Tag Archives: Crazy people

October 27, 2012 · 0:00

Idiot Wind

Damn it!  My most recent pipe dream has just come crashing down around my ears.

You know, the one where I become a wildly successful, NY Times bestselling novelist because of the incredible stories I make up out of a combination of thin air, personal experience and plagiarism?

Yeah, that dream.

And it came crashing down because I must accept the fact that life is so much more colorful than anything I could make up.  Yup, life is just wayyyyyy more exciting than my stories.   Real life, especially during the runup to an election in the United States is in fact, completely surreal.

So don’t be rushin’ around to the bookstore.  You’ll be disappointed.

What was it that forced reality into my otherwise happy existence?

Naturally, it was something I read.  And while I am still drooling in shock, I am just not quite sure what it all means.  I mean, how will things turn out?  Because you see, I just read, that the women’s vote, which I’ve been counting on to get Obama over the edge, will be determined by where women are in their menstrual cycle.   I had thought that, well, thought might play a role.  But I guess not.

Apparently, it’s true.  It’s been studied!  So it must be right, right?

First of all, you won’t hear me comment on the fact that this study was conducted in Texas.  Nope.  Not one word.  Total and absolute silence on the study’s lone star status.

The study was conducted by Kristina Durante at U of T.

 

Jimmy Durante and Pumpkin

The study presented the results of an internet survey of 502 women with regular menstrual cycles and who were not using hormone-based contraceptives (the pill, the patch and the like).

The researchers found that during the fertile time of the month, when levels of the hormone estrogen are high, single women appeared more likely to vote for Obama and committed women appeared more likely to vote for Romney, by a margin of at least 20%, Durante said. This seems to be the driver behind the researchers’ overall observation that single women were inclined toward Obama and committed women leaned toward Romney.  [Yeah, that’s my emphasis. How could I let you miss that gem?]

That’s ’cause, according to Durante (Kristina not Jimmy), women are feeling sexier, which of course makes them sluttier in my mind or, in Durante’s it makes them:

“lean more toward liberal attitudes on abortion and marriage equality.”

In other important research, Durante has also studied your period’s impact on other vital decisions, like your shopping choices.

When you go to Vote,

Go feeling really slutty —

Vote a Straight Democratic Ticket!

*     *     *

I found this fascinating information on Daily Kos, where I find some of the best stuff.  They found it at CNN!  Yup, CNN, “The Most Trusted Name In News!”  For some reason, though, CNN took down the link.

But here is the link Kos provided.  Cause you really don’t want to miss this one.

You’re welcome.

43 Comments

Filed under Books, Campaigning, Criminal Activity, Elections, Family, Humor, Law, Politics, Science, Stupidity, Voting

Tagged as , , , , , , ,

October 24, 2012 · 0:00

Oh, Now I Get It!

It’s  getting really confusing.

Here’s my problem:

If it is God’s will that  a woman gets pregnant when she’s raped, how do these lady parts that shut down and prevent pregnancy fit in?

You see why I’m confused now, don’t you?

But naturally, Bloggers have saved the day.

Yup, they answered my question.  Illustrated the situation.  And now you too will understand it all.  You’re welcome.

Here is a guide posted on one of my favorite blogs, DailyKos.com  (that’s where I learn all kinds of fascinating things).  I just had to share this illustration so you won’t be confused either.  It was originally posted there by Connecticutie but updated by brainwrap today in light of Richard Mourdock’s comment at last night’s debate.

Understand it now?  Good.  I knew you would.

*     *     *

Full disclosure here.

I am not pro-abortion.  I have never had an abortion, and I recall how when I was young and single that I grappled with the question:  “If I get pregnant, what will I do?”  It was never a question that needed an actionable answer.  I was lucky.  Many others weren’t.

