Get Fresh Pressed Now!

It’s your most cherished hope.  It’s what you wake up, day after day, wishing would happen.  It’s more important to you now than World Peace.

Yup.  You wanna be Fresh Pressed.

And I can help you there, my friend.  Just listen up.

You see, I have the power to make it happen.  To get you there.  To fulfill your wildest blogging dreams.

I would have mentioned it before but, well, I only just realized my power.  Until today I thought it was just coincidence.  I’m so ashamed.

Take a look at my blog roll – you’ll see.  I follow a lot of blogs that have been Freshly Pressed.  Even though my blogroll is hopelessly out of date, you can see that I’m there in the trenches with the best of the best.

But I just didn’t see the pattern.

Last winter when I was having problems receiving emails of some of the blogs I follow, I decided to follow myself – that way I’d know for sure that I was getting alerts of all the folks I wanted to read.

That’s when it happened.  Yup.  I was Fresh Pressed for Hey Doc? 

It’s happened since, too.  Well, not to me, of course.  But still I just didn’t notice the pattern.  Finally it dawned on me.  A couple of weeks ago when I started following Fear No Weebles.  She was FP’d almost immediately after I put my email address in the “Follow Me” slot for a post called There’s something about Mr. Weebles.

But the concrete proof came just this week.  For those of you who don’t know her, Miss Weebles is very fond of Le Clown of A Clown on Fire.  She even wrote a post politely recommending that Word Press’s habit of not FP’ing the Clown should end.  I clicked over there and realized that I’d been meaning to “Follow” him for a while, but, well, hadn’t.  So I did.

And one of the first posts I read with my coffee this morning was “WordPress To Retire Le Clown’s Not Featured on Freshly Pressed Jersey.”  He got into the club.  You’re welcome, Clown.

So I figured I’d help you guys all out and make a buck or two while I’m at it.  For a nominal fee, I will follow YOUR BLOG!

Get Yer Fresh Pressing Here!

$500

Sorry.  No refunds.

113 Comments

Filed under Awards, Bloggin' Buddies, Conspicuous consumption, Criminal Activity, History, Humor, Writing

113 responses to “Get Fresh Pressed Now!

  1. Well, Elyse, I think I am the spoiler to your FP magic. You follow me and I’m on your blogroll (of which I am most grateful), and I have never been FP’d nor do I expect to ever be FP’d because of my “salty tongue” utilized when creatively necessary. But I have not suffered from it at all and have acquired quite a number of followers and a stratospheric number of views. So maybe your magic works in other ways besides being FP’d. Maybe it is just associating with you. Maybe it’s that Northern VA. charm. 🙂

    Like

    • Oh, no. That’s not the case at all. I just started following you before my magic powers were revealed. Sorry!

      The funny thing is my next post was FP’d. And I didn’t even re-follow. And the post contains some mildly salty language.

      Like

  2. Har Har. You’ve got the right idea. What are we here for anyway!? I think they ration it to 2 FPs per blogger. Anybody have more than that?

    Like

  3. What about a FP volume discount? I’d like to put my order in for being a monthly feature on the front page, please. Will you take a check?

    Like

  4. Shine your magic my way please 🙂

    Like

  5. LMAO! Thanks for the laugh. I needed it… bad. God help me if I were to ever be FP. People would begin to expect real writing. Yikes. Wait. What I am worried about? It’ll never happen. Phew.

    Like

    • When it happens to you, you’ll find that a few folks stick around. The rest pop in and come back once or twice and forget you for the next round of ‘stars’.

      FP’ing also attracts some rather odd folks. In my FP’d post, I joked that use of so many radiation-producing machines for medical tests was a Russian plot. A commenter (surprise surprise from Russia) totally got on my case about it and said “I am “UNLIKING” you!!! Umm, lady if you can’t take a joke …

      Like

  6. The awful thing is that had I not recently been FP’d, I might well have contemplated hitting the visa button up above. Sigh. Giggle.

    Like

    • Hmmm. You know, you may be another one of my products, El. I’m not sure when I started following you, but not long after — Bingo! Damn, I’m good.

      You’re welcome. 😉

      Like

  7. If you have any pull, please make it happen on the days I don’t have class. I would hate for wp to throw me a party and I just can’t be there. 🙂 I guess that would cost 4 or 5 digits…huh?

    Like

    • I’ll see what I can do, Georgette. But you are one of my first blogging buddies, so I am not sure what power I can wield on your behalf.

      But like Sandy, you’d qualify for the “Friends and Family” discount!

