Tag Archives: Crazy people

You’re Nuts!

We’ve all seen them.  They seem to be on every commercial vehicle these days.

Google Image

But have you ever called one of those numbers?  Have you ever reported somebody?  I didn’t think so.

Recently, my son was stuck in traffic behind Truck No. 47.  So he called the number on the back of the truck.

“Hello, this is Nancy,” said the voice at the other end of the phone. “How can I help you.”  (She didn’t sound very happy to be getting this call, Jacob later said.)

“Hi,” Jacob said.  “I want to report Truck No. 47.”

“Yes sir,” said Nancy.  “What seems to be the problem?”

“Oh, I just wanted to let you know that the driver of Truck No. 47, well,  he’s doing a really great job.

“Excuse me, sir?”

“Yeah.  The driver of Truck No. 47 is a terrific driver.”

“Would you please hold for a moment sir?  I need to find a form to record this on.”

Meanwhile, traffic started moving again.

“You need to hold on, please.  Traffic is moving, and I have to pull over,” Jacob allegedly said to Nancy.  (I know, I don’t believe him, either.)

“Now, how long were you observing Truck No. 47, sir?”

“Oh, I’ve been following him for a while, all through Northern Virginia.  He’s amazing.  He stays on his side of the road, obeys the speed limits, always uses his turn signal.  Really, this guy is a model driver.”

“Ummm, thank you for calling to let us know, sir.”

“You’re welcome.  It’s just nice to see such a great driver on the road these days.”  Jacob hung up, smiling.

I am pretty sure that this qualifies as a random act of kindness.  It was definitely random.

Cool Kid, 1994

Today is Jacob’s 21st Birthday.  Happy Birthday, Jacob!

By telling this story, I just wanted to let you know, today, how very proud I am of this crazy man cub John and I raised.  Because you see, Jacob is one of the funniest, nuttiest people I have ever known.

It’s true.  Hey, Jacob?  You’re nuts! 😉   I couldn’t have found a sillier birthday song for you:

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Filed under Awards, Driving, Family, Humor, Traffic

Garbage In – Garbage Out

My bloggin’ buddie Ben Mitchell has done a series of posts that are really helpful for those awful doubts all of us who like to write have in spades.  Ben’s latest post, My Writing is of the Highest Quality made me think of this story.

*     *     *

We’ve all had them.  The Boss from Hell.  Anna was mine.

Thirty years ago I worked for a woman who was known to swallow subordinates.  People who worked for her often left the state just to get away from her.  That’s how I got away, and I started a trend, actually.

Anna was smart, dedicated, a work-a-holic.  She expected perfection.  Documents were edited by four or five people, proofread by everyone from the most senior lawyer on down to the lowliest paralegal (me).  Nothing could go out to our clients with a substantive mistake, a grammatical error, an incorrect comma or extra space between words.  Worse, Anna didn’t mince words.  She didn’t spare feelings.  Working for Anna was a daily “sink or swim” situation.  And she always seemed to want to fill your pockets with rocks.

Still, for me, the job was a gift.  I had been working as a legal secretary, a job I hated.  But, the head partner of the department thought I was funny (which as we all know correlates with being incredibly intelligent).  So he offered me a promotion, asked if I would be interested in taking a job as a paralegal, a “professional.”  I would be part of the team of professionals in the legislative and regulatory division of a law firm.  I would learn all about Washington from the inside.

I would get paid less, work longer hours, and get no overtime.  What a deal!

I snapped it up though.  Because a big part of it was learning and the rest was writing.  Writing boring, humorless stuff, yes.  But writing is writing.  And getting paid to write?  Well, it doesn’t get much better than that, does it?

But Anna was unenthusiastic.  She didn’t want me.  She didn’t want to have someone else, even her boss, choose her assistant.  But we were stuck with each other.

It took five years for her to laugh at one of my jokes.  But I digress.

So I became a legislative assistant on environmental issues.  My job was to analyze legislation, attend hearings, know what all the different Senators and Congressmen thought about legislation, predict what would happen to a bill.  And I wrote memos to our clients to enlighten them.

But first they had to get past Anna.  The clients, they were easy.  The boss?  She was damn hard.

She didn’t mince words.  She tore apart sentences, decimated analyses.  She always knew more about the issue and the Congress and what position each member was taking than I did.  It was, well, challenging.  And annoying.  It was often hard not to collapse in angry tears.

But for the most part, I understood that I was getting the best training I could get.  How many of you have had each and every word you wrote for 10 years brutally dissected?  I did.  And it was never pretty.  But I learned.

Still, even a person like me who desperately needed that job has her limits.  And I reached them when, during one period, Anna would inexplicably throw my draft memos back at me saying “WHAT IS GARBAGE???!!!”  This question was not good for my ego.

I couldn’t quit, I needed the job.  I couldn’t go over her head, because, well, I like to fight my own battles.  But clearly, I needed to do something.

