Category Archives: Humor

Robbin’ A Better Hood

Many of you think that I am a communist with socialist sympathies.  Or a socialist with communist proclivities.  Or that I want to take from the rich and give to the poor.  That I have fantasies of becoming the next Mother Theresa or at least Madonna.  The singer, not the, you know, Madonna.

Nope. Not me at all.
That gum would be in my earrings

But it’s not at all true.  I’m not a socialist, I’m a liberal.  Someday the GOP will understand the difference between a liberal and a socialist.  But certainly not before it’s convenient.  And definitely not before November.

Personally, I work hard and am pretty well paid for my efforts.  I like that.

I also like the fact that my husband works less hard and is paid even better.  Of course that would piss me off royally if I didn’t get to spend more than my share of that haul.

That said, well, I know I’ve been lucky, especially when it comes to the folks I’ve worked for.  Yes, I’ve been incredibly lucky in bosses.  None of them has asked me to do anything illegal, unethical or even too terribly yucky.  Stupid sometimes, annoying at others, but legal and honest and ethical.   And none have ever threatened me.

So when I read this article about a very different type of boss, well I saw red.

Not exactly like this,
but it was definitely red.

Did you hear about David Siegel, the owner of Westgate Resorts?  His estimated net worth is close to $2 Billion.  Yeah.  That’s with a “B.”

You may recall him from the stories about his house, Versailles:

A quaint little cottage, ain’t it?
A mere 90,000 sq. ft.

Here’s the ballroom.

Doesn’t YOUR house have a ballroom?

David made his money selling Time Shares.  You know, those “must have” vacation resort scams?  My parents owned one.  Thanks, David.  Can you say “total rip off”?  I bet you say it a lot.

Now David’s worried.  And that’s never a good thing when all that money is at stake.  You see, David is worried that President Obama may get re-elected.  And David’s worried that if President Obama is re-elected, he might have to pay more taxes.  So he threatened his 7,000 employees, telling them that they may just not have a job if Obama gets 4 more years.

Actually, David held back.  He didn’t cross that line.  No sirreee Bob.  He didn’t tell the folks dependent on him who to vote for!  That would be bullying!  That would be unethical!  That would be illegal!

Here’s what he did say.  I’ll use his words, not mine.  Here’s what David A. Siegel, Billionnaire, said in an email sent to all of his employees on Monday:

As your employer, I can’t tell you whom to vote for, and I certainly wouldn’t interfere with your right to vote for whomever you choose. In fact, I encourage you to vote for whomever you think will serve your interests the best.

Good start, don’t you think.  Then he explained to his workers just how hard the life of a billionaire can be:

I eat, live, and breathe this company every minute of the day, every day of the week. There is no rest. There is no weekend. There is no happy hour.

I admit I’d be ticked off if there was no happy hour.  Imagine.

And then David mentioned that his employees might just want to think carefully about who they vote for come November:

If any new taxes are levied on me, or my company, as our current President plans, I will have no choice but to reduce the size of this company. Rather than grow this company I will be forced to cut back. This means fewer jobs, less benefits and certainly less opportunity for everyone.

So, when you make your decision to vote, ask yourself, which candidate understands the economics of business ownership and who doesn’t? Whose policies will endanger your job? Answer those questions and you should know who might be the one capable of protecting and saving your job. [Emphasis mine.]

David on his Golden Throne

Talk about folks who feel “Entitled”!

So, in spite of the fact that the Presidency offers no such powers, I’m going to lobby hard for something.  Nationalization of David Siegel’s assets.

Yup, I’m going to work towards nationalization of the assets of this asshole.  Just the one asshole.  We could use a new National Park in Central Florida, wouldn’t you say?  Disney gets so crowded these days.  We can call it “OverTheTop-Land.”

Of course, if I hear of more of those buckaroo billionaires screwing with people’s right to vote, well, I might just rethink just how keen I am on nationalization.  Because you know what they say about socialists/communists.  Once they start marching, all the dominoes fall.

Elections matter.  And nobody has the right to tell their employees how or for whom to vote.

[And if anybody seriously thinks that I am either a socialist or a communist, or that I think there is any authority for anyone to nationalize the assets of anybody in the country, you are reading the wrong blog.]

*     *     *

A special thank you to my friend, frequent commenter and budding author, Clinton, for telling me about this article:  CEO to Workers: I May Fire You if Obama Wins

All the pictures are from Google Images.  Thanks, Google.  What was life like before you?

