Tag Archives: Washington

Why I’ll Never Murder My Husband

If you should hear that I’ve been arrested for killing my husband, don’t believe it for an instant.

It’s not that there aren’t moments when,  in spite of being a most devoted spouse, that I’d like to to bump him off.  There are.

Baseball season comes to mind, for example.  Although if John dies of boredom from the constant droning of baseball announcers, I don’t think it constitutes murder.

And music differences might send me over the edge.  Some day, I might just need to listen to Linda Ronstadt without someone asking me to change the music.

So why shouldn’t you believe I’d murder him?

John does our taxes every year.  He has been doing them since we got married.  Before that, I filed a 1040EZ form.  I plan to die first just so I never have to do them.

Google Image

Google Image

John spent the weekend tearing out his hair, scratching his head and swearing.  Me?  I went out to lunch and read blogs.

Life is good.

78 Comments

Filed under Bloggin' Buddies, Criminal Activity, Family, Humor, Taxes

Different Dominos

Last night, I was really tired and wanted to go to bed early.  But then I heard the start of a story by Rachel Maddow on Nixon, treason, and five years of needless war.  How the Vietnam war was on the verge of settlement at the end of October, 1968, and Richard Nixon scuttled those talks to get himself elected.  How he committed treason.  How he got away with it and set the precedent for Cheney and Bush to get away with lying about Iraq.  How it set the precedence for so many terrible things that have faced our country since 1968.

I wish I was making this up.  I wish Richard Nixon had stayed in California.  Because the world would be a very different place if there had never been a President Nixon.

http://www.nbcnews.com/id/26315908/#51234332

This is incredibly disturbing.

Here’s the transcript (Sorry, it’s rough.)

>> Thank you at home for joining us. we start with some jaw-dropping information about American politics that has been reported out by a British news source. it’s the BBC. they have just aired a new documentary based on oval office tapes, which proves something about the American presidency and modern history that even the most conspiratorial among us would not be able to believe. it’s about the 1968 election. the democratic electorate was split. they were not unified behind their candidate. on the right, southern white democrats who were against civil rights, they were being peeled off to vote for George Wallace, the symbol of proud segregation. also, different problem for the democrats. people hated the Vietnam war. and the president at the time was a democrat, Lyndon B. Johnson. so if you were against the war, as most Americans at that point were — this is the gallop polling on the war — the number of people who thought it was a mistake — if you were against the war as increasingly everybody was, you were so the psyched to vote for LBJ’s successor. so the democrats were losing their appeal in the south because of racism, and they were losing the anti-war vote. the republican candidate tried to take advantage of that split, and was this handsome devil. Nixon in 1968 was running against a democratic party that he knew was split. he was, in response, pledging to get rid of the draft. and he claimed to have a plan to end the war. he argued that if you wanted the war to end, you needed to elect him. you needed to vote the democrats out of office because clearly LBJ and his party, the democrats and the democratic party, Hubert Humphrey had no idea how to end the war. when you needed was total change at the white house. the democrats had to go to Nixon could come in and end Vietnam. but then less than a week before the election, it all went horribly wrong for Richard Nixon, because less than a week before election, on halloween night, 1968, the democratic president, LBJ, went on TV in a surprise nationally televised address. he made a surprise announcement that peace was at hand. the communist side, the Vietnamese side was going to be make concessions at peace talks. the south Vietnamese were going to agree to a deal. peace was at hand. the terms were all set. peace was at hand. in recognition of the fact that peace was about to be declared, the united states would step back right away and stop all military operations in vehement. LBJ said that on Thursday night. the election was going to be Tuesday. turns out the democrats know how to end this war. that was bad news for Richard Nixon, but good news for the country who wanted the war to be over. good news for the people fighting the war. this was good news, right? almost. Thursday night LBJ made that announcement, that peace was about to be agreed to, by all sides in Vietnam.

That was Thursday night. by Saturday morning, never mind, deal was off. peace was not at hand because the south Vietnamese side has decided actually it didn’t want the deal. in fact, they didn’t want to talk about it deal. they pulled out of the peace talks. and so the war was back on. what happened? what happened between Thursday and Saturday? now we know.

>> good morning. how are you, my friend?

>> fine.

