Warning. Do not try this at home. Or anywhere else.

Yes, I realize that it’s been a while since I granted you all the benefits of my fake medical expert advice.  Sorry.

It’s just that poop news has been rather crappy lately.  What’s a specialist to do?

So for this post, I’m going to go out on a ledge.  Write what I don’t know.  Venture into a whole ‘nuther area of specialization.  I feel qualified because this area of specialty is in the same, errrr,  ball park.  Geographically speaking.  Certainly based on adolescent conversation, anyway.

You see, I read an article recently that inspired me to post after a pretty long hiatus

Doctors warn women against putting wasp nests in their vaginas

Now I don’t know about you, but this particular insert isn’t one I’ve personally ever considered.  Maybe I’m just weird.

To be fair to the women who have done this mind-bending medical procedure, the procedure does not involve vaginal insertion of a wasp nest that looks like this one, with buzzing wasps going in and out:

Wasp nest.jpg

Image by ABC Wildlife

On the other hand, maybe something buzzing and going in and out is the whole idea behind the procedure.  But I digress.

Actually, the procedure involves ground up wasp eggs called “galls.”

170601-wasp-nest-vagina

This is a Getty Image, copied from the article

These are Oak leaf “galls” in case you want to make your own.

Galls are wasp larvae, left on the bottoms of oak leaves.  They are ground up and inserted into the vagina to tighten it and to cleanse it.  Okay …

As a fake medical expert, I think I  can safely say that this sounds like a particularly shitty idea.

You know, it never occurred to me that there might be a need to warn women to not put wasp nests, even ground up wasp nests, into their vaginas.

Then again, I never thought it would be necessary to tell women to not vote for a man who believed he could grab their vagina because he was famous, either.

My bad.

63 Comments

Filed under 'Merica, ; Don't Make Me Feel Perky Tonigh, A Little Restraint, Perhaps, Advice from an Expert Patient, All The News You Need, Archeology, Assholes, Bat-shit crazy, Cancer on Society, Class Act, Clusterfuck, Disgustology, Donald Trump is a Pussy Too, Elections Matter, Fashion, Fuckin' Donald Trump, Gross, Health, Health and Medicine, Holy Shit, Huh?, Humiliation, Humor, I Can't Get No, laughter, Mysteries, Not My President, Oh shit, Oops!, Politician Pussies, Satisfaction, Science, Seriously gross, Seriously weird, Shit Your Pants Scary, Sisters, Wild Beasts, Women Should Decide Women's Health Issues, WTF?

63 responses to “Warning. Do not try this at home. Or anywhere else.

  1. Pingback: Sunday Round Up #21 | Laidig's Broadway

  2. The wasp thing reminds me of a bad joke:
    A man goes to his doctor and says he was stung by a bee… on his penis… then asks his doctor if he can get rid of the pain, but not the swelling.
    HA!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Just when you think you’ve seen everything…. Thanks for sharing more proof that we the people are bat-sh*t crazy.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Lord have mercy and I am waspless- er I mean speechless. I would not put it past quite a few women who would try this. I heard of one woman that was told by a friend to use shaving cream as a lubricant prior to sex. I heard it through the grape vine that the woman was hoping and jumping from the stinging and burning sensation from the shaving cream. I bet her friend laughed her ass off. Last I heard the two were no longer on speaking terms.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I can’t even with this planet anymore.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Well that was unexpected! But, I mean based on what the average A&E room has to remove from varying cavities, I think ground-up-anything is the least of doctors’ concerns – better a nest than a remote, y’know?

    Liked by 1 person

    • How did I miss your hilarious comment? So sorry. But I must say the idea of a ground up remote doesn’t sound terribly appealing either.

      Liked by 1 person

      • To be fair, there are a lot to choose from in this thread so don’t worry about it! Yeah, I don’t envy A&E. I think you have to have one hell of a constitution to not laugh and/or throw up at some of the things that arrive, buzzing or otherwise!

        Liked by 1 person

  7. Somehow wasp eggs in vaginas doesn’t surprise me. After the last 6 months of politics, anything seems possible. The world has changed so much that I’ve started noticing the tabloid headlines at Walmart and wondering if they could be true. ET’s in the White House basement? (Nah. He would have spilled the beans on Twitter by now.) But almost anything else seems possible. It is a golden age for political cartoonists. (Or maybe an orange age.)

    Liked by 1 person

  8. This should be a warning to men, too, to check to see what’s in there before they stick something up there.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Speechless….ok, I’m summon up a few words. I think there are (but don’t really know!) surgical options to “snug up” the nether regions.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. I’m really glad no one warned me about this when I was young. It would have skewed my understanding of humanity so badly I might never have recovered.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Hmmmm…just thinking…perhaps it is those women who have had their vagina grabbed by 45 that came up with the wasp in the vagina thing. It would be wonderful if the next time he grabbed a woman in the vagina if he was swarmed by angry wasps. It makes for a compelling case for wasps in the vagina.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. I kept waiting for the political dig. I was patient. I knew it could drop at any moment. There it is!

    Liked by 2 people

  13. This is as brilliant as eating glitter to make you poop shiny (No joke. It’s a thing).
    But now I know what those pods are on the undersides of oak leaves. Thanks!

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Elyse you are such a selfless humanitarian. I was just on my way to my wasp nest insertion procedure when I saw your cautionary post in the nick of time. Whew!

    Guess I’ll have to stick with getting my buzzing/in-and-out action the old fashioned way.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Is Gywneth Paltrow promoting this on Goop??????? Laughing, but she probably is…..

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Omg you made my day. Lmao my bad.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Deb

    “On the other hand, maybe something buzzing and going in and out is the whole idea behind the procedure.”
    Best line ever Elyse!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Good grief. I saw the headline and figured it was a National Enquirer article, or some such nonsense. People have forgotten about common sense, haven’t they? And as to facts, who knows? Scientists don’t really know more than I do about stuff, do they? Maybe wasps in the vagina are a good thing…

    Liked by 2 people

    • At least according to the doctor, wasps in the vagina are NOT a good thing. In fact, according to her nothing that stings is good! Still, there are folks who just won’t listen. I’m sure even a nature lover like you will, though, Melanie!

      Liked by 1 person

  19. Wow. I am glad I read about this here! It is no doubt gonna come up in clinic tomorrow at least twice…

    Liked by 3 people

  20. Promise that I will not try this.

    Liked by 4 people

  21. I would like to know who was the first person who thought, “Maybe I’ll stick those wasp larva up my twat.”

    Liked by 3 people

  22. Oh man, I can’t even. Sounds like something Gwyneth Paltrow is pushing. Along with her vaginal jade eggs. 🥚🥚🥚

    Liked by 5 people

  23. To tell the truth, if I knew Twitler was nearby and allergic to wasp stings, I would encourage every woman nearby to insert a wasp nest in her vagina.

    Liked by 2 people

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