47 Comments

Filed under Campaigning, Climate Change, Conspicuous consumption, Criminal Activity, Elections, Humor, Hypocrisy, Law, Politics, Real Estate, Stupidity, Taxes

Get Fresh Pressed Now!

It’s your most cherished hope.  It’s what you wake up, day after day, wishing would happen.  It’s more important to you now than World Peace.

Yup.  You wanna be Fresh Pressed.

And I can help you there, my friend.  Just listen up.

You see, I have the power to make it happen.  To get you there.  To fulfill your wildest blogging dreams.

I would have mentioned it before but, well, I only just realized my power.  Until today I thought it was just coincidence.  I’m so ashamed.

Take a look at my blog roll – you’ll see.  I follow a lot of blogs that have been Freshly Pressed.  Even though my blogroll is hopelessly out of date, you can see that I’m there in the trenches with the best of the best.

But I just didn’t see the pattern.

Last winter when I was having problems receiving emails of some of the blogs I follow, I decided to follow myself – that way I’d know for sure that I was getting alerts of all the folks I wanted to read.

That’s when it happened.  Yup.  I was Fresh Pressed for Hey Doc? 

It’s happened since, too.  Well, not to me, of course.  But still I just didn’t notice the pattern.  Finally it dawned on me.  A couple of weeks ago when I started following Fear No Weebles.  She was FP’d almost immediately after I put my email address in the “Follow Me” slot for a post called There’s something about Mr. Weebles.

But the concrete proof came just this week.  For those of you who don’t know her, Miss Weebles is very fond of Le Clown of A Clown on Fire.  She even wrote a post politely recommending that Word Press’s habit of not FP’ing the Clown should end.  I clicked over there and realized that I’d been meaning to “Follow” him for a while, but, well, hadn’t.  So I did.

And one of the first posts I read with my coffee this morning was “WordPress To Retire Le Clown’s Not Featured on Freshly Pressed Jersey.”  He got into the club.  You’re welcome, Clown.

So I figured I’d help you guys all out and make a buck or two while I’m at it.  For a nominal fee, I will follow YOUR BLOG!

Get Yer Fresh Pressing Here!

$500

Sorry.  No refunds.

113 Comments

Filed under Awards, Bloggin' Buddies, Conspicuous consumption, Criminal Activity, History, Humor, Writing

Politics Free — Yeah, Me!

John-Paul of Man of Errors wrote a brilliant post today.  You should go read it, but wait a minute.  I’ll be quick.

JP writes beautifully, always, and it is a joy to read him.  But today’s post struck a chord and brought back something I wanted to share with him and everybody else but had forgotten.

First, here is what JP says about how he is making a difference:

As it happens, over the last two years I have been trying to think what I could do to make my society a better place.  I thought about donating food to a foodbank, and I started on the process of volunteering to help refugees, but then I stopped.  I was dissatisfied with both of these responses.  Just last week I realised that I don’t need to find something to do.  I am already doing it.  I am a teacher, and I have the potential to help 100 people a day.  In some ways I can’t believe I was so stupid that I didn’t see what my opportunity was before, but in another way I am not surprised.

Unfortunately, over the last few years I have felt attacked by the government.  I have felt that my opinion was not important, and that for some reason the government wanted to label teachers and schools as failures.  They certainly didn’t want to talk to us.  We have been sneered at and diminished.  Teachers are not above criticism.  We listen to it everyday.  Our working environment is not one that encourages arrogance or complacency.  You don’t get into teaching to develop a big head.  You also don’t get into teaching to be a doormat to political agendas which have little proven worth to education, or to give up on things like your internationally admired curriculum.  When we defend education we usually do it for the students and the community, and not out of self-interest.  And yet we are sneered at and diminished.  How does this benefit society?

JP and 99.9% of teachers make a huge difference in the lives of those they touch.  And education matters enormously.  It influences everything — how you approach the world, how you think, what you do when you grow up.

As someone who didn’t manage to finish college (yet), I know first-hand the value of education and the cost of its absence.  I recognize it each payday.  I’m not complaining.  Not only do I have a paycheck, but  I have been incredibly lucky and have a great job and the respect and friendship of an office full of high school grads as well as MDs and PhDs.  I often get to boss them around which is nice, too.