>> I’ve got one that’s pretty rough for you. we have found that our friend, the republican nominee, our California friend, has been playing on the outskirts with our enemies and our friends both, he’s been doing it through rather subterranean sources here, and he has been saying to the allies that you’re going to get sold out. you better not give away your liberty just a few hours before i can preserve it for you. Mrs. Chennault is contacting their ambassador. this is not guess work. she’s young and attractive. she’s a pretty good-looking girl. she’s around town, and she is warning them to not get pulled in on this Johnson move.

>> president Lyndon Johnson, 1968, Saturday morning, November 1st, explaining to senator Richard Russell what had gone wrong with this peace deal that everybody thought was going to end the war. LBJ was so sure this was going to end the war that he went on TV Thursday night. the reason peace did not happen, what he was explaining on the phone, is that the republican nominee for president that year, Richard Nixon, had intervened in the peace talks to blow them up. he used an intermediary who was involved in the talks to approach the south Vietnamese Vietnamese side and told them don’t do it. these peace talks in Paris was not going to be a good deal for them. they should not participate. they should just wait until after the election when he, Richard Nixon, would be president and he’d give them a much better deal. Johnson was going to sell them out. he, Richard Nixon, of the one he should deal with. Nixon’s intermediary was caught on tape telling the ambassador, just hang on. we need the war to keep going through the election. it’s outrageous, right? the war could have ended. it was on the verge of ending, except a candidate for office in our country thought that the war ending would help his opponent in the election. he thought he’d have a better chance of getting elected if the war kept going. so instead of getting the war to end, he did what he did. it was astonishing. and president Johnson thought so too.

>> and they oughtn’t to be doing this. i think it would shock America if a principal candidate was playing with a source like this on a matter this important.

>> yeah.

>> president Lyndon Johnson there on the same day as that earlier tape remark be thatter as far as he could tell, this is treason. he says it repeatedly on the tapes. he thinks that is a hanging offense. he thinks that was treason. this was four days before the election that year. having thought that the war was going to be over, now the president finds out the peace deal fell through because a candidate who wanted there not to be peace before the election intervened to make one sidewalk away. now, why didn’t LBJ say anything publicly? this is right before the election. can you imagine how the country would have reacted to that? this is a war the whole country was against. it was going to be over except candidate Nixon intervened to undo the peace deal and keep the war going? can you imagine how angry the American public would have been. but LBJ did not say anything publicly at the time because he thought he couldn’t. the reason he thought he couldn’t is the way he found out what Nixon had done. the FBI illegally wire-tapped the phones of the south Vietnamese ambassador. we couldn’t let anybody know that we were illegally listening into the ambassador’s phone lines so they couldn’t let anybody know what they had heard. so Nixon got away with it. and the October surprise. the Halloween night surprise that the war was ending right before the election, that October surprises ended up getting undone. anybody who was anti-war in the country had no reason to vote for a democrat. the racist right wing voted peeled off the the vote on the other side. and yes, Nixon won. he got by barely. squeaked by on the basis that he was the guy who knew how to end the war, not those dumb democrats. and of course Nixon did not know how to end the war. he didn’t have a plan. and instead of the war ending on Halloween in 1968, the war went on five more years, in which time 15,000 Americans were killed as were untold numbers of Vietnamese. so that happened. that actually happened, and now in 2013, what are we supposed to do with that information? LBJ is dead, Nixon is dead, George Wallace is dead. 15,000 Americans are dead who otherwise would not have been. how does this get made right? it cannot get made right because the people of this decision cannot be brought back from the dead. you also can’t get revenge. you can’t indict Nixon’s ghost. but you can refuse to let him get away with it again. we can make sure it is a way we tell his history and the history of modern politics. you have to include it in the history, both so nobody gets away with it in the long run, but also so we don’t do it again. so we at least don’t dismiss this kind of possibility as some conspiracy theory of nonsense. so we know there is precedent for this particular kind of evil.

46 Comments

Filed under Campaigning, Criminal Activity, Elections, History, Hypocrisy, Law, Politics, Stupidity

The Danish Connection

At last.  At last something is being done.  It’s about time that the threat from the Danish Connection has been bitten back.

