Medical care in today’s America is really no more than a Ponzi scheme. Just ask Rick Perry.
In my case, it seems that whenever I go to the doctor, I end up going to doctorS. Plural. Somehow, radiologists are always involved. What did folks do before they split the atom? I think all these tests is a Russian (Iranian?) plot to get Americans to wipe themselves out with radioactive dyes so that they — The Russian/Iranians — can take over our country and get up there on the CT Scan machine themselves. They are seriously cool machines. I want one for my living room.
Oops. I digressed again. So back to our hero in the U.S. medical system.
Me, I have a chronic condition that has a nasty habit of wandering around the temple that is my body. (I am quite sure it is a temple, because it keeps expanding.) So I do know the medical system, ummm, intimately.
No, no, no, the illness is not such a big deal. More than anything it is annoying. And gross. And time-consuming. Because when I go to one doctor, she sends me to another, who invariably says, “well you know, you really should see … and along the way there will be tests.” Needles will be stuck into veins, dyes will be injected, and incredibly disgusting potions will be consumed. The doctors don’t feel a thing, though. It hardly seems fair.
But I have something over most patients: Doctors are terrified of me:
I work in drug products litigation
I am married to a lawyer
- I do my homework;
- I ask questions that I have thought about in advance;
- I write down their answers;
- I do not let them leave the room until I am satisfied;
- I call them with all those questions I forgot to ask the first time around;
- When they don’t call me back, I threaten to haunt them after I am dead.
That last one is REALLY effective.
Tomorrow, I have an appointment with a new specialist. So, I am taking bets here: