Do you know Michelle of The Green Study? I discovered her during the holidays when we were both hanging out at C4C, Company For Christmas — the open blog for folks who were alone on the holidays. Neither of us were alone, actually. In fact, I don’t think that I “chatted” with anybody who was alone. But I made some friends, including Michelle. We followed each other, and I entered her Christmas Story contest.
And I won 2nd Prize!
Recently, I entered another one of Michelle’s contests, this time for “The Worst Job I Ever Had.” And I did it again. I won second prize. But next time, I’m going to take this bit of advice:
Check out the first prize winner, The Wisdom of Life. That job was way worse than mine.
And check out mine over at The Green Study: The Gray Zone.
At last. At last something is being done. It’s about time that the threat from the Danish Connection has been bitten back.
For too long, you folks have had to read my posts about the need for curbing gun violence. For civil, community and government action to protect ourselves from random violence. From the bad guy with a gun. I know that you folks count on me to keep you informed. Up to date. Filled with sweet facts that you can share over coffee.
I am pleased to give you this bit of delicious news. You see, today it finally happened: Somebody took action on guns. It happened not all that far away from where I live. It happened in Anne Arundel County, Maryland. Just a hop, skip and a jump from here in gun lovin’ Virginia.
It’s true. Authorities may have finally nipped the whole Danish Connection in the, ummmm, butt. Or in the butt of a gun. Or nipped somebody somewhere.
No. That’s the French Connection. I’m talking Danish. Far more dangerous. Fewer good guys. No Oscars.
Let me explain.
Today a 7 year old was suspended from school for biting his Danish pastry into the shape of a gun, pointing it and saying “bang, bang.” Witnesses are divided over whether the weapon was pointed at another student or at the ceiling.
The boy’s father was unabashed:
Welch said an assistant principal at Park Elementary School told him that his son pointed the pastry at a classmate — though the child maintains he pointed it at the ceiling.
“In my eyes, it’s irrelevant; I don’t care who he pointed it at,” Welch said. “It was harmless. It was a danish.”
(Google Image)
Meanwhile, folks with real, lethal — not tasty — guns are discussing just how many rounds it takes to bring down the drones that will, naturally, be coming after them because they exercise their Second Amendment rights to maintain an arsenal. That’s according to Congressman and official contender for “Stupidest Human On Planet Earth” Louie Gohmert (R-Where-else-but-TX) chatting on talk radio:
“I had somebody last week in Washington from either Georgia or Alabama that was saying, ‘Look, this goes back to we have got to have at least 50 rounds in our magazines because on average that’s about how many it takes to bring down a drone.’ I hope he was kidding, I don’t know for sure.”
Do you think anybody from Congressman Gomer Pile’s office might have checked to see if the guy who said this was kidding? Do you think that they suspended the guy who said that? Do you think that maybe they took away his gun permit?
Do you think that a duly elected representative of the United States Congress might have suggested that this man be investigated?
Do you think the Congressman was even a wee bit concerned? Nope. He apparently thinks it’s no big deal, or so I’m guessing because Congressman Gohmert continued:
“It is serious when the government decides, let’s just watch every little thing Americans are doing,” he added. “It’s big brother taken to a whole new scale.”
Amen, Brother Gohmert. Amen.
[Oh, the emphasis is all mine in those quotes.]
Now, I don’t know about you, but I’d rather take my chances against a 7 year old member of the Danish Connection than against some paranoid right wing nutcase who thinks he must arm himself with multiple large magazines for his multiple assault weapons because he is pretty damn sure that he will have to take on the Federal Guv’ment that he is dang sure is about to send drones to break up his barbeque.
I’m really glad they’ve started taking action on guns. But perhaps some folks need to figure out which ones are real threats and which ones are merely tasty morsels.
* * *
The Senate Judiciary Committee is currently working on 4 bills to establish more sane gun laws in America:
S.150, Assault Weapons Ban of 2013 (Feinstein)
S.54, Stop Illegal Trafficking in Firearms Act of 2013 (Leahy)
S.374, Protecting Responsible Gun Sellers Act of 2013 (Schumer)
S.146, School Safety Enhancements Act of 2013 (Boxer)
Back when I worried about my own car repairs, whenever a part was replaced, a mechanic would hand me the old greasy thing to prove that he had replaced that oil pan, brake pad, battery. I never quite knew what to do with them. Take them home? Donate them to Good Will? Make them into fine art?
