Category Archives: Humor

November 7, 2012 · 0:00

I’ll shut up now

You might have noticed, but I’ve been a bit, ummmm, opinionated lately.  OK, so I’m always opinionated, but lately I’ve been opinionated about politics and I pretty much stopped writing about anything else.  My bad.

In case you didn’t notice, I have reason to celebrate.  So do you.  Here in the US we re-elected President Obama and Vice President Biden.  We elected intelligent folks to the US Senate over the “Rape Rappers.”  Women had great success except for the one who made money off of scantily clad women rolling around in mud while wrestling in an undoubtedly dignified manner.  Three of the stupidest Congressmen were defeated (Alan West, Todd Akin and Joe Walsh).  And we still get to laugh at Michelle Bachmann.

My blog has reason to celebrate, too.  Every Republican I made fun of, with the exception of my BFF Michelle, lost.  Damn I’m good.


But I’m going to do you, and especially my international readers, a favor.  I’m going to shut up about politics for a while.

Well, at least I will after I tell you that Senate Minority Leader, Mitch McConnell has already let President Obama and the new Senate know that he won’t cooperate.

Portrait of an ASS

Now remember, Mitch is the guy who stated in 2008 that the Republican’s primary job was to make sure that President Obama was a one-term president.

How’d that work for you, Mitch?
But did Mitch learn his lesson?  Nope.  Here’s what he said today:

The American people did two things: they gave President Obama a second chance to fix the problems that even he admits he failed to solve during his first four years in office, and they preserved Republican control of the House of Representatives. The voters have not endorsed the failures or excesses of the President’s first term, they have simply given him more time to finish the job they asked him to do together with a Congress that restored balance to Washington after two years of one-party control. Now it’s time for the President to propose solutions that actually have a chance of passing the Republican-controlled House of Representatives and a closely-divided Senate, step up to the plate on the challenges of the moment, and deliver in a way that he did not in his first four years in office. To the extent he wants to move to the political center, which is where the work gets done in a divided government, we’ll be there to meet him half way.

Ummm, excuse me Senator McConnell?  You lost your chance of gaining control of the U.S. Senate in an election year when there were tons of vulnerable Democratic seats.  You blew it.  So shut up and learn how to get along.  Stop stamping your feet.  Cooperate.  That’s what’s in the best interest of our country.

 

*     *     *

OK.  I’ll shut up now.

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Filed under Campaigning, Conspicuous consumption, Criminal Activity, Elections, History, Humor, Hypocrisy, Politics, Stupidity, Voting

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November 3, 2012 · 0:00

Not too far!

 

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Filed under Criminal Activity, Elections, Family, Humor, Hypocrisy, Law, Politics, Stupidity, Voting

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November 1, 2012 · 0:00

Please! Say it Ain’t So!

In the in-between time between sleep and being awake I thought I was hallucinating.  Dreaming.  Making shit up.

I had left the TV on in the next room so that I could hear just a little bit of a great MSNBC news show called The Last Word, hosted by Lawrence O’Donnell.

Now Laurence is an amazing guy, actually.  He worked for Senator Daniel Patrick Moynihan (one of my all-time favorite Senators) and later for the Senate Finance Committee including during 1986 when they revamped the whole tax code.  He was a writer/creator/producer for that wonderful TV show, The West Wing.  He understands politics from the inside and from the outside.  Lawrence is brilliant and funny and quite often finds interesting quirks in the day’s news.

But what I thought I heard as I drifted between states of consciousness must have been a dream.  It couldn’t be true.  It just couldn’t be.  Then I promptly forgot it, which made me positive that it was just a dream.

Until just now when I bought my lunch and pulled up one of my favorite websites, CrooksandLiars.com to read while I ate.  And I realized that my dream had come true.

Shit.

Mitt Romney really did compare cleaning up after Hurricane Sandy to cleaning the field up after a high school football game.

[Lawrence:]  And to buff his own image as a disaster-relief specialist, Romney compared the Sandy relief effort to … his experience cleaning up the field after a high-school football game. Seriously.

[Mitt:]  I remember once we had a football field at my high school. The field was covered with rubbish and paper goods from people who’d had a big celebration there at the game. And there was a group of us there assigned to clean it up. And I thought, ‘how are we going to clean up all the mess on this football field?’ There were just a few of us. And the person responsible for organizing the effort said, ‘Just line up along the yard lines. You go between the goal line and the 10-yard line, and the next person between the 10 and 20, and just walk down and do your lane. And if everybody cleans their lanes, we’ll get it done.’ And so today, we’re cleaning one lane if you will.

You’ll have to click on the CrooksandLiars post above for the video.  I can’t embed.

Somewhere, deep down inside of me, I thought that perhaps I was wrong about Mitt being an oblivious heartless bastard who believes, along with Annie-poo, that he has suffered.  You remember how bad it was for him and Ann while in college and law/business school because he had to sell some of his stock portfolio and eat tuna while living in a basement apartment.  Perhaps I was missing something in his personality.  Perhaps he isn’t really such a dick.

