Category Archives: Science

WHOAH!!!! What happened?!?!

I admit, I’ve been doing a whole lot of this lately

 

Google Image, I'm sure

Google Image, I’m sure

 

But I was surprised how in two months during which I did almost no political posts whatsoever, that the world could have possibly gotten its knickers in a such twist.  Gone end-over-end.  Topsy Turvey.  All akimbo.

Two months ago, my company got two projects that would take us four months each to complete.  Both were due in two months.  Both got done.  I’ve been busy.

And I haven’t been paying attention.  I promise not to let that happen again.

Boy did I miss a whole lot.  I heard that they Congressman Issa cleared up that whole Benghazi thing!  And that Russia kept us out of war in Syria!  Somebody let me know if they admitted we’re doomed because of global climate change, ‘kay?

But the thing that has me most confused?

Apparently the country went from one where the GOP, the Republicans were interested in sticking things into women’s vaginas,

 

Yea, they like to do that.
(Google image)

 

Into one where it’s the proponents of the Affordable Healthcare Act

aka Obamacare — that want to do that!

Really!  Just look’ee here:

 

 

Only this time, they’re not just targeting the womenfolk.  They’re going after all the straight men, too.

 

 

Next, they’ll want to force all employees to wash their hands after using the restroom!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (Google)

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! (Google)

 

*     *     *

 

What sort of people campaign against people getting checkups?  What sort of people promote such ignorance?  What sort of stupid questions am I asking?  Because we all know the answer:

 

The Morally Bankrupt GOP (Google Image)

The Morally Bankrupt GOP
(Google Image)

 

78 Comments

Filed under Campaigning, Climate Change, Conspicuous consumption, Criminal Activity, Elections, Gizmos, Global Warming, Health and Medicine, Huh?, Humor, Hypocrisy, Law, Politics, Science, Stupidity

Of Mice and, ummm, something else with an “M”

Years ago, Miss Barbara on Romper Room taught me to “Turn That Frown Upside Down!” when I was sad or angry.  Of course I was sad and angry every time I watched Romper Room because not once did Miss Barbara see an “Elyse” in her magic mirror.

She should have seen me in that damn mirror.  I was a good kid.  (Google Image)

She should have seen me in that damn mirror. I was a good kid. (Google Image)

 

Oops.  Sorry.  That isn’t what this post is about.

I’ve actually found over the years that for the normal level of bummed-out-ness, turning my frown upside down (TMFUD) is quite an effective anti-depressant.  It is even more efficacious when combined with a walk and/or singing.  If I TMFUD while walking and singing, I am a happy camper.  (Of course the other folks around me might not be quite so smiley.)

As I got older though, I found that TMFUD was less effective against the bigger things that life threw at me.  I needed something approaching “schadenfreude,” which, as you know, is taking pleasure in others’ misfortune.

Now, I don’t think that I ever really – even to this day – actually take pleasure in someone else’s misfortune.  I’m somewhat nicer than that.

But I do like to look at someone else’s troubles and balance them against my own.  Then I am much more willing to keep my own.  And I feel immensely relieved.

In the early 1980s, neither my sister Judy nor I were, umm, living the high life.  Life was one crisis after another for both of us.  I was sick and poor.  She was a young mother –that wasn’t the bad part — with no education, no prospects, and a shaky relationship with her husband.   She was also poor.

Her problems always seemed worse than mine, and she felt the same way about my troubles.   It made us content with our own struggles.  So, being sisters, we made our respective miseries and misfortunes something of a contest.

I called Jude one day with bad news about the state of my health and she stopped me before I’d gotten the “woe” out in “woe is me.”  Bitch.

“This morning,” Judy announced, “I woke up and went downstairs to make coffee.”  I could picture her standing with one hand on her hip, taking a drag from her cigarette.  “And do you know what happened as I walked across the cold floor in my bare feet?”

I knew it wasn’t going to be good.

