The Danish Connection

At last.  At last something is being done.  It’s about time that the threat from the Danish Connection has been bitten back.

For too long, you folks have had to read my posts about the need for curbing gun violence.  For civil, community and government action to protect ourselves from random violence.   From the bad guy with a gun.  I know that you folks count on me to keep you informed.  Up to date.  Filled with sweet facts that you can share over coffee.

I am pleased to give you this bit of delicious news.  You see, today it finally happened:  Somebody took action on guns.  It happened not all that far away from where I live.  It happened in Anne Arundel County, Maryland.  Just a hop, skip and a jump from here in gun lovin’ Virginia.

It’s true.  Authorities may have finally nipped the whole Danish Connection in the, ummmm, butt.  Or in the butt of a gun.   Or nipped somebody somewhere.

No.  That’s the French Connection. I’m talking Danish.  Far more dangerous.  Fewer good guys.  No Oscars.

Let me explain.

Today a 7 year old was suspended from school for biting his Danish pastry into the shape of a gun, pointing it and saying “bang, bang.”  Witnesses are divided over whether the weapon was pointed at another student or at the ceiling.

The boy’s father was unabashed:

Welch said an assistant principal at Park Elementary School told him that his son pointed the pastry at a classmate — though the child maintains he pointed it at the ceiling.

“In my eyes, it’s irrelevant; I don’t care who he pointed it at,” Welch said. “It was harmless. It was a danish.”

(Google Image)

(Google Image)

Meanwhile, folks with real, lethal — not tasty — guns are discussing just how many rounds it takes to bring down the drones that will, naturally, be coming after them because they exercise their Second Amendment rights to maintain an arsenal.  That’s according to Congressman and official contender for “Stupidest Human On Planet Earth” Louie Gohmert (R-Where-else-but-TX) chatting on talk radio:

“I had somebody last week in Washington from either Georgia or Alabama that was saying, ‘Look, this goes back to we have got to have at least 50 rounds in our magazines because on average that’s about how many it takes to bring down a drone.’ I hope he was kidding, I don’t know for sure.”

Do you think anybody from Congressman Gomer Pile’s office might have checked to see if the guy who said this was kidding?  Do you think that they suspended the guy who said that?  Do you think that maybe they took away his gun permit?

Do you think that a duly elected representative of the United States Congress might have suggested that this man be investigated?  

Do you think the Congressman was even a wee bit concerned?  Nope.  He apparently thinks it’s no big deal, or so I’m guessing because Congressman Gohmert continued:

 “It is serious when the government decides, let’s just watch every little thing Americans are doing,” he added. “It’s big brother taken to a whole new scale.”

Amen, Brother Gohmert.  Amen.

[Oh, the emphasis is all mine in those quotes.]

Now, I don’t know about you, but I’d rather take my chances against a 7 year old member of the Danish Connection than against some paranoid right wing nutcase who thinks he must arm himself with multiple large magazines for his multiple assault weapons because he is pretty damn sure that he will have to take on the Federal Guv’ment that he is dang sure is about to send drones to break up his barbeque.

I’m really glad they’ve started taking action on guns.  But perhaps some folks need to figure out which ones are real threats and which ones are merely tasty morsels.

*     *     *

The Senate Judiciary Committee is currently working on 4 bills to establish more sane gun laws in America:

S.150, Assault Weapons Ban of 2013 (Feinstein)

S.54, Stop Illegal Trafficking in Firearms Act of 2013 (Leahy)

S.374, Protecting Responsible Gun Sellers Act of 2013 (Schumer)

S.146, School Safety Enhancements Act of 2013 (Boxer)


You can find and urge your two Senators to help enact sane gun laws by clicking on this link:



Filed under Gun control, Humor, Hypocrisy, Law, Politics, Stupidity

56 responses to “The Danish Connection

  1. Pingback: Disciplinary Problems In Our Education System | Scientific Femanomaly

  2. Our TVs, movies, and video games are full of extreme violence and gun use, but we are continually told they don’t influence anyone to violence. But if a small child uses a stick or Danish and goes bang, bang we go ballistic. (How’s that for threatening gun language.)


