Monthly Archives: November 2012

November 13, 2012 · 0:00

Java Jive

I hope you’re not reading this over your first cuppa of the day. But if you are, maybe you should put it down. Now.

Yup, please put it down before your hands begin to shake. In fear. In anticipation. In desperation.

Because I just learned that coffee is an endangered species. It’s true! Really! Have I ever steered you wrong? I mean, lately?

I guess I need to back up here and explain to you just how the world has failed you, and how life may just not be the same because of it.

When we were just pumping crap into the atmosphere, it didn’t matter. It didn’t affect us directly. I mean it shortened our lives, but that’s acceptable, right? An even trade.

Deep breath now.

When it just affected the polar bears, well, it still didn’t matter. They’re not very cute once they grow up.

HOLY S*H*I*T

Or icebergs. Who needs ’em?

But now global warming is getting serious. Seriously serious! And you’ll feel it at your house and I’ll feel it at mine.

You see, I just read that Jim Hanna, Starbuck’s Director of Sustainability, reported to the Guardian Newspaper that extreme weather fluctuations caused by global warming are projected to f*@k up our supply of coffee beans. That’s because most crops, including coffee, only grow within a narrow range of temperature. All these high highs and low lows from climate change make crappy cappuccinos.

“What we are really seeing as a company as we look 10, 20, 30 years down the road – if conditions continue as they are – is a potentially significant risk to our supply chain, which is the Arabica coffee bean,” Hanna said.

But it gets worse.

Because it’s not just coffee.

Gulp.

Chocolate is threatened, too.

Clearly, it’s time to get serious about global warming.

79 Comments

Filed under Climate Change, Conspicuous consumption, Driving, Global Warming, Humor, Mental Health

Tagged as Crap

November 10, 2012 · 0:00

Veterans Day Heartwarmer

There have been tons of stories in the press in the last year or so about the epidemic of suicides among veterans of the Iraq and Afghanistan wars. Folks who come home to changed lives, different family structures, who have trouble finding jobs or happiness or peace have been killing themselves at a level never seen before. It is a national tragedy and it has become a mental health priority for all branches of the military, for the federal government and for mental health professionals.

Part of our society, I’ve felt for a long time, has become less personal, as we rely more and more on our computers to stay in touch and less and less on actual contact and touch. Facebook, blogs, emails are great, but they lack the human contact that we as a species need.

But I realized when I read this article that maybe I was misjudging. Because this is the story of how a soldier, alone, desperate and planning his suicide was saved by his fellow veterans when his desperate condition was noted on Facebook.

Dan, the founder of a Military Humor page on Facebook called “Awesome Shit My Drill Sergeant Said,” noticed a posting on his page as he was just about to turn it off.

“I don’t know where else to turn,” read a new message from Michael, a National Guardsman, Business Insider reported. “I’m 100% certain that my friend is planning on killing himself tonight and I cannot get a hold of him or anyone that can get to him. Can you help me?”

The troubled vet had financial problems, relationship problems, job problems. All hallmarks of a desperate situation he could no longer face.

Dan rallied the troops, literally. He updated the blog to say:

“TROOP IN TROUBLE”

“We just received a request for help from a troop that turned to us in desperation because it is the middle of the night and no one in the chain of command is picking up the phone and he sincerely believes his battle [buddy] is planning to take his own life tonight.”

The folks reading in the middle of the night rallied, figured out the general location of the troubled soldier, and went to help a man that they didn’t know.

When Dan received a text from the soldier, they were able to track him via GPS. They found him, alone and ready to die.

The article reports that the soldiers who went to him said:

“Let’s talk about what’s going on and figure out what we can do to get you on the right track,” fellow soldiers said from underneath the door.

At 5 a.m., 14000 comments and hundreds of calls and texts later, there was resolution:

“We picked him up. The soldier is safe.”

There are some truly brave and wonderful people in the world.

I wish Dan, the vets who rallied to help a stranger, and the troubled soldier a very happy Veteran’s Day.

* * *

In our house, Veterans Day, 11/11 is a special day for another reason. This year it is the 21^st anniversary of when we adopted Jacob. So it is a special day indeed.

Last year I wrote about Adoption Day, and well, here’s the post for anyone who didn’t know me then: https://fiftyfourandahalf.com/2011/11/10/adoption-day/

Happy Adoption Day, Jacob!

With much love from Moms and Padre.

53 Comments

Filed under Family, Health and Medicine, Mental Health

Tagged as Health, Mental Health

November 7, 2012 · 0:00

I’ll shut up now

You might have noticed, but I’ve been a bit, ummmm, opinionated lately. OK, so I’m always opinionated, but lately I’ve been opinionated about politics and I pretty much stopped writing about anything else. My bad.

In case you didn’t notice, I have reason to celebrate. So do you. Here in the US we re-elected President Obama and Vice President Biden. We elected intelligent folks to the US Senate over the “Rape Rappers.” Women had great success except for the one who made money off of scantily clad women rolling around in mud while wrestling in an undoubtedly dignified manner. Three of the stupidest Congressmen were defeated (Alan West, Todd Akin and Joe Walsh). And we still get to laugh at Michelle Bachmann.

My blog has reason to celebrate, too. Every Republican I made fun of, with the exception of my BFF Michelle, lost. Damn I’m good.

But I’m going to do you, and especially my international readers, a favor. I’m going to shut up about politics for a while.

Well, at least I will after I tell you that Senate Minority Leader, Mitch McConnell has already let President Obama and the new Senate know that he won’t cooperate.

Portrait of an ASS

Now remember, Mitch is the guy who stated in 2008 that the Republican’s primary job was to make sure that President Obama was a one-term president.

How’d that work for you, Mitch?
But did Mitch learn his lesson? Nope. Here’s what he said today:

The American people did two things: they gave President Obama a second chance to fix the problems that even he admits he failed to solve during his first four years in office, and they preserved Republican control of the House of Representatives. The voters have not endorsed the failures or excesses of the President’s first term, they have simply given him more time to finish the job they asked him to do together with a Congress that restored balance to Washington after two years of one-party control. Now it’s time for the President to propose solutions that actually have a chance of passing the Republican-controlled House of Representatives and a closely-divided Senate, step up to the plate on the challenges of the moment, and deliver in a way that he did not in his first four years in office. To the extent he wants to move to the political center, which is where the work gets done in a divided government, we’ll be there to meet him half way.

Ummm, excuse me Senator McConnell? You lost your chance of gaining control of the U.S. Senate in an election year when there were tons of vulnerable Democratic seats. You blew it. So shut up and learn how to get along. Stop stamping your feet. Cooperate. That’s what’s in the best interest of our country.

* * *

OK. I’ll shut up now.

57 Comments

Filed under Campaigning, Conspicuous consumption, Criminal Activity, Elections, History, Humor, Hypocrisy, Politics, Stupidity, Voting

Tagged as Assholes, Crazy people, Elections, GOP, Politics, Stupidity, Voting, Washington

November 4, 2012 · 0:00

Don’t Take It Just From Me

I’ll be busy for the next few days. So I will let one of my idols remind you of what you’re sick of hearing me say:

Elections matter.

VOTE on November 6 if you haven’t already! If Obama wins, which I hope he will, I will be able to get off my soapbox and re-establish myself as a humor blogger instead of a political one. You can thank me later!