I Can Change The World!

It will come as no surprise that I would personally love to save the world.  But like most folks, well, I just couldn’t figure out how.

 

When the Women’s March happened, my hopes dwindled.  How could I save the world and still be within reach of the bathroom?  Ditto all the other spontaneous and planned demonstrations that have taken place since January 21.

But then I learned that Yes. I. Can!  Really!  I can save the world from climate change single-handedly.  Really!  Me!

You can’t though.  Sorry.

You see, I just read this article that says that the city of Portland, Oregon has come up with a terrific way to produce electricity through poop.  And pee.

I can do that.  In fact, I often can’t NOT do that.

It’s true!  They installed toilet turbines to generate power with every flush.

I volunteer to power the East Coast.  Except for the White House and Mara Laga.  Because I don’t give a shit about Trump.

 

38 Comments

Filed under All The News You Need, Assholes, Climate Change, Conspicuous consumption, Crazy Folks In Office, Crohn's Disease, Disgustology, Global Warming, Health, Holy Shit, Humiliation, Humor, Illness, keys to success, laughter, Mom would die of embarrassment, Not something you hear about every day, Oh shit, Poop, Poop Power, Saving the World, Seriously weird, Shit happens, Sit ins, Trump Legally Declared a Slug, Why the hell do I tell you these stories?, WTF?

38 responses to “I Can Change The World!

  1. Brilliant! The punchline is just perfect!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You are going to put out more power than a nuclear reactor…

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Elyse … this is the hardest I have laughed since … Oh, I don’t know … maybe November 8th 2016! Thank you for this!!! 😀 And thank you so much for your contribution to cleaner air!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. These are my Pacific NW Peeps (and my Poops), Elyse. Portlandia rocks! Talk about taking the fizzle from your shizzle! (I’d be happy to write a jingle or two for your new company.) 😉 It may not be perfectly clean energy, but it’s green energy (especially after eating a shizzle load of kale)! I’ll stop now…

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I never thought I’d live to see the words “toilet turbines” in print. Now I’m not sure how I feel about it.

    Like

  6. I’ve been thinking about you lately. My mom is suffering through a bout with her colitis. Yesterday I called to see how she was feeling and her response was “well, my ass has been behaving itself today.” Thought you would enjoy that response!
    Maybe she can be your business partner?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh, I feel her pain — wish I could offer some advice (other than Charmin and Curicaine for sore butt syndrome, SBS). Here’s to asses ALWAYS behaving themselves — a dream for me too!

      Liked by 1 person

  7. There can’t be that much energy generated from one little flush. But Donald Trump is flushing this whole country down the toilet, and just imagine how much energy could be created! Probably equivalent to a pile of nuclear bombs!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. A great idea … but I would worry about the turbine sucking down the toilet. Glad to notice that you are willing to power Rep. Peter King and Gov. Chris Christie.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. What a terrific idea! Make energy out of something there is an unending supply of and a need to get rid of… I’ll drink to that. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  10. You and your poo to the res’coo’!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Wonderful &thank you for the morning Clapton!

    Liked by 1 person

  12. I think Jim Wheeler is correct. What’s coming out of the White House has definitely got you beat and could probably power the universe as we know it.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. I always suspected I should be given credit for working while I was taking a bathroom break.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Susan from Boston

    You would think that in this day and age we would have the ability to manufacture alternative power that would benefit the planet, not harm it. The reason we don’t is because the Assclowns: Big Oil and Big Gas (if that’s such a term) will not allow that to happen. They’d rather destroy this planet while lining their pockets with $$$.

    It’s either that, or they will take over any an all alternative power and charge us a fortune.

    It still burns my ass that I have to pay for TV channels that used to be free. Back in my day (I was born in the 1960s) TV was free. Now we have to pay for it. Which is why I refuse to pay for cable. I pay for internet only and stream, which yes I do have to pay for.

    Pretty soon, they will be charging us to breath oxygen!

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Very interesting. I noticed they stopped short of declaring it to actually be “cost-effective”. I bet a unit would be on the White House this year. The flow of crap has increased exponentially there.

    Liked by 3 people

    • I am sure a unit on the White House COULD power a significant portion of the U.S., but I’m equally sure that they wouldn’t consider installing it. They’re too busy smearing it all over the country. ;(

      Like

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