  3. winsomebella

    Big times in Colorado legislature, where, amidst the backdrop of the beautiful Rockies, we have seen too many horrors. Two steps forward, one step back, it seems. And yes, I do look to you to keep me informed Elyse 🙂


  4. Speaking as an American ex-pat in Denmark, that’s NOT a Danish. It’s a Pop Tart. I am glad I am not inundated with news stories like this, I may not survive it. There is an upside to not being able to read the newspapers in the country you live in, I guess. 😉


    • I know. Mea culpa! You caught me. The boy’s father referred to it as a danish and it worked better. “The PopTart connection?” I don’t think so.

      But my apologies to all Danes, all Danish Pastries and especially to ex-Pats. It’s challenging enough to be living in a different culture without having to explain that “no, we know Danish pastries are tasty and PopTarts are actually made of recycled Dr. Schol’s inserts.”

      I’ll be happy to supply you with all the stupid news you might miss.


  5. I am tired, worn out and sad. What is wrong with this nation? I am not asking this question as a rhetorical but asking it truthfully, I really do want an answer.

    I am from Texas, every last one of our Representatives to Congress are f’ng lunatics. Far Right Wing, idiotic willing to, no wanting to bring the nation to its knees lunatics. They ‘aren’t’ scientists. They believe in a 6,000 year old earth. They believe in abstinence over biology. They believe the Slave Trade never happened. They believe all the Founders were Christians and we are a Christian Nation. The want ignorance over education and are proving it with the destruction of our schools.

    The want every idiot armed and murder as the sport of choice.

    I weep for this nation.


    • Whenever I make fun of someone from TX I think of you, my family members who live there, my other friends who live there. But unfortunately we can’t even keep the stupid within the borders of one state — Michelle Bachmann is from Minnesota — and making fun of the folks their with the snow and the accent, well, I can’t go there.

      But I agree with what you say. Stupid is a right in America, as John Kerry said so ineloquently. And folks seem even more dedicated to that right.


  6. I nominated you for a couple awards, I hope you can find time to pass them on.


  7. Pingback: They Got Me Again! | benzeknees

  8. I’d be interested to see some stats – I bet Pop-Tarts have killed more people than guns. At least OUTSIDE Chicago…..
    You know, the whole thing with the drones bugs me on the same level as the hunters. I’ll leave the esoteric question of gun ownership to others, but you need 15 shots to drop a deer? You need 50 shots to drop a slow-moving drone? I learned how to do the WW2 German drill that relied on infantrymen to damage aircraft going 300 mph – with FIVE shots, from a bolt-action rifle. These yahoos need to spend less time out hunting things, and go live “home, home on the range” for a few years. Or maybe they need the same label on the gun barrel that appears on Claymore mines – “This side towards enemy”.
    But hey, at least this post wasn’t about the eponymous breakfast sweet roll. That would’ve been too cheesy. (Though you could’ve used it as the start of your blintz against guns. 😯 )


    • Groan. It’s good to have you here, John. At least I think it is!

      I am pretty sure that the drones have stealth technology. How else could they sneak up on a barbecue?


  9. I wonder if Congressmn Bozo can be busted for spilling state secrets.
    Since his comments are flouting the fact that there are no laws against stupid.


    • Or that folks who have their own private stock of ammunition don’t have to abide by other laws. Right.

      I really do want to start lobbying for an IQ test for Congress. Folks should have to prove they are smarter than the average bear before telling the damn average bear what to do.


    • We’ll have to put John Kerry on that!.


  10. I know gun control is a hot topic currently, but suspending a child for making a gun-shaped danish is idiotic. That’s what kids do, no matter what kind of things are going on in the news.


  11. Snoring Dog Studio

    It’s ironic, or some other word that describes lunacy, that we’d all have felt a lot safer had we never talked about gun control in the first place. Now, we’ve got more people with more guns and ammo ready to rise up against the evil gubmint. Paranoia is fueled by fear and now we can’t be sane about the conversation. Pop Tarts don’t kill, children kill. Wait, that’s not correct. What a mess of confusion. Anyway, getting some bills in process and talking about it seriously is a start. Let’s not lose steam on reform.


  12. My husband just informed me that this previous month was the highest for gun sales in 15 years. I think we’re done.


  13. bigsheepcommunications

    I have great hope that the 7 year old can be rehabilitated and safely rejoin the rest of his 1st grade class, but let’s face it, Pop Tarts are dangerous – do you know what kind of crap is in those things??


  14. welllll….we certainly know which side of the war on childhood obesity that danish-totin’ kid is arming himself for!