So I rooted around in the files until I found a memo Anna herself had written about one of my issues.  It was years old, but the factual information was still spot on.  I needed to change a couple of little things, the Senate Bill number, the names of a few of the Senators, and voila!  Anna had written my memo for me.

When I gave it to her, Anna shouted “What is this GARBAGE?”

“Actually, Anna,” I responded, “You were so unhappy with my last memo that I got this old one out of the file.  You wrote it; I just changed the bill number.”

Anna was silent for a minute and then said,

“Well, you write better than I do; I expected more of you.”

From that day on, she was respectful and pleasant.  She learned that it was OK to laugh at my jokes and that I would still work hard, regardless.

*    *    *

The Boss from Hell.  Anna was mine.  Or was she the one that taught me the most? She certainly taught me more about writing than anyone else I’ve ever known.  She taught me to be careful, to pay attention, to look at every word.  So was she really the Boss from Hell, or the Editor from Heaven? I can never decide.  Probably both.

But she is still my friend.

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Filed under History, Humor, Writing

TB and Rick Scott in Perdition

My fake medical career started while I worked on the issue of Tuberculosis, so this issue is near to my heart. But until I read Val’s piece, I was unaware that there are folks in power here in our country who are willing to (1) just let folks die; (2) risk the spread of a deadly contagious disease; and (3) endanger everyone. Ignorance and stupidity are costly.

valentinelogar's avatarQBG_Tilted Tiara

Yet another example of malfeasance by Florida Gov. Rick Scott and the rest of the motley crew. Of course, at this stage of the game who of us aren’t surprised, it seems corruption and misconduct is the name of the game in the Sunshine State. The venality of Gov. Rick Scott is only exceeded by his on-going thumbing of his nose for federal law and the safety of others. Honestly, as a Texan I thought no Governor could be worse than the that other Rick, yes I do mean Rick Perry. However, Rick Scott truly has my own Rick beaten hands-down, in fact Rick Scott could beat Rick Perry for downright snake in the grass mean, crooked and degenerate with one hand tied behind his back.

What am I going on about you ask? Is this the Voter Suppression Rick Scott has pursued with such glee? Or the suppression of Doctors by the…

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Filed under Criminal Activity, Elections, Health and Medicine, History, Hypocrisy, Law, Politics, Science, Stupidity, Voting

The Years of Living Dangerously

Hey, let’s all live dangerously.  What do you say?

Nope, I’m not talking bungee jumping.

Goooooooggggglllllllllleeeeeeeeeee Imageeeeeeeeeeee

Nope, I’m not talking sky diving.

Ahhhhhhhhh (Google again)

Nope, I am not even talking about driving down the I-95 corridor.

Nope.

I’m talking seriously daring as a group activity.  Because now that it’s summertime, well, we all need to P-A-R-T-Y.    And we need to do it all together.  It’ll be a blast.

Here, you go first.  Drive across this bridge.

Whittier Bridge on I-95 in Northern Mass. (Thanks Google)

It’s the twin of this bridge, and in roughly the same condition as this bridge was just before, well, you know.

Minnesota Bridge collapse. (Google Image)

Wouldn’t it be especially fun to drive across that?  The adrenaline rush would be amazing.  Especially when you drive across it real slow, with thousands of other similar thrill seekers.  A hoot-and-a-half?

And you don’t need to just play on that bridge.  Nope.  A study  published last year by Transportation for America found:

One in Nine Bridges in America “Structurally Deficient, Potentially Dangerous”

So chances are you won’t have to go too far to find a place to play this game.  Here’s a link to a map that will show you where. We can get  thrills every single day!

Across the country, there is the cry of “cut-cut-cut,” by which the town criers mean “gut-gut-gut.”  And it is giving everyone in the country multiple opportunities to tempt fate.  To see just how thoroughly we can decimate our services and our infrastructure before calamity strikes.

Who needs thrills from extreme sports when reality is always near?

Have you heard about what happened recently when reality struck in Colorado Springs, Colorado?

Colorado Springs is considered the “birthplace” of The Taxpayer Bill of Rights, which has spread like wildfire throughout the country, in part spawning the Tea Party movement.  It is also the home of “Focus on the Family,” you know, that bunch of progressives whose fearless leader claims “was the tea party before the tea party was cool.”

Last year, there was an election for the job of Colorado Springs Mayor.  Nine candidates ran.  Six of them signed Grover Norquist’s “no taxes” pledge.  (The very same pledge that has stymied the U.S. Congress.)  One candidate, Richard Skorman, didn’t sign the pledge.  His reasoning?

“What if the city got hit by a major wildfire?”

But reasonableness and forward thinking no longer wins votes it seems.

Mr. Skorman lost, and the candidate who won, had signed Grover’s pledge.  And “cut” was just what new Mayor Steve Bach did.  They laid off policemen and firefighters.  Sold assets.  Cut-cut-cut-cut-cut.  Yahoo!

