine those folks who insist people wish them and everybody else on the planet “Merry Christmas,” are. But that they are actually waging a war.
ON NEW YEARS!
Because, you see, “Happy Holidays” is all encompassing. It can be a greeting for Christmas, yes, or Kwanzaa, or Hanukkah (or as I like to call it the Jewish Festival of Lights the Name of Which I Cannot Spell). You can reach out to your pagan friends celebrating the Yule or your ‘funnier than shit’ friends celebrating Festivus. And you can use it instead of “have a nice day” to folks you don’t know.
And it can be used to wish folks a Happy New Year, too.
That’s why I’m thinking that, really, the war is on New Years. The one all-inclusive holiday! EVERYBODY gets a New New Year!
So by refusing to permit “Happy Holidays,” clearly none of us supposed to have a Happy New Year. And while given the shit we in the US will have to hear until November, 2016 we are going to have to work on that “Happy” part, still, we should all wish it for each other.
I WANT A HAPPY NEW YEAR!
In fact, I WANT EVERYBODY TO HAVE A HAPPY NEW YEAR. Well, except for these folks who claim there is a War on Christmas. I want them all to be spat upon by Donald Trump. And perhaps slapped silly. Sillier.
So to ensure that you have a Happy New Year, I am re-running the secret to my good life. How I have managed to have Happy New Years-es for 30 years. And I’m doing it before Christmas, Kwanzaa and Festivus (sorry folks who celebrate the Jewish Festival of lights that I cannot spell) and any other religious or non-religious celebration that I might have left out inadvertently) so that you can plan accordingly.
Our New Years’ Tradition
On the stroke of midnight,
Open the back door –
to force out all the BAD luck.
Open the front door —
to let in the GOOD luck.
The rest is optional, but we always:
- Drink a toast to the New Year.
- Kiss anyone and everyone who happens to be nearby
- Hope for all the best for all we care about in the New Year.
This year I will of course add to family and flesh friends a wish the happiest, healthiest of new years to all my blogging buddies.
So Happy Holidays, Y’all. Including New Years!