      Like

  8. Sadly, I cannot afford your fee so I suppose I shall remain unpressed as I also detest ironing, but I like irony.

    Like

    • Sandy, like so many others, you’ve simply been a friend too long — since way before my magical powers developed. I’m sorry I can’t help.

      But I promise that when I develop new currently unknown blogging powers, you will get the “Friends and Family” discount!

      Like

  9. I have never been FP, I follow you and you follow me. I follow lots of people that have been and some follow me and some don’t. I figured I am just not good enough to be…and let it go at that.

    Like

    • Actually, Val, they are conflict and opinion averse. That would be my guess. Your posts are too difficult to argue with, and they take sides. They damn you, you articulate woman!

      But I do think I have been following you since before my powers were revealed. Sorry!

      Like

  10. I’ve been made up so many good people have been FP’d lately.

    Mine is a distant memory now, 19 months ago, but I think WordPress should offer counselling services as after the initial stampede of comments after being FP’d it all goes quiet….actually that’s the prefect time to charge people $500 to get that thrill again, you’ll be an FP dealer, with queues of junkies desperate for that high,

    Like

  11. I believe it’s the wisdom that comes from your wild adventures. Or maybe it’s the extravagant imagination you have that creates your magic. Which ever…may you be FP’d many more times.

    Like

  12. Guess I’m glad I got you to follow me before you started charging. Though, I’ve yet to be freshly pressed. I suspect I need to be more meaningful in my posts, rather than get a follow from you. 🙂

    I love Dusty Springfield.. thanks for adding a bit of Dusty to my day!

    Like

    • Glad you liked Dusty. I love that song — it is in my head whenever I am wishing for something.

      But you have lots of meaningful content, John. And good tunes. I am sorry my magic hasn’t yet worked for you. I’ll work on it! Of course, you didn’t pay the fee, either, so that might just have something to do with it. 😉

      Like

  13. Are you sure you don’t just toggle a blogger’s fresh-pressed potential? I was FP’d twice in 2010, but I don’t think I’ve been FP’d since you started following me. (Okay, technically I’m not on WP any more, so you don’t get all the blame, but still…).

    Like

    • Laura, I’m sure that all the “I don’t want to be on Word Press anymore” vibes you were sending out interfered with my magic “Follow.” Sorry. I’ll work on how to get you FP’d in spite of not being in the right place at the right time!

      Like

  14. Hi Elyse,
    Oh my goodness…you are hilarious! I haven’t been here for a while (sorry) but your headline caught my eye and I just had to read it…and it was fun reading the comments also. 🙂 Thanks for the wonderful smile. 🙂

    Like

  15. Virtual cash is in the virtual mail! Thanks in advance. Apparently you have super good taste in bloggers!

    Like

    • Renee, I am relieved to hear you’ve sent the cash. My virtual rent is late!

      And since you are one of my blogging buddies, obviously I have great taste!

      Like

  16. You are a VIP friend for sure. Just get me behind the velvet ropes…for one more time. I need my fix again

    Like

  17. You’ve been in DC too long Elyse, your working it like a dang lobbyist!

    Like

    • That’s cause I WAS a lobbyist, Tops. I come about it honestly. Sort of.

      Somehow, though, the money is not rolling in.

      Like

      • Life With The Top Down

        Well considering you went right to the top with your $500 request I’m not surprised….we’re not the 99% for god sakes. However, I will give you props for the effort!

        Like

  18. Does this power of yours work in the way of elections? Please say yes.

    Like

    • I sure hope so, Speaker7. I sure hope so.

      (Sorry, I somehow missed this comment. I didn’t mean to ignore you or the chance to make a non-political post, ummmm, political!

      Like

  19. the curtain raiser

    Now I’ve got the song “I’ve Got The Power” running through my head. Always thought you rocked, but now knowing you have subliminal pressing superpowers just deals the deal :)!

    Like

  20. If I wasn’t spending so darned much mula having my book edited…

    I hope there isn’t an expiration date on this offer. When my book starts making money in, oh, about, sometime maybe, I’ll definitely take you up on this offer. When I got freshly pressed, I was so new to WP I thought they did it for all new bloggers as a Welcome Wagon kind of deal…

    Like

  21. Well, you’ve already followed my blog, and my blog is listed on your blog roll, so… what gives, Elyse? Cause there’s no FP happening for me yet. Is it because I need to send you the five bucks? Hey, if that’s what is holding me back from my FP experience, I’ll offer you three dollars right now! Yep, you read that right… cause only suckers jump at an initial offering and buy it without a second thought. (just ask all those poor folks who jumped at Facebook’s stock IPO right away, cause they got seriously screwed!)

    So you’ve opened your bid at $5.00 and I’m counter offering you $3.00. I’m sure that we can meet somewhere in the middle and get this deal done, Elyse.

