Monthly Archives: September 2015

More Than Three Wishes– Updated with Video

Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve wished on stars. And based on the fact that I’ve had a pretty good life, I’m quite certain that many of my wishes have come true.

However, there is a long list of things I’ve been wishing for for a while now, that just haven’t quite materialized.

For example:

An end to war, poverty, disease and hunger.

Reversal of global climate change so that our planet doesn’t die

Return of the collective brains of the GOP

What the fuck happened to those wishes, I wonder.

Until today, I just figured I hadn’t had enough opportunities to wish for the important things. Because it often takes more than one wish to achieve those things.

I realized that in order to fulfill my deepest desires, I need to get more wishes.  I need to see more shooting stars.

And now I know how.

You see, I just read this morning that there is a modern day source for many of the shooting stars we see.

Poop

Astronaut Poop to be exact.

It’s true.  I read the news today, oh boy.  Only, sadly I can’t get this video  to embed.  So you need to click on that link.  Or this one.  It’s the same link.

And I learned that when it is, ummmmmm, flushed, well, astronaut poop becomes a shooting star.

Updated — with VIDEO!

So, in order to get all my wishes to come true, and you will agree, they are completely selfless, wonderful wishes, well, the answer is simple.

If I were to go up in space, with my Crohn’s Disease in full, well, flush, we could even get Donald Trump to shut up.

You’re welcome!

88 Comments

Filed under All The News You Need, All We Are Saying Is Give Peace A Chance, Bat-shit crazy, Beatles, Climate Change, Conspicuous consumption, Crohn's Disease, Poop, Useful thing to do with poop

Well done, Your Majesty. Well done.

This piece isn’t that old, but it makes me smile.  So I’m reposting it on the day when Queen Elizabeth II becomes the longest-serving monarch in British history.  Well done, your Majesty.  Well done.

One Badass Broad

In 1973, I went on a field trip with my high school acting group.  To London.  To a week of plays in London’s West End.

Because I was far too cool to be a tourist, I did almost none of the typical tourist things while I was there.  (I was an idiot.  There is a reason folks want to visit the Tower of London, etc.).  There was one exception, though.  I went to Madame Tussaud’s — the famous Wax Museum.  While there, I was still too cool to be impressed by how realistic the wax figures were.  Well, until something happened to really make me smile.

My friends and I had just about finished touring the museum, when we entered the exhibit for The Royals.  From behind me I heard the sweetest voice.

“Mummy!  That’s Our Queen!

A little English boy, no more than four had entered the exhibit.  He wore navy blue shorts and suspenders, and his cheeks were as rosy as a young English boy’s should be.  He lit up the room with his pride.   In his Queen.

“Yes, Darling,” replied his Mum.  “That’s our Queen.”

From Madame Tussaud's Website

From Madame Tussaud’s Website

At that time, Richard Nixon was President of the U.S.  I was quite sure that there was no little boy in my country who would speak with similar pride about Nixon.

The image of that boy comes to mind every time I see Queen Elizabeth.  And I always smile.

Today I read something about the Queen, though, that makes me smile even wider.

The Huffington Post reported a delightful anecdote about a visit from the newly-late King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia to the Queen’s Scottish castle, Balmoral.  The story was recounted by Sir Sherard Cowper-Coles, who was the British Ambassador to Saudi Arabia.  He’d been told the story by both the Queen and the King, and relayed it.

“After lunch, the Queen had asked her royal guest whether he would like a tour of the estate,” wrote Cowper-Coles, who is said to have heard the tale from both Elizabeth and Abdullah themselves. “Prompted by his foreign minister the urbane Prince Saud, an initially hesitant Abdullah had agreed. The royal Land Rovers were drawn up in front of the castle. As instructed, the Crown Prince climbed into the front seat of the front Land Rover, his interpreter in the seat behind.”