Oh, but have you read the news lately?  Well, it seems that the city of Colorado Springs got hit by a major wildfire!  Who could have imagined that that would ever happen?  I mean, it’s a freak occurrence, right?  It never happens.  Right?  Who knew? Who could have predicted it?

Google Image

Now that the unimaginable has happened, well, they’ve called in the National Guard because, due to (1) the catastrophe, (2) the reduced police force; (3) the reduced firefighting resources; and (4) LOOTING, they need help.  Yes, there aren’t enough firefighters to protect the town, folks are looting, and there aren’t enough police to handle the crimes.

Who would ever have guessed?  Oh, yeah.  One of the candidates guessed.  My bad.

When did we become a country so unwilling to work together, to pool our resources to prevent problems and to tackle the unforeseen?  When did paying your fare share become something that only fools and progressives do?  When did working together to build a better country become something for patsies?

Oh yeah.  1980.  I remember it well.

Remember? “The government IS the problem.”

There is real need to work together, chip in — in cash and sweat equity.  That’s how America was built.  That’s how it became a great nation.  Because that’s what is really at stake in our political philosophy and the folks who are unwilling to pay more reasonable taxes (and by folks I mean the rich bastards who can afford to pay way more.  I’m talking to you, Mitt and to your buddies).

Are we a country that builds or a country that crumbles.  That collapses.  That burns.

Elections matter.

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Filed under Climate Change, Criminal Activity, Driving, Global Warming, Humor, Hypocrisy, Law, Real Estate, Taxes

Sinking Deeper

Some days I am overwhelmed with awe at how brilliant people can be.  I read about new discoveries and new science every day.  And it is amazing.

And then there are days like today, when I am astonished at how willfully and intentionally ignorant some folks can be.  And I realize that the lengths to which some folks will go to remain and reaffirm their ignorance is merely the tip of the iceberg.  The icing on the cake.  The snow on the mountaintop.

Yesterday, while driving on the New Jersey Turnpike, I saw this billboard:

It doesn’t mention what happens in the end, though.

And I have to honestly say, I don’t get it a whole lot of things about this billboard.

First, I don’t get why folks are bound and determined that I am going to think just like them.  And that they will keep hitting me over the head with their crap until I agree.

Second, do they really think that someone is going to be driving along the New Jersey Turnpike and need religion?  (Well, sometimes it does seem like hell, but still.)

Do they think that, while sitting in gridlock, paying exorbitant tolls or avoiding stupid drivers, people will suddenly “see the light” and say to their spouse:

“Honey, I understand it now.  God created the universe in seven days.  Period.  Seven twenty-four-hour days.  And science had nothing to do with it.  But you know, Dear, what I can’t seem to figure out is why God let us think up all this science stuff to begin with.”

My mother used to say “you catch more flies with honey.”  And it’s true.  Especially with people’s deeply held beliefs.  Christianity became such a dominant religion by incorporating much of the beliefs and traditions of the pagans.  Not by saying “nannie, nannie, boo-boo, I’m right you’re wrong.”

Even seeing stuff like this billboard and a thousand roadside signs I passed, well, sometimes I can still be surprised by the lengths to which folks will go to try and tell me, to prove to me, that my beliefs are wrong.  But today I read an article that has me still shaking my head, hours after seeing it.

Loch Ness monster cited by US schools as evidence that evolution is myth

Nessie, in the famous “Surgeon’s Photograph” from 1934 that is widely believed to be a hoax. (Thanks, Google.)

THOUSANDS of American school pupils are to be taught that the Loch Ness monster is real – in an attempt by religious teachers to disprove Charles Darwin’s theory of evolution.

Pupils attending privately-run Christian schools in the southern state of Louisiana will learn from textbooks next year, which claim Scotland’s most famous mythological beast is a living creature.

Thousands of children are to receive publicly-funded vouchers enabling them to attend the schools – which follow a strict fundamentalist curriculum.

The Accelerated Christian Education (ACE) programme teaches controversial religious beliefs, aimed at disproving evolution and proving creationism. (Emphasis added by me.)

Me, I don’t understand why evolution and creation cannot co-exist.

The existence of God and belief in a higher power does not mean that the universe was created in a week and man in a day.  Man and woman, however we were created, have minds and a curious nature.  That’s what makes us unique.  That is also how we discover cool things, like how to photograph pretend monsters.

But public money is going to pay to teach religion.  I will repeat.  Public money.  Whatever happened to the separation of Church and State?  The founding fathers will have something to say about this at the Reckoning, I’d bet.

As a nation, and as living, rational human beings we are walking a tightrope.  Backwards.

Inherit the Wind should be required viewing.

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Filed under Childhood Traumas, Elections, Hypocrisy, Law, Politics, Science, Stupidity, Traffic, Voting