You know, I don’t know or know of anyone who is, actually, pro-abortion, come to think of it.  And you know what?  I think that the moniker “pro-choice” is a poor one.  It’s part of the problem.  It sounds too much like a casual decision.  And of course, it is anything but.  I think that the poor name choice demeans the difficult decision that women, either alone or with their partner or their parent or a caring friend, must grapple with.  Richard Mourdock, Todd Akin, Paul Ryan and the rest of the jokers in the GOP shouldn’t be in on this very personal crisis resolution.

We should call it something else.  But I’ve been  unable to come up with a better name, either.  Maybe that’s why we got stuck with the one we got.

Nevertheless, we fought the battle over abortion 40 years ago.  Forty Fucking Years Ago.  And people who knew that it was better to have it safe and regulated as opposed to done in back alleys under unsanitary conditions at the cost of many women’s lives, well they/we won it.  It happened just over a decade after the first contraceptives were approved for use in the United States.

And of course, the GOP is against contraception, too.

A Romney presidency will basically guarantee that the folks who don’t really understand how human biology works will control all the things we women need to control our reproductive health.  Which, of  course, significantly impacts our economic health as well.

[Hey!  Maybe this is the GOP jobs plan — keep women barefoot and pregnant and out of the workplace!]

Many of these Republicans don’t even quite understand how basic human biology works, but they are willing to legislate it nevertheless.  They don’t actually know when in the, ummm, process, conception occurs and/or how contraception actually occurs.  They don’t understand that oral contraceptives do not prevent the sperm from fertilizing the egg but rather prevents the fertilized egg from implanting in the womb. 

So that fertilized egg?  If the GOP has its way, that egg becomes more important than the mother.  Yup.  That’s what the “Personhood” Amendment does.  The one VP Candidate Paul Ryan sponsored along with Senate Candidate Todd Akin.  It gives property rights to fertilized eggs.  Human ones, that is.  They haven’t made any inroads in giving chicken eggs the keys to the henhouse. Yet.

A Romney presidency will guarantee Supreme Court appointments will overturn Roe v. Wade.  Everybody knows that.

And Obama victory will prevent that.  A Democratic Senate will prevent that, too.

But there is more.

In the last 2 years while the GOP has controlled the U.S. House of Representatives, they have passed 55 bills outlawing abortion.  They have passed 0 jobs bills.  Yeah, that’s a ZERO.  A big goose egg (ahem).  And of course, they campaigned on JOBS, JOBS, JOBs! in 2010.  That’s the promise that gave them the House of Representatives.  And then they blocked all bills that would have helped create jobs.

We really need to get rid of these crazies.  We need to get rid of the nutcases, the fanatics that want to control our bodies, eliminate our liberties, stop on our freedoms and who then wrap it in the flag and sing The Star Spangled Banner.

Well, Damn it, that’s my flag too, and my national anthem.  Keep your crazy ass hands off of them both.

64 Comments

Filed under Campaigning, Childhood Traumas, Criminal Activity, Elections, Family, Health and Medicine, History, Hypocrisy, Law, Politics, Science, Stupidity, Voting

Tagged as , , , , , , , , ,

October 23, 2012 · 0:00

Wait, Wait, I have a Question!

OK, I am not even going to try to be cute or funny or anything of the sort.

Here are my three questions for Mitt Romney:

Q:  If I move to the Middle East, do I get to control my own lady-parts andget equal pay for equal work?  Because you don’t think I am entitled to do that here in the U.S., do you?

ROMNEY: Well, my strategy is pretty straightforward, which is to go after the bad guys, to make sure we do our very best to interrupt them, to — to kill them, to take them out of the picture.

But my strategy is broader than that. That’s — that’s important, of course. But the key that we’re going to have to pursue is a — is a pathway to get the Muslim world to be able to reject extremism on its own. […]

And how do we do that? A group of Arab scholars came together, organized by the U.N., to look at how we can help the — the world reject these — these terrorists. And the answer they came up with was this:

One, more economic development …

Number two, better education.

Number three, gender equality.

