Hello, yeah, it’s been a while. Not much, how ’bout you?
There really is no reason. In fact, this particular post is over due. I had blog backup and no plunger.
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For my first post back after a long break, you know I’m goin’ there. But that is why you came, isn’t it?
Yup. I read an article. Several articles actually. My bad.
This one provides important information to the travelers among us.
The Best Time To Poop On A Plane, According To A Flight Attendant
I will summarize for you, because I have experience in this matter.
The best time to poop on a plane is right after the seat belt light goes off or when the drinks cart comes. The first is usually pretty early in the flight, so really, you should have taken care of that before you got on the plane. Unless you’re me — and then you did it then, too.
Second, is a story about a man with whom I should have had children. We could certainly reach a happy medium:
Doctors remove 28 POUNDS of feces from man, 22, who was constipated
I’m pretty sure that I wouldn’t be cradling 28-29 lbs of poop quite so tenderly. But perhaps that’s just me.Enter a caption
Lastly, the third story, required by the peculiarities of comedy writing, is something I am shaking my head about, well, my butt tto, because really — I should have thunk of this idea first. If ever a business model stinks of “Elyse,” well, this is it:
A poop-themed restaurant is about to break wind in Toronto*
Yup. A business model that practically screams “ELYSE!!!” Here’s the ummmm, scoop on it.
Toronto’s new Poop Café will feature a “unique selection of desserts from around the world,” according to a Facebook post from the café’s profile. While the restaurant will serve dishes that are brown and shaped like poop (kind of like the poop emoji), not every dish will look like feces.
I for one am glad that not all of this restaurant’s dishes will look like poop. That’s important to me in the pre-poop stage of nutrient intake. I like to have a wee bit of anticipation on that score.
Not half bad. Unless it’s been digested first. Google image.
*My apologies to my Canadian friends. Just when you guys are basking in the glory of a delightful leader, I go and laugh at your poop cafe. Sorry. But it IS a poop-themed cafe. What did you want me to do?
FiftyFourandAHalf 
Oh man… I am at a loss for turds… uh… I mean words…
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😂
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Why oh why, do I miss you so then I read this and it is all pooh. Oh I know why.. you take me back to when pooh and farts are funny.
Hope you are good my friend.
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So nice to see you, Val! I’m ok, but not writing much more than you are Can you say “demoralized”? Such a sad state of affairs.
Hope you are well and enjoying your new house and that life is good.
And even when I write about politics, it’s all 💩
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You are the maitre’d of the Poop Café.
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😂💩😂💩❤️
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Honestly, I don’t know how to respond. This is some extreme shizzle.
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I read about that man who had part of his colon removed for inspissated stool. Hard to imagine! Maybe he dined too much at that restaurant. 😁
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😂. Funny word for it — Ins-piss-ated. You’d think it would be in-poop-ated.
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Ha, true. It was always one of my favorite med school words. 😁💩💩💩
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Is that really, seriously what that doctor is holding? Really??? Seriously????
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You’d think he’s at least put it into a dog poo bag!
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Ok, are your ready? I saw the article about the Poop Restaurant and thought of you … oh, yes I did. Hahahaha!
Also, I’m a little jealous of that man losing 22 pounds over night.
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I am honored that you thought of me, Tops. Truly. It shows that my mission of educating the public on the glories of all things poop-related is a success!
And yeah, 22 lbs. I can literally see about 5 when I cut my hair —
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EEEEEWWWWWWW! I don’t think I’ll be keeping an eye out for that eatery
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Perhaps if you need a bathroom?!?
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Well, in the eloquent words of Triumph the Insult Comic Dog, this was a great post….FOR ME TO POOP ON!
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You got that right!
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I really didn’t need to see what 28 pounds of poop looks like, did I???
We have a cookie recipe that we all affectionately refer to as Poop Cookies. It’s a chocolate dough that we roll into … well, somewhat of a poop shape and curl into a half circle. Bake, then coat with powdered sugar. With the sugar added what it really looks like is dog poop that’s been out in the backyard long enough to start getting that white mold on it. Yum!
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I bet those cookies are a huge hit with kids. Don’t let the Poop Cafe know about them!
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Welcome back, Elyse
I don’t think I will be going to the Poop Cafe. While I think it’s a great place to take kids (what kid wouldn’t take a dare to eat something that looks like poop?), I like to sit comfortably when I am eating, and I suspect they will not have booths, only stools. 😉
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Ba dum bah!
