It was not my fault. Really. I would admit it if I were responsible. But I was asleep. Snoozin’ in my bed. After all, it was 2 a.m.
The other night I sent an email out to everybody I know. Friends I correspond with a lot. Friends I haven’t corresponded with much lately and probably should have. Friends I really have lost touch with.
And then there were my clients. Yup. They were there too. Clients I deal with routinely, and those we do business with periodically. Some who haven’t needed help from my company in 7 or 8 years. Some who probably can’t quite recall who I am, and others who have changed jobs 3 or 4 times since the last time we chatted. My business is like that.
And last, there were my business contacts. Folks I might need to look up should I, say lose my job.
You know, if I were to devise a way to get back in touch with everyone I have ever known, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t do it by sending them a link to a miracle diet aid.
As a fake medical professional, well, I don’t recommend diet aids. Nope. “If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.” That’s my firm belief when I see recommendations for miracle pills that will let you lose weight while still stuffing your craw with McD’s.
[As a fake medical professional, though, I just love the idea of liposuction. Although I will never forgive the industry for not using the motto I developed when liposuction was brand new:
Why diet when you can vacuum!
Still, I’m pretty sure I’ll never have liposuction, either.]
So the other day I woke up to an email by my nephew, sometimes commenter and friend Clinton. He was a little perplexed as to why I sent him a link to a diet website. Clinton is pretty trim, actually. If I were going to send diet recommendations to anyone, Clinton would not be tops on the list.
And then I noticed that there were lots of failure notices in my Yahoo account inbox. Lots of the emails that I had not even sent did not go through.
But a whole bunch of them did. Shit.
And in these emails, I apparently told my friends to visit a diet pill website. So that they would no longer be so damn fat.
I apparently told my clients and business contacts to visit a diet pill website. So that they would no longer be so damn fat.
I apparently told my boss to visit a diet pill website. So that she would no longer be so damn fat.
Do you think I can get into the Witness Protection Program?