Number four, the rule of law.

Q:  If you change your position on every issue based on who you are talking to, how the hell can any foreign leader know when you mean what you say, when you’re pandering, and when you are telling an outright lie?

And lastly, at least for the moment,

 Q:  You frequently talk about all your record in Massachusetts, about which you claim to be very proud. If you did such a bang up job, Why are the folks in Massachusetts going to vote for President Obama?

 

 *     *     *

If you live in the United States and would like to help GET OUT THE VOTE, you can make calls no matter where you live through the Obama website:  http://www.barackobama.com/

Remember, Elections Matter.  So do results.

 VOTE DEMOCRATIC!

37 Comments

Filed under Campaigning, Criminal Activity, Elections, Health and Medicine, History, Hypocrisy, Politics, Voting

Tagged as , , , , ,

October 10, 2012 · 0:00

Get Fresh Pressed Now!

It’s your most cherished hope.  It’s what you wake up, day after day, wishing would happen.  It’s more important to you now than World Peace.

Yup.  You wanna be Fresh Pressed.

And I can help you there, my friend.  Just listen up.

You see, I have the power to make it happen.  To get you there.  To fulfill your wildest blogging dreams.

I would have mentioned it before but, well, I only just realized my power.  Until today I thought it was just coincidence.  I’m so ashamed.

Take a look at my blog roll – you’ll see.  I follow a lot of blogs that have been Freshly Pressed.  Even though my blogroll is hopelessly out of date, you can see that I’m there in the trenches with the best of the best.

But I just didn’t see the pattern.

Last winter when I was having problems receiving emails of some of the blogs I follow, I decided to follow myself – that way I’d know for sure that I was getting alerts of all the folks I wanted to read.

That’s when it happened.  Yup.  I was Fresh Pressed for Hey Doc? 

It’s happened since, too.  Well, not to me, of course.  But still I just didn’t notice the pattern.  Finally it dawned on me.  A couple of weeks ago when I started following Fear No Weebles.  She was FP’d almost immediately after I put my email address in the “Follow Me” slot for a post called There’s something about Mr. Weebles.

But the concrete proof came just this week.  For those of you who don’t know her, Miss Weebles is very fond of Le Clown of A Clown on Fire.  She even wrote a post politely recommending that Word Press’s habit of not FP’ing the Clown should end.  I clicked over there and realized that I’d been meaning to “Follow” him for a while, but, well, hadn’t.  So I did.

And one of the first posts I read with my coffee this morning was “WordPress To Retire Le Clown’s Not Featured on Freshly Pressed Jersey.”  He got into the club.  You’re welcome, Clown.

So I figured I’d help you guys all out and make a buck or two while I’m at it.  For a nominal fee, I will follow YOUR BLOG!

Get Yer Fresh Pressing Here!

$500

Sorry.  No refunds.

113 Comments

Filed under Awards, Bloggin' Buddies, Conspicuous consumption, Criminal Activity, History, Humor, Writing

Tagged as ,

October 5, 2012 · 0:00

Seat of the Pants Math

The best line I’ve read about Mitt Romney firing Big Bird:

Let’s channel one of Big Bird’s colleagues, Count von Count, and do some math: The federal government gave $445 million this year to the Corporation for Public Broadcasting, which distributes that money to PBS and, to a lesser degree, NPR member stations across the country.

That $445 million works out to about 1/100 of 1 percent of the federal budget.

That’s like me saying I’m going to lose weight by trimming my nails.

From the Chicago Sun Times article:  No debate about it: Big Bird is small potatoes when it comes to federal budget  which I stumbled upon on DailyKos.com.

Yup.  Way to go Mitt.  Hollow gestures, lies and gimmicks.

Damn these folks who think pre-school is an important time.
Damn them to hell!

40 Comments

Filed under Elections, Family, Hypocrisy, Law, Politics, Stupidity, Taxes, Voting

Tagged as , , , , , , , , ,