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Good to see you, Elyse! I could smell this post coming from a mile away. That colon thing… 28 lbs… just WOW! Obviously, he won the grand prize at his Weight Watcher’s meeting that week. And I may never eat chocolate soft-serve again. Hey, just wanted you to know those “shittens” you mentioned in your prior post made it into one of my poems… how often does one find a use for info like that? Have a shit-free week! 🙂
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You put shittens into a poem? Joan I think I love you!
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Good to see you back. I’ve been poop deprived!
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Hi Kate! My absence seems to have caused constipation!
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Welcome back, Elyse. I was concerned about your absence.
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Thanks, Jim. Just depressed with world affairs and finding the funny in anything is so damn hard when the world seems to be burning.
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Of course my husband, who is only mildly supportive of my blogging, chose to peer over my shoulder at the precise moment that I scrolled by the image of the engorged colon. “What kind of shit are you reading?” he exclaimed.
“Exactly,” I said.
No need to apologize to this Canadian. I’m laughing at the cafe, too.
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Timing really IS everything! My husband doesn’t really understand, either!
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Oh thank god! I was starting to worry that I’d have to come up with some other way to stay au courant with all things poop-relevant.
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Glad I didn’t let you down, Barb! These stories have been sitting there, untouched, 😏, for a while. They finally burst out (typos and all).
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Love it! Welcome back!
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Thanks!
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Hi Elyse, I must do a post soon too, I’ve been away for faaarrr toooo looong, rather like how long that guy had been away from the toilet.
I like to consider myself fairly open minded, but I just can’t get with the idea of a poop cafe. I’m not a fussy eater, but I do get easily put off my food and I don’t like even seeing the signs for toilets in a restaurant when I’m eating – if the servers go to put me at a table near them I will always decline. So the thought of this being the actual theme, nope, can’t get with that. I am rather fascinated though on how it works out – I’d like to see the reviews after it’s been open a while (no pun intended).
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Oh, as a frequent visitor, don’t get me started on restaurant bathrooms — suffice it to say that inadequate ones mean I’ll never go back!
As to the poop cafe, I’m guessing people will go there for a laugh once. So I don’t see it getting into the history books!
Lastly, you should do a post! It’s hard to go back when you’ve stopped, but everyone has been so nice and welcoming. I’m expecting fatted calf any minute!
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Elyse you popped the top off poop with this post. I laughed and snickered my way through but Lord have mercy, The Poop Café simple got to me. But to back up the poop story, good grief that man was full of shit to put it lightly. It’s a wonder he was still alive by the time he went for the excavation.
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I know — that poor guy. But the thing is what’s normal for you, may not be normal. My mother used to ask me why I didn’t tell her there was something wrong with my bms– the truth was, they were always weird and that was normal. Sorry, TMI!
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No not at all. If anyone has not been informed/educated/or read about what should go in out bodies and out of our bodies then a person simply does not know. I think it would be about par if a person grows up having something odd but does not know any thing different.
I feel for you. I think I remember a post about you having Crohn’s disease. That is not a good thing to have. Do you refrain from eating certain foods? I think you wrote about the extreme expense of the meds but that you are in “sort” of remission. I hope I have that all correct but possibly I don’t.
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Welcome back, Elyse! Good to see you in my inbox. Holy crap…bad pun intended. Way to lose 28 pounds in short order. You won’t see that on the cover of a popular magazine. The ice cream looks like a Frosty…which my sis and I used to joke that it looked like poop.
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Thanks, Jaded. I could stand to lose 28 pounds quickly, but I’m pretty sure you’re not gonna find that much poop in me. Brains perhaps, but not poop!
And yes, the soft serve scoot …
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I’m glad you’re back. I feared you might have crapped out. Which is a new thing, I guess. Instead of dining out you can now crap out, at the Poop Cafe.
When I was a kid we had a restaurant in town, at local boat harbor, called “The Poop Deck”. I was always afraid to set foot inside that restaurant.
Anyway, welcome back, Elyse!
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Thanks, Tippy. I crap out more frequently than I like ;(
A rather crappy comeback, though, you will admit!
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What, exactly, is a “poop deck” anyway? The highest one, where the birds aim at it and yell “bombs away”? Or maybe the lowest one, where all the latrines are located?
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Here’s what wiki has to say: “In naval architecture, a poop deck is a deck that forms the roof of a cabin built in the rear, or ‘aft’, part of the superstructure of a ship.”
So it seems to be the highest deck, taking the brunt of the action from overhead seagulls.
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😂😂😂
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😂😂🦅💩
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Ummm, I clicked “Like” but I meant “Yuck.”
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There just aren’t enough buttons to fit what we really think, are there.
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I can’t get past that doctor holding that packaged poop. I can’t look away. Dang!!!!
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Was it packaged? 😉
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Ewwwww…
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😂😂
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