“Who’s thaaaat?” I asked with my three-year old heart filling with love.
She laughed.
“That’s your father when he was in the Navy!”
“Wow.”
I sat and stared at that picture for the longest time.
My dad was an incredibly handsome man, and I adored him. I still do. And he is still the handsomest man I’ve ever known.
Today would have been his 100th Birthday.
Dad loved this picture. Mr. Whiskers. 1917-2000
Hello, yeah, it’s been a while. Not much, how ’bout you?
There really is no reason. In fact, this particular post is over due. I had blog backup and no plunger.
***
For my first post back after a long break, you know I’m goin’ there. But that is why you came, isn’t it?
Yup. I read an article. Several articles actually. My bad.
This one provides important information to the travelers among us.
I will summarize for you, because I have experience in this matter.
The best time to poop on a plane is right after the seat belt light goes off or when the drinks cart comes. The first is usually pretty early in the flight, so really, you should have taken care of that before you got on the plane. Unless you’re me — and then you did it then, too.
Second, is a story about a man with whom I should have had children. We could certainly reach a happy medium:
I’m pretty sure that I wouldn’t be cradling 28-29 lbs of poop quite so tenderly. But perhaps that’s just me.Enter a caption
Lastly, the third story, required by the peculiarities of comedy writing, is something I am shaking my head about, well, my butt tto, because really — I should have thunk of this idea first. If ever a business model stinks of “Elyse,” well, this is it:
Yup. A business model that practically screams “ELYSE!!!” Here’s the ummmm, scoop on it.
Toronto’s new Poop Café will feature a “unique selection of desserts from around the world,” according to a Facebook post from the café’s profile. While the restaurant will serve dishes that are brown and shaped like poop (kind of like the poop emoji), not every dish will look like feces.
I for one am glad that not all of this restaurant’s dishes will look like poop. That’s important to me in the pre-poop stage of nutrient intake. I like to have a wee bit of anticipation on that score.
Not half bad. Unless it’s been digested first. Google image.
*My apologies to my Canadian friends. Just when you guys are basking in the glory of a delightful leader, I go and laugh at your poop cafe. Sorry. But it IS a poop-themed cafe. What did you want me to do?
Filed under 'Merica, ; Don't Make Me Feel Perky Tonigh, A Little Restraint, Perhaps, Advice from an Expert Patient, All The News You Need, Assholes, Bat-shit crazy, Crohn's Disease, Don't Make Me Puke, Donald Trump, Gross, Holy Shit, Huh?, Humor, Jeff Sessions, Mom would die of embarrassment, Nobody's gonna excavate my poop. I hope., Not something you hear about every day, Oh shit, Poop, Poop Power, Shit happens, Taking Care of Each Other, WTF?
To my husband, my late dad, my brother, nephews, great nephew, and all of the dads among my blogging buddies, happy Fathes’ Day.
Filed under Humor
Filed under Humor
Yes, I realize that it’s been a while since I granted you all the benefits of my fake medical expert advice. Sorry.
It’s just that poop news has been rather crappy lately. What’s a specialist to do?
So for this post, I’m going to go out on a ledge. Write what I don’t know. Venture into a whole ‘nuther area of specialization. I feel qualified because this area of specialty is in the same, errrr, ball park. Geographically speaking. Certainly based on adolescent conversation, anyway.
You see, I read an article recently that inspired me to post after a pretty long hiatus
Now I don’t know about you, but this particular insert isn’t one I’ve personally ever considered. Maybe I’m just weird.
To be fair to the women who have done this mind-bending medical procedure, the procedure does not involve vaginal insertion of a wasp nest that looks like this one, with buzzing wasps going in and out:
Image by ABC Wildlife
On the other hand, maybe something buzzing and going in and out is the whole idea behind the procedure. But I digress.
Actually, the procedure involves ground up wasp eggs called “galls.”
This is a Getty Image, copied from the article
These are Oak leaf “galls” in case you want to make your own.
Galls are wasp larvae, left on the bottoms of oak leaves. They are ground up and inserted into the vagina to tighten it and to cleanse it. Okay …
As a fake medical expert, I think I can safely say that this sounds like a particularly shitty idea.
You know, it never occurred to me that there might be a need to warn women to not put wasp nests, even ground up wasp nests, into their vaginas.
Then again, I never thought it would be necessary to tell women to not vote for a man who believed he could grab their vagina because he was famous, either.
My bad.
Filed under 'Merica, ; Don't Make Me Feel Perky Tonigh, A Little Restraint, Perhaps, Advice from an Expert Patient, All The News You Need, Archeology, Assholes, Bat-shit crazy, Cancer on Society, Class Act, Clusterfuck, Disgustology, Donald Trump is a Pussy Too, Elections Matter, Fashion, Fuckin' Donald Trump, Gross, Health, Health and Medicine, Holy Shit, Huh?, Humiliation, Humor, I Can't Get No, laughter, Mysteries, Not My President, Oh shit, Oops!, Politician Pussies, Satisfaction, Science, Seriously gross, Seriously weird, Shit Your Pants Scary, Sisters, Wild Beasts, Women Should Decide Women's Health Issues, WTF?
I got TWO!
I recommend Karen Kingsley and Kingsley Ink
The Highest Honor
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