    Actually, it is satisfaction enough for me that you are following my blog and I’m on your blog roll, since that honestly means a lot more to me than getting Freshly Pressed.

    It’s true that I am always very happy for my favorite bloggers when they get their FP experience and I am quick to enthusiastically congratulate them.

    But… while I mean no offense to you and others who have been FP’d, who write consistently skilled high quality posts, there is still much I could say about the whole FP phenomenon, and much of it wouldn’t be flattering to WP World. But that’s not necessary, because anybody who’s been here on WP for any length of time already knows the FP story I would tell, so I won’t bother wasting the keystrokes to write what is already so well known.

    So maybe it’s just as well that I don’t get Freshly Pressed… since if it ever happens, I might be tempted to express something other than gratitude for it. I might do something subtle, like reply only to the bloggers I know who comment, while ignoring all the rest, except for maybe some who seem to genuinely like my post, and who didn’t show up just for self serving self promotion.

    But thanks again for following my blog, and for my place on your blog roll, Elyse. It means a lot to me, coming from you. And I may just go ahead and send you the five bucks anyway, cause you are often more entertaining than the entertainment that I pay much more for, so you’re a bargain! 🙂

    Like

    • Ummmm, Chris? That $500. Decimal at the end. So we have quite a ways to go in this here negotiation. Because, Chris, I’m not that cheap.

      Like

      • Elyse, I have NEVER and will NEVER think of you as cheap, because you are high quality and a class act all the way. But the last time I spent $500 dollars to have my wildest dreams fulfilled, it had nothing to do with blogging, and everything to do with an arrangement that I know you would never want to be involved with, because you ARE a class act all the way!

        But hey, this is still a very original idea for a business venture that you’ve launched here, and I think your innovative strategy has a lot of potential to make you some big bucks.

        Because with the high level of enthusiasm out there from WP bloggers for attaining FP status, and also the great number of WP bloggers who swarm around the bright spotlight on someone else’s FP’d post like a million moths flying around in circles in their collective quest for individual recognition, you may have put yourself in an ideal position to get seriously rich! Good luck with that, Elyse. I’m pullin’ for you all the way! 😀

        Like

        • You’re a pal, Chris. I knew what I was getting myself into when I wrote my response!

          I’ve actually found several really good bloggers through FP. Some of them ARE top notch. But it is decidedly hit or miss.

          Like

  22. I want to be FP again. Can you unsubscribe to me and then resubscribe? The check us in the mail.

    Like

  23. Clinton

    I admit that I’m confused at the meaning of ‘fresh pressed.’ Maybe it’s an insider thing. I am freshly trodden on every day, is that the same thing?
    On a different subject, what would your response to the subject of the link below be?
    http://finance.yahoo.com/news/ceo-workers-youll-likely-fired-131640914.html

    Like

    • Word Press, the blogging site singles out posts to be “Freshly Pressed” every day and posts them here: http://wordpress.com/#!/fresh/. Some of their choices are fabulous — some aren’t.

      As for that article, wow. Stay tuned.

      Like

      • Clinton

        Hmm, so, no blog, no fresh, is that it? Is that some kind of anti-blogger discrimination? It seems unfair. Even contests are required to provide the means to enter without a purchase. I can’t blog — the pressure of publishing, keeping the readers engaged — I think I’d rupture something. But I’m beyond getting freshened by pressing anyway.

        I knew you’d like that article. I’m tuned.

        Like

        • Yes, blogging is a civic duty, filled with stress and pitfalls! Actually, I just post when I want to — it takes the pressure down many notches.

          Post on that article on the way.

          Like

        • Clinton, if you want to start your own blog, it’s not too hard. You can check out my blog (no need to subscribe, unless you’re a masochist or something). Just look at what I’ve done, take careful notes, then do the EXACT opposite. You should be freshly pressed (as opposed to me, stale and squashed) in no time! 😀

          Like

  24. You have The Touch, Elyse, clearly. I didn’t realize that you were the one responsible for my being FP’d, but I will be sending you $500 directly. I’m pretty sure that Le Clown was FP’d because of your powers and mine, so he’s going to have to send each of us $500 American.

    Like

    • This is the best money making scheme I have come up with since I stopped mugging little old ladies. I had to stop that; Mom just didn’t have all that much.

      Like

  25. I love you dearly, Elyse, but can I ask you please NOT to subscribe to my blog? I want Freshly Pressed like I need another hole in my head. As it is, if I lean out the car window, I sound like a friggin’ calliope! 😀
    So keep my secret – well, secret, okay? I’m trying to keep the riff-raff in and the regular people out! (Um … er .. naw, that’s right. 😉 )

    Like

  26. I’d love to be included in your blog roll and I’d love for you to follow my blog. But I can’t afford your posted rate. Perhaps there’s a GROUPON floating around in cyberspace?