But no.  I was wrong in being charitable to Mitt.  And (sadly if there is any chance at all of his being elected) I was right – he really is a dick.

Excuse me now.  I have to go find a brick wall to slam my head against.

 

Elections Matter — Please don’t let this guy get into the White House without a tour guide.

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Filed under Campaigning, Childhood Traumas, Conspicuous consumption, Criminal Activity, Elections, Global Warming, Humor, Hypocrisy, Politics, Real Estate, Sandy, Science, Stupidity, Voting

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October 30, 2012 · 0:00

Back in the Saddle

Hi everybody,

Just wanted to let you know that we were really lucky when Sandy came to visit.  She wasn’t too bitchy around my ‘hood.

Power was out for about 24 hours, but all those trees that were standing Monday morning around my house remain upright.

Thanks to everyone for your good wishes.  Let’s forward all our good thoughts and wishes on to the folks who are really dealing with some serious shit.  Because, as you know:

Blogger karma is awesome!

Good luck to anyone still hangin’ with Sandy, or cleaning up after such a rude guest.  Hope you are all safe.

And if you can, here is a link to the American Red Cross to donate to folks who are gonna need it, cause sometimes karma isn’t enough:

http://www.redcross.org/charitable-donations

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Filed under Bloggin' Buddies, Climate Change, Fashion, Global Warming, Health and Medicine, Humor, Neighbors, Real Estate, Sandy, Science

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October 29, 2012 · 0:00

The Heart of the Matter

How did you like living in the U.S. under the Articles of Confederation and Perpetual Union?

They lasted from 1777 until 1789.
So they must have worked really well, right?

For those of you who aren’t in the U.S., the Articles of Confederation and Perpetual Union was the system of government the baby United States adopted right after the Revolutionary War.  It basically granted all power to the individual 13 states; anything that crossed state borders was subject to negotiation.  Everything.

The Articles of Confederation worked so well last time that they lasted, well, from 1777 all the way until 1791.  Wow, that’s a lifetime.  If you’re a dog, that is.  Then in 1791 the U.S. Constitution was adopted because states rights are, umm, unworkable with 13 states (with 50 I’m sure it’d be much more workable).

Why didn’t it work?  Well, the “Federal Government” existed under the Articles, but it was powerless.  Primarily because it couldn’t levy or collect taxes.  Imagine the Federal Government in the role of Cinderella, and you’ve got the general idea.  Yup, the rich and powerful states like Virginia and NY were perfectly willing to screw the smaller, poorer states (pity my poor little Connecticut with no fairy godmother!)

Now, back to my question.  How did you like living in the U.S. under the Articles of Confederation?

Oh you didn’t?  Well, tough noogies, because you may just get to live under them again.  Wouldn’t that be a hoot?

You see, “States Rights” is a huge part of what the modern GOP is all about.  (And yes, I used the term “modern” ironically.)  They want all the power to go to the states from the Federal Government.

That’s what Mitt Romney wants to do with Medicaid – send block grants to the states!  Wooh Hoo!

That’s what Mitt Romney wants to do with Healthcare – make the states figure it out.  Yippee!!

That’s what Mitt Romney wants to do with FEMA – the Federal Emergency Management Administration.  Won’t that knock your socks off?  Or your roof?

Now, I need to digress for a minute.

Can someone please explain to me why Mitt Romney

is running for head of the

FEDERAL Government

if he wants all the power to go to the states? 

I mean, can’t he run for governor in one of the other states where he has one of his many homes?  Not one that I or any of my friends or family live in, mind you.

But what is it with these Fucking Republicans who want to go into the Federal Government and take it apart?  It started with Ronald Reagan and continues and continues and continues.

The GOP has way too many stupid ideas.  That’s not part of my digression.  Or I have been digressing that way for 32 years (since Reagan).  One of the two.

So yeah, Mitt wants the Federal Government out of FEMA.  He’d kind of like it to go back to the states (see Articles of Confederation, above).  But what he’d really like is to send it back to the Holy Private Sector. Because insurance companies are so cooperative during natural disasters, aren’t they?

 

[Yup, that’s what Mitt Romney said back when he was Severely Conservative Mitt.  He wanted all the power to go back to the states.  And he confirmed that that’s what he’d do if he becomes president on Sunday night, 10/28/12.]

I wonder how that’ll play in North Carolina and Virginia — battleground states — next week.  Probably no better than in any other area that’s been hit by this or any other natural disaster.

You know, I’m beginning to think that Dick Cheney had the right idea.  Maybe we should move all the GOP members up to the head of the line for heart transplants.  We can start with Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan.  They certainly seem more in need of hearts; the Democrats clearly already have them in spades.

 

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