A little while ago, my husband, John, nearly made me vomit.
That’s no easy task, as I have a really strong stomach — it makes up for my shittier lower GI system.
Did he make an unappealing meal? Drive around curves like a maniac? Take me out on a boat in choppy water?
Nope.
He read the news today (oh boy). And he felt compelled to share. That’s when I got nauseous.
Maybe I need to back up here.
You don’t know this, but John loves the theater. Drama. Shakespeare. Comedies. He loves to go to plays. He has, in fact, penned a couple of them himself. But he hates, hates, hates, musicals (with the notable exception of Les Miserables).
So today, after reading the news, he informed me that we have to go see a new musical that will be coming to Broadway.
I was immediately suspicious — once again proving that I am smarter than the average bear. It had to be different from the usual musical fare to get John’s interest.
And different, this musical certainly is. The musical that John wants to see on Broadway is called
“The Duck Commander Family Musical.”
It is the rags to riches story of the Duck Dynasty folks. On Broadway. The cost of barf bags will no doubt be included in the ticket price.
First, however, it will play the Rio, the Las Vegas theater where the Chippendales normally perform (with significantly less unsightly hair). Because, you know. Vegas.
Is it too much to ask that this group of hyper/pseudo Christians will have a special audience?
Image from Wonkette (http://wonkette.com/519284/rand-paul-aide-has-cunning-plan-to-stop-gay-marriage-seeks-lions-willing-to-devour-him)
Lions would do nicely, thank you very much.
Am I the only one who simply doesn’t understand the fascination with these vile humans?
I bet Maria Von Trapp would puke, too. NY Times Photo:
Credit Zach Dilgard/A&
FiftyFourandAHalf 
some things are impossible, like driving the shortest route for me, you have to voice your opinion, understand
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If I find a show funny, I will watch, of course all males find the dumbest things to be funny. We are not going to buy posters of said shows, and support their calling in any other way then boosting their Nielsen ratings, and line their pockets with gold that way. Now for the wayward lost souls, who support their products, like that disco polyester shirt in my closet, its best to hide your love of the hideous.
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My son just arrived home from college with one of those nasty beards. Life …
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the return of the prodigal son, be nice now
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I will be! I have been! I will not refrain from commenting on the ghastly beard though.
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Dear Lord! I never watched this show, for a zillion reasons starting with the name.
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No need to watch their show — they’re all over the news. Now where is that barf bag?
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I don’t get it either…never will.
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That’s just your brain talking. Wisely!
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For the life of me, I cannot imagine watching this show on TV or paying no less. This is a joke, right. I’m one of those duffers that relax by watch Dancing With the Stars. Okay – please don’t hold that against me. (It’s my one and only reality show and I love ballroom dancing). The daughter is on DWTS and is a good dancer but my thought is she’s participating because the ‘Duckester’ wants the promotion.
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I won’t hold it against you, Sheri! I love watching dancing too
I wishbit were a joke, or if ot is, that tge joke weren’t on all the poor saps who end up making these dweebs millionnaires!
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I have no idea who these guys are, or I didn’t until I read this post and the associated comments, now I do. I’m pleased to say that as far as I’m aware that show hasn’t made it across the pond, although it may be lurking on some station somewhere, we do get some of your other reality delights like Lizard Lick Towing, which for some reason my 12 year old son loves! Of course we have plenty of our own reality shows too, and…don’t know if I should admit this, but I actually quite like some of th…nah, I won’t admit that here!
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Lizard Lick Towing? That’s a new one on my. But from the sound of it, it is not dissimilar. One of the things that make the DD folks particularly abhorrent is the fact that they comment on politics and morality (they hated them some gays, especially) making other, even dumber dummies think it’s ok to do so.
We get the up/down of high British society coupled with more murders than is healthy in your towns and villages. I promise to not hold your TVER against you if you will return the favor. FlavoUr.
Welcome!
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Lizard Lick towing is a reality show about a repo company in North Carolina, and it’s mostly about watching them get into fights with the people whose vehicles they’re trying to repossess!
