I’ll be busy for the next few days. So I will let one of my idols remind you of what you’re sick of hearing me say:
VOTE on November 6 if you haven’t already! If Obama wins, which I hope he will, I will be able to get off my soapbox and re-establish myself as a humor blogger instead of a political one. You can thank me later!
Filed under Campaigning, Childhood Traumas, Elections, Global Warming, Gun control, Health and Medicine, History, Politics, Sandy, Voting
In the in-between time between sleep and being awake I thought I was hallucinating. Dreaming. Making shit up.
I had left the TV on in the next room so that I could hear just a little bit of a great MSNBC news show called The Last Word, hosted by Lawrence O’Donnell.
Now Laurence is an amazing guy, actually. He worked for Senator Daniel Patrick Moynihan (one of my all-time favorite Senators) and later for the Senate Finance Committee including during 1986 when they revamped the whole tax code. He was a writer/creator/producer for that wonderful TV show, The West Wing. He understands politics from the inside and from the outside. Lawrence is brilliant and funny and quite often finds interesting quirks in the day’s news.
But what I thought I heard as I drifted between states of consciousness must have been a dream. It couldn’t be true. It just couldn’t be. Then I promptly forgot it, which made me positive that it was just a dream.
Until just now when I bought my lunch and pulled up one of my favorite websites, CrooksandLiars.com to read while I ate. And I realized that my dream had come true.
Shit.
Mitt Romney really did compare cleaning up after Hurricane Sandy to cleaning the field up after a high school football game.
[Lawrence:] And to buff his own image as a disaster-relief specialist, Romney compared the Sandy relief effort to … his experience cleaning up the field after a high-school football game. Seriously.
[Mitt:] I remember once we had a football field at my high school. The field was covered with rubbish and paper goods from people who’d had a big celebration there at the game. And there was a group of us there assigned to clean it up. And I thought, ‘how are we going to clean up all the mess on this football field?’ There were just a few of us. And the person responsible for organizing the effort said, ‘Just line up along the yard lines. You go between the goal line and the 10-yard line, and the next person between the 10 and 20, and just walk down and do your lane. And if everybody cleans their lanes, we’ll get it done.’ And so today, we’re cleaning one lane if you will.
You’ll have to click on the CrooksandLiars post above for the video. I can’t embed.
Somewhere, deep down inside of me, I thought that perhaps I was wrong about Mitt being an oblivious heartless bastard who believes, along with Annie-poo, that he has suffered. You remember how bad it was for him and Ann while in college and law/business school because he had to sell some of his stock portfolio and eat tuna while living in a basement apartment. Perhaps I was missing something in his personality. Perhaps he isn’t really such a dick.
But no. I was wrong in being charitable to Mitt. And (sadly if there is any chance at all of his being elected) I was right – he really is a dick.
Excuse me now. I have to go find a brick wall to slam my head against.
Elections Matter — Please don’t let this guy get into the White House without a tour guide.
I don’t know what you’re going to do for the next few days. I mean without me. Because I am pretty sure that you won’t be hearing from me for a bit.
Why?
Sandy, of course.
Damn — not THAT Sandy. This one, The “Frankenstorm”:
The Weather Channel Hurricane Specialist Carl Parker says Sandy is expected to bring widespread damage over a wide area.
SHIT.
Some areas are prepared for nasty weather events. Given that the Greater Washington DC area closes down with snow flurries, well, it won’t be pretty here, even though other areas will likely get hit harder.
Still, I can safely say that:
I can also safely say that I will be going completely out of my minds being unable to check polls, hear about what is happening in the run-up to the election and what stupid things Ann and Mitt Romney, and Pauly Ryan have said lately.
But you won’t have to suffer, unless you too are in Sandy’s way. When you are looking for your bizarre little bits of what the crazies on the left are doing, here are two of my favorite locations:
Meanwhile, until the storm starts, I will be at the grocery store. Handing out copies of this picture:
You gonna vote for a guy with even less heart than Bush???
* * *
To all my friends who are also in Sandy’s way, good luck with the storm. Remember, that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. And of course, by “stronger” I mean more fragrant.
To all of you who are not impacted by Sandy, please go to our websites frequently so that we will feel the love later, when we have electricity and want to know that our bloggin’ buddies have been by to help keep our stats up.
And Sandy of Sandylikeabeach? I expect you here by Friday with a chain saw!
Filed under Bloggin' Buddies, Campaigning, Climate Change, Criminal Activity, Family, Global Warming, Humor, Hypocrisy, Music, Real Estate, Voting
Damn it! My most recent pipe dream has just come crashing down around my ears.
You know, the one where I become a wildly successful, NY Times bestselling novelist because of the incredible stories I make up out of a combination of thin air, personal experience and plagiarism?
Yeah, that dream.
And it came crashing down because I must accept the fact that life is so much more colorful than anything I could make up. Yup, life is just wayyyyyy more exciting than my stories. Real life, especially during the runup to an election in the United States is in fact, completely surreal.
So don’t be rushin’ around to the bookstore. You’ll be disappointed.
What was it that forced reality into my otherwise happy existence?
Naturally, it was something I read. And while I am still drooling in shock, I am just not quite sure what it all means. I mean, how will things turn out? Because you see, I just read, that the women’s vote, which I’ve been counting on to get Obama over the edge, will be determined by where women are in their menstrual cycle. I had thought that, well, thought might play a role. But I guess not.
Apparently, it’s true. It’s been studied! So it must be right, right?
First of all, you won’t hear me comment on the fact that this study was conducted in Texas. Nope. Not one word. Total and absolute silence on the study’s lone star status.
The study was conducted by Kristina Durante at U of T.
Jimmy Durante and Pumpkin
The study presented the results of an internet survey of 502 women with regular menstrual cycles and who were not using hormone-based contraceptives (the pill, the patch and the like).
The researchers found that during the fertile time of the month, when levels of the hormone estrogen are high, single women appeared more likely to vote for Obama and committed women appeared more likely to vote for Romney, by a margin of at least 20%, Durante said. This seems to be the driver behind the researchers’ overall observation that single women were inclined toward Obama and committed women leaned toward Romney. [Yeah, that’s my emphasis. How could I let you miss that gem?]
That’s ’cause, according to Durante (Kristina not Jimmy), women are feeling sexier, which of course makes them sluttier in my mind or, in Durante’s it makes them:
“lean more toward liberal attitudes on abortion and marriage equality.”
In other important research, Durante has also studied your period’s impact on other vital decisions, like your shopping choices.
* * *
I found this fascinating information on Daily Kos, where I find some of the best stuff. They found it at CNN! Yup, CNN, “The Most Trusted Name In News!” For some reason, though, CNN took down the link.
But here is the link Kos provided. Cause you really don’t want to miss this one.
You’re welcome.
I got TWO!
I recommend Karen Kingsley and Kingsley Ink
The Highest Honor
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FiftyFourandAHalf 