Fashion Maverick

Did you know that I am a fashion maverick?  It’s true.  I have been for years.  Or am I a fashion maven?  I forget.  But I’m one of the two.

Actually, I was truly a young fashion trailblazer.  In 6th grade, I became the very first 10-year-old girl to wear nylons to school.  Yup.  I did.  I was very grown up.  And I wore them with a garter belt the boys found irresistible.  No, I was a good girl.  I didn’t try to show it to them.  But it was the sixties, the mini-skirt era.  And I was, at that time, really good in math.  The teacher, clearly a perv, often had me write the correct answers to homework problems on the blackboard.  High up on the blackboard.  There certainly was a lot of noise when I had my back turned.  Boys were so stupid.

I’m pretty sure I first wore nylons on one of those days when my mother went to work early and didn’t see me.  But still, I did it first.  The popular girls just couldn’t believe it was me – that I got there before they did.

Now you guys reading this are nodding off.  Stop it.  Just wait.  Skim.

Throughout junior high and high school, my fashion firsts continued.  I was also the first person to wear torn up blue jeans to school, and to go braless.  (See guys, I told you it would improve.)

Anyway, now that I am an adult, I am a wee bit more self-conscious in my fashion trail-blazing.  So I need some advice.

I’ve just gotten this new pair of jeans and, well, I just can’t decide where to wear them first.  I was so excited when I first saw these pants.   They’re just so me.

A special pocket for my concealed weapon!

They’re made by a Texas textile company, American Tactical Apparel.   The idea belongs to Brian Hoffner, a long-time Houston police officer who describes himself as “kind of a renaissance man,” according to this article.  Interestingly, the idea to make special pants to conceal his gun, came to him (ahem) while he was visiting a prostitute with a gun strapped to his thigh.  (I don’t know why, but I have few commercially successful ideas when I am visiting hookers.  And even fewer when I am afraid that I might shoot myself.)

Anyway, these jeans, along with a line of khakis and other apparel, are designed for the fashion-conscious gun-toter.  And it’s none too soon if you ask me.  It has been such an inconvenience sticking my handgun in my bra.

What do you think?  Where should I wear these jeans – and should I wear my Susan G. Komen Pink Hope 22 or go semi-automatic?

Who could forget Susan G. Komen's "Shooting for the Cure"Please, help me out here.

The only problem is there is only one holder.  And it is pretty small.  Where can I put my M-16?

56 Comments

Filed under Childhood Traumas, Elections, Fashion, Gun control, Humor, Hypocrisy, Law, Stupidity

Crazy stuff

Gay and Lesbian rights is really not my issue.  I’m straight but my sister, Beth, was gay.  It wasn’t a problem for me or my other siblings.  My parents had some difficulty at first, but then, because they loved their daughter, accepted her as she was.  I was very proud of them.

I don’t understand the problem some folks have with gays, frankly.  But then I saw this clip and, well, it all became clear to me.

Now I do understand the anti-gay folks.  They are bat-shit crazy.  But then again, it would be terrible if there were more “homociders” and “orgiers” in the world.  So I guess I just better rethink this tolerance and understanding of mine.

Because, after all, what would Jesus do?

58 Comments

Filed under Family, Health and Medicine, Humor, Hypocrisy, Stupidity, Voting

Speaker7 is always good. But this piece is delicious.

speaker7's avatarSpeaker7

Holy Samoa!

The Girl Scouts are teaming up with Nestle to create Girl Scout candy bars. This is the beginning of a journey that will ultimately end with me being extracted from my house by a forklift.

The bars are inspired by my three favorite cookies: thin mints, tag alongs and samoas, also known as the devil cookie.

I don’t know about you, but when I rip open a box of thin mints, I don’t eat the suggested serving of 2 cookies, I eat the non suggested serving of 2 sleeves of cookies thereby enabling me to put the empty cardboard box in a recycling bin in a timely manner. I do this for the environment.

Since I like candy way more than cookies, I imagine I will be eating the weight of my house in thin mint bars. I am excited.

But do you know who isn’t excited?

The…

View original post 411 more words

19 Comments

Filed under Humor

Word Press, Quit Messin’ With Us

It’s been a fun week, now, hasn’t it, Word Press.