Queen Elizabeth and King Abdullah. Photo Credit, Associated Press (but I got it from the Huff Post)

Queen Elizabeth and King Abdullah. Photo Credit, Associated Press (but I got it from the Huff Post)

Little did Abdullah know, however, that his driver for the day would be none other than Elizabeth herself.

“To his surprise, the Queen climbed into the driving seat, turned the ignition and drove off,” Cowper-Coles wrote. “Women are not — yet — allowed to drive in Saudi Arabia, and Abdullah was not used to being driven by a woman, let alone a queen.”

Not to mention a queen who can drive like the wind. According to Cowper-Coles, Elizabeth didn’t just drive the SUV, but rapidly whizzed along the estate’s roads as she chatted, prompting Abdullah to become increasingly anxious.

“Through his interpreter, the Crown Prince implored the Queen to slow down and concentrate on the road ahead,” the diplomat said.

Queen Elizabeth II is one badass broad.  On behalf of drivers of my gender, as well as men far more enlightened than King Abdullah, I bow to you.  I’d curtsey but I’m not that kind of girl.

***

Quick thank you to Peg for correcting my typo!  Next time, lady, please read my post before everyone else does.

47 Comments

Filed under Adult Traumas, All The News You Need, Awards, Baby You Can Drive My Car, Europe, History, Huh?, Humor, Oh shit, Rerun, Seriously funny, Travel Stories

God Has Spoken

Found on DailyKos

                             (Found on DailyKos but God said it.)

70 Comments

Filed under 2016, 2nd Amendment, Adult Traumas, All The News You Need, Bat-shit crazy, Cancer on Society, Church, Conspicuous consumption, Criminal Activity, Daily Kos, Disgustology, Gun control, Huh?, Seriously funny, WTF?

It’s Not MY Dream. Is it YOURS?

Many years ago, John decided that he and I should buy a Bed & Breakfast somewhere in picturesque New England and leave the Washington DC area behind us.

“No,” I said immediately, the first time he procured an ad for one.

My husband didn’t understand why I wasn’t jumping at the chance.

“Why not?  It’s perfect for us!”

“What would your role be at “our” B&B?”

“Well, I’d …”

I stared him down, believe me.  Because you see, John doesn’t cook.  He doesn’t clean.  And he’s an introvert. If you are an old friend or family, John will welcome you graciously.  Otherwise, he will say hello, and quickly make his way to another room and go back to his book.

And his lack of handy-man skills is legendary.

I would have to do the cooking, the cleaning, the welcoming, the chatting everybody up.  I’d have to work the toilet plunger.

“No,” I repeated. “I do not want to run a B&B.”

But YOU might want to.  YOU — You know — the person reading this, scratching his/her/its head.

This morning I learned about a wonderful opportunity.  The owner of the Deerfield Valley Inn is retiring, and holding a contest for her replacement B&B-er.  Check out the link on the Huffington Post.  And do listen to the video in that link and hear all the particulars.

The Deerfield Valley Inn

The Deerfield Valley Inn

For $150 and the winning essay, the Deerfield Valley Inn can be yours.  The essay?  Here’s your prompt; in 250 words or less tell the current owner your story:

“This is my dream: To own and operate a Vermont country inn.”

I’m having trouble getting the link about the contest to load, so here is a Hotels.com video of the Deerfield Inn so you can see it.

We are all writers, here, in the ‘sphere.  One of us should be able to nail this contest and change their life.

Go for it!

And save a nice room for me for Columbus Weekend, Fall 2016!

90 Comments

Filed under Adult Traumas, All The News You Need, Bat-shit crazy, Crazy family members, My husband is lazy and wants me to do all the work, Vermont Country Inn

The Difference Between Me and You

Don’t you just HATE it when someone else picks your brain and expresses your innermost thoughts better than you can?

Me neither.

Dina is far more like me than them.

Special thank you to Melanie who unlocked the hidden location for the “Reblog” button (next to the “Like” button!)

21 Comments

Filed under Humor