Category Archives: Stupidity

November 17, 2013 · 0:00

Hertz — Donut

It’s been about 50 years since I said “yes” when somebody (probably my brother, Fred) asked me if I wanted a “knuckle sammich.”

It had been nearly as long since I said “yes” when somebody (probably my brother, Fred) asked me if I wanted a “Hertz Donut.”

It’s important to note that Fred was nowhere to be found when this happened. So I can’t blame him.

In fact, I don’t recall actually being asked “Do you want a Hertz Donut.” Nope. I didn’t hear it coming. But I got hit anyway. Me and John did, actually.

You see, we flew up here to Maine to check on the repair work to our little cottage up here that was damaged in a fire.

We used our United Airlines frequent flier miles to pay for most of the ticket. John noticed that they also offered a special deal on rental cars with prepayment. Hertz! Located right there in the Portland airport, not a zillion miles and a schleppy shuttlebus ride away. Plus, the cost was the same as the other car rental companies.

Great! Yes, I’d love a Hertz, ummmm, rental car.

But neither of us signed on for a Hertz Donut.

Still, that’s exactly what we got. And it Hertz right in the wallet.

We got to the extremely convenient counter, gave our names and began our transaction. John pulled out his drivers’ license, and I pulled out mine.

“That’ll be $13.99 per day for a second driver,” said the clerk, a bit sheepishly.

“Excuse me?” John and I said, both our mouths hanging open in shock. “There’s never a charge for an extra charge for a spouse to drive a rental car.”

“There is with Hertz’ promotion with United,” responded the clerk, apologetically. (It wasn’t her fault, we knew that. She was just doing her job. So we groused politely, and not at her.)

We had pre-paid for our car, non-refundable, natch. And we needed two drivers because we were doing all kinds of household chores.

We were not happy. We had never had to pay extra for a second driver, let alone a spouse. Have you?

An extra $100. Hertz, Donut.

I don’t know about you, but I am really fed up with Corporations sticking their hand in my pocket. Especially when they claim to be offering me a bloomin’ bargain.

Yup, and I’ll make sure to go elsewhere from now on.

It makes me wanna give everybody at Hertz a knuckle sammich.

[All images are from Google, Natch.]

72 Comments

Filed under Conspicuous consumption, Criminal Activity, Disgustology, Driving, Huh?, Humor, Maine, Stupidity

Tagged as Assholes, Crap, Hertz Bargain Bull, Hertz Donut, Hertz Rental Car Scam, Pushing Buttons, Vacation

November 16, 2013 · 0:00

Val Made Me Do It. Really

My friend Val of QBG_Tilted Tiara came to my rescue just this morning. You see, I have been in a bit of a writing slump. I write and then hit “delete” faster than I can retype what I just cut. And since I was last clocked at 120 words per minute, that’s saying something.

Val explained in her most recent post how she had stolen pages from Oprah’s magazine and not only felt compelled to answer Oprah’s questions, but wants me to do so too.

Shit.

OK. Here goes. Please note that Val didn’t say that I have to answer them honestly. Or seriously. Of course, she also didn’t say I absolutely had to answer them.

I am so glad I learned the secret to… tooting my own horn. I realized decades ago that nobody toots your horn. You have to do it yourself.

And since nobody ever really listens to you when you are tooting (and that term can be taken literally, figuratively, or in the most juvenile way imaginable), it doesn’t matter so much if you do it repeatedly.

But I hope I never figure out… why opposites attract. I am happily married to my husband, John, and have been for 27 years and counting. But if I were to have described the man I’d marry 30 years ago, or 40 years ago, that vision would bear little resemblance to my actual husband. He is a serious, studious, intellectual and I am, um, frequently silly, often irreverent and not at all serious. I am incredibly lucky that I chose John and that he chose me. But I still often look over at him and say “HUH?”