And JP’s piece made me think of this monologue by Taylor Mali.  A teacher.  I thought that anybody who hadn’t seen it should.  So here you go:

Now please go read JP’s post here.  I really hope I can be in JP’s class when I go back to school.

45 Comments

Filed under Humor

WAIT! I was wrong!

Laura of Unlikely Explanations let me know that Mitt was joking when he said:

When you have a fire in an aircraft, there’s no place to go, exactly, there’s no — and you can’t find any oxygen from outside the aircraft to get in the aircraft, because the windows don’t open. I don’t know why they don’t do that. It’s a real problem.

She gave me a link to a NY Magazine article that quoted folks who were actually there when Romney made the comment.  Thanks, Laura.

So I wanted to correct the record.  Believe it or not, I do try to be accurate.  Unless I’m making stuff up that is.  This time it was supposed to be a news scoop.  My bad.

But now I have a different take on this.  I think the real story is that within one week, Mitt Romney actually told TWO jokes — he made another funny at the UN just yesterday.

Mitt told two jokes within a week.  Wow.  That’s news.

 

 

36 Comments

Filed under Campaigning, Elections, Humor, Politics, Voting

That Sucking Sound You Hear

Remember the 1970 movie Airport?  I saw it with my friend Vickie.  It was so good that even “break no rules” Vickie hid out with me in the theater so we could see the next showing.

Of course it was good.  The cast was amazing.  Burt Lancaster, Dean Martin, Helen Hayes (who got an Oscar for her performance), Jacquelin Bisset, Maureen Stapleton, George Kennedy and Van Heflin as the desperate man with the bomb and a life insurance policy.

 

Spoiler alert!  The bomb goes off, Van Heflin is sucked out of the airplane through the hole he made.  Stuff from all over the airplane flies out the opening too, because as you know that’s what happens when an airplane’s hull is breached.  Luckily, Jacquelin Bisset (pregnant with Dean Martin’s baby, natch), just barely manages to hold on and not join the bomber outside the aircraft at 30,000 feet.

Seriously cool movie.

I was 13 when it came out.  I still watch the re-runs.  It’s still on TV a lot.

Now why do I mention this?

Because no one on the news has as far as I can tell.  And I do feel obligated to keep you guys informed of important current events.  I’ve been waiting to see this on the news, only nobody’s talking about it.  I have a scoop!  (Well, unless you read Dailykos, that is.)

Huh?

“What are you talking about, Elyse?” you might ask.  Or you might just click that little “X” in the upper right corner.

You see, yesterday I read that Mitt was worried about Ann.   Now don’t worry.  Ann is alright.  I know how you all adore her.

But Ann’s plane was forced to make an unexpected landing on Friday, when there was an electrical fire.  Scary!  Now remember, Ann is just fine.  She will continue to annoy us with her tuna talk all through the election, and then hopefully we will have some peace.

But Mitt was especially worried.  Here’s what he said:

When you have a fire in an aircraft, there’s no place to go, exactly, there’s no — and you can’t find any oxygen from outside the aircraft to get in the aircraft, because the windows don’t open. I don’t know why they don’t do that. It’s a real problem. So it’s very dangerous. And she was choking and rubbing her eyes. Fortunately, there was enough oxygen for the pilot and copilot to make a safe landing in Denver. But she’s safe and sound. [Emphasis added.  I think.  It might just be the way Mitt talks.]

Remember Van Heflin who got sucked out of the window.  Remember all the stuff that also went flying out that window.  Remember Jacquelin Bisset’s near miss.

And remember that this whole incident has given Mitt a whole new group of supporters:

Suckers for Mitt

 *     *     *

Now in spite of 12,021 posts on Mitt doing and saying stupid things, I actually don’t think Mitt is stupid.  I read somewhere that one of his Harvard Business School professors famously said of his two most famous students around 2008 or 2009:  “I had two students; one of them was brilliant, the other became President.”  Yup, Mitt and Dubya were classmates.  And you saw how our last CEO president did.

But no, I don’t think Mitt is stupid.  He just does and says stupid things.  A lot.   In public.  On tape.

And you know, I’d really like to be able to write about things other than politics.  But there is waaaaay too much fodder.

Courtesy of Dailykos.com

 

41 Comments

Filed under Campaigning, Criminal Activity, Elections, Family, Humor, Politics, Stupidity, Voting