You did some really good things this week, like Fresh Pressin’ two of my favorite bloggers, Darla at She’s A Maineiac and Nancy at NotQuiteOld.

And, through Fresh Pressed (which I don’t usually bother with), I stumbled onto a woman who is stomping in my old stomping grounds and blogging about it at The Adventures of Miss Widget.  She has some great pictures of towns and vineyards near Geneva, Switzerland.

But

You knew it was coming.  There is always a “but.”

But automatically subscribing me to every comment on every blog I comment on, well that was nasty.  Of course, it did give me inspiration for my entry into K8did’s first round in her 7 Deadly Sins contest:   Gluttony.

But then it got worse.

Because today I found out that nobody was writing anything.  Nope.  My Fiftyfourandahalf@gmail.com email address was empty when I woke up and it continues to be empty.  Because instead of sending me emails when my bloggin’ buddies post, and when I want to read the comments of folks commenting on some, but not all, well, Word Press, you aren’t doing that any more.

We all have our own preferences, styles and management techniques for reading, commenting, reading comments, etc.  Can we please just keep our own preferences instead of yours?

Let me say this simply:

Word Press, Quit Messing With Us.

63 Comments

Filed under Stupidity, Technology, Word Press

Git Along Little Doggies

One of my very favorite movie scenes of all time is one you may have forgotten.  Have you seen The Italian Job with Mark Wahlberg, Charlize Theron, Donald Sutherland and Edward Norton?  I love this movie, and not just because it is (partly) set in Venice, my favorite place on Earth.  And not even because it also stars my beloved late (sniff) blue Mini-Cooper.

Remember the scene where Hansome Rob (Jason Statham) is stuck in traffic waiting to make a left turn behind an actor (played by Scott Adsit) rehearsing for an audition?

“Give me your badge.  And your weapon.” Over and over until the light is just about to change.  Then Rob honks the horn, the actor realizes he needs to go, and does, leaving Handsome Rob stuck at the light.

I love the scene because it’s such a true-life event.  In fact, this sort of thing used to happen to me all the time.  The result – I sit in

G-R-I-D-L-O-C-K

Damn, I hate that.  It’s funny in a movie.  In real life, when there are things that must be done — important, occasionally life changing things — well, it isn’t quite as funny, is it?  Usually, I just need to get along to work, to home, to the bathroom, to wherever.  So does everybody else.

You know, it seems that now, in real life, the absent-minded driver has been replaced by the intentionally jerky driver who doesn’t stop when he/she know there isn’t a snowball’s chance that he will make it across the intersection.  So he/she gets stuck in the middle along with other, like-minded jerks, and folks like me who try to get along.  Nobody gets anywhere.  No work gets done.  The only thing they raise is blood pressure.

I know these folks.  I’ve seen them outside of their cars.  They are the same jerks who used to throw temper tantrums on the playground if there wasn’t a swing available (whether they really wanted to swing or not).  Who used to bully.  Who have been jerks since before the egg and sperm that formed them ever hooked up.

We here in the Washington, DC area are way too familiar with these guys.  And we don’t want any more.  In fact, we are pretty damn tired of folks who stamp their feet, pound their fists, and spit in the face of one of the cornerstones of civilization:  working together for the common good.

Now someday soon, I’ll tell you all about the truly wonderful work that was done as a direct result of bipartisanship in the United States Congress.  Yes, it’s true.  And it happened in my lifetime and yours.  But that’s for another day.

But believing as I truly do in lawmakers working together,  imagine my disgust when I saw this clip of the jerk, Richard Mourdock, who beat Senator Lugar to be the Republican Party’s candidate for Senate in Indiana.

Boys and girls, listen up.  Nobody gets anywhere when everybody stands and stamps their feet.  And if someone running for office says:

“To me, the highlight of politics, frankly, is to inflict my opinion on someone else”

Well, then, it’s time to work to keep him out of office.  We have enough jerks pushing their way into the middle of the intersection and going nowhere.

Let’s see if we can find folks who might want to work together to solve problems.  Because we have a whole mess of them.  And to fix them, all of us need to get along.

55 Comments

Filed under Driving, Elections, Humor, Hypocrisy, Stupidity, Voting