How I’ll Make My Millions!

Nobody has ever accused me of being on the cutting edge of anything.  But I must say that I have missed some golden opportunities.  In fact, when I first hear about new things, I generally think that whatever it is is stupid.  It’s a trend that began years ago.   If I had invested in some of these things when I first heard of them, well, I wouldn’t be wasting my time blogging — I would be paying someone to write my blog for me.  I’d be that rich.

It was about 1979 when my then-roommate Elizabeth announced her brilliant idea.

“What if they made Coke without caffeine?” she said to me one night after she decided not to have a Coke because she was tired and it would keep her up.

“What would be the point of that?” I responded, no doubt looking at her like she was stupid.

Caffeine-free Coke

OK, so I was wrong.

At the time, Elizabeth was considering going to business school for an MBA.  She would today be a brilliant executive at a Fortune 500 company if only I had been more encouraging.  Instead, she went to medical school and became a psychiatrist.

When CNN first came on, I thought

“Who needs news 24 hours a day?”


Strike 2

When C-Span began showing House and Senate floor debate, while I was actually working as a lobbyist, well, I couldn’t believe it.

“Who is going to watch that unless they get paid to?  It is sooooooooooooooooo boring!” 

I STILL  think I was right about this one.

I STILL think I was right about this one.

I never had a Walkman.

“I want to listen to the birds when I’m out walking!”

I thought iPods were stupid and besides I could never figure out iTunes.  I still get emails from them and they still haven’t figured out that I hate disco.

Smart phones?  “How stupid.”

But I decided that it is time to capitalize on my knack for thinking huge money makers are stupid.  In fact, I’ve suggested to John that we should invest our retirement savings in the next product I think is completely inane.  It’ll be an uphill battle, though.  He doesn’t trust my investment instincts since I started investing in 72 packs of toilet paper.

But I’m going to see if he’ll go along with me on this invention.  Because I have to admit, it is possibly the stupidest thing I have ever heard of.  We’ll make a bloody fortune.

If I were to wear anti-rape underpants, something would absolutely get into my pants.  But I’m quite sure it wouldn’t be a rapist.  And it wouldn’t come from outside, either.


My thanks to Karen at Do Not Get Sick in the Sink for her post on this.

And my thanks to Google, without which my posts would be far less colorful.


Filed under Bloggin' Buddies, Crohn's Disease, Disgustology, Family, Gizmos, Huh?, Humor, Stupidity

47 responses to “How I’ll Make My Millions!

  1. I watched this whole thing because I kept thinking it wasn’t real. I found myself thinking, during the demonstration of the uncuttable nature of the garment, that now you’ll just get stabbed. Also this encourages paranoia. Also apparently you have to be a size 2 to wear them comfortably. Also I kind of don’t know what to think.


    • Me too. We really have made ourselves into a bizarre society where someone could even think these up and think they might be a good thing. And the come hither look on the sexy model doesn’t help.


  2. I was wondering about the field test myself. *chuckles* Don’t let this one get past you Elyse. It might make you a gozillionaire.


    • Funny thing is, since I mentioned this to my husband, my checkbook and all of my credit cards have gone missing.. Surely that’s just an odd coincidence, right?


  3. Someone actually reviewed these (not sure if it was real or satire) and said they wouldn’t prevent rape, just make it take a little longer.

    I’ll continue to invest in lingerie.
    (I look great in a sheer camisole! You can count all the hair on my chest!)


  4. Before these appallingly inappropriate AR panties ever hit the market, there will already be anti-AR panty solutions blanketing the market, that will effectively make them null and void. For every alarm or sensor or warning bell, there are thieves and rapists out there figuring out how to disable or dismantle them. The only one being protected will be the one getting paid.

    You’re right! You WILL make millions. Invest away.


  5. Oh my gosh, I’ve heard of these underwear… I’ll have to watch the video after my boss leaves or something. I’m pretty sure that carrying a taser is a better idea though 😉
    Also: I remember when I worked at AT&T in 2005 and my boss talked about how someday everyone would carry phones that were like little miniature computers and they would be able to do everything on them and I just rolled my eyes because clearly that was the DUMBEST thing I’d ever heard.


  6. This is what I said about the pocket bra. I could have been rich I tell you.


  7. Hey, thanks for the linky-link. I don’t know if you’re going to make your millions investing in Anti-Rape undies. Better stick to that original plan and keep buying lottery tickets . . .



  8. I think that’s actually real… man, what have we come to? I think this will sell like hot cakes, but seriously, men are dumb.


  9. that was amazing & interesting nice idea…………..☺


  10. Just when you think you’ve heard of everything. Maybe I need to go forth with some of my stupid ideas. They look grand in comparison.


  11. So what happens if you forget the lock combination for this chastity belt?


  12. Maybe one day there will be ear plugs that filter out stupidity.


  13. So many things bother me about that ad, where do I begin? Aside from the fact this product puts yet another onus on WOMEN to prevent their own rapes, why did they have to use a sexy model to demonstrate it? Couldn’t they have used a normal looking woman, one without a playful glean in her eye? And speaking of normal women, I hope they make this thing much bigger than what they’re showing. I don’t think your average woman is a size 0 or size 2 like the model. Okay. I’m done now. Invest away…


  14. Luanne

    Haha, maybe there is a way to use your talent for being wrong to make money!


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