It’s interesting which shows get shared between our countries!
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Yuck! I guess i get why a kid would watch. But the rest of us? Oh well.
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I guess it just appeals to the mentality of a kid, whether in a kid’s body or an adult’s body!
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My husband likes that show, and I don’t get it at all. It’s WWF wrestling with a tow truck.
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I was confused for a moment when I was reading this comment in the bubbles — I thought “The Ducks have tow trucks in the bayou?” Oy!
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I think it’s the money the family has that’s so appealing; which make folk interested. That these folk who look as they do and act as they act could be so fat rich, well, I didn’t think these kinda folk were interested in Broadway type stuff but you can’t judge a book. It’s intriguing, if nothing else, I reckon but I’m not interested.
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They have money because they were savvy enough to see the “reality show” schtic for what it is. A cash cow. All they have to do us become rednecks and cash in… Scary.
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I don’t get this either, honestly. My boss loves that show, though. These guys are idiots, as far as I’m concerned.
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Idiots, bigots, and frauds. Yup. Real gems.
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Fear not. These racist, homophobic pigs will never make it to Broadway. I guarantee it. If they do (again, highly unlikely) they’ll be laughed out of town. It’s all marketing. None of it is based in reality.
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I hope you’re right. Or if you’re not, I do hope that the folks who go to see them realize that it is like one of PT Barnum’s FREAK SHOWS –a “there but for the grace of God go I” sort of experience.
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No one will go see them. No one.
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Even “on the great white way”?
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No, you are not the only one who does not understand the fascination with these folks! I think this fame thing is getting carried away!
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Yes!,,,, all these folks who are famous because they are famous ,ale me crazy. Who cares about these folks. Or about the Kardashians or about so many others who aren’t worth our time. Arrrghhhh.
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pass the barf bag please.
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Sure. I’ve got plenty!
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Vomit inducing, yes. Saw it at a coworker’s and it explains the deterioration of society…right down to the kids. It was the one where he rents a truck half worth a house and five times worth one in some places…He tells the kids not to make a mess and they proceed to dump their ice cream in the back…oh yeah, go us. The sad part is that people think this is acceptable…go us.
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I think, Jaded, that you are a martyr to the cause of common decency. To have made it through anepisode. Wow.
But you’re right. This lays on TV and it becomes normal. That’s just what happened when all programs for teens depicted adults — all adults, not just the ones who would end up liking Duck Dynasty — as idiots.
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You’re making that up. Right?
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Sadly, no. But my husband doesn’t really like them. That I was joking about!
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I don’t get it.
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Just in case you don’t know them (you ARE Canadian, after all, and if there is a God we can hope that you’ve been spared at least this) …
They are right wing nut jobs who live in Louisiana and hunt ducks. They grow weird beards and pontificate about things about which they know nothing. They are Uber-Christians (although all they espouse as far as I can tell is hate) They are actually former NY preppies who saw this as their ticket to riches. So they became rednecks. They have a cable tv “reality” show which, for some reason unknown to anyone with a double-digit IQ, is wildly popular.
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Ha I know who they are…lol Their daughter is also on “Dancing with the Stars.” I do have to say she’s really good.
But I don’t get the fascination with them all that’s for sure.
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I huess i dodn’t het your “i dpn’t get ot “!
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Did you get that!.?
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No and I really tried..lol
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uh…………… wow……………
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Yup. I was speechless too.
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I bet
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But I was puking loudly.
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that’ll show him
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Oh, no! You’re the second person who misunderstood. John was speaking tongue-in-cheek. Not seriously about going. No. No. No. I would never have married a man who would like Duck Dynasty. No. No. No. I am not sure I would even pump gas next to one. No. No. No.
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I was hoping that was the case, but I didn’t want to get my head stuck in the middle of that…
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I appreciate the courtesy — because you never know! But John is incredibly bright and liberal and respectful. And he shaves.
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let’s not throw shaving into the equation… some of the most evolved men on the planet look like hairy Neanderthals
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My son, reportedly, has grown a Duck Dynasty type beard. I like beards and mustaches too (depends on the face though). Jacob has had a beard forever. But not this type. I plan to attack him in his sleep.
