Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve wished on stars. And based on the fact that I’ve had a pretty good life, I’m quite certain that many of my wishes have come true.
However, there is a long list of things I’ve been wishing for for a while now, that just haven’t quite materialized.
An end to war, poverty, disease and hunger.
Reversal of global climate change so that our planet doesn’t die
Return of the collective brains of the GOP
What the fuck happened to those wishes, I wonder.
Until today, I just figured I hadn’t had enough opportunities to wish for the important things. Because it often takes more than one wish to achieve those things.
I realized that in order to fulfill my deepest desires, I need to get more wishes. I need to see more shooting stars.
And now I know how.
You see, I just read this morning that there is a modern day source for many of the shooting stars we see.
Astronaut Poop to be exact.
And I learned that when it is, ummmmmm, flushed, well, astronaut poop becomes a shooting star.
Updated — with VIDEO!
So, in order to get all my wishes to come true, and you will agree, they are completely selfless, wonderful wishes, well, the answer is simple.
If I were to go up in space, with my Crohn’s Disease in full, well, flush, we could even get Donald Trump to shut up.