I just read that the Washington, DC, metropolitan area is tops! As in Numero Uno. Better than second and third place winners, Denver and Chicago. We are the Champions!
In what category? Swearing at work.
Shit, yeah!
Who says Washington can’t do anything right?
Filed under Awards, Criminal Activity, Driving, Elections, Family, Global Warming, Gun control, Health and Medicine, Humor, Hypocrisy, Neighbors, Politics, Stupidity, Traffic, Word Press
My fake medical career started while I worked on the issue of Tuberculosis, so this issue is near to my heart. But until I read Val’s piece, I was unaware that there are folks in power here in our country who are willing to (1) just let folks die; (2) risk the spread of a deadly contagious disease; and (3) endanger everyone. Ignorance and stupidity are costly.
Yet another example of malfeasance by Florida Gov. Rick Scott and the rest of the motley crew. Of course, at this stage of the game who of us aren’t surprised, it seems corruption and misconduct is the name of the game in the Sunshine State. The venality of Gov. Rick Scott is only exceeded by his on-going thumbing of his nose for federal law and the safety of others. Honestly, as a Texan I thought no Governor could be worse than the that other Rick, yes I do mean Rick Perry. However, Rick Scott truly has my own Rick beaten hands-down, in fact Rick Scott could beat Rick Perry for downright snake in the grass mean, crooked and degenerate with one hand tied behind his back.
What am I going on about you ask? Is this the Voter Suppression Rick Scott has pursued with such glee? Or the suppression of Doctors by the…
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Filed under Criminal Activity, Elections, Health and Medicine, History, Hypocrisy, Law, Politics, Science, Stupidity, Voting
You know how close I am to Washington, DC, don’t you? Yup, I’m right across the river — it’s right outside my window. So naturally, I have my finger on the very pulse of the Nation’s Capitol.
Sometimes, I have inside information.
Sometimes, I know what’s going to happen in advance.
Sometimes, I overhear the people at the heart of the day’s most important events.
That’s what happened this time. Yes, I knew what was coming. I just couldn’t tell you or I would have had to kill you. You know how that goes.
Because on March 28, 2012, moments after the end of the Supreme Court argument on the Affordable Care Act, Justices Antonin Scalia and Samuel Alito came to my offices.
They flew in unexpectedly. Most of our staff members were surprised and watched them from a respectful distance. But not me.
Nope. I sucked up to them big time. I offered to let them pick my brain, so they let me in real close. Close enough to hear them discuss the oral argument and listen to their opinions. You know, the opinions on which so many people like me with chronic diseases depend.
Justice Scalia was the first to arrive.
Then, Justice Alito joined his colleague on the balcony.
And just like Alan Shore and Denny Craig on Boston Legal, Antonin and Sam just kicked back on the balcony and chatted about their day.
“Wasn’t that debate a hoot, A-man?” said Justice Alito “How we gonna vote?” Sam always defers to Scalia when figuring out how to think/vote.
“It was boring,” responded Scalia. “I hardly had any opportunities to show how brilliant I am. Three days of being just like everybody else. I don’t know how I managed. Besides,” Antonin added, “I decided to vote to repeal it before Congress even passed the law. Healthcare for everybody? Even for people who don’t have lifetime judicial appointments or coverage from serving in Congress? Yeah, right. Over my dead body.”
“Of course you’re right, pal,” responded Sam. “But do you think we’ll be able to get the chicks to go along with us?”
“What are you scarfing? Didn’t you hear those ‘girly-girls’ talking?” scoffed Scalia. “‘Chronic conditions,’ ‘Judicial activism’ ‘Medicaid expansion.’ Bah! They shouldn’t let chicks on the Court. Especially not these feminista types. They have no ‘judicial restraint.’ They shouldda all been Borked.”
“You got that right, A-Man. But I think we’re stuck with them for life.” The Justices were quiet for a moment, and then Alito expressed his deepest fear in a barely audible whisper: “I’m worried about the Chief, though. You think he’s with us on this one?”
“He is getting a bit uppity these days. Independent-minded. He won’t even let me peck at corpses first any more,” responded Scalia disdainfully.
“And what about Kennedy? He is so damn wishy-washy, you never know what he’s gonna do.”
“Oh, he’ll vote with me. With us. And Thomas will too, of course.”
“Uh, A-man? What if we lose?”
“We’ll hide behind our robes. And our awesome healthcare coverage. Oh, and our lifetime judicial appointments. And maybe we can get CNN to announce the decision our way.”
* * *
I am absolutely delighted that I had to rewrite this entire post, because the Supreme Court just voted 5-4 to uphold the Affordable Healthcare Act, even though it was way funnier when I expected the ACA to be overturned.
These two vultures, voted, as predicted, to overturn the law, and were joined by Justices Thomas (no surprise) and Kennedy (a surprise to me at least).
I post this in celebration. It is a victory for folks like me with chronic health conditions. It is a victory for everybody but the GOP, who was for the mandate before they were against it.
These photos of two black vultures/supreme court justices were actually taken at my company’s offices immediately following the oral arguments on the Affordable Health Act before the U.S. Supreme Court. Photoshop was not used. All photo credits belong to my friend and colleague, Ruby, and were used with her permission.
No vultures were harmed while creating this post.
How can you have a discussion about something without mentioning it? Without calling it by its name? Without calling a spade a spade or a vagina a vagina?