    Like

  27. I just rubbed myself all over the screen per my pal Clown’s instructions.

    Like

  28. Yes … Le Clown is out of the club for which I am a proud member! Meanwhile, I may have to work on my flag!

    Like

  29. Sending you my Magic Wand….not that you need it……

    Like

  30. I’ve been blogging for nearly 3 years, yet never been Freshly Pressed. I follow many of the blogs on your Blogroll, yet never been Freshly Pressed. I’d ask you to use your magical powers to get me Freshly Pressed, but $500 is right out of my price range! Really, I thought the only reason I’ve never been Freshly Pressed is because I don’t iron…

    Like

    • Personally, I think your gravitar alone should qualify — what a hoot!

      But stay tuned, Margie. I may be having a fire sale. These “follows” I’m selling are collecting dust.

      Like

  31. Good thing I was FP’d before you started charging. Phew!

    Like

  32. Le Clown

    Fifty Four and a Half,
    The getting Freshly Pressed campaign started a few months back, when I received an email from WordPress before anyone of our clan was FP’d: http://clownonfire.wordpress.com/2012/08/21/freshly-pressed/. Then my great friend Weebles was FP’d, and the game continued. It’s been a thrill ride. My second blog was also FP’d today (Black Box Warnings) because of a great post by Laments and Lullabies (http://blackboxwarnings.wordpress.com/2012/10/04/defining-crazy/), and an WordPress moderator communicated with me yesterday wanting to know if Le Clown would like to partake in a new feature they will be launching next week, as the inaugural profilee (I’ll let you know more when it comes out). So indeed, exciting times…
    Le Clown

    Like

  33. You are incredible. Such magical abilities! I’ll have to check this Le Clown dude out now! (love Weebles!)

    Like

    • Why thank you, Darla! It’s all because of my magical Irish blood. Or the alcohol. Or something.
      You’ll like Le Clown. He too is a magician — he appears where you least expect him!

      Like

      • hmm….Le Clown is omnipresent lately. (don’t worry, I looked up that word so I’m fairly semi-confident of its meaning….)

        Um…and I’ve been thinking about this and I am afraid you are wrong. I am the one behind all these Freshly Pressings. I knew Weebles before she was FP. I knew Le Clown as of yesterday. besides, I knew you before YOU were Freshly Pressed. I was commenting on Angie’s blog before everyone else. Basically, I knew of everyone before everyone. I’ve been here since fall of 2010 for god’s sake! It’s all because of me, admit it, Elyse!

        Like

        • Shhhhhhhhh.

          Ok. I’ll split the haul with you. Just as soon as my math skills progress to where I can divide the number “0.”

          Like

          • ok, well after you figure that out, kindly just retitle this post Maineiac is the End All Be All of WordPress and I’ll be satisfied.

            Like

            • Elyse

              No I think that needs to be a title for a post on your blog, Darla.

              But I won’t promise that I’ll comment quite so often on it.

              Like

              • I think I have a new post idea, finally! thanks, Elyse!

                Like

                • Elyse

                  You needed that. You haven’t posted since, umm, yesterday … (I’m reading that post now.) Sniff, sniff.

                  Like

                  • She's a Maineiac

                    Yeah, but that post I wrote while taking a shower half asleep yesterday. my worst one yet. I have zero ideas. I’m all tapped out. School is frying my brain. I was planning on writing about Jim’s vasectomy tomorrow but he told me he’d divorce me if I did.

                    Like

                    • Elyse

                      OK, Darla, I have a quote for you:
                      Everyone who’s ever taken a shower has an idea. It’s the person who gets out of the shower, dries off and does something about it who makes a difference.”

                      –Nolan Bushnell,
                      American engineer and entrepreneur

                      Like

                    • Elyse

                      If you write about someone’s vasectomy, I’ll divorce you. Better still give me the gorey details and I will write about it. I am a fake medical person after all. And You, you’re trying to be the real thing.

                      Like

  34. Having been FP’d, I’m sorry I didn’t think of this first.
    You have caught the brass ring of monetizing your blog.

    IS THERE NOTHING YOU CAN’T DO, MAGIC WOMAN?!?

    Like

    • Elyse

      Gee, shucks, Guap.

      But frankly figuring out how to actually get money from my blog would be nice. Virtual cash is all well and good, but it only buys virtual groceries which have way too many calories!

      Like

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