Wait! Isn’t it Actually a ‘War on New Years’?

This morning I read that a Texas (sorry Val) official has a very Christian response to those waging the “War on Christmas” — he’s threatening to slap people who say “Happy Holidays” to him.  In the most Christian way, I’m sure.

Slap Happy

This is the photo that accompanied Sid Miller’s Tweet that I cannot seem to copy. It said

“If one more person says Happy Holidays to me I just might slap them. Either tell me Merry Christmas or just don’t say anything.” – Republican Sid Miller, Texas State Agriculture Commissioner

Ho hum.  I will pause here while you roll your eyes.

But Sid did make me think.  And not just that this guy was obviously the model for the bad boy next door in Toy Story.

No. Sid didn’t make me think about how asinine those folks who insist people wish them and everybody else on the planet “Merry Christmas,” are.  But that they are actually waging a war.


Because, you see, “Happy Holidays” is all encompassing.  It can be a greeting for Christmas, yes, or Kwanzaa, or Hanukkah (or as I like to call it the Jewish Festival of Lights the Name of Which I Cannot Spell). You can reach out to your pagan friends celebrating the Yule or your ‘funnier than shit’  friends celebrating Festivus.  And you can use it instead of “have a nice day” to folks you don’t know.

And it can be used to wish folks a Happy New Year, too.

That’s why I’m thinking that, really, the war is on New Years. The one all-inclusive holiday!  EVERYBODY gets a New New Year!

So by refusing to permit “Happy Holidays,”  clearly none of us supposed to have a Happy New Year.  And while given the shit we in the US will have to hear until November, 2016 we are going to have to work on that “Happy” part, still, we should all wish it for each other.


In fact, I WANT EVERYBODY TO HAVE A HAPPY NEW YEAR.  Well, except for these folks who claim there is a War on Christmas.  I want them all to be spat upon by Donald Trump.  And perhaps slapped silly.  Sillier.

So to ensure that you have a Happy New Year, I am re-running the secret to my good life.  How I have managed to have Happy New Years-es for 30 years.  And I’m doing it before Christmas, Kwanzaa and Festivus (sorry folks who celebrate the Jewish Festival of lights that I cannot spell) and any other religious or non-religious celebration that I might have left out inadvertently)  so that you can plan accordingly.


Our New Years’ Tradition

On the stroke of midnight,

Open the back door –

to force out all the BAD luck.

Not my back door.  Google Image from many years ago because I repeat myself.  Did I mention that I tell the same story over and over?  No?  Well I do.

Open the front door —

to let in the GOOD luck.

Not my front door.  Google Image from many years ago because I repeat myself.  Did I mention that I tell the same story over and over?

The rest is optional, but we always:

  •  Drink a toast to the New Year.
  • Kiss anyone and everyone who happens to be nearby
  • Hope for all the best for all we care about in the New Year.

This year I will of course add to family and flesh friends a wish the happiest, healthiest of new years to all my blogging buddies.

So Happy Holidays, Y’all.  Including New Years!


I just saw this on Father Kanes’ blog and had to add it.



Filed under Humor

66 responses to “Wait! Isn’t it Actually a ‘War on New Years’?

  1. A Happy New Year to all of you. I won’t leave my front door open or my back otherwise we’d have people stealing things up here but..I get the point. It would also let in some fresh air. We will be hopefully staying home and having bacon wrapped scallops, a glass of wine while watching a movie and trying to stay awake. Hubby might kiss the dog. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  2. There’s a lot of great images in this one. As a Christian, I’m offended by those who mock the secular aspect of Christmas. I say they don’t get the big picture!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Hangs head, covers face with palms. Why? Why is it always in Texas these fools speak up? It is okay Elyse, they seem to congregate here and they can’t seem to shut the hell up, even during the holidays.

    I am going to try your New Year trick. I think I might have a ‘date’ for that day, so maybe even someone to kiss and kiss well.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes, poor Texas! I know several people there and they cringe regularly, just like you!

      Have a wonderful time on Nee Years. May 2016 be a happy, healthy year for you!


  4. I really really want to know why people think “Happy holidays” is an insult. “You greeted me in a friendly manner! PREPARE TO DIE!!!”

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Love the Polydeism sign, Elyse! Hey, I looked up the festival of lights and I see the problem. There are three, count ’em, three, spellings. Hanukkah, Hanukah and Chanukah. No wonder we’re confused. Sadly, Festivus has not yet made its way into the Merriam Webster. But I predict it will!!

    Merry, Happy, Giddy Christmas, New Years, Holidays, Hanukah, and Festivus to you and yours. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Isn’t that sign a crack-up? It was a late addition to this post, because, well, I had to add it once I saw it. And there is a great deal of truth in that sign!

      As for the Festival of Lights, well, I feel better knowing that even Jews spell it differently. Because I do so hate being the only one confused.