(Google image)
I always thanked them very much and took the greasy gunk home where I threw it out. I understood why they did it, it was to ensure that they really did replace your oil pan, brake pad or battery. That they weren’t cheating you. I got that part.
But I came home with something today that, well, I am a wee bit baffled to have in my possession. I don’t know quite what to do with it. And I’m pretty sure I didn’t think that cheating me was an issue this time. And believe me, I’m sure they did the work.
You see, I had a medical procedure today. Down there. I had the colostomy patient’s version of a colonoscopy, an ileo-rectal sigmoidoscopy. It was to find out what’s going on down there, to see what has been making me sick in the last few months and to figure out what to do next. The procedure is a pain in the ass in that it is inconvenient, takes up a whole day plus prep. But in the overall scheme of things, it’s really no big deal. Plus they give me great drugs.
The good news is that I’m not doing too badly. I will be taking drugs for a while, but none of the drugs that scare the bejesus out of all of us when we see their ads on TV where the list of how the drug will kill you goes on for longer than the program. That’s good news.
And I am feeling better already so I can stop whining about my health, which is good news for you all.
But in addition to instructions on what to do tonight – take it easy, don’t drink, call us if you puke — I got a whole packet of information in a glossy file folder, which I figured would take its place in a file drawer with a packet of other similar folders. Until I opened the file folder and saw that it contained color pictures.
I am the proud owner of several full color glossy photos of my asshole.
Next time, I will go prepared with a picture of my own:
[Washington, DC, February 15, 2013] Pundits were astonished today when members of the GOP-led House Committee on Science, Space and Technology announced plans to hold hearings on science and the lack of federal research into the causes of natural catastrophes.
One witness agreed to appear:
* * *
Seriously, yesterday, Rep. Lamar Smith (R-TX) announced that he was shocked, shocked that the United States Guv’ment had not been investing enough money into scientific reasons why that meteor that exploded in the skies over Siberia, injuring over 1,000 people.
Yup, they are finally going to look at science because the sky is falling. And they’re afraid it will land on them.
It’s pretty much universally accepted that we all learn valuable lessons at our first job. I certainly did.
My first real job was at a burger joint in Connecticut called The Big Toppe. It was modeled around a circus in that there was one picture on the wall of a clown. And right from the start I learned important things.
That first day, I was guided by a “counter girl” named Barbara, who really took me under her wing in those early days. And she taught me many of the rules that I’m sure she still lives by.
First, at head counter girl Lisa’s insistence because I was the new girl, Barbara took me out back to show me how to clean the restaurant’s restroom. Taking the key from the hook, Barbara grabbed the spray bottle of ammonia and water, walked me to the restroom, opened the door and led me in.
“All you have to do is stand here for 2-3 minutes. Then spray ammonia into the air and leave. Nobody will ever know the difference.”
Lesson number two was important, but only while I worked there.
“Make sure to talk to Frank (the manager) when you wipe down anything. That way he’ll think you are a good worker. Otherwise, don’t bother wiping.”
My next and most important lesson came one day when she wasn’t working but I was. Barbara stopped by The Big Toppe with her friend Mary to get some (free — if Frank wasn’t looking) carryout to take to the beach. Barbara’s friend was horribly ugly, and I saw her picking her nose when she was in line. “Yuck!” I thought.
Unfortunately for them, Frank was around and was making sure that nobody got free food that day. So, while Barbara chatted with me, Mary went back out to their car to get lunch money.
“She’s really ugly isn’t she?” Barbara said.
I tried to be nice and said “I’m sure she’s really nice.”
“Oh, no,” said Barbara. “She’s a real jerk. But I try to always hang around jerks. They make me look good.”
That was Barbara’s third bit of lifelong advice. Always hang around assholes so you look good.
I realized last night that Barbara is now working for the GOP. How else can you explain the fact that House Republicans invited this asshole to the President’s State of the Union Address?
It would be difficult to find a bigger asshole than Ted Nugent
Remind me never to go into restroom on the House controlled side of the U.S. Capitol.
FiftyFourandAHalf 