“I stepped in mouse intestines — in my bare feet!”  Judy’s cat, Izzy, a prolific hunter, had brought home some spoils for the family.  “Nobody’s should start the day with mouse intestines between their toes.”

Google Image

Google Image

Judy was right — no day should start that way.  And that was when I co-opted the motto for my life:

Life is Good*

* As long as you don’t have mouse intestines between your toes.

I’ve never seen that Tee-shirt in the series.  I think they need to expand.

Anyway, sadly Judy is gone, and I’d kind of forgotten about my motto.

In the last six months while I’ve been under the weather, not having Judy’s misfortunes to compare mine to made feeling crappy much crappier.

But today I stumbled across a story that inspired me, just the way my sister Judy used to.  It made me feel that somebody is worse off than me.  And it made me glad that I have my own troubles, and not this woman’s.

Today I read a story about a woman whose situation makes me squirm.

A story that made me realize that things for me really aren’t so bad.

A story that turned my frown upside down.

It was an article about an unfortunate woman who, while vacationing in Peru, had a bit of bad luck.  A horn of plenty, running over with misfortune.  A veritable ear full of it.

A British woman returned from a holiday in Peru hearing scratching noises inside her head was told she was being attacked by flesh-eating maggots living inside her ear.

 Ewwwwwwww.

They aren't all this cute. (Google image, natch)

They aren’t all this cute.
(Google image, natch)

Those Tee-shirt guys need to snap this motto up fast.  Because really:

Life is good*

*As long as you don’t have flesh-eating maggots inside your ear.

Well, maybe life isn’t so good if you were eating when you read this.  Then, I just bet, life could be better.

71 Comments

Filed under Climate Change, Conspicuous consumption, Family, Health and Medicine, Hey Doc?, Humor, Science

I’ll Take a Free Vaginal Ultrasound!

You probably know that I love me a bargain. Some times, I just can’t resist. Cheap stuff. Buy one get one for 50% off! Two for the price of one! Seventy-two rolls of Charmin!

So when I heard that former Senator Jim DeMint (R-Shouldda Never Let Him Into Guv-ment-SC) talking about free ultrasounds on the TeeVee, well, I decided right then and there that a bargain is a bargain.

I want me an ultrasound.  A vaginal ultrasound.

The fact that I believe in keeping government out of my lady-parts should not get in the way of me getting free stuff.

The fact that I am not pregnant should not stand in the way of me getting free stuff.

The fact that I am post-menopausal should not stand in the way of me getting free stuff.

When something is free, well then I want one. Because it’s a bargain, right? For everybody.  Especially those folks who want to look in my vagina.  I imagine there is quite a line.

What’s everybody complaining about?

Ultrasound

Photo courtesy of “FreakoutNation.com” courtesy of Google

Oh.  Maybe that.

55 Comments

Filed under Elections, Health and Medicine, Humor, Hypocrisy, Law, Politics, Science, Stupidity, Voting

The Great And Powerful

Do you ever miss things that are right in front of your nose?  I do.  All the time.  I am possibly the least observant person on the planet.

People are always pointing out little things I missed in books and especially in movies.  Did you know that Spiderman was in the 2003 move The Italian Job?  It’s true!  I wouldn’t make that up.  I can prove it, because it was proven to me.  But I had to watch the movie an additional 4 times before I found it.  You don’t have to do that, although it is a terrific movie.

One picture is worth a thousand words, whatever language this is in.

Apparently mistakes and weird things happen in films a whole lot, and most of us miss them.  Unless someone points it out you can be sure I won’t see it.  I’ve always thought it was because I am an unobservant dope.  But today I found out that I’m not the only one.

Still I’m always been glad that I was never hired to look for stuff.  I’d make a terrible detective because even after I am told who done it, I can’t figure out how or why or really anything else about what happened.  And if there are clues to be seen, well, I’d be more likely to spill coffee on them than solve the case from them.

So I’ve always been incredibly impressed by certain medical health professionals.  The ones who find stuff just by knowing what to look for, what it’s supposed to look like and what just isn’t supposed to be there.  They look and find tiny clues to medical mysteries on your body and mine.  They are the specialist to whom we are all referred at one time or another.  Because they are all seeing.

They are Oz.  OZ:  The “Great and Wonderful” not Dr. Oz the TV star, although I understand your confusion.

You Know Who(Google Image)

You Know Who
(Google Image)

Of course you’ve guessed that I’m talking about radiologists.  Yup, radiologists are rarely seen, and I don’t mean never seen socially.  Nope, they huddle behind protective glass, behind the walls that separate them from the huge machines their med techs stick you into.  Hidden.  I think they play a lot of video games of our guts.

It seems odd that you never get to see him/her, never get to chat.  You can never check their credentials.  Their bedside manner.  Their eyesight.  Still, I never really worried.  In fact, I’ve been mostly impressed by them.  I was especially awed by the radiologist who played video games of me just recently; he knew more about what other doctors had been doing to my body than I did.  At least based on the questions relayed to me by the tech.  Radiologists just notice everything.

Or so I thought.  But sadly, radiologists are just like you and me.  Just like the rest of us, they too suffer from “inattentional blindness” — not seeing stuff that’s right in front of them because they are concentrating on something else.  Yup, even people who get paid the big bucks to pick things out of pictures miss stuff, even when it’s waving right at them.

Click to Enlarge(Photo from the Washington Post)

Click to Enlarge
(Photo from the Washington Post)

According to this article in the Washington Post, a group of researchers tested a group of radiologists to see if they, like the rest of us, miss things while looking for something else.  And they did.

In fact, 20 out of 24 radiologists didn’t notice

that there is a gorilla waving to them

from the top of the right lung of this CT scan image.

Now I will admit that I had a hard time seeing that nice ape.  My excuse is that I can’t tell my right from my left and I was looking at the wrong lung.  I’m really hoping that not too many radiologists are Left-Right challenged as well as inattentionally blind.

But I’m sure my radiologist would notice.  Positive.  I’d bet my life on the fact that my radiologist would realize that there is a gorilla waving to him/her from this CT scan of a pair of lungs.

I also hope that monkeypox doesn’t become too prevalent around here.

74 Comments

Filed under Health and Medicine, Humor, Science

I’m a Serial Killer

Oh Lord.  I’m not quite sure how to handle the guilt.  Will I need therapy?  Drugs?  Electric shock treatments?

I considered going to confession.  But as a lapsed Catholic I didn’t want to risk it.

You can't be too careful

You can’t be too careful

What will happen to me?  To my family?  How will my husband, my son, my brothers, live with the shame of being family members of one such as me.

And what if I go to jail?  I’ve never been, but I’ve watched enough prison movies to know I wouldn’t do well there.  I won’t  last long at all.  The other cons will hate me and make sure I pay dearly.

But it’s not my fault.  I didn’t know.  If I had, I know I’d have lived my life differently.

You see today I learned that I am a serial killer. You’d think I might have noticed before now, wouldn’t you?  That I’d be scurrying around, digging holes in the basement floor or the back yard. That I would be having all sorts of bonfires.  That at a minimum I would have purchased a wood-chipper to dispose of the evidence.

Nope.  It wasn’t necessary.

You see, I have been carrying the bodies around with me for decades.  No wonder I’m tired all the time.

I know you didn’t listen to the video.  But you should have.  Because then you’d know that because I have used birth control pills – contraceptives – Pastor Kevin Swanson thinks I am a serial murderer with a uterus filled with dead fetuses.

Ewwwww.  Got any Massengil?

Make mine a double!

Make mine a double!

 *   *   *

Tell me, is there a contest going on to see which right-wing fanatic can say the stupidest thing ever heard by mankind?

Do I get a vote?

Because this comment is clearly a contender.

All images from Google.  Thanks Google!

86 Comments

Filed under Childhood Traumas, Health and Medicine, Hypocrisy, Science, Stupidity