For too long, you folks have had to read my posts about the need for curbing gun violence.  For civil, community and government action to protect ourselves from random violence.   From the bad guy with a gun.  I know that you folks count on me to keep you informed.  Up to date.  Filled with sweet facts that you can share over coffee.

I am pleased to give you this bit of delicious news.  You see, today it finally happened:  Somebody took action on guns.  It happened not all that far away from where I live.  It happened in Anne Arundel County, Maryland.  Just a hop, skip and a jump from here in gun lovin’ Virginia.

It’s true.  Authorities may have finally nipped the whole Danish Connection in the, ummmm, butt.  Or in the butt of a gun.   Or nipped somebody somewhere.

No.  That’s the French Connection. I’m talking Danish.  Far more dangerous.  Fewer good guys.  No Oscars.

Let me explain.

Today a 7 year old was suspended from school for biting his Danish pastry into the shape of a gun, pointing it and saying “bang, bang.”  Witnesses are divided over whether the weapon was pointed at another student or at the ceiling.

The boy’s father was unabashed:

Welch said an assistant principal at Park Elementary School told him that his son pointed the pastry at a classmate — though the child maintains he pointed it at the ceiling.

“In my eyes, it’s irrelevant; I don’t care who he pointed it at,” Welch said. “It was harmless. It was a danish.”

(Google Image)

(Google Image)

Meanwhile, folks with real, lethal — not tasty — guns are discussing just how many rounds it takes to bring down the drones that will, naturally, be coming after them because they exercise their Second Amendment rights to maintain an arsenal.  That’s according to Congressman and official contender for “Stupidest Human On Planet Earth” Louie Gohmert (R-Where-else-but-TX) chatting on talk radio:

“I had somebody last week in Washington from either Georgia or Alabama that was saying, ‘Look, this goes back to we have got to have at least 50 rounds in our magazines because on average that’s about how many it takes to bring down a drone.’ I hope he was kidding, I don’t know for sure.”

Do you think anybody from Congressman Gomer Pile’s office might have checked to see if the guy who said this was kidding?  Do you think that they suspended the guy who said that?  Do you think that maybe they took away his gun permit?

Do you think that a duly elected representative of the United States Congress might have suggested that this man be investigated?  

Do you think the Congressman was even a wee bit concerned?  Nope.  He apparently thinks it’s no big deal, or so I’m guessing because Congressman Gohmert continued:

 “It is serious when the government decides, let’s just watch every little thing Americans are doing,” he added. “It’s big brother taken to a whole new scale.”

Amen, Brother Gohmert.  Amen.

[Oh, the emphasis is all mine in those quotes.]

Now, I don’t know about you, but I’d rather take my chances against a 7 year old member of the Danish Connection than against some paranoid right wing nutcase who thinks he must arm himself with multiple large magazines for his multiple assault weapons because he is pretty damn sure that he will have to take on the Federal Guv’ment that he is dang sure is about to send drones to break up his barbeque.

I’m really glad they’ve started taking action on guns.  But perhaps some folks need to figure out which ones are real threats and which ones are merely tasty morsels.

*     *     *

The Senate Judiciary Committee is currently working on 4 bills to establish more sane gun laws in America:

S.150, Assault Weapons Ban of 2013 (Feinstein)

S.54, Stop Illegal Trafficking in Firearms Act of 2013 (Leahy)

S.374, Protecting Responsible Gun Sellers Act of 2013 (Schumer)

S.146, School Safety Enhancements Act of 2013 (Boxer)

 

You can find and urge your two Senators to help enact sane gun laws by clicking on this link:  http://www.senate.gov/general/contact_information/senators_cfm.cfm

 

56 Comments

Filed under Gun control, Humor, Hypocrisy, Law, Politics, Stupidity

Chicken S*#t

[Washington, DC, February 15, 2013]  Pundits were astonished today when members of the GOP-led House Committee on Science, Space and Technology announced plans to hold hearings on science and the lack of federal research into the causes of natural catastrophes.

One witness agreed to appear:

Mirror

*     *     *

Seriously, yesterday,  Rep. Lamar Smith (R-TX) announced that he was shocked, shocked that the United States Guv’ment had not been investing enough money into scientific reasons why that meteor that exploded in the skies over Siberia, injuring over 1,000 people.