      Lastly, Happy Holidays, Jim. May you have a wonderful celebration, whatever you celebrate. And may 2016 be a happy, healthy year for you and your wife.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Happy Holidays to you too Elyse! May your front and back doors swing open with ease!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Speaking of “Happy New Year”… don’t forget, that’s a new year from the birthday of the same guy whose birthday is it’s own separate holiday. So by saying “Happy New Year” we basically already celebrate Christmas.
    Of course, try telling that to a Christian and they’ll slap you. (and by the way, slapping people on the cheek is a very Christian thing to do – even Jesus left specific instructions on the subject)

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I’ve heard many people say they take offense at “Happy Holidays,” and it annoys me to no end. The fact that this was said by someone in a government executive position is even more annoying. I realize his role is specific to agriculture. Even so, shouldn’t all government employees be trained on diversity and cultural sensitivity given their salaries are funded from the taxes paid of all Americans, including those not of his faith?

    Liked by 1 person

  9. lifespaller

    That door thing works. Happy summer solstice from an Australian descendent of criminals and famine immigrants.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Did you do it last year! Is that the reason you got healthier (knocking wood here. Really hard)? Maybe I need to do it upside down like you!


      • lifespaller

        What do mean ‘upside down’? You guys are upside down (especially the GOP).

        My health could be due to a clinical trial or just a remission, but I’m calling it – it’s the door ceremony! (Not that I can actually remember what I did at midnight)


        • You’ve got a point about the GOP. But I tend to think that they’re not so much upside down as that they have their heads rammed so far up their asses that they don’t actually know which way is up.

          I’m going to assume you did the door thing. Maybe in your sleep, but it is even more effective than a poop transplant IMHO!

          Liked by 1 person

  10. A sister of mine insists on pronouncing The Jewish Festival of Lights with the hard “CH” sound at the start of the word. Because I know she insists on this, and having long concluded that her reason for doing so is elitist, narrow-minded, and only partially accurate, I purposely pronounce the word using the more common and conventional “H” sound several times when we speak on the phone this time of year. This bothers her. She apparently has her own war on the Jewish Festival of Lights. Move over, Tea Baggers.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh dear — I could even offend more people by mispronouncing it????

      Sister/brother relationships are the same worldwide, I’m pretty sure. Nobody can push your buttons like your siblings!

      Happy holidays, Marty!

      Liked by 1 person

  11. Just more BS stupid and spoiled Americans want their way. But no prayers in school. Don’t make sense to me, hell a bit confused.

    Happy, happy Holiday to you Elyse.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Actually, the same people who get offended when someone says “Happy Holidays” are the ones who DO want prayer in school. But only THEIR prayers. Because to them, all other religions are blasphemous. They are an obnoxious group of self-righteous ….
      They’re also the ones who cry “freedom” at the drop of a hat but don’t accept that freedom in the US means freedom of religion — all of them.

      Oh dear, I found myself on that old soap box again. How DOES this keep happening!

      Happy Holidays to you too!

      Liked by 3 people

  12. Happiness is a universal notion.Everyone deserves it, regardless of his philosophy or religious construct. So…may you be happy. And just add whichever noun seems right.

    Liked by 3 people

  13. A Merry Happy December 20 to you, Elyse.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. I have done so many posts on this crazy war on Christmas thing… they never feel that any other religion is valid enough to show any respect for, but try to get them to include others, and they freak out. I wonder what that Jesus guy would say about that?

    Liked by 2 people

  15. Glazed

    Happy Holidays, Elyse. As for me, I’m not a Christian. I have far better things to do than wage war on Christmas, but if I could, I would ignore Christmas.

    Liked by 2 people

  16. I wish you happiness and good health every day of the year. Spread the love!

    Liked by 1 person

  17. I’m not sure why we get offended when someone wishes something good to us no matter what words they use. Lighten up folks! It’s all good! Happy Saturnalia to you! (Now that was one badass holiday! Human sacrifice and all.)

    Liked by 3 people

  18. I don’t have a back door. Maybe that’s why the bad luck never seems to leave?

    Liked by 1 person

  19. May the Green Man bless you on the Yule, or something like that……May your egg nog be spicy and your fruitcake be absent, and may all your New Years dreams come true!

    Liked by 3 people

    • Thanks, Moms! What a nice greeting (a bit long for the grocery store line, though …)

      Happy Holidays to you with your new granddaughter! Did you break the bank yet????


  20. Happy holidays to you. I love your explanation. I will now have a ready answer for anyone who objects to the phrase. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  21. I saw that article. I cannot understand why people get insulted when someone says something nice to them…. but I guess that’s just me (and you).

    Liked by 2 people

  22. Happy holidays to you, my friend!!!! Some days I am just so embarrassed to be from Texas…

    Liked by 2 people

  23. Happy Holidays…Thanks for providing a safe haven to not be slapped….Happy Solstice.

    Liked by 2 people

  24. The happiest of holidays to you, Elyse! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

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