When I need help with life’s mysteries, I turn to… three different people: my old friend Keily, who saw me through some of my most difficult days; my niece, Jen, who is wise and snarky and filled with common sense as well as my genes which is a cross she must bear; my friend Judy, who makes me laugh, has been my friend for decades and is as wise as she is a wise-ass. It is an invaluable combination.

I have been lucky in the friends I’ve fallen in with. Very lucky.

My next challenge is figuring out…what I will write about next …

Val, got any more bright ideas? I should post again in a few days and, ummmm, I’m dry …

49 Comments

Filed under Bloggin' Buddies, Family, History, Huh?, Humor, Stupidity, Taking Care of Each Other

Tagged as Bad days, Crazy people, Humor

November 14, 2013 · 0:00

How I’ll Make My Millions!

Nobody has ever accused me of being on the cutting edge of anything. But I must say that I have missed some golden opportunities. In fact, when I first hear about new things, I generally think that whatever it is is stupid. It’s a trend that began years ago. If I had invested in some of these things when I first heard of them, well, I wouldn’t be wasting my time blogging — I would be paying someone to write my blog for me. I’d be that rich.

It was about 1979 when my then-roommate Elizabeth announced her brilliant idea.

“What if they made Coke without caffeine?” she said to me one night after she decided not to have a Coke because she was tired and it would keep her up.

“What would be the point of that?” I responded, no doubt looking at her like she was stupid.

OK, so I was wrong.

At the time, Elizabeth was considering going to business school for an MBA. She would today be a brilliant executive at a Fortune 500 company if only I had been more encouraging. Instead, she went to medical school and became a psychiatrist.

When CNN first came on, I thought

“Who needs news 24 hours a day?”

Strike 2

When C-Span began showing House and Senate floor debate, while I was actually working as a lobbyist, well, I couldn’t believe it.

“Who is going to watch that unless they get paid to? It is sooooooooooooooooo boring!”

I STILL think I was right about this one.

I never had a Walkman.

“I want to listen to the birds when I’m out walking!”

I thought iPods were stupid and besides I could never figure out iTunes. I still get emails from them and they still haven’t figured out that I hate disco.

Smart phones? “How stupid.”

But I decided that it is time to capitalize on my knack for thinking huge money makers are stupid. In fact, I’ve suggested to John that we should invest our retirement savings in the next product I think is completely inane. It’ll be an uphill battle, though. He doesn’t trust my investment instincts since I started investing in 72 packs of toilet paper.

But I’m going to see if he’ll go along with me on this invention. Because I have to admit, it is possibly the stupidest thing I have ever heard of. We’ll make a bloody fortune.

If I were to wear anti-rape underpants, something would absolutely get into my pants. But I’m quite sure it wouldn’t be a rapist. And it wouldn’t come from outside, either.

****

My thanks to Karen at Do Not Get Sick in the Sink for her post on this.

And my thanks to Google, without which my posts would be far less colorful.

47 Comments

Filed under Bloggin' Buddies, Crohn's Disease, Disgustology, Family, Gizmos, Huh?, Humor, Stupidity

Tagged as Crazy people, Family, Humor, Technology

November 7, 2013 · 0:00

Sore Loser

There is a time honored tradition in our democracy that has the losing side contacting the winning side to offer congratulations. It is part of how we as a society put the disagreements between candidates behind and go forth and govern.

Obviously, as a Democrat, I am happy with the results in the Governor’s race (and the Lt. Governor’s race). I am hopeful about the close election here for Attorney General, which is still being counted.

But as someone who believes in governing as much as I believe in democracy, well, I am disgusted with the tone of Ken Cuccinelli’s post-defeat actions. He has no plans to contact Governor-elect McAuliffe. He has no plans to get together to see what can be done to help the people of the Commonwealth.

Ken Cuccinelli’s Concession speech, if you have the stomach for it, wasn’t a concession speech. It was a “We have to be even bigger assholes and THEN we’ll win” speech. It is scary to think that these fanatics still claim a loss as a victory, and have no plan to work within the confines of what — and whom — the voters chose.