Yup, they are finally going to look at science because the sky is falling.  And they’re afraid it will land on them.

41 Comments

Filed under Climate Change, Criminal Activity, Elections, Global Warming, Humor, Hypocrisy, Politics, Stupidity

Newspapers are Dangerous

It isn’t often that I agree with seriously right-wing politicians.  But today is an exception.

You see, Maine Governor Paul LePage told a group of school kids that newspapers are dangerous.  And I have to agree with the Gov.

My concern doesn’t come from the fact that, like Governor LaPage, no newspaper has ever, or indeed would ever consider endorsing either of us for public office, although that’s true.  No newspaper has ever endorsed him for so much as dog catcher.  No newspaper has ever endorsed me either, but that’s less awkward since I’ve never run for public office.   And he, ummm, has.

I’m pretty sure that a newspaper was never involved in an actual threat to LePage’s personal safety, though.   I can’t say that I have remained personally unharmed, unmolested by the press.  Because that would be a lie.

You see one morning I was held hostage by the Washington Post.  I’m serious.  I’ve never told the story before.  It’s too traumatic.  Too terrifying.  Too humiliating.

Google Image

The Culprit
(Google Image)

It was a long time ago.  So long ago that the Post was still a reasonably unbiased paper, before it became the tool of the neocons that control it now.  So long ago that its investigative reporters still investigated politics and corruption and didn’t simply reprint GOP talking points.  So long ago that the Post only cost a quarter.

The trauma haunts me to this day.

I was late to work that morning and flew through the Metro’s turnstile and down the escalator. Of course I’d just missed a train. But at least I had a moment to catch my breath and buy a newspaper.

I looked at my watch:  9:45.  Shit.  I had a 10 a.m. meeting.

I walked over to a newspaper vending box and inserted my last quarter, pulled down the door, took out a newspaper, and let the door go.  They have a spring-loaded gizmo so they automatically close.

Google Image

Google Image

What happened next appeared dreamlike, in slow motion.

The door closed ever so slowly but inevitably.  And just before the door’s final slam, the strap from my purse fell  off of my shoulder and down; down to the inside of the machine’s door.  The door closed with a slam, with my purse strap closed inside.

I was trapped.  I couldn’t get my purse strap out of the machine.  I couldn’t get the attention of the Metro guy because he was too far away, and I didn’t want to leave my purse unattended.  I didn’t have another quarter to re-open the box.

Worse, I was alone, it was late morning by commuter standards.  There were no other commuters in sight. No one was coming down the escalator. No one to rescue me.  No knights in shining armor.  Nobody even wearing a three piece suit.

So I started to laugh. The silliness of being held hostage by a newspaper vending machine made me laugh so hard that tears streamed down my face.  I laughed so hard I snorted; I cackled.  Had there been any children present they would have been terrified of me.   I couldn’t breathe and began frantically trying to catch a stray bit of oxygen now and then.

After several minutes, a few people came down the escalator but they avoided me.   Clearly they thought I was a lunatic.  They bought papers from other machines because I was laughing too hard to ask them to please, please release me.  Laughing too hard to explain just how funny life can be.  Laughing too hard to explain just what I was laughing about.

Eventually, exhausted, I spied one lone man coming down the escalator, and asked him to please, please help me out.  Please buy a paper because I really did need to get to work.  He bought a paper, and I was freed.

When I finally got to work, I went into my meeting late.  My makeup was smeared, and I looked like I’d been crying.  Everybody was worried about me.

“What happened to you, Elyse?” They all asked. “Are you alright?”

Instead of starting to tell the story of what had happened, I immediately started laughing-crying again, so that it took a while for me to explain that I had been held for ransom by a Washington Post newspaper box.  Not much work was done because everyone was too busy laughing.

“You’re the only person I know who has adventures everywhere they go,” said one of my co-workers.

“So, Elyse,” asked my boss, the head of the department, “how much ransom was paid for your release?”

“A quarter.”

He roared with laughter again.

Sigh.

So you see, Governor LePage is right: newspapers can in fact be dangerous.  You never know what’s going to happen when you try to pick one up.

92 Comments

Filed under Criminal Activity, History, Humor, Stupidity