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You do what you gotta do… either it is a redneck thing… or a hipster thing… either way, it has to go…
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One word: seriously?
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Lord help us, yes. The gay-hatin’, ignorance inspirin’, redneck lovin’ Lord, that is.
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I don’t know enough about these guys to make an informed comment, but I do know I wouldn’t want to find those long hairs in my shower drain. (Hypocritical for a person with long hair, I know, but I have a thing about finding other people’s hair…)
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I don’t think you’d have to worry, Carrie. I don’t think they shower much.
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Hahaha!
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I have never watched 10 seconds of any ‘reality’ show, but this clan in particular riles me from afar… bring on the barf bags!
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I’m with you on the reality shows. I live in reality — why do I want to watch it on TV. Especially when reality TV in no way reflects reality. Like the Duck Dynasty guys — they’re from NY and they were preppy types until they found this way to capitalize on the ignorance and red-neck-ery of our fellow ‘Mericans.
We need a lot of those bags!
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Perhaps your husband can do some therapy for this addiction?
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Oh, dear, Kate! John’s not addicted to these losers! That would be grounds for divorce. Seriously. He said it all tongue-firmly-in-cheek.
You know, if he suddenly started liking these guys, or espousing the crap that these folks say, I would simply have him committed. Because he would have totally lost his mind.
I think this thought will give me nightmares!
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Thank God for that! That would require drastic action.
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Waste of air as far as I’m concerned.
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Not to mention internet tubes, Paul.
Hey is that really you? I’m not sure I’ve ever seen, let alone gotten, a one sentence comment from you 😉
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Hmmm….Christians and lions. What a tempting thought.
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Isn’t it? Maybe we need to take a page from the Romans to deal with the hypocritical “Christians” like these folks who are simply Christian for the money.
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Good Lord. Relegating them to Cable wasn’t good enough? Our culture is in BIG FAT HAIRY BELLY TROUBLE.
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You said it, Lorna.
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Wow.
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I do hope they wear skirts.
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I might as well staple a barf bag to my chin – one of my offspring, (oh why, oh why), adores this entire clan. Last Christmas, it was a spectacular Duck extravaganza at their house. I blame it on alcohol consumption, or perhaps it has something to do with a mutant gene. Whatever the case, I not only just don’t get it, but I’m appalled, disgusted, and horrified that these Duck dudes are being worshiped, all while spouting – well, you know. Vomit.
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99, you have my deepest sympathies. John, at least, was joking. He would pretty much rather die than attend this, umm, afront!
It really represents all that is wrong in ‘Merica, if you ask me. Worship of ignorance and bigotry. U!-S!-A! Vomit here with me now …
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My sister and I have this inside joke about “just wear beige and shut up” (pertaining to what the mother of the groom is supposed to do at a wedding, especially when they disagree with just about everything being planned for the spectacular affair, up to an including the dress that was picked out specially for them to wear).
In shorthand, we call these beige moments, and this Duck discovery definitely qualified as a beige moment. I hadn’t spent a Christmas holiday dinner with my son in several years, and then I walked into a Duck-themed explosion, and trust me on this, I was thinking beige all night long. I practically wore that color out, and wrung it out to dry. My tentative “this is all a joke, right?” question was met with horror, and I was immediately branded the Duck-hater in the bunch. Beige. Lots of beige. 🙂
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Beige is all the rage amongst the intelligent lot!
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No, I do not get it either. This is another example of why my family and I are so far apart on everything: They think this show is “true” reality, not scripted. Um, sure.
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There was an article on these guys in DailyKos a while back that pictures the gang as they used to be before they decided to capitalize on the pseudo christianity/red neck life. I couldn’t find it, though.
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I have the same problem with my family. They watch all of these stupid shows and I have to leave the room
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It’s an abomination, that show.
But to be clear, my husband was joking. Really. I would have to cram duck decoys down his throat until he squealed like a pig were he to seriously want to watch these neanderthals.
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