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Category Archives: Humor
Medical Advice
You guys know that I am a fake medical expert who does drugs. In a safe, legal way only, of course.
But I saw this over at my friend Father Kane’s blog, and I just couldn’t resist sharing it with you. Not that any of you need this advice, but someone you know might be wondering. Someone you don’t know well. Someone you don’t even like. But still, it is important to keep folks safe.
Immoral Dilemma
You guys know that I take voting seriously. I believe in it with every fiber of my being, actually.
it’s not just that if you can’t be bothered to show up and vote that you lose your right to complain, although you should. But it remains everybody’s right to bitch. Look it up — it’s in the Constitution.
but really, I think it is important to pay attention, and express your preferences in local, county, state and federal elections. Primaries count too — because in these screwy days, primaries are often more important than the actual election in November.
which brings me to my immoral dilemma:
Tomorrow is the Republican primary in my congressional district.
Now Elyse, you are saying, “you are too smart to be a Republican!” Which, of course is true.
However, in Virginia, all primaries are open; I don’t have to be a Republican to vote in tomorrow’s GOP primary!
And frankly, since there is a good chance that whoever is chosen on Saturday will end up representing me in Congress, well, I want input. And the field is wide open and filled with lunatics. Some of the lunatics like Bob Marshal are known crazies. But the front runner, Barbara Comstock, is hardly any better, and she looks like she is always sucking on a lemon. So I don’t want her. If I go and vote for one of the real way out loonies, the Democratic candidate stands a better chance.
Are you still awake? No? Then how come you’re answering my question?
Now I am getting to my immoral dilemma.
If you vote in Virginia’s GOP primary, you must swear an oath to support the GOP candidate in November.
It is, of course, un enforceable. They will not know if I break my vow. Personally, I don’t think it is either legal or ethical of the to ask for such a vow.
Still, I try not to lie, especially when swearing oaths.
But does it count to knowingly make a vow you have no intention to keep because the vow shouldn’t be asked for to begin with?
****
Sorry for all the typos. My computer died. Obviously a Republican.
Filed under Disgustology, Elections, GOP, Huh?, Humor, Hypocrisy, Law, Mental Health, Politics, Stupidity, Taking Care of Each Other, Virginia
10 Reasons Why Florida Will Ban Voters From Using Bathrooms
Nope. It’s not voter suppression. Nope. You can Depend on it.
Adult Depends diapers by Kimberly Clark corporation, official sponsor of the 2014 Florida elections.
If you thought voting was hard, especially in places like Florida where during the 2012 election many voters had to wait in line for several hours, then Florida’s most populous county Miami-Dade just made it even harder. In future elections, voters standing in lines will not be allowed to use the polling place’s bathrooms while waiting for their turn to perform their civil duty. (Yes, I said “duty”.) Here are 10 reasons why Miami-Dade county has banned voters from using the restrooms.
1) Voting is your constitutionally protected right. Going to the bathroom is not.
2) Voters who do make it to the polls after standing in line for several hours without being able to go to the bathroom are expected to complete their voting in about 3 seconds – thus making the voting process much faster for everyone…
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Filed under Humor
Back with Julie
One week after landing in a hazy, overcast, gray Geneva, Switzerland, I had my very first taste of what I’d moved 3,000 miles to experience. And it was, of course, magical.
I was alone for the first time in weeks. Exploring. John was working, Jacob was safely at his first day of school. I was on my own, with only our Bernese Mountain Dog, Charlie, for company when it happened.
I was driving down the Route de Divonne when the clouds, at long last, parted. And there they were – just past the now glistening Lake Geneva — the mountains. The Alps! Mont Blanc, with its year-round snowy peak, the highest mountain in Europe. The Alps danced right there — just through my windshield. I could practically reach out and touch them, taste them, smell their beauty. It was magical. Breathtaking. Inspiring. Unforgettable.
Google Photo
I felt like Julie Andrews in The Sound of Music. You know just what I mean, don’t you. I felt like Julie when she is up there in the mountains all by herself. When she throws her arms wide and sings with all her heart, The Hills Are Alive, With the Sound of Music. And they are. Trust me. They are.
I slowed down, tried to breathe, tried to memorize the moment and keep it in my heart. Tried to capture the moment forever. I also tried not to hit another car.
And then, well, something else happened. From a side street to my left came a small car. It turned in front of me, pulling behind it a long green open-air trailer. Neatly stenciled on the back in a lacy, delicate script were these words:
jardin naturel
“Natural Garden,” in French.
On top of that trailer sat the largest pile of steaming cow manure I have ever seen.
Yes, my first solo excursion in the Swiss countryside became a metaphor for life as an ex-patriot living there: There were moments of majestic beauty that I call “Julie Andrews Moments,” when I was filled with beauty and awe. When I honestly felt like the luckiest person on earth.
And there was a lot of shit. These two elements combined with travel to places I never dreamed I’d see, made our time in Geneva the adventure of a lifetime.
* * *
My bloggin’ buddy, Naomi, a wonderful traveler who actually posts her own pictures and does not cut them from Google, wrote this post about a trip to Switzerland. Naoimi inspired me to re-post this old, old post. I wrote it back in the days when you didn’t know me. When you didn’t realize that some way, somehow, shit is always a metaphor for my life.
And if you ever get the chance to go to Switzerland, do it. Do not pass GO, do not collect $200 — it’s not worth all that much over there!
Google Photo
Filed under Adult Traumas, Bloggin' Buddies, Driving, Family, Geneva Stories, Huh?, Humor
FiftyFourandAHalf 