Because that’s what happened in the Michigan State Senate. No, no, no, it didn’t happen during the reign of Queen Victoria.
Alive and well, apparently
No it happened Wednesday, June 13. 2012. Michigan State Rep. Lisa Brown said the word “vagina.” It’s true. Imagine that! During a debate on abortion, she uttered the “V” word right there on the floor of the legislature and was banned from speaking, from offering amendments, from doing her job.
According to a story in The Detroit News,
Majority Floor Leader Jim Stamas, R-Midland, determined Brown’s comments violated the decorum of the House, said Ari Adler, spokesman for the Republican majority.
And other Republicans agreed:
“What she said was offensive,” said Rep. Mike Callton, R-Nashville. “It was so offensive, I don’t even want to say it in front of women. I would not say that in mixed company.”
Again, according to the Detroit news article,
“If I can’t say the word vagina, why are we legislating vaginas?” Brown said at a press conference. “What language should I use?”
Why is it that Republicans are so willing to legislate on sex including who does it and its various outcomes, but they can’t say the word? How can you have a debate if you can’t mention the subject? Oh, I guess that’s the point.
Isn’t it time for these powerful GOP members to grow up? Say it with me boys, it’s not hard “V-A-G-I-N-A.”
And isn’t it time that we voters start paying attention to the views of people we vote for and not just listen to all the bullshit?
Filed under Criminal Activity, Elections, Health and Medicine, Humor, Hypocrisy, Law, Politics, Science, Stupidity, Voting
Sigh. The guilt. The knot in my stomach. The heartache of knowing that I am an inadequate mother.
No, I didn’t forget my child on the roof of the car. I did not sell him into child pornography or child slavery. I did not force him to converse with me only in Pig-Latin so that his classmates would laugh at him when he started school.
Nope. I failed in a much more important way.
Birthday parties.
Maybe it is just that I became a parent too soon. Maybe there is still time to discover a spacial anomaly that will allow us to remedy the situation. So that we could once again hold our heads high with the other parents who hosted birthday parties for their equally indulged children. Sigh.
We had fun. Or so I thought.
When Jacob was young, we had a swimming pool. And so we had lovely gatherings for dozens of friends with everybody in the pool. I was young enough then to even appear in front of my friends in a bathing suit.
As he aged, we progressed to other types of parties. We had one at an indoor playground with tunnels and ball pits and slides and pizza. We did bowling and laser tag. All with pizza.
It’s true that unlike a classmate of Jacob’s in 1st grade we did not hold his 7th birthday party in one of the fanciest hotels in Geneva, Switzerland, as did one of his classmates. It was quite a doo, actually, with waitresses in little French maid outfits carrying silver trays full of, yeah, pizza. (I’ve always wondered where they’ll hold her wedding.) But Jacob is a boy, and didn’t care a hoot about fancy-schmancy.
Once we had Jacob’s birthday party at a skateboard rink; helmets and pads were required. We indulgent parents want to keep everybody safe, and bubble wrap tends to be somewhat suffocating. We served Pizza, natch.
We only had one real disaster. And that was when the day before Jacob’s 13th birthday party, which had been postponed, John was called out of the country for an emergency meeting. Jacob has never recovered. “Dad missed my 13th Birthday Party,” he sniffed, just this evening.
I thought that was the worst possible child’s birthday fiasco imaginable in an age where parties aren’t done at home, and really all parents need to do is write a check. It’s hard to go too wrong unless the check bounces.
I thought that until today, anyway.
That’s when I learned that there is a whole new type of kids birthday party that will, well, blow away the competition! And we missed it. Sigh. We were simply born too soon.
And, of course, as in so very many things, Texas is leading the way. You see, a Texas gun range will be hosting birthday parties for children as young as 8 years old!
“I don’t know whether anyone has ever tried this before,” said David Prince, who is building the indoor gun range.
Personally, I myself, cannot imagine why no one has ever thought of arming children with lethal weapons, filling them with soda and candy and pizza and letting them go at it. What could be more fun?
Mr. Prince did mention that lots of staff will be around to “help parents supervise.” Boy, that’s a relief.
Because supervising kids parties isn’t really as easy as it sounds. That bowling party Jacob had when he was 8? There were heavy balls falling too close to kids feet, there were shoe rentals (and the fact 8 year olds never know their size) the drinks and snacks to be ordered and kept off the special floor. It’s complicated.
“We’re not just going to have kids running around waving loaded guns and shooting at piñatas,” said Prince, an accountant and gun enthusiast.
Yup, staff assistance will be available. This is handy, natch, when lethal weapons are involved; I’d say it’s worth at least an extra $5, easy. Perhaps an extra $20 if no one dies.
But you know, I imagine that the release form will be a bit intimidating for the parents who actually like their kids:
Yes, I agree to hold Bubba’s Bullet and Billet harmless, in the event that someone blows my 8-year-old child’s head off.
Nevertheless, I think that it’s good to know that entrepreneurs are developing better ways for parents to get a bang for their birthday bucks.
I just hope the staff is good at distinguishing between pizza stains and blood.
Filed under Conspicuous consumption, Gun control, Health and Medicine, Humor, Hypocrisy, Law, Stupidity
I got TWO!
I recommend Karen Kingsley and Kingsley Ink
The Highest Honor
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FiftyFourandAHalf 