  15. Back in the day, when people actually had imaginations, that danish would have been considered art in school.
    Insanity: We live in a country where 5 & 7 year olds are punished and counties are outraged over them pretending to shoot people with pastry crumbs and Hello Kitty bubbles, while some ADULTS are stockpiling weapons for the imaginary revolution……….yea ok.


  16. This was a great post, and I certainly appreciate the contrasting examples you provided. I have always found the rules at public schools to be incredibly obnoxious, at least the ones in safe suburban areas. Do the administrators need to make exciting controversies for themselves?

    Anyway, I had to comment because I just listened to the most recent This American Life. This week focused on gun violence at a high school in south Chicago, and these were not the Danish pastry guns, these were the ones that kill people. I can’t believe what those kids go through. What surprised me though was how easily the students had access to guns despite all of the gun laws enacted in the Chicago area.

    This American Life:


    • The problem with gun laws are that they are state/locally based. The guns in Chicago are bought elsewhere and brought into the big city because it is quite easy. I live in Virginia, where the laws are loose and folks buy guns here and take them to NYC — “Hey! Let’s see a show!” Anybody who thinks that this is a states’ rights issue is a moron, IMHO.

      Thanks for the comment and the article — I’ll have to read it later though when I’m not trying to get to work!


    • I’ve only now been able to check into that American Life piece. Thanks for sharing it with me. Lord what have we done to our country?


  17. cooper

    OK…let’s take a close look at these…
    S.146, School Safety Enhancements Act of 2013 (Boxer) – the appropriation for the Omnibus Crime Control and Safe Streets Act of 1968, which this bill is amending, for 2001 – 2009 was $30,000,000. The amendment bumps the appropriation for 2014 -2023 to $100,000,000 – without any mention of where the extra $70 mil will come from.
    S.374, Protecting Responsible Gun Sellers Act of 2013 (Schumer) – this bill states people should not guns to people who shouldn’t have them. Really. That’s all it says. How’s that for top flight legislating? Way to go, Chuck.
    S.54, Stop Illegal Trafficking in Firearms Act of 2013 (Leahy) – this appears to have some teeth to it but it’s chock full of amendments to other documents so It’s tough to know what it really sez without spending a week or so at the Library of Congress.
    S.150, Assault Weapons Ban of 2013 (Feinstein) – there looks to be about 4 – 5 pages of assault weapons listed that should be banned from sale unless you are part of the government, law enforcement or, and I quote here – “a sale or transfer to or possession by a campus law enforcement officer for purposes of law enforcement (whether on or off duty)”. The list of weapons exempt from this law is about 20 pages long.

    Somebody pass the PopTarts please….


    • No, the laws as written are not even close. They will be marked up, changed, amended. Watered down. Given that the Judiciary Committee was supposed to mark them up (the amending process in Committee) last week, I think they may have gone back to the drawing board.

      And that might just be a good thing. Still, I advocate telling your senators what you think. That’s the system we have. Until of course the right wing nutcases rebel against the guv’ment.


    • Hmmm. Seems to easy to come up with $100 mil for school safety. How about text books, teachers and special ed? I’d love for my son’s school district to have a music teacher and an art teacher for the elementary schools. I mean a music teacher who actually teacher music, not phys ed. (Yes, his phys ed teacher is actually a music teacher).


  18. The usage of guns is one of the primary reasons why I always oppose my mother from moving to the U.S. It’s quite ridiculous what people make a big deal about, but then we glorify them on movie screens; the little boy was probably just looking up to James Bond.

    Great post (: Glad some useful laws are finally being made. I think I read the post of yours that showcased the guy who wanted to evict Pierce Morgan because he valued his guns more? Goodness, the memories..


    • As Cooper, below, points out, the laws aren’t really enough, but they are a start. It is stupid that we have so many people with so many guns.

      And there is plenty of fodder for posts on stupid gun tricks. Far too much.


  19. Talk about horrifying. And I’m NOT referring to the Danish. Hard to believe the pastry event is getting more air time and attention than the nutbag. Then again, when one considers what the media tends to focus on, maybe it’s not…


    • Isn’t it ridiculous? Crazy priorities we have. At least the media is pointing it out for being ridiculous. But it’s nothing new. About 5 years ago, my son and a friend were throwing an apple across the classroom when the teacher had stepped out. The friend missed the apple when the teacher returned and it hit the wall. The teacher called security to escort the boys to the office. ARMED SECURITY. Christ, they didn’t toss a grenade …


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